Dumped in the cruelest of ways ...upset.

[LurkerXX]

Well you could give him space and see if he comes back to you....or you could move on. I highly recommend the second; someone who disappears on you rather than telling you what is going on, whether being angry or wanting to break-up, is NOT worth your time.

 

Right now you are reeling and trying to find explanations, and some are leading back to what you might have done...get through this and let it pass. Losangelena is right that a relationship worth the effort will not be one where you have to be walking on eggshells to avoid doing the wrong thing that could trigger this extreme disrespect....which it is..it is. He is a coward.

 

I've been there; you'll get through it, and will probably have an angry phase before you do.

Edited January 1, 2017 by LurkerXX

[Louisesarah]

Well you could give him space and see if he comes back to you....or you could move on. I highly recommend the second; someone who disappears on you rather than telling you what is going on, whether being angry or wanting to break-up, is NOT worth your time.

 

Right now you are reeling and trying to find explanations, and some are leading back to what you might have done...get through this and let it pass. Losangelena is right that a relationship worth the effort will not be one where you have to be walking on eggshells to avoid doing the wrong thing that could trigger this extreme disrespect....which it is..it is. He is a coward.

 

I've been there; you'll get through it, and will probably have an angry phase before you do.

 

It has been disrespectful hasn't it?

Bare In mind we spoke daily for 4 months,shared a bed with him.

I feel like a fool

If he had just said I want to end it ..but to do this has sucked my self esteem and confidence

I feel like something he stood on

[ExpatInItaly]

No ..well he just rents a room at a friends place.

 

Are you sure this roommate of his isn't a girlfriend?

[Louisesarah]

Are you sure this roommate of his isn't a girlfriend?

 

No deffo not,he added me to his Facebook and tagged us in meals out and she liked and commented etc

Although he never told me at this point he rented a room from her

[Louisesarah]

Do I send a final message just asking what went wrong?

Just say I'm confused what happened between us,it's clear you don't want to continue it but for my peace of mind can you tell me what happened ?

[basil67]

Louisesarah, I've got a different perspective for you.

 

Social media HNY messages are nothing more than mass spamming from friends. Perhaps he's got an inbox full and can't be bothered replying to them all. If you want a reply to a message, DON'T send it at a time when everyone is sending them.

[losangelena]

Do I send a final message just asking what went wrong?

Just say I'm confused what happened between us,it's clear you don't want to continue it but for my peace of mind can you tell me what happened ?

 

No. Do not.

 

What probability to you think there is that he'll give you a satisfying answer? I'd put it at less than 10%. And can you imagine how bad you'll feel when you ask and don't get a reply? Pretty terrible.

 

OP, this is hard and sucky, everything you're feeling, but it's really time to stop looking to him for answers. He won't satisfy your curiousity.

 

Just stop. For your sanity and self-respect.

[Louisesarah]

Louisesarah, I've got a different perspective for you.

 

Social media HNY messages are nothing more than mass spamming from friends. Perhaps he's got an inbox full and can't be bothered replying to them all. If you want a reply to a message, DON'T send it at a time when everyone is sending them.

 

I sent it as a snapchat message,which he opened and began to type but never sent anything.

Maybe starterd saying HNY then decided not too bother

[Louisesarah]

No. Do not.

 

What probability to you think there is that he'll give you a satisfying answer? I'd put it at less than 10%. And can you imagine how bad you'll feel when you ask and don't get a reply? Pretty terrible.

 

OP, this is hard and sucky, everything you're feeling, but it's really time to stop looking to him for answers. He won't satisfy your curiousity.

 

Just stop. For your sanity and self-respect.

 

I'm just struggling ..4 weeks ago we were walking round holding hands,kissing,believing he was totally into me ..

For the past two weeks he looked at every snapchat but since I snap chatted him HNY he hasn't viewed any ..he has been on top as he snap chatted pics with his friends in a pub

[ExpatInItaly]

No, don't send him anymore messages.

 

Your closure will come from you, and you probably won't get a satisfactory answer out of him anyway...if you even get a reply at all.

[Scarlett.O'hara]

I know you are hurting but try to think with your head, not with your heart.

 

This guy has some major flaws; poor communication skills, lack of maturity, and worst of all, he doesn't appear to have any consideration for your feelings.

 

Those characteristics are the last thing you should want in a potential boyfriend. These should be deal breakers for anyone.

