Aimingforlove123 Posted January 19, 2017 Share Posted January 19, 2017 So we broke up around 10 months ago it was pretty rough for the both of us. She broke up with me but to be honest a lot of things happened between us that made things very hard but we did love each other very much. The break up dragged on for 6 weeks we saw each other a handful of times but nothing really got fixed and eventually we had a fight and stopped talking for good. The first month was wired of no talking she would send me messages like did I get mail at your house or messages that really didn't make sense it was so long ago so I forgot them. After about a 2 months I reached out with a pretty long message apologizing for my actions. I didn't ask to see or talk to her I even said I not expecting you to reply. She did like 3 days later tho saying hope my family is doing good take care basically I don't want to continue talking. Another month went by and I asked her if she wanted to go out for lunch and catch up again 3 days later no sorry I'm busy. So I went no contact for 4 months. At the end of November I contacted her and just said hey. To my surprise she texted back right away and we had a really good conversation. I told her that I found the one picture she left I found because I was packing for a trip. She said that she was actually going to text me about it because she wanted it back. But to be honest I didn't think she was going to contact me again I thought it was just one conversation and that was it. Two days later she text me again. We had a good conversation I had gotten her a necklace that was very special to her and she asked where I got it because she was thinking of getting one for her sister for her birthday but I got it custom made over seas actually exactly where I was going so I told her I could get her one and she seemed really happy. So I go on my trip for the whole month of December. The 5 times we did talk when I was she was the one who texted me first she texted me merry chrismas all that and then I got back. We exchanged happy New Years texts and a few days later she texted me and we made plans to get together which fell through. Let it been know we have only texted we haven't talked on the phone yet. So after our plans didn't work out she texted me two days later but she just asked me how's it going and that's it so a few hours later I called her finally we talked for like an hour on the phone and made plans for Friday which was last Friday and we went to dinner. We had a great dinner I gave her the things I brought back from my trip we talked about old times and old friends. She did ask me if I was seeing anyone and I told her that I was here and there but nothing serious she then told me she was not ready to date yet which was pretty surprising to me because I thought she was fine and single and mingling u know. We went out for drinks and then I brought her home. We didn't spend the night or anything like that The next day she text me saying hey how r u doing how's your night going blah blAh my fAmily loves the presents and the conversation was short. Two days later again she text me her how's it going and then nothing which was this Monday then yesterday she text me asking me to drive her somewhere which I said no to. I just want to know what u guys think. I am in a way better place now then right after the break up I've worked on myself And have healed from the break up but I do love this girl and would love another chance with her. I would love to know what u guys think. Should I just go back no contact and start not replying any more I'm kind of lost about how to approach this so any input would help Link to post Share on other sites
SevenCity Posted January 20, 2017 Share Posted January 20, 2017 (edited) Ignoring her won't get her back. Next time she calls say you would love to see her and invite her over your place to make dinner. If she says no say no problem - let me know when you're schedule frees up. If she wants to go out tell her it's been a long week and you just feel like chilling at home. If she's not cool with that tell her to give you a call in a few weeks and maybe you'll be up for it then. You have to see that she will go out of her way for you. If you do get her there make a point to kiss her when she is getting close to you / giving you signals. Try to end the night in the bedroom and DONT TALK ABOUT THE RELATIONSHIP OR THE FUTURE. You are just there to hang out, have fun and hook up. Any talk of relationships is going to scare her away. If you keep on hanging out with her and not having sex you will become her gay male girlfriend. If you have sex and be cool about it she may eventually want to get back together. You have a rare opportunity. Don't put yourself in friend zone by continuing to be her friend rather than her lover. Edited January 22, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Language~T Link to post Share on other sites
Author Aimingforlove123 Posted January 20, 2017 Author Share Posted January 20, 2017 Well I just want to say she doesn't call me she just texts. Should I say the same thing in text. And rare opportunity ... so u think if I play my cards right I can get what I want? And now I havnt herd from her in a few days and the point I'm at is if she doesn't get back to me the last time me and her talked will be the last. I won't contact her so I'm hopes arnt that high to being with Link to post Share on other sites
jamili Posted January 20, 2017 Share Posted January 20, 2017 (edited) Ignoring her won't get her back. Next time she calls say you would love to see her and invite her over your place to make dinner. If she says no say no problem - let me know when you're schedule frees up. If she wants to go out tell her it's been a long week and you just feel like chilling at home. If she's not cool with that tell her to give you a call in a few weeks and maybe you'll be up for it then. You have to see that she will go out of her way for you. If you do get her there make a point to kiss her when she is getting close to you / giving you signals. Try to end the night in the bedroom and DONT TALK ABOUT THE RELATIONSHIP OR THE FUTURE. You are just there to hang out, have fun and hook up. Any talk of relationships is going to scare her away. If you keep on hanging out with her and not having sex you will become her gay male girlfriend. If you have sex and be cool about it she may eventually want to get back together. You have a rare opportunity. Don't put yourself in friend zone by continuing to be her friend rather than her lover. What if she sends photos but no words Edited January 22, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
