Getting additional pics from OLD prospects

[SevenCity]

People choosing the most flattering pictures of themselves that they can find has nothing to do with "deceiving" you.

 

Flattering pics are one thing. Purposely hiding what you look like through camera trickery is quite another.

 

I'm not expecting a pic when they look at their worst or haven't brushed their hair, but a reasonable representation of their body. Not bikini pics, but a full body shot.

 

Women have become experts at hiding what they consider to be flaws. Be it hiding behind a tree, a zoomed out pic so far all you see is a blur, hunched over with arms forward, my space angle, etc.

 

From what I understand guys do it to a degree by the leaning forward pic with loose shirt to hide a beer gut.

 

It's like if you only have one eye and you have all your pics in sunglasses.

 

Women swipe left on looks probably more than guys do based on looks so don't point the finger at only us guys.

 

If looks were not the main attraction to old, you would be forced to read the profile before you could see what they looked like. That's not the case.

 

As I stated in another thread, attraction is not a choice. What I am attracted to may not appeal to others. But I have never been attracted to a large woman and it is unfair to both of us to represent yourself as thin of you are not.

 

I am equally unattracted to fake Barbie blondes with silicone additions. If a woman looks like that I would prefer to know it before setting up a date. I'm sure tons of guys would want her, but not this kid. Again, my preference.

[SevenCity]

Most of the men I find attractive are also 1-1.5+ hours away. I still won't do it though because there is too much risk of deception (not just with looks), plus traveling sucks. I'm just going to move to a bigger city and that will be that.

 

Being single in the burbs sucks. Especially in your 40s.

 

I don't have the desire to sell my house and my cars for a crappy overpriced apartment in NYC though. I like my life and where I live.

 

I'm willing to travel for the right girl though. One date may end up being the person you marry so I'm willing to put in some work. I'll admit that I scrutinize more if there is travel involved and they have to show a high level of interest. I'm not going out of my way for a girl who thinks I'm "meh".

[Shining One]

People choosing the most flattering pictures of themselves that they can find has nothing to do with "deceiving" you.

I'm sorry, but using pictures from when you were 18 and ~110 lbs. is deceiving when you're actually 28 and ~ 200 lbs.

[Shining One]

I think it's one of those things though where the most important thing with online dating is getting that first date to find if you are compatible in the real world.

Except in those cases where the first date has a high investment, such as the 3-hour round trip for the OP.

[GunslingerRoland]

Except in those cases where the first date has a high investment, such as the 3-hour round trip for the OP.

 

I wouldn't recommend anyone doing that ever. What are the odds it works out? And what happens if it does work out? Do you move for someone after a first date? Or half to do a day trip every time you want to go on a date.

 

Investing in anyone before meeting them with online dating is pointless. Try to meet as many people as you can... hundreds, thousands.

[LookAtThisPOst]

People choosing the most flattering pictures of themselves that they can find has nothing to do with "deceiving" you.

 

Rationalizing

[SevenCity]

I wouldn't recommend anyone doing that ever. What are the odds it works out? And what happens if it does work out? Do you move for someone after a first date? Or half to do a day trip every time you want to go on a date.

 

Investing in anyone before meeting them with online dating is pointless. Try to meet as many people as you can... hundreds, thousands.

 

My ex that brought me here was 160 miles away. About 3 hrs in the car.

 

She moved in and I had every intention of marrying her but she broke it off after 7 years.

 

Not saying it is common, but it does happen.

 

The one benefit is you don't have to run into them once it ends.

 

To me the point of dating is to find someone to marry. Eventually you'll move in together if things go well. Regardless of proximity.

[NuevoYorko]

Women swipe left on looks probably more than guys do based on looks so don't point the finger at only us guys.

 

There are not any women around here who appear mortally terrified about the potential of meeting a guy who doesn't look like his pictures.

 

The problem, as I see it, is the idea that somehow women who don't know you somehow "owe" you a good clear look at their bodies.

 

I understand having strong preferences. I have them myself, and I find out whether there's strong chemistry and attraction with a woman when we meet. I have met a few who definitely don't look like their photos; some of these were older, some were heavier, most just had very flattering "glamor" photos that don't look like any woman in everyday life; also a couple who had very unappealing personalities, and one (thin and "hot") who came drunk out of her mind. I never felt the kind of outrage that you seem to. Mostly I had an ok or better time with all of them drinking coffee or a beer. Sometimes it was an ordeal, but this wasn't because they were fat.

 

I met many who looked great but we would not be a match; and two with whom I had relationships.

 

Given your sensitivity, you should only deign to meet women who have photos you find acceptable. If you still don't trust that they're current and not retouched in any way, ask them to send them to you directly so you can have some tests run on them, as one of your likeminded fellows has suggested.

 

I caution you, though, that women who are willing to jump through hoops like that to prove their physical attractiveness to complete strangers clearly have some issues. Confident women, including beautiful ones, are fine to hold out for a different type of man. They have options.

 

There's also this annoying issue: Once you've thoroughly vetted a woman's body and decided she's thin enough, she is going to have to be interested in YOU. It's a crap shoot and you're making it much harder than you need to.

 

.

[NuevoYorko]

Rationalizing

 

I don't know; I have met at least 40 women, dated a lot and had two longterm relationships via online dating. I have flattering pictures of myself on my profile and expect others to do the same.

[SevenCity]

There are not any women around here who appear mortally terrified about the potential of meeting a guy who doesn't look like his pictures.