 

If he was upset or angry about something, why wouldn't he just tell you that or ask for some space, or even just come out and say that things aren't working and end it.

 

The fact that he is still looking at your social media posts sounds like passive aggressive games that is as vindictive as it is selfish. They aren't the actions of someone worthy of your time.

 

You teach people how to treat you, and right now he thinks you will put up with anything just to get his attention. It must be a huge rub to his ego, but what about you? How is this making you feel about yourself? You are internalizing all the blame here, but should you?

 

Even if there were once nice points to the relationship, it is now negatively impacting you in a way that must be outweighing the good.

 

My advice, value yourself more and let this guy go.

[Louisesarah]

I know you are hurting but try to think with your head, not with your heart.

 

This guy has some major flaws; poor communication skills, lack of maturity, and worst of all, he doesn't appear to have any consideration for your feelings.

 

Those characteristics are the last thing you should want in a potential boyfriend. These should be deal breakers for anyone.

 

If he was upset or angry about something, why wouldn't he just tell you that or ask for some space, or even just come out and say that things aren't working and end it.

 

The fact that he is still looking at your social media posts sounds like passive aggressive games that is as vindictive as it is selfish. They aren't the actions of someone worthy of your time.

 

You teach people how to treat you, and right now he thinks you will put up with anything just to get his attention. It must be a huge rub to his ego, but what about you? How is this making you feel about yourself? You are internalizing all the blame here, but should you?

 

Even if there were once nice points to the relationship, it is now negatively impacting you in a way that must be outweighing the good.

 

My advice, value yourself more and let this guy go.

 

Well I didn't have much confidence before him and now it's at a all time low.

He is probably getting a major ego boost from me chasing him.

 

Maybe the guy at first was an act,maybe this is the real him and this is how he treats women.

 

Stupidly I keep thinking of nice things he did and said..torturing myself basically.

[Blanco]

Skimming your other threads, I'm reminded of the adage, "Those who fail to learn from history are doomed to repeat it."

 

Instead of following the same pattern from your other threads of asking why someone is acting a certain way, I think it would benefit you more to ask why you don't value yourself more to let go of people who do not value you.

[Louisesarah]

I'm just left with this horrible feeling again of bring worthless.

I hate not knowing why things went the way they did,he said he had never felt how he did about me so early on..where did that go and why?

What did I do to make him not want me?

I wish I knew

Up in till yesterday he was looking at my snapchats.

Now since I snap chatted him HNY he hasn't looked at them.

[basil67]

I'm just left with this horrible feeling again of bring worthless.

I hate not knowing why things went the way they did,he said he had never felt how he did about me so early on..where did that go and why?

What did I do to make him not want me?

I wish I knew

Up in till yesterday he was looking at my snapchats.

Now since I snap chatted him HNY he hasn't looked at them.

 

Ok, so let's try and figure out what went wrong. Tell us about the relationship: Did the two of you get on really well? Spend lots of time together? Sort out issues without fighting? You were both liked by the partner's friends and family?

 

Or would you say the relationship had it's ups and downs? Were there issues with jealousy or one of you telling the other that their needs weren't getting met? Was either of you carrying baggage from previous relationships?

[Louisesarah]

Ok, so let's try and figure out what went wrong. Tell us about the relationship: Did the two of you get on really well? Spend lots of time together? Sort out issues without fighting? You were both liked by the partner's friends and family?

 

Or would you say the relationship had it's ups and downs? Were there issues with jealousy or one of you telling the other that their needs weren't getting met? Was either of you carrying baggage from previous relationships?

 

We got on well,talked on the phone daily,up until the 2nd week in December,his mum was in hospital and he was stressed with work,he started being distant.

I seen him twice a week but text every day,he would text morning etc then continue talking through the day

We never had any disagreements.

Not until the night before he said he was coming over to stay on the Thursday.

Got to the Thursday he never spoke,then I text asking him what his plans were and he said just going to chill out.

It was obvious he didn't want to drive an hour to see me.

A few days earlier he told me he was still interested in me but had a lot going on.

After out disagreement he changed,bad temper and attitude because he said I should understand.

I apologised and asked if he wanted this to continue ..he said to me you tell me your the one who went in a huff.

I said I wanted to continue and he waited 19 hours and text ok.

