Author Louisesarah Posted January 2, 2017 Author Share Posted January 2, 2017 Just blocked him on Facebook and snap chat 5 Link to post Share on other sites
salem mark Posted January 2, 2017 Share Posted January 2, 2017 dont chase someone who has made it clear that he doesnt want u 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 2, 2017 Share Posted January 2, 2017 I had previously said I would love to spend more time with you,I enjoy your company,we don't always have to go out just come over and watch a movie together..he agreed and said he would come over after football on the Tuesday. Got to Tuesday and he never mentioned it and just said he had a bad day so I said have a nice relaxing night in the house and put your feet up ..then the Thursday happend ..all he ever wanted to do was lie in his bed on Facebook.. All I wanted was to see him a little more The last time he was over mine he sat on his phone all night,I said to him I wouldn't mind a cuddle and he said "oooh I don't do clingy women" Excellent: further delving into the issues. You weren't happy in the relationship and he wasn't prepared to make the changes you needed. The answers you seek are all here. There's no mystery. Yes, a final goodbye would have been nice, but as you'd already uttered the fateful words, it was not really required. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 2, 2017 Share Posted January 2, 2017 So between Monday and Thursday he went off me? If that's the case how do I make him into me again? No, he went off you way before that. From what I gather, the problems with spending sufficient time together were happening far longer than just four days. He was not motivated to see you, spent all day lazing around with social media. You'd raised concerns but he didn't care enough to change. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 2, 2017 Share Posted January 2, 2017 If that's the case how do I make him into me again? I forgot to address this. He wasn't meeting your needs in the relationship. You were unhappy. Why do you want to return to this? Do you not believe you can do better? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Scarlett.O'hara Posted January 3, 2017 Share Posted January 3, 2017 Just blocked him on Facebook and snap chat Good on you for laying down some boundaries and taking some control back. I'm sure it was tough, but it was the right thing to do. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Louisesarah Posted January 3, 2017 Author Share Posted January 3, 2017 If you remember me from my other thread,dated him for 4 months then he disappeared after a disagreement but still watches my snapchat Anyway I've just messaged him asking for a explanation..probably shouldn't of but I had to know why Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted January 3, 2017 Share Posted January 3, 2017 If you remember me from my other thread,dated him for 4 months then he disappeared after a disagreement but still watches my snapchat Anyway I've just messaged him asking for a explanation..probably shouldn't of but I had to know why When people show you who they are, believe them. If someone is acting a fool, why are you expecting integrity? Had to know why? He doesn't give two craps about what you need. Why can't you see that? Again, focus on your issues, and you won't be chasing men for validation. This isn't about him anymore. This is all you. Instead of saying to yourself that he's the one with the problem, you're internalizing his behavior and making it about you. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Taramere Posted January 3, 2017 Share Posted January 3, 2017 Anyway I've just messaged him asking for a explanation..probably shouldn't of but I had to know why Well, he probably won't tell you why. If you don't get a response to your question, or get a response that's more or less insulting in its half-arsedness, you'll be able to let this one lie and desist from contacting him again? Link to post Share on other sites
IfonlyIknew Posted January 3, 2017 Share Posted January 3, 2017 I doubt he responds.. they usually aren't ready and when they are they come back on their own terms after the dust settles. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Louisesarah Posted January 3, 2017 Author Share Posted January 3, 2017 This has been my first contact message. The message he ignored was after he called me and I text asking did you ring? As I was in work. I wasn't nasty I just said Hi hope you don't mind me messaging you,it's up to you if you want to respond I just wanted to know if you could give me a explanation what's went wrong with us? I don't want a argument,I just want to rest my mind. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Louisesarah Posted January 3, 2017 Author Share Posted January 3, 2017 When people show you who they are, believe them. If someone is acting a fool, why are you expecting integrity? Had to know why? He doesn't give two craps about what you need. Why can't you see that? Again, focus on your issues, and you won't be chasing men for validation. This isn't about him anymore. This is all you. Instead of saying to yourself that he's the one with the problem, you're internalizing his behavior and making it about you. Maybe this is about my self esteem now but I know the person I am at the moment and I would drive myself crazy wondering, Link to post Share on other sites
