Moai Posted July 20, 2005 Share Posted July 20, 2005 I have always been a "slow-burn" kind of person. I don't think I have ever had an "instant attraction" relationship last for more than a few months, and when they were over my heart wasn't torn up or anything. It was just like, "Oh, well" and I could move on easily. The "slow-burn" ones I have had tore me up badly when they were over--there have been two--but there aren't any hard feelings on either side, either. It's like I just picked the wrong woman to try it with, and that's all. My mother always told me that relationships should be based on friendship first, as that is the only thing that will last over time, and that aids in communication and everything else. I think that she is right. I don't think that people play games with friends as much, either. Also, you are way less likely to betray a friend than you are a lover. I mean, look at all the cheating threads on here from people who married or are together for "passion". I wouldn't throw away a relationship with someone whom I had been through eveyrthing with and I could trust and actually LIKED for anything. It also seems that little things that drive you crazy about someone magnify with passion relationships and fade over time with slow-burn ones. Also, friends naturally give each other space ande allow each other their own interests, as that makes the relationship stronger. Or so it seems. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SummerRae Posted July 20, 2005 Author Share Posted July 20, 2005 Originally posted by Moai I don't think that people play games with friends as much, either. Also, you are way less likely to betray a friend than you are a lover. I mean, look at all the cheating threads on here from people who married or are together for "passion". I wouldn't throw away a relationship with someone whom I had been through eveyrthing with and I could trust and actually LIKED for anything. It also seems that little things that drive you crazy about someone magnify with passion relationships and fade over time with slow-burn ones. Also, friends naturally give each other space ande allow each other their own interests, as that makes the relationship stronger. Or so it seems. Once again, some v. interesting points. I think that is the mistake I have made in the past. Jumping in head first because they sorta "swept me off my feet" (and I willingly obliged...!) N e who, I agree that being friends is sooo important first and foremost. It's just hard to remember that when, yes, you want to shag like there's no tomorrow.......... And yes, the betrayal..... def harder to betray a friend!! Funny I have never even thought of that angle before. Ohhh, and the things that drive you crazy with a partner you would usually tolerate w/ a friend. Funny hey? Guess it's the no expectations thing. We don't expect half as much of friends as we do lovers. Will try to remember that next time lust comes a knockin.... Link to post Share on other sites
MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted July 20, 2005 Share Posted July 20, 2005 Do you think this is along the same lines as questioning whether you'd rather marry your best friend or your lover? I've been questioning this myself. My exH and I were great friends from day 1 when we started dating, and always will be. My last relationship was very passionate and we connected on a very deep emotional, spiritual and sexual level but didn't have alot in common, and things are up in the air. This lover of mine made a statement that he would never marry his best friend again. I didn't comment or think about it too much back then, but now I think yeah, I married my best friend the first time and the marriage didn't work. Maybe next time I should marry my lover. I seem to be very attracted to these guys who "sweep me off my feet" the way my last lover did. I can't stop thinking about him and when I do, I become so aroused and wish I could wake up next to this person every morning after a night of very fulfilling lovemaking. Who cares what happens the rest of the day, if we get to do it all over again the next night. I know this doesn't last, but there's lots of time for us to learn more about each other. Since things are up in the air with him I have met another guy, who I like very much but I'm worried he may end up as "friend" material, just like my exH. We talk about sex and joke around about it online, and what we would like to try, what we've done and haven't done. I like him alot, and he has alot of great qualities, and we have a fair bit in common as well as uncommon. He has not swept me off my feet. Another guy I went on a date with a month or so ago swept me off my feet, but he is long distance so that won't amount to anything. Just my thoughts on this topic, maybe I'll start my own thread when my dilemma gets too dilemma-ish. Link to post Share on other sites
dsgb Posted July 24, 2005 Share Posted July 24, 2005 I think that the best attractions are the slow burning. Instant Attractions work sometimes but i think slow burning attractions are deeper. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts