I don't know

[maq1996]

Okay so a year and a half ago, once I started going to university, I became one of the most hyped guys in my department - probably because of my 'attitude', dressing style and most of all, because of my hair (it was long, and curly and silky). A lot of my seniors and batchmates started flirting with me and I got a girlfriend within the first two months. I broke up with her in about 4 months, but still, I was one of the most popular people where I studied (and am studying).

 

After the breakup, I began socializing more and more, and became frank with almost everyone in my class (they thought of me as someone who they shouldn't mess with, since I did not sugarcoat anything, I was straightforward, and to the point, and I have a kinda 'commanding' voice). As I became friendlier, my classmates became more and more intrusive and too friendly for my comfort. But I put up with it, I learned how to maitain my respect or whatever by distancing myself a little. A senior started talking to me, and she fell in love with me, and she's still there even though I've told her she's only a very good friend to me.

 

Then came the summer vacations and another senior I had a crush on started talking to me - I never ever initiate a convo or relationship, because I've had plenty of bad experiences. Anyway, we got pretty talkative - we used to talk every odd day. Our department went on a trip and my crush and I bonded pretty well. Other seniors started talking a lot to me too. Many were openly flirting.

 

Anyway, this went on for another couple of months, I was talking and flirting with more than 3-4 people at one time. And I got pretty close to my crush. Until I asked her out on a date; she did something that made me suspicious of her, that maybe she wasn't interested, she asked me to bring a friend along if I wanted, if I didn't she'd be fine with that. Anyway, I cancelled the plan and then we stopped talking, immediately. Haven't talked since.

 

The people I flirted with also fell out of the picture. One said idly, that she wouldn't really go on a date with me because she wasn't interested in me. And that made me stop everything.

 

I stopped socializing all at once. No chatting no nothing. No staying after classes. I didn't respond to messages - i received much fewer than a few months ago, before that. And I got off the radar. I strengthened my friendship with a guy from my class, and I was alone, but he was there for me, so was the senior who's in love with me. I was exhausted of this over-socialization as well. Very exhausted

 

Then when the juniors came, one of them came to me and said she liked me, we began talking in University daily. Until, I told her one of my male friends was noting that she talked to a lot of other guys too. I told her that I'd told him to shut the hell up. And then she stopped talking to me, when I asked her why, she told me she didn't want anybody to think like that about her. So she said she wouldn't socialize with any senior or junior guy even when I insisted that it was not a big deal. So I said ok.

 

And here's where I am, I've been ridiculed in the class and some other places for my outlandish opinions or argumentative points and viewpoints and over the top presentation styles. No one in my class admires me anymore, because of how many times I've been ridiculed. I started having a hair problem so I had to cut it really short. It's one of my most liked features, if not the most. And I stay alone most of the time now. To occupy myself, I've started watching a series and I read a novel in my free time during university hours.

 

And I feel as if I've exhausted all my opportunities to bond with others in a way that doesn't compromise whatever respect I have left. I feel as if no one flirts with me anymore, that no one wants to have me as a partner. I have no future here, I've destroyed all my bridges. I destroyed everything by breaking everything at once. I thought I was freeing myself, but I've really just caged myself I feel.

 

Can anyone help me figure this out?

Edited January 19, 2017 by maq1996

[mightycpa]

You're getting what we in the business call FEEDBACK. They're telling you that you're kind of an a$$h*le. At first, you were full of promise and everybody wanted to hitch onto your star. Then, as they got to know you and your reputation, everybody was like WHOA!

 

My guess is that you're socially tone deaf, and you come across as awkward, not smooth; maybe even arrogant. Think of it like being the Russell Brand of university. Looks and sounds cool at first, but the patina wears thin the more and more he's around, until finally, ugh!

 

Oh, this thing called feedback - in the business, we use it the same way a submarine pilot would use sonar to navigate around obstacles underwater. When we send something out, and it reflects back at us, we study the characteristics of the reflection, and plan our next move as is appropriate. Similarly, every time you open your mouth and say something, you need to study the audience's reaction...even if it is an audience of one. You know, facial expressions, tone of voice, level of interest, position of eyes, all that stuff. Those are sonar pings coming back at you. It sounds like you need to adjust your course.

[maq1996]

I'm not exactly an extroverted type, so I'm actually worse than Russell Brand lol. Anyway, how do I know what to do next? I'm completely lost... I used to have a code for conducting myself, but I can't remember that anymore... And I see my friends interacting with girls so easily, and I don't know what to do. I used to be much more popular, but now... It's all gone. This envy is seriously eating away at my self-esteem.

[preraph]

Well, you know, that which makes you stand out and get attention can also backfire on you.

 

Now you know that you might want to reconsider your "outlandish opinions," research them through reliable sources and not just go looking on the internet for someone who supports your views. And then also to stop going off about them. One mistake people in general always tend to make socially is they think if they like someone, that that person probably shares their views. This couldn't be further from the truth. Don't assume that. And realize these are college students who probably haven't lived long enough to have well informed views but usually are just having a social knee-jerk reaction and jumping on the bandwagon.

 

And the other thing is whatever your hair problem was, go to a good salon and solve it. Good luck.

[spiderowl]

There seems to have been a lot going on. It sounds like your confidence was dashed at some point. Can you identify exactly when that happened?