Lucsimba Posted January 20, 2017 Share Posted January 20, 2017 Hello I was in a marriage relationship for 14 years and during that time I can't really remember enjoying sex. I used to make the effort once a week for my ex husbands sake but I actually used to cringe if he touched me sexually. I then met a man who swept me off my feet, we had an affair for 6 weeks before I left my husband for him and during those 6 weeks we only seen each other every other week but we had sex when we met up. Things went really quickly and I ended up moving in with him and the sex dried up pretty quickly. He's now used many excuses for not having sex but has recently admitted that he has never had a high sex drive. This has really affected my confidence as I thought being in a new relationship we wouldn't be able to keep our hands off each other. I asked him if he was sexually attracted to me and he said massively but his actions don't really reflect that. My confidence is diminishing by the day and I don't know what to do. I am head over heels for this man and our relationship is loving and supportive but I don't know how to accept the situation as it is. Thanks for reading x Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted January 20, 2017 Share Posted January 20, 2017 I suggest that you NOT accept the situation, and despite having fallen in love, you should move on. If you stay, soon enough the love will fade from lack of sexual nurturing, and you'll be just a little better off than you were with your STBX. It may be worse, because you'll WANT sex, but not get it. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted January 20, 2017 Share Posted January 20, 2017 This is what makes affairs so sticky....Bottom line is you left a marriage for a guy you simply don't know. 8 Link to post Share on other sites
Michelle ma Belle Posted January 20, 2017 Share Posted January 20, 2017 Affair fog aside, central is correct in telling you that you shouldn't 'accept' it unless you're prepared to live out the rest of your days as is and expect nothing more. That doesn't seem to be what you want in which case you have some serious thinking to do in terms of figuring out what you can and cannot live without. I ended a 20 year marriage because the sex 'dried' up on his part and left me sexless for more than 8 years before I decided to get out. I was too young and vibrant to accept what was and he wasn't interested in doing anything more about it. I grew resentful and very angry and it bled into every aspect of my life which is when I realized I couldn't let it continue. I loved my husband very much, and still do, but sometimes love really isn't enough to save a relationship. You need effort and action to back up that love otherwise you're forever living in purgatory, stuck between what you have and what you want. As far as I see it, you have two choices; you either accept what is and stop complaining about what you don't have or YOU do something about it. Happiness begins and ends with you. Good luck. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted January 20, 2017 Share Posted January 20, 2017 I ended up moving in with him and the sex dried up pretty quickly. I am head over heels for this man and our relationship is loving and supportive Both of these things can't be true. Were your relationship loving and supportive, you'd have a healthy sexual connection, especially this early in the game. You'll need to look at things realistically... Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kmpisces Posted January 20, 2017 Share Posted January 20, 2017 My take is different than most. Sex is just one part of a relationship. If you are truly in love, I would not give up. There are other ways to be intimate: cuddling, kissing massages. See if he is willing to do any of these. Maybe he is having a physical problem and does not know how to talk to you about it? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucsimba Posted January 20, 2017 Author Share Posted January 20, 2017 Thank you for the replies it is much appreciated. I guess what I was trying to find out on the forum was whether this is something that can happen or is it me at fault? There is a ten year age gap between us and also things have gone more downhill recently due to him struggling g to get an erection due to his medication he is on or at least that's what we think. Am I to blame? Can done people just want xompanionship and not actually be sexually attracted to their partner? Thank you Link to post Share on other sites
MJJean Posted January 21, 2017 Share Posted January 21, 2017 If you suspect it's the medications he's on, why hasn't he addressed this with a doctor? Link to post Share on other sites
Simple Logic Posted January 21, 2017 Share Posted January 21, 2017 When you were having a secret affair, sex for him was exciting because it was taboo and kinda dirty. Now with the sun shining it is just boring relationship sex. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted January 21, 2017 Share Posted January 21, 2017 very very few affairs ever turn into happy, healthy relationships. He dug you when you were married. He enjoyed getting down and having hot monkey sex with some woman getting some on the side. This is an entirely different situation. When you two were sneaking off for your trysts, he did not have to wine or dine you. He did not have to have moonlight walks in the park or on the beach talking with you. He did not have to rub your feet or listen to you talk about your migraines or menstrual cramps or listen to you complain about your lazy coworkers or wacky relatives. In other words, when he was just scoring off of a married woman, he didn't have to put up with any of your other stuff. Affairs for OM are all about fun and games and free NSA sex. Being in a relationship with a woman is a whole other ball game and men who hustle and get down with married women are rarely good relationship material. Just because you had good sex with some dude when your husband wasn't watching doesn't mean that he is a good guy or that a relationship was meant to be now that you have left your H. It is extremely rare that WW and their APs ever end up together. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Soxfaninfl Posted January 24, 2017 Share Posted January 24, 2017 I suggest that you NOT accept the situation, and despite having fallen in love, you should move on. If you stay, soon enough the love will fade from lack of sexual nurturing, and you'll be just a little better off than you were with your STBX. It may be worse, because you'll WANT sex, but not get it. I agree with Central. OP don't stay in this relationship. His sex drive will not improve. Trust me I'm in a sexless marriage, and it's horrible not being able to make love to one you love. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted January 24, 2017 Share Posted January 24, 2017 I agree with Central. OP don't stay in this relationship. His sex drive will not improve. Trust me I'm in a sexless marriage, and it's horrible not being able to make love to one you love. This. I could never live like that. Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted January 24, 2017 Share Posted January 24, 2017 many times the quickest and most efficient way to end an affair, is to let the WS and the AP actually be together. This is simply an example of that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
NTV Posted January 24, 2017 Share Posted January 24, 2017 What will you do if it is you like you fear? Link to post Share on other sites
Soxfaninfl Posted January 25, 2017 Share Posted January 25, 2017 This. I could never live like that. Trust me it's hell. I'm probably going to leave in the summer if my situation doesn't improve. I have a 13 year old son, so I'm going to wait until he's out of school. My son is from my 1st marriage. I'm currently in my 2nd marriage. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted January 26, 2017 Share Posted January 26, 2017 Trust me it's hell. I'm probably going to leave in the summer if my situation doesn't improve. I have a 13 year old son, so I'm going to wait until he's out of school. My son is from my 1st marriage. I'm currently in my 2nd marriage. You're doing the right thing. Good luck to you! Link to post Share on other sites
Soxfaninfl Posted January 26, 2017 Share Posted January 26, 2017 You're doing the right thing. Good luck to you! Thanks Popsicle. I'm going to try counseling first before I leave, but if that doesn't work then I have to move on. It will be the hardest decision of my life to leave the women I love. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted January 27, 2017 Share Posted January 27, 2017 Thanks Popsicle. I'm going to try counseling first before I leave, but if that doesn't work then I have to move on. It will be the hardest decision of my life to leave the women I love. Yes definitely try counseling first. If she knows what the problem is and that your thinking of leaving because of it, she may act kind of right for a while to try to delay it. That could extend things for years! Link to post Share on other sites
dichotomy Posted January 27, 2017 Share Posted January 27, 2017 (edited) This early ? The sex will never get better - or it might for a very short time if you threaten to leave - but not in the long run. It might also be for reasons you don't understand yet. Dont trust what he is saying is the reason. I have been in a low sex marriage for a long time and have read stories, books, and talked to alot of people about the topic. Edited January 27, 2017 by dichotomy Link to post Share on other sites
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