Author Aimingforlove123 Posted January 20, 2017 Author Share Posted January 20, 2017 Why would u even say anything if your not trying to help I don't understand Link to post Share on other sites
jamili Posted January 20, 2017 Share Posted January 20, 2017 Why would u even say anything if your not trying to help I don't understand I think what SevenCity said is the best advice. Link to post Share on other sites
SevenCity Posted January 20, 2017 Share Posted January 20, 2017 What if she sends photos but no words I read your post again. She has reached out to you a few times. Since she has already reached out and you didn't use it as an opportunity to setup the next date I feel like it might be ok to say "Great pics - I'd like to hear all about them. When are you free to get together? I'd love to see you again". Then invite her over to your place. Several things may happen. She'll ignore it, she'll say she can't, or she'll say yes. If after two times of asking her she says no don't ever ask her again. If this was the only communication she ever sent then I would not reply at all until she tries harder. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Aimingforlove123 Posted January 20, 2017 Author Share Posted January 20, 2017 I'm confused what pics ? She hasn't sent me any pictures? Link to post Share on other sites
SevenCity Posted January 20, 2017 Share Posted January 20, 2017 I'm confused what pics ? She hasn't sent me any pictures? Sorry - my mistake. I was reading another thread. In this case I would wait for her to contact you. Don't reach out to her first. If she does, then invite her over to your place. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Aimingforlove123 Posted January 20, 2017 Author Share Posted January 20, 2017 Ok man well thank you so much for your advise it's really been a big help. I just havnt been in a situation where I ever wanted an ex back so I didn't really know how to approach it. I have a strong feeling I will hear from her again and I will try what u told me. I will tell u how it all goes thanks again Link to post Share on other sites
SevenCity Posted January 20, 2017 Share Posted January 20, 2017 Ok man well thank you so much for your advise it's really been a big help. I just havnt been in a situation where I ever wanted an ex back so I didn't really know how to approach it. I have a strong feeling I will hear from her again and I will try what u told me. I will tell u how it all goes thanks again It is the worst position to be in. I would advise that you don't get your hopes up - even if she does want to come back chances are it will fail again for the same reasons. There are some cases where people get back and stay together but it is in the minority. Also, you have to be honest with yourself. You are not healed from the breakup. You are likely further along than you were but you are not healed as you stated in your original post. The reason I state this is getting back with her will reset the "getting over it" clock back to zero. Others have reported a successive breakup was even more painful than the first. Just realize what you are getting yourself into - you could start fresh with a new girl who is excited to see you and you have no historic drama. Or, you can go back with a girl that crushed your heart that you will have a hard time trusting again. I'm not saying not to do it, just realize there can be dire consequences if you do. I wish you the best man. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Aimingforlove123 Posted January 20, 2017 Author Share Posted January 20, 2017 Ya and u know what I was thinking that to there might be to much of a history for things to be great with me and her. I had this conversation with a friend and say it might just be easier and less confusing to just start with someone new. I am farther another maybe not 100% and your right but hey thanks again for your input I was just looking for some perspective. If things happen or they don't it's not really a big deal anyways Thanks again for your help tho Link to post Share on other sites
Author Aimingforlove123 Posted January 20, 2017 Author Share Posted January 20, 2017 O and ps I was caught texting another girl and the text were pretty explicit that's y she broke up with me so as much as it hurt me that she broke up with me I was the one who broke her heart Link to post Share on other sites
SevenCity Posted January 20, 2017 Share Posted January 20, 2017 O and ps I was caught texting another girl and the text were pretty explicit that's y she broke up with me so as much as it hurt me that she broke up with me I was the one who broke her heart Yea that can kill your chances. Learn not to do it for the next one. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Aimingforlove123 Posted January 20, 2017 Author Share Posted January 20, 2017 No odviouly u live and u learn I was just wanted to make sure I was giving u all the info and I know it would hurt my chances Really tho man thanks so much for your input it just makes me think more clearly about it Link to post Share on other sites
Author Aimingforlove123 Posted January 23, 2017 Author Share Posted January 23, 2017 Just want to say thank you guys she texted me and I did what u said asked her to come for dinner and my place. She did we had a great time and she actually talked about the relationship with me I didn't bring it up and we decieded to get back together but just to take it really slow... she spent the night and for the time being everything seems to be great Link to post Share on other sites
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