I really messed up...how can I regain his trust?

[swim808]

Hi all. Sorry if this post ends up being a little long. I just really need some advice on how to move forward with this situation I’ve gotten myself into.

 

Basically, I was seeing this great guy for a while before things got complicated because I was going to be leaving the country for five months. Even though I was willing to give it a shot, he didn’t want a LDR for many understandable reasons, none of which made me feel like it was because he didn’t care about me or didn’t want to be with me. Since we both cared for each other, we decided that we would still be friends, so that we could reevaluate our relationship when I get back.

 

Fast forward a couple months of being “friends” and things started getting difficult for me. By keeping him around, my feelings for him had only grown stronger and I was struggling to keep them in check. I spent a lot of time reading around on loveshack, and heard so much talk about NC so I figured that was probably the route to go, at least till I got back. I told him I was going to do it and I did it, but I ended up feeling even more miserable than I had felt having him as a friend and knowing that we couldn’t be anything more for the time being. I stuck with it for a month and a half before I just lost it. I missed his friendship in my life so much and I feared that really going NC for that whole time would cause us to lose each other. We both have eventful and exciting semesters ahead of us that we had been excited to share with each other, even if it was only as friends and only over texts and phone calls…I wanted that back. I swallowed my pride and I reached out to him, acknowledging that I felt I had made a mistake, apologizing, and asking if we could try to be friends again.

 

He is understandably upset. I broke his heart and his trust and I can tell that me cutting off contact impacted him more than I ever imagined. While he expressed a desire to be in each other’s lives again, he is very hesitant. He doesn’t want the same thing to happen again and I don’t know how to rebuild the trust that was lost. He ultimately agreed that he would like to work towards being friends again, I just don’t know where to go from here. I told him that I was ready to listen and talk about everything that happened whenever he was, and he said okay and that that made him feel good, but he has made no moves to have that conversation. We were in regular communication for a few days after reinitiating contact (just small talk and catching up), but with each passing day it dwindled more. I tried to push for a phone conversation since texts seem to lead to lots of miscommunication, but he told me he’d prefer to stick to texts for the time being since a phone call was how I had told him I was going to go NC in the first place...We’re now at a point where it’s just about 1-2 texts each day and he takes most of the day to respond to anything I send him (although he does always respond eventually and conversation has been generally friendly). I know things can’t just immediately jump back to how they were and I know that healing takes time, but I feel like we can’t move forward with communication like this.

 

What do I do next? I strongly feel like we can repair this if we could just talk everything out, but he won’t talk to me enough for that to happen. Is this just a matter of patience? Do you think with time he will eventually come around, and I just need to wait for that? Or do you think it’s on me to really take the reins here and initiate these difficult conversations since I was the one who messed things up in the first place? I'm just trying to figure out how to best balance expressing my sincerity in really wanting to fix things and also show the amount of effort I'm willing to put in to make things right, while also not pushing it too much since I know he's hurt and angry and it's gonna take time for those emotions to calm down. I just really care about this guy and I really, really hope we can work things out and remain in each other’s lives.

 

I know I’m the villain here, so please don’t hate me. I have a feeling lots of people will try to tell me this is a lost cause/a waste of time and just chastise me for breaking NC. But I really just need advice on rebuilding trust right now so we can figure out what comes next. I am NOT doing NC again with him, at least until I kind of figure out where we stand and determine that that is definitely the right choice for us BOTH.

[Aimingforlove123]

Hey just want o say I'm sorry that ur in this situation it's always hard doing and maintaining any sort of LDR. Life happens people make mistakes and you and him especially have to understand that people make mistakes. U didn't NC him because you wanted to end things you just needed time for yourself. U don't have to do this but it's an idea. Tell him even if it's not the right time how u feel and what YOU WANT. If he's either not willing or not ready that's on him. But you seem like a wonderful girl and shouldn't be punished for a little mistake for the rest Of your life. And if he doesn't see it it's his loss

[Simple Logic]

You NC'd him. Pick up the phone and call him on a regular basis because you have some butt kissing to do.