Blanco Posted January 3, 2017 Share Posted January 3, 2017 You understand blocking them is pointless if you send them messages, right? You need to get a grip. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Taramere Posted January 3, 2017 Share Posted January 3, 2017 This has been my first contact message. The message he ignored was after he called me and I text asking did you ring? As I was in work. I wasn't nasty I just said Hi hope you don't mind me messaging you,it's up to you if you want to respond I just wanted to know if you could give me a explanation what's went wrong with us? I don't want a argument,I just want to rest my mind. Yeah well....I would say you've asked a perfectly valid and civilised question relating to what is pretty immature and rude behaviour on his part (ie "ghosting). If there's any semblance of him that would one day like to conduct himself like an adult male, as opposed to a 30 something man in a 15 year old boy's body, he'll probably try to respond in an appropriately mature and polite manner. Unfortunately, I wouldn't hold my breath for it. But yeah...it seems a fair enough question to ask under the circumstances. I think I'd have done the same thing. Not because I would particularly expect it to elicit any positive reaction, but because it tidies things up. You can walk away knowing that you took a reasonably polite and direct approach in offering somebody an opportunity to explain a rather unfortunate piece of behaviour. But I do hope that you'll be able to leave it there and not attempt to make contact with him again unless he miraculously comes up with some plausible and non-insulting, non-disrespectful explanation for ghosting you like that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Louisesarah Posted January 3, 2017 Author Share Posted January 3, 2017 You understand blocking them is pointless if you send them messages, right? You need to get a grip. Telling me to get a grip is a bit unfair,i don't like how I was treated and I feel he should explain ..I don't wana argue with him I just want to know what happened Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted January 3, 2017 Share Posted January 3, 2017 If you remember me from my other thread,dated him for 4 months then he disappeared after a disagreement but still watches my snapchat Anyway I've just messaged him asking for a explanation..probably shouldn't of but I had to know why When you chase a man that ghosts you, all you are doing is showing him that you have no boundaries and, he will treat you like a doormat. And, given your inability to make boundaries for yourself, I think you are setting yourself up to be fed some lines that he might use to reel you back in knowing you might allow yourself to be a doormat. What he did would be unacceptable to a strong, secure, independent woman who would not even give a cr*p about why he did what he did. He doesn't/didn't care enough about you to end things like a man -- which says he isn't much of a man and so his opinion or reasons shouldn't mean much either. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Louisesarah Posted January 3, 2017 Author Share Posted January 3, 2017 Yeah well....I would say you've asked a perfectly valid and civilised question relating to what is pretty immature and rude behaviour on his part (ie "ghosting). If there's any semblance of him that would one day like to conduct himself like an adult male, as opposed to a 30 something man in a 15 year old boy's body, he'll probably try to respond in an appropriately mature and polite manner. Unfortunately, I wouldn't hold my breath for it. But yeah...it seems a fair enough question to ask under the circumstances. I think I'd have done the same thing. Not because I would particularly expect it to elicit any positive reaction, but because it tidies things up. You can walk away knowing that you took a reasonably polite and direct approach in offering somebody an opportunity to explain a rather unfortunate piece of behaviour. But I do hope that you'll be able to leave it there and not attempt to make contact with him again unless he miraculously comes up with some plausible and non-insulting, non-disrespectful explanation for ghosting you like that. That will be me done with trying for a explanation. I know he owes me nothing but as two people who got close it would be kind of him if he told me why. Even if it was a "my feelings changed" It's the constant hamster in my brain. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted January 3, 2017 Share Posted January 3, 2017 Maybe this is about my self esteem now but I know the person I am at the moment and I would drive myself crazy wondering, And that is something you need to control. It's not his responsibility to do that for you. When someone is showing your negative behavior, you don't turn to them to comfort you or to provide you with clarity. They're showing you that this is all they're capable of and you grasp and embrace it. You accept that this isn't about you. Even if he told you, would it be the truth? There could be a completely different reasoning for him ghosting. What you should saying to yourself is that this is not what you deserve in your life regardless of what his explanation may be and that you do not want to engage someone who does not respect or value you enough to grant you decency. If they were able to communicate in a positive manner, you wouldn't be where you are. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Louisesarah Posted January 3, 2017 Author Share Posted January 3, 2017 When you chase a man that ghosts you, all you are doing is showing him that you have no boundaries and, he will treat you like a doormat. And, given your inability to make boundaries for yourself, I think you are setting yourself up to be fed some lines that he might use to reel you back in knowing you might allow yourself to be a doormat. What he did would be unacceptable to a strong, secure, independent woman who would not even give a cr*p about why he did what he did. He doesn't/didn't care enough about you to end things like a man -- which says he isn't much of a man and so his opinion or reasons shouldn't mean much either. I understand what your saying. Il not lie I'm not a strong woman,I take medication for depression called sertraline (not sure if you've heard of it) I've been in a bad place for a while now. I'm trying to get myself better tho,I'm having CBT. I know I'm a pathetic person chasing him,I just need to know why just so I know Link to post Share on other sites
