My Story With a MW (long post)

[Poppy47]

I did tell her that Poppy. Check my post above about the phone call.

 

Now you don't need to do anything else. Just sit back, NC and wait and wait and wait.

 

I doubt she will ever leave.

 

Poppy.

[betweenthesheets]

I hope she does. I'll let you guys know how it goes.

 

Thanks again to everyone for their comments, I frequently look back at them for reassurance that i'm making the right move here.

[HadMeOverABarrel]

I hope she does. I'll let you guys know how it goes.

 

Thanks again to everyone for their comments, I frequently look back at them for reassurance that i'm making the right move here.

 

Sheets, are you secretly hoping if you go NC she will finally realize what a great guy you are, ditch her husband, and come running to you? If so, prolonging that fantasy is going to compound your pain.

 

I had a painful realization when xMM never tried to follow up with me after I didn't respond to his email. There was no fight between us. My last email to him before his was very sexy. Yet he did not attempt to contact me to see what was happening...Not.One.Single.Word. in almost four months after a year long EA/PA (minus intercourse). I'm telling you this in hopes of helping you curb some of that pain. It's the pain when you realize, "Oh wait, they really aren't coming," followed by, "Did I mean so little after all?" followed by, "Damn, I was so used." followed by trying to work through a ton of heavy emotion and wondering what to do with that emotion.

 

Please realize she's already told you everything. No epiphany is coming for her because I don't think she saw your relationship as you did (sorry). A seriously bad indicator is that she reacted with annoyance when you told her you were calling it off. Like, was she annoyed because her boy toy is acting unruly again? Failing to comply and bend to her will like Gumby? I tell you, if she were in love, there would not be the least amount of annoyance in her when learning you were departing. Rather there would be devastation, bargaining, pleading, etc.

 

Your hoping ever still (unless I've misunderstood your posts) reminds me of something my counselor said: that I saw my xMM like the sun, but I have to realize I can get that somewhere else.

Edited January 26, 2017 by HadMeOverABarrel

[betweenthesheets]

Sheets, are you secretly hoping if you go NC she will finally realize what a great guy you are, ditch her husband, and come running to you? If so, prolonging that fantasy is going to compound your pain.

 

I had a painful realization when xMM never tried to follow up with me after I didn't respond to his email. There was no fight between us. My last email to him before his was very sexy. Yet he did not attempt to contact me to see what was happening...Not.One.Single.Word. in almost four months after a year long EA/PA (minus intercourse). I'm telling you this in hopes of helping you curb some of that pain. It's the pain when you realize, "Oh wait, they really aren't coming," followed by, "Did I mean so little after all?" followed by, "Damn, I was so used." followed by trying to work through a ton of heavy emotion and wondering what to do with that emotion.

 

Please realize she's already told you everything. No epiphany is coming for her because I don't think she saw your relationship as you did (sorry). A seriously bad indicator is that she reacted with annoyance when you told her you were calling it off. Like, was she annoyed because her boy toy is acting unruly again? Failing to comply and bend to her will like Gumby? I tell you, if she were in love, there would not be the least amount of annoyance in her when learning you were departing. Rather there would be devastation, bargaining, pleading, etc.

 

Your hoping ever still (unless I've misunderstood your posts) reminds me of something my counselor said: that I saw my xMM like the sun, but I have to realize I can get that somewhere else.

 

Do I want her to? Yes. Do I expect her to? No.

 

I think she was annoyed or upset because this is the third night in a row I've brought up serious issues between us, and ending it. I expected that before even talking to her, after awhile, it has to become annoying to hear someone else ruin plans because of their issues with the situation.

 

But you're right Barrel. Ugh. You're right. This is for the best, I'm going to move on.

[Poppy47]

Do I want her to? Yes. Do I expect her to? No.

 

I think she was annoyed or upset because this is the third night in a row I've brought up serious issues between us, and ending it. I expected that before even talking to her, after awhile, it has to become annoying to hear someone else ruin plans because of their issues with the situation.

 

But you're right Barrel. Ugh. You're right. This is for the best, I'm going to move on.

 

HOW DARE YOU annoy this self entitled woman with you serious concerns???

 

LOL

 

Poppy.

[whichwayisup]

Do I want her to? Yes. Do I expect her to? No.

 

I think she was annoyed or upset because this is the third night in a row I've brought up serious issues between us, and ending it. I expected that before even talking to her, after awhile, it has to become annoying to hear someone else ruin plans because of their issues with the situation.