I tried calling him no answer ....then the next day he rang me back..I missed his call,rang him back and never answered so I text saying "sorry missed your call you ok" and never heard anything back

[Louisesarah]

I've decided to send this message ..does it sound okay.

 

Think it's best I remove you from here because I've ended up feeling like a massive idiot /stalker.

I understand you are not interested anymore and that's fine but after months of speaking it would of been nice if you had the decency to just tell me rather than blank me,it's not the nicest of things to do to someone,I would of understood.

Instead you've made me feel like an idiot

But it is what it is..I don't expect you to reply,seems you aren't very good with those...

Good luck for the future

[Blanco]

Not necessary. Comes off as passive aggressive. You don't need to say goodbye to someone who's already disappeared on you.

[Miss Clavel]

I wish it was that simple.

I still have feelings for him.

Wish he would speak to me.

there is a saying that is as old as i am, "don't go away mad, just go away".

 

sorry. there it is.

[basil67]

We got on well,talked on the phone daily,up until the 2nd week in December,his mum was in hospital and he was stressed with work,he started being distant.

I seen him twice a week but text every day,he would text morning etc then continue talking through the day

We never had any disagreements.

Not until the night before he said he was coming over to stay on the Thursday.

Got to the Thursday he never spoke,then I text asking him what his plans were and he said just going to chill out.

It was obvious he didn't want to drive an hour to see me.

A few days earlier he told me he was still interested in me but had a lot going on.

After out disagreement he changed,bad temper and attitude because he said I should understand.

I apologised and asked if he wanted this to continue ..he said to me you tell me your the one who went in a huff.

I said I wanted to continue and he waited 19 hours and text ok.

I tried calling him no answer ....then the next day he rang me back..I missed his call,rang him back and never answered so I text saying "sorry missed your call you ok" and never heard anything back

 

OK, so this disagreement the two of you had...and you going off in a huff....were there any bad words spoken between you? Were you wanting more of him than he could give?

[Louisesarah]

I've decided to send this message ..does it sound okay.

 

Think it's best I remove you from here because I've ended up feeling like a massive idiot /stalker.

I understand you are not interested anymore and that's fine but after months of speaking it would of been nice if you had the decency to just tell me rather than blank me,it's not the nicest of things to do to someone,I would of understood.

Instead you've made me feel like an idiot

But it is what it is..I don't expect you to reply,seems you aren't very good with those...

Good luck for the future

 

I said I wanted to see him more than once a week ,after he said he had a lot on with his mum I said I understood and was sorry for being silly

Then I apologised again ..

He ignored my HNY message ..well started writing a message then didn't send it but today he has been on my snapchat and viewed all 10 of my recent updates ..

[basil67]

I said I wanted to see him more than once a week ,after he said he had a lot on with his mum I said I understood and was sorry for being silly

Then I apologised again ..

.

 

So what was this about you going off in a huff?

[Louisesarah]

So what was this about you going off in a huff?

 

He hadn't seen me for a week,the night before he said he was coming over ..got to the day and he never spoke then pretended he finished work 2 hours later but he was on Facebook the whole time..

So I basically said look I'm fed up of this,if your not interested in me find someone you can be bothered to see

He responded I've got a lot going on,thought u would understand..never mind

That's when I apologised but he never responded

[basil67]

I've decided to send this message ..does it sound okay.

 

Think it's best I remove you from here because I've ended up feeling like a massive idiot /stalker.

I understand you are not interested anymore and that's fine but after months of speaking it would of been nice if you had the decency to just tell me rather than blank me,it's not the nicest of things to do to someone,I would of understood.

Instead you've made me feel like an idiot

But it is what it is..I don't expect you to reply,seems you aren't very good with those...

Good luck for the future

 

Don't sent it. It's very catty and undignified.

[basil67]

He hadn't seen me for a week,the night before he said he was coming over ..got to the day and he never spoke then pretended he finished work 2 hours later but he was on Facebook the whole time..

So I basically said look I'm fed up of this,if your not interested in me find someone you can be bothered to see.

 

And there we have the reason he left! Instead of discussing how you felt calmly, you told him in no uncertain terms to go find someone else. You were using beak up words.

 

Yes, I realise you apologised, but you can't unring a bell. This is simply not how we speak to a person we care about. He had enough on his plate without dealing with this type of attitude.

 

Is there any reason you didn't say something like "I really miss seeing you"?

Edited January 2, 2017 by basil67