Be My Guest and Leave was his response to marriage topic.

[HopefullyLove]

I've been with my bf for 10 years. I have a child that I had from a prior relationship and he was literally a toddler when we met. We broke up and got back together about three years ago. When I mentioned when are we going to get married, he said he's happy if he never marries. He said I can be his guest and leave if I can't wait on his timetable.

 

He says I can pressure him into that it is unattractive and makes me look like a lonely bitter woman. He said I need to cook more and if I had what it took I would be engaged by now. Mind you, he told me countless times he's in love with me and will marry me, he said he would marry me once I lost some weight and I did. He actually said he would propose if I met my weight goal and that came and went.

 

He said I just want marriage because I'm a mom and I want security and a fsther for my child. I told him I felt used because he called me back when we're broken up because his mom was dying and I felt like he used me because of that. He said he can get sex anywhere my sex isn't all that so I shouldn't toot my own horn. We just went on a beautiful Caribbean vacation and I was hoping he would propose but no. I'm so hurt I can barely function at work I'm tired of feeling not worthy I don't know what is it about me that makes him feel that way.

 

I don't know if he said this stuff in anger because I thought we were good. I haven't spoken to him in a week. We don't live together we talk daily but we hang out on Saturday. What should I do?

Edited November 28, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[mrs rubble]

Why on earth do you want to marry him? He sounds like a prize jerk to me.

10years together, yet you don't even live together and he puts you down.

I think you should dump him and look for a man who'll treat you with love and respect.

[RecentChange]

People treat you how you allow them to treat you.

 

This guy sounds like a jerk why you have you been groveling to him?

 

A father for your son is no reason to marry someone who doesn't respect you. A piece of paper is no guarantee security for your son.

[basil67]

I agree that he sounds like a jerk. That said, I see no affection in your post towards him.

 

What makes this man so special that you feel he'd be the perfect man for you to be with for the rest of your life?

[HopefullyLove]

Also for some more background, when we broke up or whatever the first time he said it was because I had gotten fat and was unaffectionste. He says I need counseling because I am bitter and negative. He says I haven't changed only my weight and he says I'm ignorant to think he would propose just because I lost weight but he told me he would. He said he wouldn't want to go into a bull**** marriage.

 

I thought we have a lot of fun together, we laugh and I'm not the touchy feels type of girl and I guess the only time we are affectionate is when saying goodbye and sex.

 

I love him we have been together for so long and my son has known him so long. He's successful and handsome.

[BluesPower]

Also for some more background, when we broke up or whatever the first time he said it was because I had gotten fat and was unaffectionste. He says I need counseling because I am bitter and negative. He says I haven't changed only my weight and he says I'm ignorant to think he would propose just because I lost weight but he told me he would. He said he wouldn't want to go into a bull**** marriage.

 

I thought we have a lot of fun together, we laugh and I'm not the touchy feels type of girl and I guess the only time we are affectionate is when saying goodbye and sex.

 

I love him we have been together for so long and my son has known him so long. He's successful and handsome.

 

 

Dear he is a jerk in every way. Please don't stay with someone like that. You are better off alone.

[Whodatdog]

There is nothing successful and handsome about this guy. He's a nasty loser and deeply ugly on the inside. You are letting yourself be treated like dirt, so he will treat you like dirt.

 

You dont respect yourself, so why should he? You are giving your child a very bad example on how people should treat each other.

[HopefullyLove]

It just seems that marriage talk enrages him. He gets so angry. He says I'm paranoid and my tirades won't change the fact he determines when he gets married.

[Scarlett.O'hara]

There is no sugarcoating it, he does not want to marry you. It has been 10 years and you only see him once a week! Seriously.. this relationship isn't heading in that direction. Based on what you have said, it sounds completely dysfunctional.

 

He acts like he is doing you a favor being with him, when all he has really done is mislead you, emotionally blackmailed you into losing weight, and tear you down by saying he can get better sex elsewhere. I understand that you have invested a lot of time in this relationship, but how is this behavior acceptable to you?

 

I would recommend that you think very carefully about your future. Think about what will happen if things continue down this path and what influence/example it will set for your child in the long run. It doesn't sound very healthy for you or your child.

