My Story With a MW (long post)

[betweenthesheets]

Hadmeoverabarrel: If you choose to continue, email your info at:

 

 

 

[email protected]

[HadMeOverABarrel]

Hadmeoverabarrel: If you choose to continue, email your info at:

 

[email protected]

 

Done. Check email.

[betweenthesheets]

Got it. I cant reply from this address, but will from another, may need to check your junk mail if you dont my email in a minute.

[Poppy47]

Hmm. I hope you both keep posting online, here to us, waiting to hear what's happening between you. ?????

 

Laughing here.

 

Poppy.

[spideywoman]

Hmm. I hope you both keep posting online, here to us, waiting to hear what's happening between you. ?????

 

Laughing here.

 

Poppy.

 

hee hee hee. me too i just started reading this today and am loving the suspense...perhaps there's a date in the very near future for OP and Barrel...as in, together ....

[betweenthesheets]

Update -

 

Wow, what a roller coaster day.

 

Never heard back from the MW last night, she msged me this morning asking oh, you added me back, to which I replied my last msg did say she would be yesterday evening.

 

Anyway, the MW replied to go ahead and block her again, that she couldn't leave her husband. And that she has to work with him in her second job, and she's trying to get a transfer, which will take time, but since I apparently decided she wasn't worth the wait anymore, it wouldnt matter. And how cold it was that I didnt answer her messages of the weekend, that I stonewalled her and it felt like she was talking to an empty room and that I had moved on.

 

I replied asking why she couldn't get a transfer while divorced or separated?

Her response was due to everyone that she has to work with at her second job (who she sees once a month) will know about it and the husband will spin things against her, and thats not something she is wanting to deal with and if I am wanting her to turn her life upside down then I should just move on. By the way, the second job obstacle is a new one to come up, again, that's where they traveled this weekend as mentioned in my OP. I asked why hasnt this been a concern of hers before? She said because she hasnt thought about it until this weekend.

 

I didnt respond for awhile and she asked if we could talk, she suggested in person at my house, and I agreed (I knew I shouldn't, but I couldn't resist).

 

MW shows up, we sit down and talk it out, I ask her intentions, and again mention that if she's just looking for an AP or a secondary lover, she should just say so and I can work towards that instead of all of this drama about feelings and leaving her husband. She insisted that she loved me and wants to be with me. MW grabs my hands and convinces me that she truly wants to leave her husband, and wants to make the second job thing happen first. I ask her again if shes sure that she still doesn't love her husband she replies shes very sure I explain how its confusing that shes still with him. Again she mentions the second job, possibly having to paying her husband alimony, and she believes her husband is going to fight the divorce all the way. As before, I offer her assistance if she does decide to leave (she can stay with me, etc..). I express to the MW my concerns of being stringed along and how the odds are heavily against my favor and I'm going to get caught getting crushed, MW convinces me that she loves me and wants me and that I can trust her.

 

We retire to the bedroom to discuss more (my mistake). We talk briefly about the second job obstacle and the difficulties she will have in getting a transfer on an unknown timetable (with is now apparently a factor in her being able to leave her husband). I express doubt on what I want to do, she doesnt know what else to say. We engage in some sexual activity (excluding intercourse of course, although she wants me to again). She has to leave right after (as she mentioned before hand) and we kiss goodbye and I ask when I can see her again. I knew at this point that I had lost my ground, I let her win, I failed, was I giving her more time because of love? Did she seduce me? Ugh, this is by the far most difficult situation I've been involved with in a very long time.

 

MW calls me shortly after, we laugh on some highlights of the sexual activity and she wishes me a good afternoon as we both have other items to take care of for the day. I ask her if I can follow up with the topic of the second job, I asked her what is her idea time frame there are some circumstances that make the factor variable on the likelihood of the position is to open for her to transfer into. MW says she has to research a lot of stuff about it, I ask when does she plan on researching it? That I didnt want to press but I wanted to make sure she had a plan and was taking action to following it through, especially if this is dependent on her leaving. MW first seemed to say that she hasnt thought about exactly when she would start researching, but this weekend she should have some free time. I say okay, just wanted to ask and apologize for bringing it up again. MW mentions she may be able to skip class tomorrow evening, and that I might be able to have her for 4 hours. I say that's great and to let me know, MW asks if she thinks I will have intercourse with her if she does see me tomorrow evening. I laugh and reply, see, you pressure me with sex and I pressure you with leaving your husband.

