Wife told me she thinks we need a trial separation.

[barry23]

Hi everyone, unfortunately this scenario will be my first post here. My wife of 16 years (3 kids) has informed me she thinks our marriage is in trouble and she wants to try a trial separation and thinks some away time from each other will be good for us. We both work and our marriage life has become somewhat routine, but she seemed happy and I was happy. She has always told me she's so lucky to have me as her husband and she can't imagine her life without me. Basically a bomb has been dropped on me. A year ago she made a scrapbook with our memories together, pictures of us and was so happy to give it to me. It was the best gift I've ever gotten. Five months ago she gave me a birthday card and wrote a heartfelt letter on how much I mean to her and how much she loves our family and our relationship and how proud she is of me.

 

She started a new job and I noticed she's been texting one of her male co-workers a lot. She plays it off as them just being friends and that he has nothing t to do with this. To say I'm heartbroken is an understatement, I just can't understand. We barely fought, barely argued, had a good sex life. She just randomly dropped this bomb on me.

 

I don't have any proof that she's having sex with him, and I don't think it crossed that line yet. She also thinks I've been ignoring her needs and she thinks I haven't tried to work on this marriage at all. She also says her relationship with the co-worker is strictly platonic. Anyone had advice for me? Bomb was dropped yesterday.

 

The separation bomb came after an argument over something stupid, how I forgot to put one of my underwear in the washer. She exploded and then told me she thinks we need some time away from each other. Told me she thinks were growing apart, and separation will make us appreciate our time together more.

Edited January 23, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[BettyDraper]

I think your wife is likely having an affair with her coworker.

She wants to separate to test the waters with him and have you as a back up action.

[Satu]

Sorry that you're in this difficult situation.

 

Whether they've been physically intimate or not, the other man is more than a friend.

 

Google "emotional affair."

 

I think it would be best if you want to work on the marriage, that you don't move out of the house. If you do, it can work against your best interests.

 

Keep posting.

 

 

Take care.

[basil67]

She also thinks I've been ignoring her needs and she thinks I haven't tried to work on this marriage at all.

 

Is there any truth in this? What have you been doing to make her feel valued?

[barry23]

Sorry that you're in this difficult situation.

 

Whether they've been physically intimate or not, the other man is more than a friend.

 

Google "emotional affair."

 

I think it would be best if you want to work on the marriage, that you don't move out of the house. If you do, it can work against your best interests.

 

Keep posting.

 

 

Take care.

 

I definitely think emotional affair is a good term to use here. She says it's ridiculous that I'm accusing her of an affair. I also don't think I should leave the house when she wants the separation. I don't want to even separate.

 

This has been a stressful year for me at work, I could of showed her more attention but I always did my best. We still had date nights although maybe not as much as we should have. Also have a decent sex life.

[usa1ah]

First thing. Do not move out. If she wants space tell her she can leave any time she wants to.

 

Second thing. If she leaves file for divorce. She is wanting to cheat during the separation.

 

Lastly. Read "No more mr nice guy".

 

Do not chase her and play the pick me game. Read up on the 180 and follow it through if you want to same the marriage.

 

Start working on yourself. Hit the gym and hang out with friends.

[usa1ah]

Everything she is telling you is coming from the OM. He working her to get in her into bed. He is the one putting all these thoughts in her head.

 

Ask her to read not just friends and see what she says afterwards.

[Satu]

snip

I definitely think emotional affair is a good term to use here. She says it's ridiculous that I'm accusing her of an affair. *I also don't think I should leave the house when she wants the separation. I don't want to even separate.

 

 

*Then don't agree to either.

 

Don't agree to anything you don't want to do.

 

 

Take care.

[usa1ah]

If she does end up leaving, let her know you are filing for divorce and do it.

 

She is already cheating in a emotional affair with this co-worker. If she leaves your influence is gone and he has the playing field by being with her everyday while you never see her anymore. If she is willing to separate she will give in to him.