[basil67]

Also for some more background, when we broke up or whatever the first time he said it was because I had gotten fat and was unaffectionste. He says I need counseling because I am bitter and negative. He says I haven't changed only my weight and he says I'm ignorant to think he would propose just because I lost weight but he told me he would. He said he wouldn't want to go into a bull**** marriage.

 

I thought we have a lot of fun together, we laugh and I'm not the touchy feels type of girl and I guess the only time we are affectionate is when saying goodbye and sex.

 

I love him we have been together for so long and my son has known him so long. He's successful and handsome.

 

OK, you have fun together and you've been together for ages. You find him good looking and apparently successful in his career. This isn't much in the way of reasons why you'd want to marry him.

 

Let me try again: how does he make you feel valued and appreciated on a regular basis? What do your family and friends think of him?

 

I'm trying to work out why you love this asshat.

[Simple Logic]

Go on Ebay and buy Mini extra small condoms. Then walk him to the door, give them to him, tell him he can go get sex anywhere and your done.

[whichwayisup]

I've been with my bf for 10 years. I have a child that I had from a prior relationship and he was literally a toddler when we met. We broke up and got back together about three years ago. When I mentioned when are we going to get married, he said he's happy if he never marries. He said I can be his guest and leave if I can't wait on his timetable. He says I can pressure him into that it is unattractive and makes me look like a lonely bitter woman. He said I need to cook more and if I had what it took I would be engaged by now. Mind you, he told me countless times he's in love with me and will marry me, he said he would marry me once I lost some weight and I did. He actually said he would propose if I met my weight goal and that came and went. He said I just want marriage because I'm a mom and I want security and a fsther for my child. I told him I felt used because he called me back when we're broken up because his mom was dying and I felt like he used me because of that. He said he can get sex anywhere my sex isn't all that so I shouldn't toot my own horn. We just went on a beautiful Caribbean vacation and I was hoping he would propose but no. I'm so hurt I can barely function at work I'm tired of feeling not worthy I don't know what is it about me that makes him feel that way. I don't know if he said this stuff in anger because I thought we were good. I haven't spoken to him in a week. We don't live together we talk daily but we hang out on Saturday. What should I do?

 

If a man said that to me, I'd be his guest and f'ing LEAVE.

 

This guy is (sorry to say it) an A HOLE. Plain and simple.

 

You may love him a lot but he isn't marriage material. Believe him when he told you he isn't the marrying type.

 

Sorry you're hurting.

 

You're too good for him.

[whichwayisup]

Also for some more background, when we broke up or whatever the first time he said it was because I had gotten fat and was unaffectionste. He says I need counseling because I am bitter and negative. He says I haven't changed only my weight and he says I'm ignorant to think he would propose just because I lost weight but he told me he would. He said he wouldn't want to go into a bull**** marriage.

 

I thought we have a lot of fun together, we laugh and I'm not the touchy feels type of girl and I guess the only time we are affectionate is when saying goodbye and sex.

 

I love him we have been together for so long and my son has known him so long. He's successful and handsome.

 

This man is TOXIC. He is abusive and cruel. He may be successful and handsome, but he's NOT a good role model for your son, nor is he husband material. There's NOTHING wrong with you, yet he makes you feel bad, blames you for everything.

 

I'm so angry reading your thread, this guy has serious a hole issues! Please, get away from him. the best thing you can do is rely on good friends and family to help you through this and grieve the loss. It'll be hard and not fun to grieve the loss but you will come out stronger, wiser and ready to find a wonderful man who will adore you and accept you, love you and not treat you like crap like he does.

[Jj66]

I want to reach across my screen and rip his throat out. Unconscionable cruelty to someone he supposedly loves.

 

You need to get the **** away from him.

[mrs rubble]

It just seems that marriage talk enrages him. He gets so angry. He says I'm paranoid and my tirades won't change the fact he determines when he gets married.

 

He's in total control. You don't see it, but this man has you in a very unhealthy place. I urge you to leave him. Looks fade, success is determined on a day to day basis, this guy is not the charmer you think he is.

[Mr. Lucky]

I'm trying to work out why you love this asshat.

 

Couldn't agree more.