 

A few hours later, I get a message about how hurt she was when I ignored her messages during the weekend, that it really upset her and she felt stupid sending them and how much she had hoped that I would reply. She also followed up by telling me something nice that happened to her at work, I was the only person that she wanted to tell, but she couldn't but she knew I didnt want to hear about it (this part did make me feel guilty, to which I responded we could celebrate tomorrow and that I was happy to hear that).

 

I respond to her message explaining that I didnt reply because I was trying to move on, and that accepting her request to see me this morning wasnt what I had planned to do if she failed to leave her husband over the weekend. I then followed up that theres a huge part of me that thinks I shouldnt be talking with her now but when she told me that she loved me and wanted to be with me that I believed her. So I said, I'm conflicted and that on Wednesday I didnt plan on contacting her anymore until she said she was going to try to leave her husband on the weekend. I then follow up with my doubts on if this is going to work, I bring up the fact that her new obstacle with the second job has no timetable, what if she never gets transferred? I then say what if your husband finds out and demands to end this (she said that morning that she would still see me even if he did) and I said I know you said you would still continue, but how do I know that? I said that's a difference between saying things and actually doing them, like saying you're going to leave your husband and actually leaving him.

 

MW Responds that she understands and apologies for putting me into this situation, that she doesnt know what else to say or do except that she will try to leave her husband, she will try to find a transfer for a second job and that she will try to roll the dice on telling her husband about us (in hopes that he will leave or permit her to). She mentions that if I want to move on then she understands she will remove me from contacting if I would like. She then follows up asking to just tell her what I want.

 

I reply that I want her to stop talking and take action, if shes unhappy with her husband she needs to tell him while shes sober and leave, to stop worrying about what other people may think, stop staying with him out of convenience, that her happiness and future is on the line here and that if she really loves me and wants to be with me to grow a pair and to start taking action.

 

MW Replies okay, she will do it.

 

1 hour goes by, MW messages me that she choked. MW then calls me on the way to school saying that she tried but couldnt and that I deserve better than this. I ask the MW if she even tried over the weekend? She said she did talk to him about it on the way back, but her husband of course said he wants to work on it and wants to stay together and he loves her. I asked MW what did she respond, MW said she responded to him "I dont know" (she does respond IDK a lot of times when talking about her marriage). While on the phone with the MW I told her I dont know what other options we have, clearly you're not going to leave him. MW asks if she should tell the husband about us in hopes he will leave/let her leave. I said only if she wants to, that it's going to impact her the most, that the husband will put her on lock down and regardless, I dont think it will do anything because the husband will likely forgive her and just force me out of the equation with her. But, I said, at this point there's nothing else thats left, if you cant leave, and I cant stay with you because you wont leave, we dont have anything to lose, unless it may impact you, but thats for you to decide. MW says she wants to tell the husband, I say okay. MW has to go to class and will call back.

 

MW calls back after class and tells me about her test after chatting about this, I ask MW if shes still going to tell her husband, MW says shes not sure, that shes going to feel it out. I reply that I think she really should, but I understand if she cant. MW asks if this is an ultimatum? I reply no, its just the reality of things, we have nothing to lose at this point and I dont know if we'll be talking tomorrow regardless. MW says she will tell him and will let me know the results.

 

MW msgs me half a hour later that she tried to talking to him but that I was right in that it wouldn't make a difference (so I assume she didnt talk to him). MW apologies for not being strong enough to go through with it and she understands that I dont wish to talk to her anymore and that it hurts but she understands and hopes I find someone that I deserve.

 

I reply I was sorry too and that it was fun while it lasted and that I wished her happiness as well.

 

I'm feeling really ****ty, especially after she baited me with possibly seeing me tomorrow night. Did I push to hard for her to leave the husband today? I felt like I shouldn't even had talked with her after her response so it was important to me to try to reclaim my ground that I lost.

 

Thoughts?

Edited January 24, 2017 by betweenthesheets

[BuddyX]

You got played. Big time.

She goes from I'm picking my husband to ending up in your bedroom. You got a lot to learn about women.

 

What's next? It's called, push pull. You already experienced some of that already. I.e. Laughing about the good times to I hate how you blocked me this weekend.

 

She picked her husband. You're a side piece. Get used to this drama.

 

Ohh, I lived in your town. I don't even know what your MW looks like, but you can do better and minus the drama. Your place is off the hook with eye candy.

