ShatteredLady Posted January 21, 2017 Share Posted January 21, 2017 I haven't exposed my husband's affairs (twice same woman) to anyone other than a couple of close friends & forum. If the OW had a partner I would have told him for the reasons I gave above. I remember my Mum saying how you can forgive BUT your loved ones will not. She said that when I was very young & it stuck. I went to hell & back. Any kind of support, in hindsight, would have been great. We are reconciling AND moved from the USA after 18 years to LIVE with my PARENTS!! Imagine the atmosphere if the knew what he'd put me through!?!? They think he's wonderful. I guess it's one of 'those' things. It's about what's best for you in your life. Link to post Share on other sites
Ahurtgirl Posted January 22, 2017 Share Posted January 22, 2017 Be careful of not contacting his affair partner or if she is married, her spouse. People all react differently, and many men have conseal and carry license now, so unless you want the possibility of an iriate ap's husband showing up at your house, who could potentially cause serious physical harm to your family (there are no rational thoughts during crimes of passion), it is safest to keep the AP family out of it. Let your husband be free and walk away, so he can pursue happiness. Yes, he really does love his AP but he will lie and tell you what he thinks you want to hear as damage control. My exAP clearly told me he loved me for over close to five years. He also told his wife he loves her. When his wife found out, it all changed in an instant because he was scared he would lose his kids. I feel sad for his wife because she really was only chosen because he didn't want to be away from his kids. He only tells his wife he loves her to stay with his kids and he is a pathological lier so he comes across very sincere. Your husband will beg to stay and cry but if he said he loved his AP, he really does love her. Link to post Share on other sites
BTDT2012 Posted January 23, 2017 Share Posted January 23, 2017 The OW will likely lie. I think you should let her husband know. Until and unless your husband addresses his issues and accepts full responsibility for his choice to have an affair, trying to reconcile is useless. See an attorney to determine your options. Affairs are fantasy, most of them wither when exposed to the light of day. Link to post Share on other sites
wmacbride Posted January 23, 2017 Share Posted January 23, 2017 Be careful of not contacting his affair partner or if she is married, her spouse. People all react differently, and many men have conseal and carry license now, so unless you want the possibility of an iriate ap's husband showing up at your house, who could potentially cause serious physical harm to your family (there are no rational thoughts during crimes of passion), it is safest to keep the AP family out of it. Let your husband be free and walk away, so he can pursue happiness. Yes, he really does love his AP but he will lie and tell you what he thinks you want to hear as damage control. My exAP clearly told me he loved me for over close to five years. He also told his wife he loves her. When his wife found out, it all changed in an instant because he was scared he would lose his kids. I feel sad for his wife because she really was only chosen because he didn't want to be away from his kids. He only tells his wife he loves her to stay with his kids and he is a pathological lier so he comes across very sincere. Your husband will beg to stay and cry but if he said he loved his AP, he really does love her. MM saying "I love you" to an ap is de riguer. It's often more than a selfish ploy to keep someone in their life. I also wonder if, during an A, a mm loves his wife, or for that matter, evn his kids. I question it in all three cases as you don't, with full knowledge of what you are doing, hurt someone you love. I always feel people cheat for a huge number of reasons, and love is not even in the top ten. op, I would suggest that you surround yourself with caring and supportive family and friends. If it's feasible, plan a night out with your most trusted friend and have a good talk. If you can swing it, book a hotel room together so you stretch out and be comfortable while you talk. Order up some room service and try and relax. Your best friend knows you well and can offer specific advice for you. One of the aspects of being a bs that I found awful was the feeling of a loss of control and direction in my life. Seeing a lawyer helped me, not because I necessarily wanted to divorce, but because it let me know where I stood and gave me something to hold on to. I would see a lawyer, and in your case, your obgyn. Even if it is difficult to talk about it, tell them what has been going on. Stress can be really bad for you when you are pregnant, and if your doctor knows about it, they may wish to monitor you a bit more closely and help you find ways of coping with the stress. Please keep in mind that one of this is