 

HopefullyLove, I can't figure out why you want to marry him.

 

And I can figure out why you'd want to marry someone like him.

 

If "handsome" and "successful" are your two main criteria, you're going to be kissing a lot of frogs before you find a prince...

 

Mr. Lucky

[travelbug1996]

I think she wants to marry him because she has made an "investment" of her time with him. Even if he proposed to OP today and married her it would still be a dysfunctional relationship.

 

Marriage is not gonna make this a good relationship. Its not what he wants and I think its the time together that makes the idea of marriage a good idea.

 

Its not. Marriage is not the answer to your problem. Please let it go.

[joeandmee]

I've been with my bf for 10 years. I have a child that I had from a prior relationship and he was literally a toddler when we met. We broke up and got back together about three years ago. When I mentioned when are we going to get married, he said he's happy if he never marries. He said I can be his guest and leave if I can't wait on his timetable. He says I can pressure him into that it is unattractive and makes me look like a lonely bitter woman. He said I need to cook more and if I had what it took I would be engaged by now. Mind you, he told me countless times he's in love with me and will marry me, he said he would marry me once I lost some weight and I did. He actually said he would propose if I met my weight goal and that came and went.

 

I...can't believe he said/did this. OMG.

 

Leave. It'll make you appreciate who you're really meant to be with all that much more when they come around.

[preraph]

Oh, nothing is ever his fault, is it? It can't be that he's too shallow. It has to be that you're too fat. It can't be that he's not nice to you to earn affection. It has to be that you aren't affectionate enough.

 

I feel bad for your daughter, but this man being her role model is teaching her to put up with a critical jerk of a man. And you putting up with him is teaching her the same thing. She'd be better served by seeing you pack up and leave because he wasn't treating you right. She'll soon be 18, so she can always see him then IF he gives a crap enough to want to see her and if you can trust him with her.

 

This is just a bad relationship. He's a BIG bully. He's abusive. Your daughter is learning who to choose from you both.

[mightycpa]

It sounds like you should stop hanging out on Saturdays. I'd take your son someplace fun and make a day of it.

 

Here are the stark facts:

 

• He's not the boy's real father
  
• You barely spend any time together
  
• He's not a marriage prospect for you, so you're wasting your time
  
• You probably should lose a little weight, it will help you attract new men. Only you know for sure.
  
• You're not getting any younger either
  

He invited you to do this, and you should accept this particular invitation. If ever there was a case for ghosting on somebody, this is probably it.

 

I would begin to think of his recent declarations as your closure. You've heard everything you need to know.

[HopefullyLove]

I stopped dealing with him. He just continue to get worse he said he hated me and God has forsaken me. He said I was a barren B word and a waste of time and that any woman would be lucky To have him. He said he would never marry a basket case b word like me.

[d0nnivain]

I stopped dealing with him. He just continue to get worse he said he hated me and God has forsaken me. He said I was a barren B word and a waste of time and that any woman would be lucky To have him. He said he would never marry a basket case b word like me.

 

 

I'm glad you stopped dealing with him. All that was beyond cruel. How are you doing now?

[carhill]

OP, thanks for the update and happy to read you got out of that unhealthy engagement. Hopefully he's gone for good. IME, sometimes these kinds of personalities pop back into your life just when you think all remnants of the damage they've done is healed. I'd suggest, if not already done, guarding against that with substantial contact means changes.

 

Hopefully you'll meet a loving, and healthy, man to share marriage with. They're out there. Good luck!

[Ronni_W]

I stopped dealing with him.

Hugs, HopefullyLove.

 

Even though you've made the best possible decision and choice for the highest interests of both yourself and your child, it still is a difficult and painful thing to have to go through.

 

Sending you comfort and wishes that you will have the strength to not look back.

[HopefullyLove]

I'm glad you stopped dealing with him. All that was beyond cruel. How are you doing now?

 

I’m well. Thanks for asking. The lightbulb finally went off and I had to be honest and accept that he is who he is and he would be a terrible husband. I’ve been working on loving myself and from loving myself I see I deserve the relationship I want. I know people aren’t perfect but he was verbally and occasionally abusive. He’s like a sociopath.