[betweenthesheets]

Is she picking him? Why wouldn't she just admit that she wants an AP versus leaving the husband? Yeah, I see after today, she has essentially picked him, but this morning it seemed convincing otherwise.

 

Should I indulge in infidelity with this woman? Part of me wants to, part of me wants to try to take the higher ground and move on.

 

Ha, yeah, unfortunately most are college students, not really in my age range anymore.

[BuddyX]

"Should I indulge in an affair?" Really? This is the best you can do? I'm starting to think you're just trolling LS.

 

Go NC. Get yourself on match and go on real dates. Unless you got some self esteem issues, then see a shrink.

[betweenthesheets]

Sadly I'm not trolling, this woman has my head spinning in confusion.

 

Anyhow, thanks for the advice BuddyX.

[Chica80]

Dude!! she is stringing you along!

 

Of course she's not going to tell you she wants to have an AP, because than that would mean she would have to admit she's having an A.

 

That she's using you....Stand up for yourself....

 

You are single...with plenty of other woman out there who want to have a real relationship. Is that truly what you want though.

 

Are you in IC? Sorry I haven't read all of your thread.

[betweenthesheets]

Dude!! she is stringing you along!

 

Of course she's not going to tell you she wants to have an AP, because than that would mean she would have to admit she's having an A.

 

That she's using you....Stand up for yourself....

 

You are single...with plenty of other woman out there who want to have a real relationship. Is that truly what you want though.

 

Are you in IC? Sorry I haven't read all of your thread.

 

 

Yeah... I'm starting to see that. I asked her point blank if shes just wanting an AP, I even said I would be interested in that (but I think she knew I was bluffing). I know it sounds silly and maybe I look foolish and I'm being over trusting here, but she's very convincing that she doesn't want an AP. But as many have said on this post, and my main message to her throughout today was, actions speak louder than words. At this point, I'm tired of my mind being all over the place with it.

 

No, I'm not in IC, and honestly I dont want to be if I can avoid it. I think I can shake this after some time. As someone posted earlier, "she has no monopoly on hotness"

 

A lot of the comments you guys have made has really stuck in my mind these last few days. Thanks again.

[spideywoman]

Is she picking him? Why wouldn't she just admit that she wants an AP versus leaving the husband? Yeah, I see after today, she has essentially picked him, but this morning it seemed convincing otherwise.

 

Should I indulge in infidelity with this woman? Part of me wants to, part of me wants to try to take the higher ground and move on.

 

Ha, yeah, unfortunately most are college students, not really in my age range anymore.

 

no, don't indulge. trust me. it'll only get worse.

 

what you should do is meet Barrel! i'm still waiting for that story.

[betweenthesheets]

Thanks Spidey, you guys are right, resisting and NC is the best way.

 

Ha, yeah, I hope we get to meet too, wouldn't that be wild two single people meeting on this section of the forum with similar experiences? Well see how it goes!

[Poppy47]

You didn't lose any ground because you never had any to begin with.

 

Please re read your long post. This piece of work has chewed you up and spat you out.

 

She knows just how to play you. I would say you have zero importance in her real life. YOu are hanging on her decision and there was never going to be one. I think she improvises as it goes along. NOthing she says the way you tell, makes any sense at all.

Poppy.

[betweenthesheets]

You didn't lose any ground because you never had any to begin with.

 

Please re read your long post. This piece of work has chewed you up and spat you out.

 

She knows just how to play you. I would say you have zero importance in her real life. YOu are hanging on her decision and there was never going to be one. I think she improvises as it goes along. NOthing she says the way you tell, makes any sense at all.

Poppy.

 

 

 

I meant losing ground in cutting it off with her, I should have rejected her when she asked to come over instead of accepting.

 

Yeah, it's kind of crazy, she definitely made me believe. I think she is truly terrified of me going NC with her, it impacted her a great deal over the last 4 days, doesn't mean she loves me, maybe it's a test to her that I can resist her.

 

Not to mention, I still haven't had intercourse with her, which she has literally begged and done almost anything she could to make it happen, so that is one notable win I have from this, and it drives her mad (she will frequently bring up how she wants me to, and I will remind her that she's married). Heh, maybe that's why she can't leave her husband for me? Nah, it's my last moral fiber I have left hanging from what she's clawed through and she's not going to get it.

I'm no saint as I said in my OP, but you try resisting a beautiful woman from trying as hard as she can to have sex with you on multiple occasions.

