Author Louisesarah Posted January 3, 2017 Author Share Posted January 3, 2017 Only a professional can tell you this. Are you seeing one and if so what do they say? Only he can tell me why he's treated me like this ..that's what I want to know. Link to post Share on other sites
Taramere Posted January 3, 2017 Share Posted January 3, 2017 So I'll assume you've read her other thread about this guy and you still think or expect he would've given her any real reasoning for bailing out? To me, him ghosting her seems to be in line with the sort of character OP portrayed him to be. I haven't read the OP's story all that closely, but there's a pattern emerging in this thread that I'm pretty familiar with generally. It may well be that you're giving great, sound advice here...but it's a lot harder to take sensible advice than it is to give it. And I regret to see that somebody who is being treated for depression is being piled on. And you guys are starting to pile on her. I can definitely see that somewhat self righteous groupthink developing...where you all expended your valuable time giving her advice, and are starting to get frustrated and somewhat inappropriately mean (under the guise of "tough love" no doubt) because she isn't doing what you told her to. Giving advice on this board is optional. So is taking it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lorenza Posted January 3, 2017 Share Posted January 3, 2017 Only he can tell me why he's treated me like this ..that's what I want to know. Louisesarah, it's very obvious why he treated you like this and you don't need his answer to confirm it. He has treated you like this because he doesn't want you, doesn't care about you, doesn't respect you. There are no other reasons for ghosting. What do you want to hear from him? That he's sorry? He's not. That he wants you back? He doesn't. One more thing - maybe you think that you have strong feelings for him, but I can assure you, that's not the case. The only thing that makes you chase this guy is your own inner problems. We cannot truly care for other people while severely disrespecting ourselves. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted January 3, 2017 Share Posted January 3, 2017 Only he can tell me why he's treated me like this ..that's what I want to know. You actually do have your answer. He's given it to you. But you want him to give you words. Focus on his actions. It's telling you most of what you need to know. You're trying to draw blood from stone. And if he can't communicate with you in a decent manner, why do you think he'll be able to tap into himself and suddenly be able to provide you with communication that helps you understand what's going on. As I said before, in his own head, and he's showing you where he is, he is likely not even capable of articulating himself emotionally as to what you need. You have expectations. You want someone to behave the way you perceive to be right. But not everyone is going to do that for you. The best you can do after a certain point is to accept their shortcomings and manage those feelings of self-blame. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Louisesarah Posted January 3, 2017 Author Share Posted January 3, 2017 Louisesarah, it's very obvious why he treated you like this and you don't need his answer to confirm it. He has treated you like this because he doesn't want you, doesn't care about you, doesn't respect you. There are no other reasons for ghosting. What do you want to hear from him? That he's sorry? He's not. That he wants you back? He doesn't. One more thing - maybe you think that you have strong feelings for him, but I can assure you, that's not the case. The only thing that makes you chase this guy is your own inner problems. We cannot truly care for other people while severely disrespecting ourselves. It's not obvious to me no. He went from missing me one day to this so no I don't know what happened I would like to find out .. Link to post Share on other sites
Blanco Posted January 3, 2017 Share Posted January 3, 2017 So if he tells you he's done, you really think you're going to accept it and move on? The problem with being so outcome dependent (in this case, you not being able to let go until he explains his reasoning), is that you take all control for your own life and put it in the hands of someone else. That's a tremendous amount of power to give to someone who appears to have thought so little of you that he's vanished from your life. I understand that's a tough blow to the ego, but trust me when I say that you chasing him for an explanation is only going to make him think less of you than he may already. You say you battle low self esteem and depression. This seems like a prime opportunity to combat those things and empower yourself by moving on with your life without any sort of explanation from him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted January 3, 2017 Share Posted January 3, 2017 Only he can tell me why he's treated me like this ..that's what I want to know. Then go ahead and ask him. Have you done this yet? If not, when are you going to do it instead of going around and around about it? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Louisesarah Posted January 3, 2017 Author Share Posted January 3, 2017 Then go ahead and ask him. Have you done this yet? If not, when are you going to do it instead of going around and around about it? Yeah I've sent him a message Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted January 3, 2017 Share Posted January 3, 2017 Yeah I've sent him a message If he does not respond, don't send him anything anymore. Go back to blocking him. Start to turn that energy and focus onto yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
dumbass2 Posted January 3, 2017 Share Posted January 3, 2017 Yeah I've sent him a message Ex's don't want to answer that question because it will open things up for more and more questions and begging and pleading in most cases and a dumper does not want to go there. You may get a lame excuse if you get one at all and then you'll still end up questioning it. It is really useless for the dumpee to try and force an answer as to why. Once emotions die down YOU can look back over the relationship and find the answers. Maybe something you have to improve upon or you two just weren't compatible. Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted January 3, 2017 Share Posted January 3, 2017 louise Sarah, what did you write? Girl! I know you're hurt and desperate for that elusive e 'closure', but sometimes you gotta accept that won't happen. What you're doing to yourself is not healthy. This guy is telling you by his absence he doesn't want to be with you anymore. Ghosting is what people do when they don't want confrontation but they don't want to be with the person. You can ask and if he actually decides to answer you which is doubtful, what will you do with that info? Change yourself to meet what he wants? As bad as it hurts accept that there is nothing you can do. Things don't work out sometimes. You dated 4 months! This guy didn't wanna spend much time with you, called you clingy, told you how lucky you are to have a hot guy like him, and more! He's a total jackass. This guy is not worth your dignity. really think you need to work on your self esteem before you start dating again. Go North Carolina Link to post Share on other sites
