My Story With a MW (long post)

[betweenthesheets]

Update

 

This morning MW msged she can't stop thinking of me. I responded back the same. MW wants to continue as we figure things out and now says she's fine if I want to date others now. I ask to think about it. MW says she really loves me and doesn't want to lose me.

 

Okay, so you guys were right. At this point I know it's time to peel away emotionally, the writing is on the wall and I'm out of here emotionally regardless of what happens next.

 

I guess my next question is, do I play along and enjoy our time while dating others? Or completely call it quits? As mentioned earlier, I'm conflicted as I want to di both, leave and play along.

[betweenthesheets]

Just curious . . .

 

Does your AP have sex with her H?

 

I know you can't know for sure, but what does she tell you about that aspect of their M?

 

Apparently not from what she has told me. It's been at least 3 months since they have slept together, when I asked if he inquires or isn't interested she just says she pushes away or makes an excuse for no contact. MW claims she's tired after work and school to him and since she last told him she wasn't happy (due to her wanting to leave for me) H decided to take an air mattress to another room. I don't know if this is still the case, I haven't pryed that deeply, maybe I don't want to know, maybe because I don't have a way of verifying if what she's telling me is true or not, honestly they're married, I expect them to have some sort of contact, especially if he's wanting to work things out with her. I do know she's quite frustrated sexually, so maybe that's validation within itself but, anyhow that's what I've been told by her.

[BuddyX]

Face it, you're not going to listen to us. You're weak.

 

Just understand, she holds all the cards. She'll make the rules. It's funny how she tells you she doesn't mind you dating other woman, but yet got pissed off when you blocked her. She owns you my friend.

[betweenthesheets]

Face it, you're not going to listen to us. You're weak.

 

Just understand, she holds all the cards. She'll make the rules. It's funny how she tells you she doesn't mind you dating other woman, but yet got pissed off when you blocked her. She owns you my friend.

 

You're right, I am weak and you're right about the dynamic of the relationship.

[HadMeOverABarrel]

Got it. I cant reply from this address, but will from another, may need to check your junk mail if you dont my email in a minute.

 

Haven't forgotten you, sheets.

[betweenthesheets]

Haha, No problem Barrel! Hope all is well with you!

[HadMeOverABarrel]

no, don't indulge. trust me. it'll only get worse.

 

what you should do is meet Barrel! i'm still waiting for that story.

 

LOL!!! That's cute, Spidey. Poor Sheets is still very much wrapped up in her sheets--dazed and confused. I think MW gets a high off her success in the deception. Come on, Sheets! I'm rooting for you!

[betweenthesheets]

Thanks Barrel, this is really hard. Now that I see what's going on I can start untangling myself emotionally with her. Now I know that I need to walk away from her completely, even though I don't want to for the "goodies", it's the right thing to do, I hope I can do it.

 

Sorry for being so repetitive here, future posts will be on updates and answer questions if anyone has any.

[HadMeOverABarrel]

Thanks Barrel, this is really hard. Now that I see what's going on I can start untangling myself emotionally with her. Now I know that I need to walk away from her completely, even though I don't want to for the "goodies", it's the right thing to do, I hope I can do it.

 

Sorry for being so repetitive here, future posts will be on updates and answer questions if anyone has any.

 

It's ok to be repetitive. It is good to get it out in front of you. "Park it" here. It will help you see your thought processes in front of you. Repetitive thoughts show where you are hung up, where you need to untangle yourself most, where to put your focus to become healthier in this situation. Also good if others are able to authentically point this stuff out to you. When you see consensus in others, it will help you doubt yourself less. So many well meaning, good people here. Good luck, Sheets! I'm off to the races (my work day).

[betweenthesheets]

It's ok to be repetitive. It is good to get it out in front of you. "Park it" here. It will help you see your thought processes in front of you. Repetitive thoughts show where you are hung up, where you need to untangle yourself most, where to put your focus to become healthier in this situation. Also good if others are able to authentically point this stuff out to you. When you see consensus in others, it will help you doubt yourself less. So many well meaning, good people here. Good luck, Sheets! I'm off to the races (my work day).

 

I love your outlook and wisdom that you provide Barrel. Really, you're a very unique and special individual and I appreciate your inspiring and encouraging posts.

 

I hope you have a great day at work today Barrel!

[HadMeOverABarrel]

I love your outlook and wisdom that you provide Barrel. Really, you're a very unique and special individual and I appreciate your inspiring and encouraging posts.

 

I hope you have a great day at work today Barrel!

 

Awww, that's sweet. Thanks! See what a fool my xMM was for losing me? See what a fool I was to love him even though he didn't value, or probably even recognize, what he had? Don't be a fool, too, Sheets.

[betweenthesheets]

Yes, he most definitely was a fool Barrel.

 

I'm trying Barrel, I really am. She's convincing in her intent. No matter what I throw at her in questioning she convinces me she loves me and shes trying to leave her husband.