 

 

Also, thanks for sticking with me throughout this post Poppy. Cheers to you, my friend.

Edited January 24, 2017 by betweenthesheets

[whichwayisup]

Oh she's playing you like a fiddle and uses sex as her weapon, she knows she has you weak in the knees for her!

 

Sheets, she ain't leaving her husband. That's the bottom line.

 

Question to you is, are you willing to continue to get table scraps and not respect yourself? Are you wanting to be second fiddle and be there for her when she can make time for you? Be the OM for many years to come? IF you're happy enough providing that role for her in her life, then continue on and enjoy. Each day a piece of you will disappear and you'll lose "you" along the way. Though I DO hope you wake up and realize you deserve better and more.

 

This MW is has a serious drinking problem, she's a mess, she's dramatic, manipulative and only thinks of herself. She may make you feel amazing, but notice it's always ALL about her? Her life, her problems, her accomplishments. Not about you at all, seems she couldn't care less about you or your life.

 

End it before your life gets ruined even more.

[betweenthesheets]

Yeah, she knows I truly love her and that I do authentically care for her. If that is a win or a sadistic pleasure of hers, okay she's won that clearly, but with only a few months in feeling this way, I can reverse those feelings easier than having those feelings for years with her.

 

Has she ruined my life? No. Has she caused some disruption to where I've joined forums and talked about my situation quite a bit and have thought about the situation extensively? Yes. But you know, no matter how messed up this is, or how bad its going to feel, its a wonderful learning experience, and I truly did have a good time with her EVEN if she's been playing me. The relationship wasnt all me giving 100% of the time and that's it. She would pay for dinners, buy gifts, travel to see me, be reciprocal in sexual ways, it wasn't like she received the whole time and I benefited zero while she laughed on her way home. To be quite honest, again, I feel truly bad for the husband, because there's a part of me that's thankful she hasn't left him, because I dont want to take the likely chance of ending up in his situation.

 

Which brings me to the next part. Do I want to have fun with her sexually and make her believe shes playing me while I get it on with her? Yes, well partly. Why? Low Self Esteem? Maybe, She literally will let me do anything that I want to her in the bedroom, believe it or not this isnt so easy to find (at least from my experience) and is extremely appealing, but like I said in my OP, I'm a pretty busy guy, it would be much easier letting someone think they're playing me while I get my groove on and let them pick up their clothes and run home to hubby after a quick shower. Now with that being said, that's one side of me that we could say is devious sex crazed dark side, it's there, its present I contain it as necessary (obviously as mentioned before) The other lighter side of me thinks of the morals, god, judgement day, and most importantly the damage I know that I'm doing to her husband by having his wife with me. Believe it or not, it weighs on me, ironically more so than her, which she knows it bothers me quite a bit.

 

As I type this, I dont know what I'm going to do. I'm fairly certain she will contact me either very shortly or eventually as this is not our first "NC" ordeal, and again I'll have to once again decide, this time with more knowledge and awareness to what her intent truly is, but now with the factor of using HER for sexual gratification or just blowing her off completely.

 

There's no purity or honor in servicing another mans wife, and that hits home for me daily. I do promise that I'm going to start dating ASAP, but I've been there several times, I know women like this isn't easy to find. But I also realize that the right way isnt the easiest. I've asked for forgiveness and guidance spiritually on what I've done thus so far, but as you say, slowly I continue to see my old self crumble away while being entangled in this affair. I only hoped it would be relieved and set right with the love I feel and her being a single woman.

Edited January 24, 2017 by betweenthesheets

[Chica80]

OP there is a reason you have held on to this last bit of "moral fiber" you give in to her and that last bit of you will be gone.

 

I know you don't want to get in to IC. You think you can do it on your own....not so. Sorry.

 

Good people may have affairs....but healthy people don't. There is something in you and something in her that draws you into this web.

 

It's like going to the ocean first you just dip your feet in. It looks so calm and inviting. So you take another step and another. Before you know the bottom has dropped from under you a strong current pulls you in and you are drowning.

 

She can't love you. Because she doesn't even love herself. She has a void that needs filling and she will suck you dry. Till you are nothing but a shell.

[betweenthesheets]

OP there is a reason you have held on to this last bit of "moral fiber" you give in to her and that last bit of you will be gone.

 

I know you don't want to get in to IC. You think you can do it on your own....not so. Sorry.

