Low sex partner in affair. Fresh d-day

[oldshirt]

h. She knows there will be no 2nd chances.

 

.

 

This is where I believe you are mistaken.

 

Nothing you have done indicates that you would not tolerate another A.

 

Yes you were upset and probably raised your voice at some point.

 

But during that time you were having long heart to heart talks, having hot reclaimation sex, scheduling MC sessions, buying and moving into a new house etc.

 

Other than being scolded, did her fun and frivolity with the OM cost her a thing?

 

Did she spend one night in an apartment she had to come up with deposit payments and first and last months rent? Did she have to pay a retainer on a lawyer to protect her assets and marital property? Did she watch you going out on dates with younger, prettier women? Did she have any of her txts and phone calls go unanswered? Has she had to face the scorn and contempt of your family and the disaapointment of hers?

 

You had your heart and mind made up to reconcile from DDay.

 

That is your right and your perogative, but other than some scolding, nothing has happened here that would discourage her from having another roll in the hay down the road should she get an attractive offer.

 

She had some thrills with another man and in return she gotten a ton of your undivided attention, lots of heartfelt discussions, hot monkey sex, a new house, no loss of support or security etc etc

 

So tell us why should think it wouldn't be ok for her to do some other dude again?? Because she may get scolded again??

[Overtaxed]

This is where I believe you are mistaken.

 

Nothing you have done indicates that you would not tolerate another A.

 

Yes you were upset and probably raised your voice at some point.

 

But during that time you were having long heart to heart talks, having hot reclaimation sex, scheduling MC sessions, buying and moving into a new house etc.

 

Other than being scolded, did her fun and frivolity with the OM cost her a thing?

 

Did she spend one night in an apartment she had to come up with deposit payments and first and last months rent? Did she have to pay a retainer on a lawyer to protect her assets and marital property? Did she watch you going out on dates with younger, prettier women? Did she have any of her txts and phone calls go unanswered? Has she had to face the scorn and contempt of your family and the disaapointment of hers?

 

You had your heart and mind made up to reconcile from DDay.

 

That is your right and your perogative, but other than some scolding, nothing has happened here that would discourage her from having another roll in the hay down the road should she get an attractive offer.

 

She had some thrills with another man and in return she gotten a ton of your undivided attention, lots of heartfelt discussions, hot monkey sex, a new house, no loss of support or security etc etc

 

So tell us why should think it wouldn't be ok for her to do some other dude again?? Because she may get scolded again??

 

I'm pretty sure she knows it's a "one and done" thing, and it was beyond "raising my voice", I told her to pack her s**t and get out (when she was lying).

 

I see your point, I do, I'm just not sure what any of this would have accomplished other than "puffing the feathers"; I see what people here are saying regarding "decided to R from day 1", because, yes, I had decided to TRY to R. If my wife hadn't been there, been on board, that would have given me my answer.

 

The house was bought before the A, just so you know. We were renovating it during the A (and now live in it).

 

Sure, I could have made her spend the money to get an apartment; but that would have meant nothing to her; she has more money than she knows what to do with and there's no way to really pull our finances apart without actually pulling it apart. So, sure, I could have forced her to get an apt, but if I took on all the houses/debt during that time, she'd have more money than she does today.

 

She did have TXTs and calls go unanswered; the first few weeks were rough; I was traveling a lot and I was not in the mood to talk a lot. But does that really "even the scale". Here's the thing, nothing will even up the scale. I think I have to make a decision to "try again" and let it go, I don't see another way forward. Sure, I can have my own A, but even that doesn't really make us "even" does it?

 

I'm just taking it one day at a time, hopefully things will continue to improve.