Dumped in the cruelest of ways ...upset.

[Scarlett.O'hara]

I got some sort of closure.

Even that message was all about him.

I'm going to start loving myself again

 

That's good. I'm sure on some level it made your heart leap to finally hear from him, but at least you acknowledge the fact that his answer only went to prove how truly selfish this guy truly is.

 

The best way to start loving yourself again is to cut him out of your life. I know you already know this, but you need to keep reminding yourself this during the weak moments.

 

The most empowering thing you can do would be to block him from social media so you don't have to be subjected to any further pain or confusion.

 

I know you are hurting right now, but in the long run you will be better off without him.

 

You deserve better.

[ExpatInItaly]

I've deleted the pics and videos.

I deleted his number but I just can't seem to delete him from Facebook and snapchat..I know for my sanity i need too..but in my head I think,he looks at all my snapchats so if he sees me looking good and having fun,he will remember why he wanted me in the first place but if I delete him there's no option for him to change his mind then.

 

If you feel you need to play this type of social media game to win someone's attention...then girl, you are fishing from the wrong pond.

 

A guy who is in love with you won't need to be reminded of how awesome you are on Snapchat.

[guest572]

Hi OP, sorry to hear about what you're going through. I've been through it twice, still struggling through. It takes time, especially for us sensitive souls. There is nothing wrong with that. Although a lot of posters on here are getting frustrated, we all know it is a lot easier said than done. It is so much harder to be in your shoes because it is very recent and raw.

 

I was pleased that you were out at the spa with a friend, but Facebook keeps reminding you to check up on him. I know it's hard, but I know you can block him from Facebook and Snap chat. Or at least remove yourself from those apps for a while. It did me wonders after my breakup, that constant anxiety and angst seemed to fade away. Then you can go out with friends and enjoy those rare moments where he is out of your mind.

 

It is very hard to stop thinking about him and asking why.. i still ask myself this nearly 8 months after the breakup. There are questions that just can't be answered. And even if they could.. the answers wont always make sense and lead to more questions and heart ache.

 

Another point I wanted to make was that if you ask a man "do you still want to be with me?" You deserve someone that can say "yes" in a heartbeat. Not accuse you of being needy. I've also been in that position of waiting for the partner to step things up a notch and spend more time with me (a bit different as he was legit busy, not sitting around on Facebook - come on, you can do better than thisguy!!) I know you just want him at the moment so it is not what you want to hear, but you truly deserve better.

 

I don't have any further advice aside from be kind to yourself!!! Take it one step at a time. Baby steps. Get back to basics, do things that you enjoy, be with kind and wonderful people. And please get rid of him from those silly social media things.

 

Take care. you will be ok.

[Louisesarah]

I'm struggling with the feeling of being rejected.

Feel so awful about myself,disgusting.

Feel because he stopped wanting me I must be disgusting to him now.

My friends are saying his loss etc but to me it's my loss.

Even tho he ain't perfect,a time he wanted me and was chasing me and I'm that worthless I can be vanquished from his life that quick.

He doesn't care about me,probably never did.

Maybe that's why I never met his son.

[Louisesarah]

Hi OP, sorry to hear about what you're going through. I've been through it twice, still struggling through. It takes time, especially for us sensitive souls. There is nothing wrong with that. Although a lot of posters on here are getting frustrated, we all know it is a lot easier said than done. It is so much harder to be in your shoes because it is very recent and raw.

 

I was pleased that you were out at the spa with a friend, but Facebook keeps reminding you to check up on him. I know it's hard, but I know you can block him from Facebook and Snap chat. Or at least remove yourself from those apps for a while. It did me wonders after my breakup, that constant anxiety and angst seemed to fade away. Then you can go out with friends and enjoy those rare moments where he is out of your mind.

 

It is very hard to stop thinking about him and asking why.. i still ask myself this nearly 8 months after the breakup. There are questions that just can't be answered. And even if they could.. the answers wont always make sense and lead to more questions and heart ache.