Author Louisesarah Posted January 4, 2017 Author Share Posted January 4, 2017 He responded saying I've just got a lot of bad stuff going on at the minute Lou I'm not the type of person who shares it I just bottle it up and suffer.. You did nothing wrong ..I'm a closed book if you know what I mean... Is that bull? Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted January 4, 2017 Share Posted January 4, 2017 He responded saying I've just got a lot of bad stuff going on at the minute Lou I'm not the type of person who shares it I just bottle it up and suffer.. You did nothing wrong ..I'm a closed book if you know what I mean... Is that bull? It doesn't matter. Some of us already told you that you may never get the truth. I told you that he may not even be able to articulate his true emotions. You just accept his explanation and move on. No one can identify for you how and what he's truly feeling. Let it go. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Scarlett.O'hara Posted January 4, 2017 Share Posted January 4, 2017 He responded saying I've just got a lot of bad stuff going on at the minute Lou I'm not the type of person who shares it I just bottle it up and suffer.. You did nothing wrong ..I'm a closed book if you know what I mean... Is that bull? No, I think he was being honest that he is only concerned with himself, not with your feelings. I hope this gives you the answers/closure you were looking for. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Louisesarah Posted January 4, 2017 Author Share Posted January 4, 2017 I got some sort of closure. Even that message was all about him. I'm going to start loving myself again 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted January 4, 2017 Share Posted January 4, 2017 He responded saying I've just got a lot of bad stuff going on at the minute Lou I'm not the type of person who shares it I just bottle it up and suffer.. You did nothing wrong ..I'm a closed book if you know what I mean... Is that bull? This means it's over and to move on from him and not worry about him anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Louisesarah Posted January 4, 2017 Author Share Posted January 4, 2017 I know you all think I'm pathetic etc But I can't stop crying,watching videos of us the first few weeks,photos of us and it's making me so upset. I honestly feel like the worst person in the world .. I'm so upset about it Link to post Share on other sites
Blanco Posted January 4, 2017 Share Posted January 4, 2017 No one thinks you're pathetic, but this is the time to take care of yourself and not self-sabotage. That means stop looking at videos and pictures. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted January 4, 2017 Share Posted January 4, 2017 Why don't you stop watching videos and crying and get out of the house and do something? Go work out. You are keeping yourself stuck. I thought you got the closure you needed to move forward. It starts with one step. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted January 4, 2017 Share Posted January 4, 2017 I know you all think I'm pathetic etc But I can't stop crying,watching videos of us the first few weeks,photos of us and it's making me so upset. I honestly feel like the worst person in the world .. I'm so upset about it You're not pathetic for grieving over an ex. How you feel is normal. Cry as much as you need to but put the videos and photos away for now. And the last thing you should be doing is the self-negative talk. His behavior doesn't make you the worst person in the world. Don't define who you are based on the behaviors of others. This is why it is important to create self-love and to realize your value and believe in it because then you wouldn't look at yourself through the eyes of others. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted January 4, 2017 Share Posted January 4, 2017 I got some sort of closure. Even that message was all about him. I'm going to start loving myself again Remember the above. Put it on your computer screen. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Louisesarah Posted January 4, 2017 Author Share Posted January 4, 2017 I've deleted the pics and videos. I deleted his number but I just can't seem to delete him from Facebook and snapchat..I know for my sanity i need too..but in my head I think,he looks at all my snapchats so if he sees me looking good and having fun,he will remember why he wanted me in the first place but if I delete him there's no option for him to change his mind then. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted January 4, 2017 Share Posted January 4, 2017 I've deleted the pics and videos. I deleted his number but I just can't seem to delete him from Facebook and snapchat..I know for my sanity i need too..but in my head I think,he looks at all my snapchats so if he sees me looking good and having fun,he will remember why he wanted me in the first place but if I delete him there's no option for him to change his mind then. He's had plenty of time and opportunities to see your photos and it hasn't changed his mind. Delete FB and SC and make up your mind you are going to do it this time. As I said before I really think you need professional help at this point. Why not make an appointment. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
VeveCakes Posted January 4, 2017 Share Posted January 4, 2017 I've deleted the pics and videos. I deleted his number but I just can't seem to delete him from Facebook and snapchat..I know for my sanity i need too..but in my head I think,he looks at all my snapchats so if he sees me looking good and having fun,he will remember why he wanted me in the first place but if I delete him there's no option for him to change his mind then. That's not how it works. Do yourself a favor and block and delete now. I didn't and I spent the last 4 months being strung along and not getting any further in healing. I should have done it 4 months ago. Just do it. New year- leave him in 2016. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted January 4, 2017 Share Posted January 4, 2017 but in my head I think,he looks at all my snapchats so if he sees me looking good and having fun,he will remember why he wanted me in the first place but if I delete him there's no option for him to change his mind then. He's not changing his mind. If the only way to make him desire you again is through you looking good and having fun, then that in itself is shallow and certainly not a reason to get back with another person. Link to post Share on other sites
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