 

Good people may have affairs....but healthy people don't. There is something in you and something in her that draws you into this web.

 

It's like going to the ocean first you just dip your feet in. It looks so calm and inviting. So you take another step and another. Before you know the bottom has dropped from under you a strong current pulls you in and you are drowning.

 

She can't love you. Because she doesn't even love herself. She has a void that needs filling and she will suck you dry. Till you are nothing but a shell.

 

Thank you Sunshine. I do agree with you on holding on my last moral fiber. That's how it really feels like, and I've explained that to her, but she persists for it and I continue to refuse.

 

Do I need IC? I hope not, really, this has been going on for only 6 months, and now that I know her intent is not to leave her husband, I shouldn't have a problem walking away emotionally (its really that big of a deal to me). If I do, I will honestly consider seeking IC.

 

Are we unhealthy people? Yeah, I would say you're right on the money. I will speak for myself in saying, yeah, she came at the right time when I started feeling lonely because of nearly 2 years in school and work full time (no love life) and there she came hitting hard, relentlessness as someone said earlier. I initially resisted, but yes, as you said, I was unhealthy romantically and it got me, she was attractive, we had strong chemistry and she said she wasn't happily married and wanted to leave her husband, I bit and here I am.

 

You're right, shes admitted to me that she has problems, we all do, and I loved her enough to overlook them, but maybe I'm starting to realize her problems are really playing against me.

Edited January 24, 2017 by betweenthesheets

[spideywoman]

Thanks Spidey, you guys are right, resisting and NC is the best way.

 

Ha, yeah, I hope we get to meet too, wouldn't that be wild two single people meeting on this section of the forum with similar experiences? Well see how it goes!

 

stranger things have happened my friend...why not this?! heck if i were anywhere near you i'd suggest getting a cup of coffee because why the heck not

 

seriously though. minimize contact or better yet, cut it off altogether. i am not one to lump every OW/OM into a one-dimensional category but this woman is a pro, as classic cookie-cutter as it gets. a confused pro, but one nonetheless. among other things i don't like how she harped on how your not responding made her feel. what did she expect?!

Edited January 24, 2017 by spideywoman

[betweenthesheets]

stranger things have happened my friend...why not this?! heck if i were anywhere near you i'd suggest getting a cup of coffee because why the heck not

 

seriously though. minimize contact or better yet, cut it off altogether. i am not one to lump every OW/OM into a one-dimensional category but this woman is a pro, as classic cookie-cutter as it gets. a confused pro, but one nonetheless. among other things i don't like how she harped on how your not responding made her feel. what did she expect?!

 

Haha, I like your style Spidey!

 

I agree, she may very well be a pro, I believe before she was married though. I do believe I am the first one since being married (really, I know people are going to laugh and say yeah right, but there were reasons why I believe that to be true).

 

I dont like that she did that either, but it's happened before where she kind of over emphasized how I "made her feel" that I wasn't sure of why. I really think it might be a tactic of her keeping me "in line" to how she wants to me to respond. She has said things that clearly surprises me on how I made her feel which seems like shes expecting me to apologize or gravel to her, and honestly, I wont/havent. When she mentioned these two texts and how she felt, I didnt say anything except that I was sorry about the situation and this is how I felt about the situation (of me telling her to leave her husband). I did say we should celebrate what she wanted to tell me but didn't, because it was an achievement that was worth mentioning.

[sandylee1]

She's playing you like a fiddle and you need to wise up to that quickly. She won't admit she only wants an affair, because that would mean everything else she's said is untrue.

 

There is no major issue in her marriage and she makes things up as she goes along. If anything her nonsense about a second job shows her working in harmony with her husband.

 

She's not a good wife by a long shot. Imagine how you'd feel if your wife pursued and threw herself at another man like she did. And don't think she only did it because she's unhappy in her marriage.

 

She's using you and her husband. You can't control her using her husband, but you can control her using you.

 

Remember I said earlier in the thread that if she didn't leave him and you take her back, you'll be in weaker position.

 

You need to go total no contact with her for your own sake and stop falling for her trying to make you the bad guy and guilt tripping you.

 

She's just being manipulative.

[Poppy47]

I know what you will do Sheets.

 

It's very clear to me.

 

Poppy.

[Ruffian1]

Just curious . . .

 

Does your AP have sex with her H?

 

I know you can't know for sure, but what does she tell you about that aspect of their M?