[road]

I definitely think emotional affair is a good term to use here. She says it's ridiculous that I'm accusing her of an affair. I also don't think I should leave the house when she wants the separation. I don't want to even separate.

 

This has been a stressful year for me at work, I could of showed her more attention but I always did my best. We still had date nights although maybe not as much as we should have. Also have a decent sex life.

 

Barry, this is what all WW's say when they are cheating on you. Time to go detective. Hide a digital VAR in WW's car and in the house where she takes calls. Also GPS her cell and her car as a start to get evidence.

 

 

WW's usually do not want to separate unless they have an OM ready to take your place.

[barry23]

Barry, this is what all WW's say when they are cheating on you. Time to go detective. Hide a digital VAR in WW's car and in the house where she takes calls. Also GPS her cell and her car as a start to get evidence.

 

 

WW's usually do not want to separate unless they have an OM ready to take your place.

 

I also forgot to mention a few hours ago she texted me saying sorry and she didn't mean the separation comment. I still don't think that solves the problem though.

 

Can't I track her location using google?

[road]

Wrong place sorry.

 

 

 

No Barry you are in the right place for your WW is having an affair.

[WilyWill]

If you and she own the house together, she cannot compel you to leave your own property. She can be the one to leave. But be careful. If she gets angry about your refusal to leave, she might try to trump up domestic violence charges against you.

[CaliforniaGirl]

I also forgot to mention a few hours ago she texted me saying sorry and she didn't mean the separation comment. I still don't think that solves the problem though.

 

Can't I track her location using google?

 

Sounds like OM cooled off FAST when she rushed to tell him, "Guess what...I finally did it! I told Barry I want a separation!"

 

He probably didn't expect her to REALLY do it...I mean...he's been feeding her lines but I'll bet he never meant to actually leave his wife...so now he's putting her off for a bit...just for a little while, of course and blah blah yadda yadda...

 

Just a guess, obviously.

 

How old are your kids? What did your wife intend for you guys to tell them about the separation? Did you guys talk much about this? If not she rushed it and jumped the gun and now her Option B is backing down....like I said, just a guess but it sure reads this way, IMO.

[usa1ah]

Stand your ground. This could be just to throw you off. If she is telling the co-worker everything then this is just a ploy to make it look like everything is fine.

 

Let her know that by her actions and her words she has broke your trust in her and the marriage. Then ask to see the text between her and the OM, if they are just friends this should not be a problem. If she refuses or deletes them then she is guilty. File for divorce. You can file and not go through with if, it shows you are not going to put up with being plan B.

 

If she say to trust her ask her how you can after what's she has done. Then let her know she can start building trust if she finds a new job and cuts all contact with the OM.

 

Buy a voice activated recorder (var). Strap it to the bottom side of the driver seat. If you can get her phone there are apps that will recover deleted text.

 

 

You have to come to terms with one thing now. You have to be willing to lose the marriage to save it. She has to be knocked on her butt affair wise.

[Marc878]

Separation is to spend time with the other man. Don't be in denial of what you're dealing with. Check your phone bill and if the other man is married inform his wife.

 

An emotional affair with contact = physical affair.

[Simple Logic]

Barry23,

 

When was the last time you took your wife on a fun date? How about a vacation where you had someone sit the kids?

[Marc878]

We're just "friends" is the biggest lie told.

 

This smells like a very typical affair. Read up you'll see the similarity on many.

[Popsicle]

I also forgot to mention a few hours ago she texted me saying sorry and she didn't mean the separation comment. I still don't think that solves the problem though.

 

What do you think will solve the problem?

 

I say work on your marriage now.

[Imajerk17]

She is absolutely cheating on you w her coworker, Barry, definitely emotionally at least. IF she hasn't crossed a physical line with her coworker (yet), she will soon do so.