 

Another point I wanted to make was that if you ask a man "do you still want to be with me?" You deserve someone that can say "yes" in a heartbeat. Not accuse you of being needy. I've also been in that position of waiting for the partner to step things up a notch and spend more time with me (a bit different as he was legit busy, not sitting around on Facebook - come on, you can do better than thisguy!!) I know you just want him at the moment so it is not what you want to hear, but you truly deserve better.

 

I don't have any further advice aside from be kind to yourself!!! Take it one step at a time. Baby steps. Get back to basics, do things that you enjoy, be with kind and wonderful people. And please get rid of him from those silly social media things.

 

Take care. you will be ok.

 

Hi,thanks for taking the time to post.

It's the questions racing through my mind that are the worst.

He says it had nothing to do with me but I don't believe that.

I just hope I feel better soon

[guest572]

I'm struggling with the feeling of being rejected.

Feel so awful about myself,disgusting.

Feel because he stopped wanting me I must be disgusting to him now.

My friends are saying his loss etc but to me it's my loss.

Even tho he ain't perfect,a time he wanted me and was chasing me and I'm that worthless I can be vanquished from his life that quick.

He doesn't care about me,probably never did.

Maybe that's why I never met his son.

 

Yes that is a hard thing to conquer. Being rejected, will knock our self esteem for quite a while. You know it's not a reflection on you, it's not anything wrong with you. He even said as much. It just didn't work out.

 

And gosh.. he spends his days sleeping and facebooking and he is a dad in his 30s.

[basil67]

I'm struggling with the feeling of being rejected.

Feel so awful about myself,disgusting.

Feel because he stopped wanting me I must be disgusting to him now.

My friends are saying his loss etc but to me it's my loss.

Even tho he ain't perfect,a time he wanted me and was chasing me and I'm that worthless I can be vanquished from his life that quick.

He doesn't care about me,probably never did.

Maybe that's why I never met his son.

 

Come on.....you weren't happy with him. You told him to bugger off. And he did. Time to stop feeling sorry for yourself.

 

A good match of a man will love us. The wrong match will not. It's a fact of life and no reflection on us.

[Louisesarah]

I know you probably will say it's irrelevant but the whole few months we only had sex twice.

Both times he wanted me to do Everything,he has basically no sex drive.

The times he stayed at mine and I got into bed with nice underwear he basically couldn't keep his eyes open,and said he wished he was normal ..

I know that's probably not relevant but in months to only have sex twice when sharing a bed of was odd..

[Louisesarah]

Come on.....you weren't happy with him. You told him to bugger off. And he did. Time to stop feeling sorry for yourself.

 

A good match of a man will love us. The wrong match will not. It's a fact of life and no reflection on us.

 

Your right I wasn't happy with how it was going,his lack of motivation to get out of bed etc

After all he said about how he liked me and seen a future I thought it might shake him into moving but it had opposite effect..

He thought stuff this ..can't be bothered

[basil67]

I know you probably will say it's irrelevant but the whole few months we only had sex twice.

Both times he wanted me to do Everything,he has basically no sex drive.

The times he stayed at mine and I got into bed with nice underwear he basically couldn't keep his eyes open,and said he wished he was normal ..

I know that's probably not relevant but in months to only have sex twice when sharing a bed of was odd..

 

Ok, so adding this to the fact he was a lazy loser...

 

Why on earth are you cut up about the fact that he's gone? Surely it would be a relief to be rid of dead wood (pun intended)

[guest572]

Hi,thanks for taking the time to post.

It's the questions racing through my mind that are the worst.

He says it had nothing to do with me but I don't believe that.

I just hope I feel better soon

 

I can totally relate. I regrettably spent hours talking to my ex (i actually held strong no contact for 2 months and caved..) nothing he said satisfied me. He said i did nothing wrong but no i dont believe it. He said lots of lovely things about me. But my self esteem is still really low. It will get to a point where it no longer matters. I'm sorry that I don't have any tips on how to get there. But gradually you'll have less and less of those anxious thoughts on "why??" And running over all the things that you said to each other. It sux. It is the worst feeling. But you will feel so much better soon.

