my_manda Posted July 20, 2005 Share Posted July 20, 2005 Back in November 04', I ran into a guy I had known early on in college. He actually called me a few times, and then asked me out. I did not go, I was ending a relationship at the time, and felt as if the timing was not right. We did not talk again until about eight weeks ago when he called me out of the blue to see how I was doing. From then on, we have talked regularly. He is a Pediatric Resident so he works nuts hours. Well, over the 4th of July weekend we talked the Sunday evening before the 4th. He had just worked a forty hour shift at the hospital. That was the last time we talked for a week and a half. He called last Thursday and stated he had a family emergency and had been virtually living at the hospital (this part is true). Well, he came over and took me out that night, and things went well. He called the next morning, as usual, on his way into the hospital, and that evening as well. I did not hear from him Saturday, but I did on Sunday. He has called me in the morning, but not in the evening this week. What gives with this guy? Is he interested? Why is he so aloof, he calls alot, but does not make efforts to see me and I feel he should pursue seeing each other at this point since he is the guy. Please advise! He tells me he is not talking to anyone else, etc. He is 30 and has not had a relationship in three and half years. I am 28. I realize he has been in medical school and is now a resident, but I cannot figure out what he wants. Getting information out of him in a subtle fashion does not work, and he does not talk much about his future. Thanks!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Toni_no12002 Posted July 23, 2005 Share Posted July 23, 2005 i know im not a bloke but maybe hes scared of getting into a relationship because its been so long since hes had one. Link to post Share on other sites
Devildog Posted July 23, 2005 Share Posted July 23, 2005 Sounds to me like he isn't getting much in the way of positive feedback that you are interested. The guy is working 40 hour shifts going through medical school and he should also make a one-sided effort to wine and dine you, call you every free moment, stop by any chance he gets? And this is how you think it should be because he is the guy? Can we say "High Maintenance"? Link to post Share on other sites
Author my_manda Posted July 23, 2005 Author Share Posted July 23, 2005 In response to your comment that I am high maintenance, let me emphasize that I have told him I am interested, and there was a time that I invited him to do something and he shot me down, though we saw each other the next day. I always return his calls, but I did call him during the week and 1/2 he fell off the planet, and he did not return my messages, SO that is why I am leaving the ball in his court. I found him on a dating website, and he had told me that he did not have time for anything like that....with this news in mind, I am thinking he be into me, but just not that into me. He finally told me he feels like he cannot have a serious relationship but he does like me. What gives? Link to post Share on other sites
A Fly onThe Wall Posted July 23, 2005 Share Posted July 23, 2005 Originally posted by my_manda He finally told me he feels like he cannot have a serious relationship but he does like me. Don't read anything into his words .. You are friend material and that is it Take him at his word and believe that he does not want a relationship with you. It's not a game he is playing.. he told you the truth.. Now you have to believe it. Link to post Share on other sites
sweetserendipity Posted July 23, 2005 Share Posted July 23, 2005 Originally posted by Devildog Sounds to me like he isn't getting much in the way of positive feedback that you are interested. The guy is working 40 hour shifts going through medical school and he should also make a one-sided effort to wine and dine you, call you every free moment, stop by any chance he gets? And this is how you think it should be because he is the guy? Can we say "High Maintenance"? You're obviously a jaded man who has a huge chip on your shoulder toward women in general, my condolences. Nowhere in anything she wrote came across as her being even remotely high maintenance, you merely decided to pull that assumption out of your a$$. Link to post Share on other sites
sweetserendipity Posted July 23, 2005 Share Posted July 23, 2005 Originally posted by my_manda I found him on a dating website, and he had told me that he did not have time for anything like that....with this news in mind, I am thinking he be into me, but just not that into me. He finally told me he feels like he cannot have a serious relationship but he does like me. What gives? If you think about it, the guy likely really doesn't - understandably - have the time or focus to be involved in a serious relationship right now and I'm guessing that he senses that that's what you're hoping for (which is also understandable). He's got a lot of stress in his life, a horrid schedule that's really not conducive to devoting it to a significant other. I'm sure he does like you but is really just looking for casual dates as opposed to something he just doesn't have the time to devote to. Link to post Share on other sites
A Fly onThe Wall Posted July 23, 2005 Share Posted July 23, 2005 Originally posted by sweetserendipity You're obviously a jaded man who has a huge chip on your shoulder toward women in general, my condolences. You never answered the original posters question but you are so opinionated that you attack someone that is trying to answer the posters question... It's only advice .. She can take it or leave it Link to post Share on other sites
sweetserendipity Posted July 23, 2005 Share Posted July 23, 2005 Originally posted by A Fly onThe Wall You never answered the original posters question but you are so opinionated that you attack someone that is trying to answer the posters question... It's only advice .. She can take it or leave it There was nothing she originally wrote that would lead anyone reading to believe she's high maintenance or expecting him to wine and dine her - that's absurd given what she posted and I'll stand by my "opinion" on that response. Link to post Share on other sites
Devildog Posted July 24, 2005 Share Posted July 24, 2005 Originally posted by sweetserendipity You're obviously a jaded man who has a huge chip on your shoulder toward women in general, my condolences. Nowhere in anything she wrote came across as her being even remotely high maintenance, you merely decided to pull that assumption out of your a$$. Jaded? Not at all. I just think people waste far too many opportunities and too much time by playing these kinds of games. He should do the pursuing because he is the guy? She shouldn't make any effort or put forth any indications that she is really interested? It sounds like the OP is expecting him to prove a high level of interest before she gives him any kind of green light. This guy is in Med School. Have you any idea what that entails? The hours of study beyond the classroom stuff? The instance she refered to in the original post was a 40 hour shift! Not a 40 hour work week. If the OP was not calling because she didn't want to interrupt his studies that would be a different story entirely, and my opinion and advice would be different. Link to post Share on other sites
Rosalind Posted July 24, 2005 Share Posted July 24, 2005 Hey my_manda, He's a medical resident, and that doesn't leave a whole lot of time for dating. It's just that simple. Link to post Share on other sites
Author my_manda Posted July 25, 2005 Author Share Posted July 25, 2005 Well all, thanks for standing up for me. I am not high maintenance. I have walked away from this guy regardless. I think he does like me, but you're right, he is looking for something different in his life than I am at this time, and I believe that if the timing is off, it is about the equivalent to the person being wrong for you. He and I spoke again today. He told me that he does like me a lot, but that he is a Resident, and that Medical School had nothing on being a Resident now. He said that he feels like he will adjust, and his life will be more together in the neear future, and wanted to know if he could give me a call when things cleared and his schedule was less demanding and erratic. I told him three things....1. He could absolutely call me, I would welcome that, and that although I could not guarantee I would be available by the time that happened, I could not guarantee him I would not be either and that I hated that the timing was bad right now, but I am thrilled for him because I know that he has just spent four grueling years to get the residency he in now, and I understand that this must be a top priority. 2. He is right, I want something serious, and it is better for me to be honest than settle for something less than what I was looking for. 3. He has my unconditional friendship regardless of dating status. Out of curiousity, do you think he will ever come back around??? I can give myself the next day to ponder this as any good over-analytical red blooded woman would, and I know I have to let it go, but I sure like the feedback! Thanks all...... Link to post Share on other sites
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