 

But you're right Barrel. Ugh. You're right. This is for the best, I'm going to move on.

 

Her ego is hurt. Also, she's fed up with the convo's of her leaving her husband. That's NOT going to happen. She doesn't show you love or respect, or even genuine kindness. She's also pissed that you brought up confessing the A to her husband, that freaked her out and another reason why she got cold with you and said goodbye. And as for the website, let it go...She doesn't care.

[sandylee1]

Please stick to NC. She doesn't deserve your love. Who would want a wife like her.

[betweenthesheets]

Her ego is hurt. Also, she's fed up with the convo's of her leaving her husband. That's NOT going to happen. She doesn't show you love or respect, or even genuine kindness. She's also pissed that you brought up confessing the A to her husband, that freaked her out and another reason why she got cold with you and said goodbye. And as for the website, let it go...She doesn't care.

 

 

The night before this when I told her how I felt about everything, I told her I was done bringing up her leaving due to realizing she wil never. This call wasn't an ultimatum or are you going to leave him? It was more, I thought about our talk last night some more and I can't do it, I can't be second, let me know if you ever leave.

 

Now, When I brought up her husband knowing, I said she should consider telling him and that needs to come from her imo, but I doubt she will.

 

I still have to say, I'm sure she does care about me. When we first started the EA she would only say that she cares a lot about me, and conversations about her husband were extremely limited. I knew her desire to leave but me bringing it up once or twice early on wasn't good, she shut it down. She wasn't ready for that anytime soon and she couldn't do that for me. I felt like I overstepped as it was too early in our A for her to be ready to leave, but you know, I knew I was fighting an up hill battle, and I was enjoying our time together. She dis try calling it off multiple times early on in the EA phase because of the guilt she had about the EA and sexting, that eventually disappeared to where we are today. It grew from her saying she cares a lot about me to her saying she madly in love withme. She cried and broke down when I confronted her the other night about the situation. We have bought gifts and dinner for each other, shared amazing times of joy and

happiness with each other, she has actually tried to leave her husband for me (I know this Is a fact as mentioned previously), she has opened up and told me her darkest secrets (and I have told her mine as well), all of this developed overtime, so I don't believe her love to be false. I don't believe she doesn't care. I do believe she will likely not leave her husband anytime soon due fear and guilt of leaving him. Yes, if she truly loves me and wanted me she would just leave, and I've told her that. She honestly has a golden ticket out of the marriage if she wanted, I'm 100% independent and have a decent size house to have her move into, I've offered to help move her stuff if needed and to do whatever else it might take to support her through a divorce. We both know that, but she insists that the guilt that he makes her feel when she brings up leaving is overbearing and breaking to her, she's never felt so horrible about herself until those conversations took place, and when I asked if that was because she loved him, the answer was a precise and solid no, but because he loves her. You may think it's selfish on her part for staying with him and cheating just to avoid the guilt in crushing him, and even she will admit that, but I've been selfish too, we both share that in common, except she has to face him daily and I don't. She does carry the most burden of guilt. I've tried to explain its better for both of them to move on and find people they truly love than to stick around because one loves but the other doesn't. She agrees, but doesn't think he will easily see that and thinks he will be absolutely destroyed from it all (since he has made that clear when she has tried to talk to him about it). Maybe everything she is saying is true? Maybe I'm just wanting more than what she's ready to give at this point? Yes, she loves me, but her leaving her husband isn't an easy, cut and dry task, she will be crushed from crushing him, and he will fight all the way, the divorce will be messy, and I think that's ultimately why she can't do it. Yeah, I know it doesn't make sense if she really loves me and wants to be with me, but that's the case and I do believe her feelings on everything are real. I know some of you all think she's this horrible person who was manipulating me just for AP, but I really don't think that was the case. She is a good person, like me, caught up in a situation that is complicated and dark. There's no easy way out for her, and I get that, but it doesn't mean she's horrible. But me believing all of which I just said, it still doesn't matter. I'm better than to take scraps and accept second place for her. My guilt from sacrificing my morals and character for this (this is my own fault, she didn't force me into this, I wanted to pursue things) is clearly getting heavier and heavier to where if I did continue on with this, it would likely degrade our future time together and ultimately lead to us breaking apart with more bad times together than good.