Blanco Posted January 3, 2017 Share Posted January 3, 2017 Telling me to get a grip is a bit unfair,i don't like how I was treated and I feel he should explain ..I don't wana argue with him I just want to know what happened No, it's not unfair. You had a thread that got more than 100 replies in less than 48 hours and you still went ahead and did what you wanted to, anyway. The guy sounds like a disaster, but for some reason, you still think it's somehow about you or that an explanation from this joker is going to make you feel any better. Any response you get from him, positive or negative, is likely to just make you dig in deeper and remain attached to him, when you need to be doing what you can do detach from him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted January 3, 2017 Share Posted January 3, 2017 I'm trying to get myself better tho,I'm having CBT. If you're investing in ways to help yourself, then it would be best to stop engaging in situations that only keep triggering what you're trying to fix. I know I'm a pathetic person chasing him,I just need to know why just so I know You want to be validated by him. Your ego is hurt. You feel abandoned. We get it. Instead of trying to know why he ghosted you, best to focus on why and how to work through your anxiety and depression. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Taramere Posted January 3, 2017 Share Posted January 3, 2017 I understand what your saying. Il not lie I'm not a strong woman,I take medication for depression called sertraline (not sure if you've heard of it) I've been in a bad place for a while now. I'm trying to get myself better tho,I'm having CBT. I know I'm a pathetic person chasing him,I just need to know why just so I know Look, don't take the advice you're getting here too much to heart. A lot of what goes on here, under the guise of advice giving, is really about people convincing themselves that they've got their own **** well and truly together...and doing it at the expense of poor sods who are going through a bit of a difficult time. There are endless threads on here about the games people play in dating, power play folks get involved in, how to have the upper hand and all of that crap. I'm going to say it again. I don't think that asking somebody you've been seeing for 4 months why they've suddenly dropped you is a pathetic act. I think it's a fair question to ask. Albeit, one that might not get a fair or mature response...but that's down to him and not you. And suffering from depression does not make you weak, or pathetic or any of that. I think you're to be congratulated for taking the right steps to get treatment for it...and I hope you start to feel better with that treatment, and that this guy's poor behaviour will not be too much of a setback for you. Hugs and best wishes, and I promise you that you are stronger than you think. Or are being encouraged to think you are. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LargoLagg Posted January 3, 2017 Share Posted January 3, 2017 Telling me to get a grip is a bit unfair,i don't like how I was treated and I feel he should explain ..I don't wana argue with him I just want to know what happenedHe's never going to tell you the truth. Nobody will say something like Well, look, I got to know you, and basically lost all respect for you because of how you are. So I just started treating you like *****, rather than leave you. I don't know why, it was almost like you were asking for it. Finally, I got sick of it. Now you won't leave me alone, so I guess I have to spell it out for you. not even a guy who treats you like crap 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted January 3, 2017 Share Posted January 3, 2017 I I know I'm a pathetic person chasing him,I just need to know why just so I know Only a professional can tell you this. Are you seeing one and if so what do they say? Link to post Share on other sites
Blanco Posted January 3, 2017 Share Posted January 3, 2017 Look, don't take the advice you're getting here too much to heart. A lot of what goes on here, under the guise of advice giving, is really about people convincing themselves that they've got their own **** well and truly together...and doing it at the expense of poor sods who are going through a bit of a difficult time. There are endless threads on here about the games people play in dating, power play folks get involved in, how to have the upper hand and all of that crap. I'm going to say it again. I don't think that asking somebody you've been seeing for 4 months why they've suddenly dropped you is a pathetic act. I think it's a fair question to ask. Albeit, one that might not get a fair or mature response...but that's down to him and not you. And suffering from depression does not make you weak, or pathetic or any of that. I think you're to be congratulated for taking the right steps to get treatment for it...and I hope you start to feel better with that treatment, and that this guy's poor behaviour will not be too much of a setback for you. Hugs and best wishes, and I promise you that you are stronger than you think. Or are being encouraged to think you are. So I'll assume you've read her other thread about this guy and you still think or expect he would've given her any real reasoning for bailing out? To me, him ghosting her seems to be in line with the sort of character OP portrayed him to be. Link to post Share on other sites
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