Glenfiddich Posted January 20, 2017 Share Posted January 20, 2017 Hello First post but I've lurking for awhile and you guy's give great advice Here's my story I was with my ex girlfriend for almost 2 years, she left me abouth a month ago, she started seeing someone soon after. Since we've maybe every 4-5 days she says she loves me i'm the one who makes her happy and i'm the man of her life but her head is not there right and she's all mix up... After 5 days of not talking today i had a question that only her could answer, i text her the question she answer we exchange 7-8 text and i has my answer, i then ask her how she was her answe was fine. She then ask me how i was, i said i was busy but fine and then she started asking all kind of question about what i was doing and with whom i was doing it and that i must have alot of woman after me now that i'm single etc and she said she had to go and i know for a fact that she was with the other guy after. Is it just me but I find the question she ask weird? Any advice on what i should think about them? Link to post Share on other sites
Frozensushi Posted January 20, 2017 Share Posted January 20, 2017 Is it just me but I find the question she ask weird? Any advice on what i should think about them? She's stringing you along. Keeping you as an option. You need to go NC immediately or you will keep being strung along. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Glenfiddich Posted January 20, 2017 Author Share Posted January 20, 2017 Should i text her that im tired of her laughing at me and using me ? Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted January 20, 2017 Share Posted January 20, 2017 Should i text her that im tired of her laughing at me and using me ? NO. By doing that, you hand her power. Do not give that to her. She dumped you, she has moved on, tell her you wish her well, then go NC. Keep your dignity intact. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Glenfiddich Posted January 20, 2017 Author Share Posted January 20, 2017 We had a similar similar situation but not quite thesame at the biginning of our relationshi and at that time i lay it all on the table told her exactly how felt about what she was doing to me and to her, and that made her realise alot of things... Wondering how if it would work this time Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted January 20, 2017 Share Posted January 20, 2017 We had a similar similar situation but not quite thesame at the biginning of our relationshi and at that time i lay it all on the table told her exactly how felt about what she was doing to me and to her, and that made her realise alot of things... Wondering how if it would work this time Was there another man involved then too? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Glenfiddich Posted January 20, 2017 Author Share Posted January 20, 2017 There was.. it was when we first started seeing each other and she was talking about beeing exclusive and i found out she was seeig some one else which made me mad becaise she was the one talking about exclusivity Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted January 20, 2017 Share Posted January 20, 2017 There was.. it was when we first started seeing each other and she was talking about beeing exclusive and i found out she was seeig some one else which made me mad becaise she was the one talking about exclusivity So what the heck do you want her back for? She's clearly not committed to you. She's playing with your feelings and trying to keep you as a back-up (again) in case this (second) "other guy" doesn't work out (again) Do you not see the pattern here, OP? Surely you can do better and find a girl who values you more than this. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Glenfiddich Posted January 20, 2017 Author Share Posted January 20, 2017 (edited) There is plenty of reason why. I do see it now, and i know you're right when she did these things we were nottogether.. and i know what a rebound is. But i agree with what you said... i'm just debating if a text telling her how i feel about her game and her lying would give me satisfaction that she would at least know how i feel Edited January 20, 2017 by Glenfiddich Link to post Share on other sites
keiji Posted January 20, 2017 Share Posted January 20, 2017 There is plenty of reason why. I do see it now, and i know you're right when she did these things we were nottogether.. and i know what a rebound is. But i agree with what you said... i'm just debating if a text telling her how i feel about her game and her lying would give me satisfaction that she would at least know how i feel Those messages aren't perceived as we intend unfortunately. I've made that mistake in the past and in hindsight, I feel incredibly embarrassed. You may think you can make her change her mind if you open your chest in a text message, but it won't happen. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Glenfiddich Posted January 20, 2017 Author Share Posted January 20, 2017 Keiji what you wrote make sense, the would not be specifically to try and make her change her mind but more so she know's i'm tired of all this Link to post Share on other sites
keiji Posted January 20, 2017 Share Posted January 20, 2017 I think the best way to let her know is by keeping silent. Your self-esteem will be grateful in the mid-long term. I sent one of those messages last year and I wish I hadn't. And deep down, even if I didn't know then, I was expecting a reaction. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Nadine123 Posted January 20, 2017 Share Posted January 20, 2017 silence works magic. trust me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SerPundnes Posted January 20, 2017 Share Posted January 20, 2017 Liker others here have said: keep your distance. Let the ex feel the loss of you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Glenfiddich Posted January 20, 2017 Author Share Posted January 20, 2017 Thanks everyone, it's so easy to say but so hatd to do... How long do you guys suggest for nc? I read so many different things from never contact her first, never contact her for at least 21-30 or 60 days, or if she is seeing someone contact her after 2 weeks How do you guys do it? Link to post Share on other sites
keiji Posted January 20, 2017 Share Posted January 20, 2017 Thanks everyone, it's so easy to say but so hatd to do... How long do you guys suggest for nc? I read so many different things from never contact her first, never contact her for at least 21-30 or 60 days, or if she is seeing someone contact her after 2 weeks How do you guys do it? You're planning on initiating NC to get her back. That's not its purpose. You need to understand that while you keep talking to her, you won't heal, you'll appear needy and your self-esteem will reach historic lows. If this is a ruse to get her back "forcing" her to miss you, nothing good is going to come out of it. Don't believe those Internet gurus that guarantee she'll be begging to get back together if you keep NC for 30 days. It may happen, it may not. Most of the time, it doesn't. They left for a reason. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Glenfiddich Posted January 21, 2017 Author Share Posted January 21, 2017 Thanks Keiji Link to post Share on other sites