 

Anyhow, sorry for the longwinded post again, I felt like I needed to share why I didn't think she's this cold hearted, manipulating woman who never cared. And at this point, I've realized that this forum has sort of become a journal of my experience.

 

Thanks for reading.

Edited January 26, 2017 by betweenthesheets

[sandylee1]

You seem to think, or want to convince yourself and us that that she's trapped in a loveless marriage. That's fine, if it helps you to move on and not feel like she was using you.

 

There's no doubt that she was really into you and she found you sexually desirable.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Now, When I brought up her husband knowing, I said she should consider telling him and that needs to come from her imo, but I doubt she will.

 

She won't.

 

I on wasn't good, she shut it down. She wasn't ready for that anytime soon and she couldn't do that for me. I felt like I overstepped as it was too early in

happiness with each other, she has actually tried to leave her husband for me (I know this Is a fact as mentioned previously), she has opened up and told me her darkest secrets (and I have told her mine as well), all of this wanted me she would just leave, and I've told her that. She honestly has a golden ticket out of the marriage if she wanted, I'm 100% independent and have a decent size house to have her move into, I've offered to help move her stuff if needed and to do whatever else it might take to support her through a divorce. We both know that, but she insists that the guilt that he makes her feel when she brings up leaving is when I asked if that was because she loved him, the answer was a precise and solid no, but because he loves her. You may think it's selfish on her part for staying with him and cheating just to avoid the guilt in crushing him,

 

So she's staying with him out of pity really. I doubt anyone with any self esteem or self respect would want their spouse staying for that reason.

 

I'm better than to take scraps and accept second place for her.

 

You definitely are.

 

My guilt from sacrificing my morals and character

 

Love isn't meant to be like that. It really isn't.

 

Thanks for reading.

 

Give it time and you'll be fine. An available woman is out there for you.

[betweenthesheets]

I hope, today was hard.

[BuddyX]

I hope, today was hard.

 

Like I said before, between Shands, VA, and all the faculty, it would take me about solid 6 months of non stop dating to get through all the Single women in your area.

 

Or better yet. Go out with your boys. Ball, darts, pool. Do something productive. Wallowing in your pity is weak.

[betweenthesheets]

I'm going to try Buddy, but as mentioned earlier, I'm neck deep with school work which I start after work. Maybe I can get a night here or there, chasing tail around town at bars and such isn't my thing though. But enough excuses. I had two flirtatious experiences with women today. The first one was someone I was working with on a project, she was very flirtatious, touching her arm against mine as we compared notes on our project, mentioning she couldn't wait until happy hour, even gave me her cell number to contact her once I was done with lunch (arranged a lunch with my team for a co workers last day). Anyway, believe it or not she turned out to be married.... yeah, I know, what the hell? I swear I looked for a ring earlier this morning and didn't see one, but she had one after lunch after I asked a co worker if she seemed flirtatious with him as well (he said yes). Heh, so he told me that her husband/fiancé was working with us on the project (my first day working with them, co worked with them previously), had no clue. The mood drastically changed after lunch, he was being snappy with her and she had the ring on (not sure if I just missed it or not, but i could swear she didn't have it on earlier) anyway, I felt like, you've gotta be kidding me, here I am trying to stop myself from further degrading someone's marriage t, and now on day 1 it feels like I inadvertently caused another marriage issues, jeez, this is crazy. I don't know what it is, but MW are attracted to me. I've had 3 to approach me in the last 16 months wanting sex (including my mw). It honestly concerns me, the frequency and boldness makes me start to wonder if marrying someone is a good thing? Will my future wife be the same after we're married? Am I just attracting a rare breed of married cheaters?

 

The other was a waitress at the restaurant we went to lunch at with my coworkers, we flirted and I liked her, my coworker even said damn, for someone that works as a waitress it looks like she really likes you (since waitresses are hard to tell if their flirting is authentic or objective based).

 

Anyway, I came close to asking for her number or social info, but I was amongst colleagues, didn't think it was appropriate at the time and I still have my MW on my mind. But yeah, I may be going back there and sitting at the bar one night I hopes if running into her.

Edited January 26, 2017 by betweenthesheets

[BuddyX]

You can't say "I'm neck deep with work" but you have time for the OW.

When in doubt, take emotion out of it and think rationally. And #2, ask yourself "is this self induced?" If the answer is Yes, then you can't really complain.

[cloche]

You can't say "I'm neck deep with work" but you have time for the OW.