 

I dont know, it's one of those sucker bet gambles in life, do you risk love to go down as a fool even when the world is telling you that shes playing you and to run? Ugh.

[HadMeOverABarrel]

Yes, he most definitely was a fool Barrel.

 

I'm trying Barrel, I really am. She's convincing in her intent. No matter what I throw at her in questioning she convinces me she loves me and shes trying to leave her husband.

 

I dont know, it's one of those sucker bet gambles in life, do you risk love to go down as a fool even when the world is telling you that shes playing you and to run? Ugh.

 

What I've learned here is...

You don't risk yourself, and all that you are, on a bet that maybe someone values you as well or better than you should value yourself. You are reinforcing to her that she can treat you any which way and you will hang around lapping it up. You are reinforcing that everything is on her terms as if you don't have a say. Every moment you continue to participate in this is confirming to her her power over you, and she will feel like the stronger one. Women have a difficult time respecting men who they can easily manipulate.

 

If it really is love that she feels, she will respect you and love you more for putting your foot down. Respect and love are closely tied together. Putting your foot down is the only way you will know if she really loves you or if she's just jerking your chain. You have to be willing to lose to win sometimes. This is one of those times. Putting your foot down, you will win either because she will get herself together to have a real relationship with you, or you will spare yourself so much loss by seeing her for what she really is. Either of those scenarios makes you a winner. Her jerking you around, giving her more reward without effort, puts you in a losing position. Why will she change a thing when you've given her so little incentive to do so?

 

Remember your resolve from just a couple days ago. It's time for her to put up or shut up.

 

Speaking of sucker bet gambles... an analogy for you (because you are romanticizing the stinking pile of doodoo she's giving you like it's a bouquet of roses--sorry that's so blunt): Imagine you are in a casino standing in front of a card dealer who says if you play one hand, she guarantees you will instantly become a billionaire. You start to imagine living all your dreams. Meanwhile, hundreds of people walk by and tell you it's a lie. Everyone of them played and foolishly lost everything. What do you do? Learn from their many experiences or believe the fantasy and risk it all?

 

Don't you think that you love who you perceive her to be more than who she has shown herself to be? Look at how many people have posted on your thread to that effect. They can't all be wrong, can they?

 

She may be convincing in her intent but I think she's conniving in her heart.

Edited January 25, 2017 by HadMeOverABarrel

[betweenthesheets]

That was a brilliant analogy Barrel.

 

I saw her again today. I told her exactly how I felt, I explained her situation that her having an affair wasn't uncommon and undocumented and that its common for a the Married one to promise without intending to leave their spouse. I let it all out, I said that I knew she was manipulating me, playing me, I told her I wasn't a fool and I know what shes doing. I even said I dont even want to hear a response about her going to attempt to leave her husband anymore, that I knew she doesn't ever intend to. I told her that I knew she really wanted me as a side piece while she goes to her established comfortable apartment with her husband that shes content in living with and never intending to leave him for me. I told her I was pissed, because I asked her, and she lead me to believe all this time that she was leaving him, if she wanted me to just be her side piece that may have been possible without the lie about leaving the husband. I even told her that I considered after I realized she would never leave her husband to detach emotionally and just let her think shes playing me so I could continue to have my way with her as well, but I wasn't going to do that, that with what little honor I have left I wasnt going to do that to her husband.I said some other things too, It was harsh but the complete truth in how I was feeling about the situation after yesterday, lets just say I summed everything that I learned from the experience of those in this forum and how I felt about it to her.

 

So, she cries during this (I do comfort her) and says, she swears shes in love with me. She's not interesting in side affair, she wants to be with me and that's it. she cant leave her husband because he makes her feel extremely guilty, a down right horrible person when she has tried to leave. She noted that she has actually tried to leave him several times when she never has before since we've been seeing each other (I believe this to be true, because as mentioned in my OP, MW did tell her husband she was unhappy, I saw her the next day at work and it was all over her face that she was devastated, MW told me that day it hurt her deeply that she hurt him by telling him she was unhappy, even though she is.) she says she doesn't know what else she can say to me that accepting that I can date and be with her was her last way of saving me from leaving her and not holding me back.

 

This goes on for awhile, needless to say, damnit, I believe her, I really do. I know I'm going to get replies that she has me down where she wants me, and owns me, has me controlled, etc...etc... but I wish you guys could see it. This is my third time confronting her intentions and believing her. I can tell my "interrogations" as she calls it, are starting to weigh on her and therefore I know I have only two options here with conditions.

 

Leave her completely and lose the chance in having her (yes, I know many will reply that I never did or will)

 

Stay with her and begin dating (although she truly doesn't want me to, not sure how this will actually go down when I do start) but because I've exhausted the topic of the intent and leaving her husband, it will make me seem paranoid & overbearing if I bring up those topics again.

 

Cutting her out and going NC is the logical choice by far, this is way too complicated, way too risky, way too stressful when you look at it from the surface, but when you weigh in my true love for her and hers for me (which I believe is true, or at least shes very convincing) logic kind of gets well... blurry.