dumbass2 Posted January 21, 2017 Share Posted January 21, 2017 Hey Op, NC really works best to help get over the raw emotions of the relationship. Your ex doesn't want that same relationship back. It didn't work for her. Not being in contact will help you to heal from that and what you should be doing is thinking about what you can work on from that relationship to help you be the best you can in your next relationship, with whoever that may be. Don't work on things specifically that you think your ex would want. If they are also things that will help you with anyone else, then fine. There is nothing to say that you and your ex might be able to be in contact down the road and who knows what might happen then. Your heart is in charge right now and in time your logic will take charge and that is when you will make the best decisions for yourself in regards to her or the next one you meet. Link to post Share on other sites
jamili Posted January 21, 2017 Share Posted January 21, 2017 You're planning on initiating NC to get her back. That's not its purpose. You need to understand that while you keep talking to her, you won't heal, you'll appear needy and your self-esteem will reach historic lows. If this is a ruse to get her back "forcing" her to miss you, nothing good is going to come out of it. Don't believe those Internet gurus that guarantee she'll be begging to get back together if you keep NC for 30 days. It may happen, it may not. Most of the time, it doesn't. They left for a reason. Despite what the internet gurus say, if you read up on any real-world stories of exes coming back, it's usually a result of NC "forever" until they contact you first, if that ever happens. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 21, 2017 Share Posted January 21, 2017 Hello First post but I've lurking for awhile and you guy's give great advice Here's my story I was with my ex girlfriend for almost 2 years, she left me abouth a month ago, she started seeing someone soon after. Since we've maybe every 4-5 days she says she loves me i'm the one who makes her happy and i'm the man of her life but her head is not there right and she's all mix up... After 5 days of not talking today i had a question that only her could answer, i text her the question she answer we exchange 7-8 text and i has my answer, i then ask her how she was her answe was fine. She then ask me how i was, i said i was busy but fine and then she started asking all kind of question about what i was doing and with whom i was doing it and that i must have alot of woman after me now that i'm single etc and she said she had to go and i know for a fact that she was with the other guy after. Is it just me but I find the question she ask weird? Any advice on what i should think about them? Encouraging you dating other women means she is fine with just being friends and nothing more with you. Not good for your purposes. Sorry. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Glenfiddich Posted January 23, 2017 Author Share Posted January 23, 2017 (edited) Short story Ex girlfriend left me approx a month ago after we've been together for 1year and a half, very soon after she stared seeing/dating the guy she was seeing before me - She tells me she does not want to lose me - She tells me i'm the men of her of her life but her head is not there anymore - I ask her if she's happy she tells me she does not know - I ask her if she was happy with me she says it's the only time in her life she was really happy - i ask her what she needs to be happy she she says she does not know - i ask her if i vanish from her life and let her be with this guy would that help to be happy, answer is i dont know what to say - i ask her if she loves me she says she does and wil always - she still has me on fb and she didn't add the other guy I know i need to do no contact but i find it very hard we dont talk every day but i would say maybe every 4-5 days since we broke up Ladies can you help me understand or if there's nothing to understand let me know Thanka Edited January 23, 2017 by Glenfiddich Link to post Share on other sites
jamili Posted January 23, 2017 Share Posted January 23, 2017 Short story Ex girlfriend left me approx a month ago after we've been together for 1year and a half, very soon after she stared seeing/dating the guy she was seeing before me - She tells me she does not want to lose me - She tells me i'm the men of her of her life but her head is not there anymore - I ask her if she's happy she tells me she does not know - I ask her if she was happy with me she says it's the only time in her life she was really happy - i ask her what she needs to be happy she she says she does not know - i ask her if i vanish from her life and let her be with this guy would that help to be happy, answer is i dont know what to say - i ask her if she loves me she says she does and wil always - she still has me on fb and she didn't add the other guy I know i need to do no contact but i find it very hard we dont talk every day but i would say maybe every 4-5 days since we broke up Ladies can you help me understand or if there's nothing to understand let me know Thanka Not a lady... But I think I speak for everyone on this site when i say you are getting the doormat treatment pretty hard right now. You need to disregard every single thing she said to you that you are questioning, and disappear - or risk losing all self respect, her respect, her attraction to you and any chance you have of getting her back. You should go hard NC asap. Move on with your life, cut her out of it COMPLETELY. She needs to feel the loss of you. Right now, she is feeling no such loss. She is seeing her ex and you are still there and she knows it, so it will likely make her lose even more attraction to you and make it that much easier to move onto this other guy. If you want her to miss you at all or ever possibly consider being with you again you need to evaporate from her life and move on. Be a man, not a doormat. You are just making her more and more unattracted to you the longer you stay in contact. She sees no value in you and you are showing her that you have low value. NC asap imo Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted January 23, 2017 Share Posted January 23, 2017 You're plan B in case things with this other guy don't work out. We don't let go of men that we are really into. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Spider Posted January 23, 2017 Share Posted January 23, 2017 She saying those things to keep you as option B, as expat said. If she wanted to be with you should would. She may be unsure of where things are headed where she wants them to with guy she's with, but I have been a dumper a few times and when I said "I don't know" it was never true... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Glenfiddich Posted January 23, 2017 Author Share Posted January 23, 2017 Thanks for the replies I know I need to go NC it's been 3 days since we last talk and I don't plan on communicating with her soon I know I'm hurting alot less then i was the pass few weeks and thing should only get better Should i keep her on fb without talking to her? Just so sees what i am up to and make her think that she could be doing these things with me? Do I go nc until i know im good, and then find a reason to contact her without talking about us? Link to post Share on other sites
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