When in doubt, take emotion out of it and think rationally. And #2, ask yourself "is this self induced?" If the answer is Yes, then you can't really complain.

 

Respectfully, Buddy, give the guy a break.

 

What he's doing is *hard*. Walking away from someone you truly love? It's not a natural thing to do, and the right or wrong of it/who's fault/no one to blame but himself/his own stupid fault/ etc. does nothing to change that.

 

I respect where you're coming from, Buddy, but talk of being weak/getting out there and getting some tail/ blah, bah... well, ..., not all guys are wired that way...

 

As I see it, he's writing here rather than contacting her, and that's what counts, right? Don't make him regret posting here...

 

<climbs off soap box>

Edited January 26, 2017 by cloche

[betweenthesheets]

You can't say "I'm neck deep with work" but you have time for the OW.

When in doubt, take emotion out of it and think rationally. And #2, ask yourself "is this self induced?" If the answer is Yes, then you can't really complain.

 

 

That is true, but making time for OW has impacted my studies. But you're right, ultimately it's probably more of an excuse. Just for the record I have asked multiple women out, dated, even several blind dates. I don't want you think it's a confidence issue, or something like that, it's complicated going out with an objective in seeking out a woman isn't the usual for me, it's meeting them having chemistry, getting to know them and developing from there. I did do some online dating too, so that may conflict with the above, but I don't know, I'm probably you're typical guy when it comes to women.

 

Mmm, have I truly innocently been approached by these MW? Yeah, once I knew, did I stop taking with them immediately? No. I'll admit, I've went further than what I should have with these women when they approached, none of which was anywhere near what my current experience.

[betweenthesheets]

Respectfully, Buddy, give the guy a break.

 

What he's doing is *hard*. Walking away from someone you truly love? It's not a natural thing to do, and the right or wrong of it/who's fault/no one to blame but himself/his own stupid fault/ etc. does nothing to change that.

 

I respect where you're coming from, Buddy, but talk of being weak/getting out there and getting some tail/ blah, bah... well, ..., not all guys are wired that way...

 

As I see it, he's writing here rather than contacting her, and that's what counts, right? Don't make him regret posting here...

 

<climbs off soap box>

 

 

Thanks Cloche, much appreciation for you my friend. You're spot on with how I feel regarding her and the difficulty of it all and how this forum has helped me tremendously with this. I've heard some tough responses from my story, but you know, it's okay, I need to hear that side too. I don't want to miss a crucial piece of feedback because it may be too harsh, really, I can handle it, any advice regardless how it may come across or insesitive. So, as direct as Buddy is, I really do value his responses as well. Sometimes it's the opinions that are left unsaid out of fear in being too harsh that are the most valuable.

 

Thanks again Cloche.

[BuddyX]

Cloche.

Here's the deal. Majority of people on this thread are the "Huggs" "feel your pain" crowd. That's good. We all need support. But I'm the guy that tells it how it is. My advice is sound. Difficult. But so sound.

 

I walked away from my ExWife (she cheated) and never looked back. You know why? Because I know I can do better. She was just version one point o. I can do better.

 

If you're a single young male in 2017 you can't complain. Women are at your finger tips. And I know, some will say "but I'm not looking for any woman, I'm looking for love". Well, love doesn't fall on your lap. Go out there and meet people.

[cloche]

You're going to be just fine, Sheets.

 

Realize that you have begun a process by going NC. There will be times when the urge to reach out to her is strong - almost unbearable, even - and these times may well take you by surprise: a week, a month, a year from now, with no apparent rhyme or reason. And times when perhaps you even *do*. But the overall trend is nevertheless a slow yet steady and definite diminution of the pain.

 

Your doing this Now for your Future well being.

 

Suggestion: read posts by the many here who have take this path - MidnightBlue, Poppy, and many others, especially Satu.

 

And keep posting.

[betweenthesheets]

Buddy, I'm truly hoping and depending on you continuing provide feedback. Like I said earlier, I really do value what you and everyone else has to say.

[betweenthesheets]

Thanks Cloche, I will. This forum has been a huge inspiration and source of strength for me.

[BuddyX]

Buddy, I'm truly hoping and depending on you continuing provide feedback. Like I said earlier, I really do value what you and everyone else has to say.

 

Just be cautious of this weekend. I've noticed a pattern with WS. They tend to reach out on weekends.

Edited January 27, 2017 by BuddyX
Grammar