Edited January 25, 2017 by betweenthesheets

[HadMeOverABarrel]

That was a brilliant analogy Barrel.

 

I saw her again today. I told her exactly how I felt...

 

BRAVO FOR SPEAKING YOUR TRUTH! I still have things left unsaid to xMM and they haunt me. At least you accomplished this! Awesome! Now the ball is in her court...actions, not words. Sincere congrats.

[betweenthesheets]

Thanks Barrel! I think you will be the only one congratulating me here, heh! It took a lot but I had to say it!

 

We'll see what happenedes next.

[Poppy47]

At the end of my A, I realised that I was putting my entire life and well being into the hands of xMM.

 

He didn't have my best interests at heart. I believe he did things for me to earn brownie points for the future. He would do something nice if it suited him.

 

I am pretty much alone in the world. There were times when I desperately needed somebody to help me during illnesses, car accidents and personal crises. He was rarely there.

 

We should all be extremely careful about the type of person we trust with our well being and our hearts. Be sure that you can count on that person.

 

Poppy.

[betweenthesheets]

Wow, I'm very sad to hear that Poppy.

 

Dont give up, keep trying to find someone out there who you can trust and find love with. Sometimes we have to roll the hard six (BSG Quote) as we all know, that's clearly what I'm attempting to do.

[BluesPower]

Look, just bang her already. You are already having an affair, you might as well just have fun until you get her out of your system.

 

You know she is playing you and you still can't resist. She is under your skin so why not just have fun and date other women at the same time?

[betweenthesheets]

Look, just bang her already. You are already having an affair, you might as well just have fun until you get her out of your system.

 

You know she is playing you and you still can't resist. She is under your skin so why not just have fun and date other women at the same time?

 

As mentioned earlier, banging her is the final fiber of my morality that I have left before I started all of this, I know that may sound silly, but that's how I feel. I think I would feel much worse about the affair If I did.

 

Honestly, if she's serious about what she says she feels about me, I don't want to date other women.ugh, I know, you're shaking your head thinking wtf, it's okay part of me is too.

 

I don't know, one moment I think I she's playing me the next I think I know she's not, it's crazy man! I'm crazy and confused!

Edited January 25, 2017 by betweenthesheets

[HadMeOverABarrel]

Look, just bang her already. You are already having an affair, you might as well just have fun until you get her out of your system.

 

You know she is playing you and you still can't resist. She is under your skin so why not just have fun and date other women at the same time?

 

OP states he's hanging on to the thread of his integrity. I can relate to that. I think it's the last bit of power he has in the situation since she's pressuring him to give in, and I think subconsciously why he's holding out. As a woman, I see OP's MW as pressuring for that last physical act because it completes her seduction over him. Some women use sex like this as you know. I know most men can bang without attachment, but OP is already attached so I think he would fall further into the rabbit hole.

 

I'll admit, not proudly, that towards the end of my A, I changed my mind about banging xMM. I already knew he would carry on the A for as long as I let it go on (why wouldn't he with everything on his terms and BS none the wiser). I began to feel that if xMM crossed that line with me, there would be no going back on some level for him and that I would win. Like at least he'd be so addicted that some power would shift back my way (especially after talking explicitly about what we'd do to each other for a year). I never quite believed his lines about his little head wanted to bang me but his big head wouldn't let him do it because he couldn't give me everything in life.

 

Question needing male translation from the men here, please...

In the bolded part above, is this at all true for men? If so, under what circumstances?

In the italicized part above, what do you make of that comment?

 

Sorry if I've TJ'd.

[BuddyX]

"Moral fiber"? Why don't you tell her husband it's moral, and check his reaction.

I left my ExW over an EA. Whether they screwed or not, it's still cheating.

 

I can guarantee you will end up in a fetal position balling your eyes out when the sh*t hits the fan.

[HadMeOverABarrel]

"Moral fiber"? Why don't you tell her husband it's moral, and check his reaction.

I left my ExW over an EA. Whether they screwed or not, it's still cheating.

 

I can guarantee you will end up in a fetal position balling your eyes out when the sh*t hits the fan.

 

Buddy, do you mind weighing in on my post just above yours, please?

[BuddyX]

Buddy, do you mind weighing in on my post just above yours, please?

 

Agree. Once you go down that rabbit whole you're done. But you're already into deep.

 

You keep justifying her action with her comments (which are contradicting). At the end of the day, she goes back to her husband every night. Don't settle for sloppy seconds.

[jah526]

I am pretty much alone in the world. There were times when I desperately needed somebody to help me during illnesses, car accidents and personal crises. He was rarely there.

 

Makes you wonder how people can be so evil doesn't it? I'm kind of in the same boat. Very few people I can count on. These guys waltz in all sunshine and roses - mine actually said he would take care of me - but it's all lies. It's horrific how they can do that to vulnerable people.