your fault. . Nice how your husband is trying to blame you and his children for his cheating:rolleyes::rolleyes:. If having kids was such a strain on him, he should have carted his arse on down to the nearest medical clinic and told them to snip away. He didn't do that. Instead, he chose to get you pregnant while he was seeing another woman, which is irresponsible, immature and makes him either a moron or a jackass ( or both). One final thing, congratulations on your newest little on. I have three myself ( teenagers) and I remember the days when they small. There were days I couldn't wait for them to grow up, and days when I wanted them to be a newborn forever. As a mom with (soon to be) four small kids, you have an inner strength you may not even realize. You will get through this, and it will get better, no mater what your ws chooses to do 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ShatteredLady Posted January 23, 2017 Share Posted January 23, 2017 Be careful of not contacting his affair partner or if she is married, her spouse. People all react differently, and many men have conseal and carry license now, so unless you want the possibility of an iriate ap's husband showing up at your house, who could potentially cause serious physical harm to your family (there are no rational thoughts during crimes of passion), it is safest to keep the AP family out of it. Let your husband be free and walk away, so he can pursue happiness. Yes, he really does love his AP but he will lie and tell you what he thinks you want to hear as damage control. My exAP clearly told me he loved me for over close to five years. He also told his wife he loves her. When his wife found out, it all changed in an instant because he was scared he would lose his kids. I feel sad for his wife because she really was only chosen because he didn't want to be away from his kids. He only tells his wife he loves her to stay with his kids and he is a pathological lier so he comes across very sincere. Your husband will beg to stay and cry but if he said he loved his AP, he really does love her. This only holds true if you believe that a compulsive cheat is always honest to his mistresses & lies to everyone else! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jenkins95 Posted January 24, 2017 Share Posted January 24, 2017 (edited) This only holds true if you believe that a compulsive cheat is always honest to his mistresses & lies to everyone else! Not for the first time, you beat me to it SL! Great minds think alike! MMs (I was one, so I know!) lie to everyone - the wife, the OW, family, friends, work, even themselves, it goes hand in hand with living a double life. If ahurtgirl believes that Mr "pathological liar" magically turned into Mr honest exclusively with her, then that does seem a little naive. And it does come across as a little arrogant to say that he only stayed for the children. Did he tell you that? Must be true then No offence ahurtgirl - I really like most of your posts. This just leaped out at me a little bit and reminded me of some of my own bullsh*t back in the day Edited January 24, 2017 by jenkins95 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ShatteredLady Posted January 24, 2017 Share Posted January 24, 2017 Not for the first time, you beat me to it SL! Great minds think alike! MMs (I was one, so I know!) lie to everyone - the wife, the OW, family, friends, work, even themselves, it goes hand in hand with living a double life. If ahurtgirl believes that Mr "pathological liar" magically turned into Mr honest exclusively with her, then that does seem a little naive. And it does come across as a little arrogant to say that he only stayed for the children. Did he tell you that? Must be true then No offence ahurtgirl - I really like most of your posts. This just leaped out at me a little bit and reminded me of some of my own bullsh*t back in the day Sometimes all the lies we tell ourselves become the most damaging! A huge part of recovery for me is taking the blinkers off. Stare the truth straight in the eye by the cold light of day. Lies can be so fuzzy & warming for a while BUT don't hold onto them if you truly want to get passed this & find a real honest life in the future. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted January 24, 2017 Share Posted January 24, 2017 This only holds true if you believe that a compulsive cheat is always honest to his mistresses & lies to everyone else! Amen. My exAP clearly told me he loved me for over close to five years. He also told his wife he loves her. When his wife found out, it all changed in an instant because he was scared he would lose his kids. I feel sad for his wife because she really was only chosen because he didn't want to be away from his kids. At the same time he was telling you this, he was telling his wife you were "only sex, didn't mean anything"... Mr. Lucky 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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