[Louisesarah]

Do you think that's maybe why he has lots of short 4/5 month relationships because it follows the same pattern?

Is the a chance it wasn't anything I did?

[basil67]

Your right I wasn't happy with how it was going,his lack of motivation to get out of bed etc

After all he said about how he liked me and seen a future I thought it might shake him into moving but it had opposite effect..

He thought stuff this ..can't be bothered

 

That's not how it works. When dating, you get what you see.

[Louisesarah]

Ok, so adding this to the fact he was a lazy loser...

 

Why on earth are you cut up about the fact that he's gone? Surely it would be a relief to be rid of dead wood (pun intended)

 

Il be honest I don't know myself ..I can't even answer that question

Friends have said the same

They can't see the attraction

Before he went silent I questioned things myself

[basil67]

Do you think that's maybe why he has lots of short 4/5 month relationships because it follows the same pattern?

Is the a chance it wasn't anything I did?

 

It was because you told him to shape up or ship out. He chose to ship out. And yes, every girl before you has probably told him the same thing.

 

Why on earth would you blame yourself?

[guest572]

I know you probably will say it's irrelevant but the whole few months we only had sex twice.

Both times he wanted me to do Everything,he has basically no sex drive.

The times he stayed at mine and I got into bed with nice underwear he basically couldn't keep his eyes open,and said he wished he was normal ..

I know that's probably not relevant but in months to only have sex twice when sharing a bed of was odd..

 

Oh no. That is terrible! Yep, you can do so so much better. A healthy sex life is so important (in my opinion!) not something I would compromise on.

[basil67]

Il be honest I don't know myself ..I can't even answer that question

Friends have said the same

They can't see the attraction

Before he went silent I questioned things myself

 

And you should have paid more attention to yourself

[Louisesarah]

I can honestly say I tried.

Always looked nice,wore nice underwear,I think I've got a good personality.

My self esteem took a bash when I'm in bed with him,trying to get something started and he just says "wish I was normal"

Don't even know what he meant ..

The first time we had Sex he was paranoid texting me

"You didn't enjoy that did you"

"Was it ok"

"You've been quiet since"

Etc etc

[basil67]

I can honestly say I tried.

Always looked nice,wore nice underwear,I think I've got a good personality.

My self esteem took a bash when I'm in bed with him,trying to get something started and he just says "wish I was normal"

Don't even know what he meant ..

The first time we had Sex he was paranoid texting me

"You didn't enjoy that did you"

"Was it ok"

"You've been quiet since"

Etc etc

 

But why bother trying when a guy is a lazy loser? Honestly, the biggest lesson you need to learn is to cut and run much earlier.

[Louisesarah]

I thought he truly liked me,we had something,I didn't think he could treat me like this,I know he was lazy but I thought that would change.

Why wasn't I good enough to make him stop being lazy and want to see me?

That's the question round and round in my head.

Il find someone else,I know I will,maybe they'll treat me better.

He said to me I can't believe your with me ..so why let me go then.

Then give some bull excuse about had a lot on (regardless what I had on it wouldn't of stopped me)

I don't feel ready yet to date ..I would end up crying

[stillafool]

Are you going to make an appointment with one of those therapists today? You really need professional counseling to help you at this point. You are just going around and around in a circle and not moving forward.

[Louisesarah]

Not sure if you remember me anyway we were together a few months.

Within a few days he was distant and then disappeared all together with no explanation.

5 weeks now,today I checked his relationship status and he is seeing a new girl.

So basically he was probably seeing us both at the same time.

That's the reason he treated me the way he did..

I'm so upset and hurt.

He told me he had a lot of stuff going on..yes a new woman

[Gaeta]

Finally. If you read back your different threads about him you'll see he had been mean, lazy and disrespectful toward you from day 1. This relationship should have never started in the first place. Next time as soon as a man is mean to you , you dump him. You don't date him for months.