 

Who goes from making a scrapbook of her love, and then *in five months* goes cold on you and says 'you aren't working on the marriage enough' just because you are having a tougher time at work? Basically, your wife is 'gaslighting' you to assuage her own guilt--i.e., trying to find faults with you so she doesn't feel so bad about stepping out on you. The exploding because you didn't put your dirty boxers in the hamper or whatever is a classic example.

Edited January 19, 2017 by Imajerk17

[CupCakess]

Your best solution is to file for divorce if you ask me. Let her have her fun if she wants too, so she can later realise what she lost for a stupid affair fog with a guy that will probably not want to handle all the "bad" side of a real relationship.

 

The moment she said she wants a trial separation, is the moment she was thinking of ending the marriage.

[aileD]

Barry, you have veto power.

 

You and your wife are supposed to be solid and if a relationship she is having (a NEW ONE) is making you uncomfortable, as your husband you should tell her this and ask her to stop talking to him.

 

If she understands and respects you, then hey you're good.

 

Unfortunately I don't think thats the case

[bubbaganoosh]

Just tell her that if she wants the separation then she can move out. But it would be a good idea to buy yourself a pocket recorder of some kind to protect yourself in case she tries to hang you. Believe me it happens but if it were me, there would be no way on Gods green earth I'm moving out when she want the separation.

[whichwayisup]

Hi everyone, unfortunately this scenario will be my first post here. My wife of 16 years (3 kids) has informed me she thinks our marriage is in trouble and she wants to try a trial separation and thinks some away time from each other will be good for us. We both work and our marriage life has become somewhat routine, but she seemed happy and I was happy. She has always told me she's so lucky to have me as her husband and she can't imagine her life without me. Basically a bomb has been dropped on me. A year ago she made a scrapbook with our memories together, pictures of us and was so happy to give it to me. It was the best gift I've ever gotten. Five months ago she gave me a birthday card and wrote a heartfelt letter on how much I mean to her and how much she loves our family and our relationship and how proud she is of me.

 

She started a new job and I noticed she's been texting one of her male co-workers a lot. She plays it off as them just being friends and that he has nothing t to do with this. To say I'm heartbroken is an understatement, I just can't understand. We barely fought, barely argued, had a good sex life. She just randomly dropped this bomb on me.

 

I don't have any proof that she's having sex with him, and I don't think it crossed that line yet. She also thinks I've been ignoring her needs and she thinks I haven't tried to work on this marriage at all. She also says her relationship with the co-worker is strictly platonic. Anyone had advice for me? Bomb was dropped yesterday.

 

The separation bomb came after an argument over something stupid, how I forgot to put one of my underwear in the washer. She exploded and then told me she thinks we need some time away from each other. Told me she thinks were growing apart, and separation will make us appreciate our time together more.

 

Seems she has already emotionally detached from you and has emotionally invested in him (regardless if it's physical yet between them) and she's in a total fog. Separation does NOT make a marriage better when there's someone waiting in the wings. Did she mention marriage counseling while separated? My guess is no, just that she wants space.

 

Tell her she can move out and do as she pleases. Let her know that you will NOT tolerate her getting closer to another man and if she is going to do that, might as well file for divorce. scare her. Right now she's in a fog and really isn't thinking. Oh she is thinking, of herself!

[whichwayisup]

I also forgot to mention a few hours ago she texted me saying sorry and she didn't mean the separation comment. I still don't think that solves the problem though.

 

Can't I track her location using google?

 

Hire a PI.

 

I do think it's an emotional affair, unless you've noticed her spending more time away from home, working late or dressing up nicer.. Pay attention to small details, does she look and act sexier more than usual? Have a happy step to her that wasn't there not too long ago?

 

She needs to expand on this and explain why she said that.

 

She has THREE children to consider, this isn't about her own happiness, if she is unhappy, then you two need to go to marriage counseling and work on things together, make it your priority (her too) to give it your best. walking away and separating isn't the answer, if anything it'll give her more time to invest in this other man, not you.

 

Be honest, tell her how you feel.