 

The problem, as I see it, is the idea that somehow women who don't know you somehow "owe" you a good clear look at their bodies.

 

I understand having strong preferences. I have them myself, and I find out whether there's strong chemistry and attraction with a woman when we meet. I have met a few who definitely don't look like their photos; some of these were older, some were heavier, most just had very flattering "glamor" photos that don't look like any woman in everyday life; also a couple who had very unappealing personalities, and one (thin and "hot") who came drunk out of her mind. I never felt the kind of outrage that you seem to. Mostly I had an ok or better time with all of them drinking coffee or a beer. Sometimes it was an ordeal, but this wasn't because they were fat.

 

I met many who looked great but we would not be a match; and two with whom I had relationships.

 

Given your sensitivity, you should only deign to meet women who have photos you find acceptable. If you still don't trust that they're current and not retouched in any way, ask them to send them to you directly so you can have some tests run on them, as one of your likeminded fellows has suggested.

 

I caution you, though, that women who are willing to jump through hoops like that to prove their physical attractiveness to complete strangers clearly have some issues. Confident women, including beautiful ones, are fine to hold out for a different type of man. They have options.

 

There's also this annoying issue: Once you've thoroughly vetted a woman's body and decided she's thin enough, she is going to have to be interested in YOU. It's a crap shoot and you're making it much harder than you need to.

 

.

 

Not sure where you got me feeling "Outrage". Dissapointment and feeling like my time was wasted yes, but not outrage.

 

I'm not going to go through all those hoops to vette a girl. But if you are selling a car and take a pic of the drivers side while neglecting to show a pic of the passenger side that has damage, you are being misleading.

 

I don't think anyone would be happy about that.

[ReformedPUA]

It's actually quite bizarre to me that this thread is going on so long. Do you all really like to talk things to death like this?

 

It's not that hard.

 

1. Only write "first emails" to women who have full-body shots. OR whose write-up really piques you and indicates a fit body--likes to do triathlons or CrossFit competitions.

 

2. If a woman without a full-body shot writes you and the lack of a full-body shot confuses you that much, write back and say that you don't meet anyone without a full head-to-toe picture, as you have one yourself I trust.

 

3. The more effort it would require to meet up, the more of a basis to know you'd probably like each other beforehand. A drink at the neighborhood bar down the street from you both might mean just set the meet up.

 

4. OLD pictures are not for your entertainment. A full-body shot as you'd see her walking in to your first date is fine, asking for a picture of her in a bikini, not so much.

 

5. There is always a risk in OLD that the pictures you get are older, flattering to the point where she doesn't look nearly as good in person, ect. JUST as it is possible to have great text and phone chemistry but nothing in person. She might end up looking BETTER than her photos too.

 

See, this wasn't that hard. Common sense, people, common sense.

[NuevoYorko]

I'm not going to go through all those hoops to vette a girl. But if you are selling a car and take a pic of the drivers side while neglecting to show a pic of the passenger side that has damage, you are being misleading.

 

You might want to consider what it means to equate a person selling a car to a woman looking for a date. And the body of a car to the body of a woman. Maybe something about your attitude contributes to your dating struggles. Just something to think about.

 

Look. I get where you're coming from. If you're not willing to just go out and meet someone who piqued your interest, just date women who are willing to send you multiple pictures on demand or skype wearing a bikini; or simply cold approach. Then all you'll have to worry about is whether they find you hot enough.

[anduina]

If you wish additional pics from the ladies, then ask for them. Some like myself won't reply (I'm thin) since there are so many pervs online. Others who don't mind will send you pics.

 

It's as if you don't wish any negative feedback when you ask something that you're aware, might be considered offensive. Life's not serene sailing so pull up your big boy panties and take the repercussions.

[PrettyEmily77]

If you wish additional pics from the ladies, then ask for them. Some like myself won't reply (I'm thin) since there are so many pervs online. Others who don't mind will send you pics.

 

It's as if you don't wish any negative feedback when you ask something that you're aware, might be considered offensive. Life's not serene sailing so pull up your big boy panties and take the repercussions.

 

This.

 

What's stopping you from asking for a full-body pic straight up, OP?

[SevenCity]

You might want to consider what it means to equate a person selling a car to a woman looking for a date. And the body of a car to the body of a woman. Maybe something about your attitude contributes to your dating struggles. Just something to think about.

 

Look. I get where you're coming from. If you're not willing to just go out and meet someone who piqued your interest, just date women who are willing to send you multiple pictures on demand or skype wearing a bikini; or simply cold approach. Then all you'll have to worry about is whether they find you hot enough.

 

I was not equating the body of car to a woman. What I was doing was illustrating that pics purposely intended to hide something are deceptive.

 

I have no issue with cold approaching but I do not see available women I find attractive locally.

 

And yes, I only want to date a women who thinks I'm hot enough. That's why I don't include pics that hid anything in my profile. No amount of humor or confidence will sway her if I don't meet the minimum requirements.

[SevenCity]

If you wish additional pics from the ladies, then ask for them. Some like myself won't reply (I'm thin) since there are so many pervs online. Others who don't mind will send you pics.

 

It's as if you don't wish any negative feedback when you ask something that you're aware, might be considered offensive. Life's not serene sailing so pull up your big boy panties and take the repercussions.

 

That was the exact point of my thread. I know this can be misconstrued so I don't want to outright ask as it may be taken the wrong way.

 

I wonder, if my complaint was that women are claiming they are big but showing up thin in person and I only liked big girls if the responses would be different.

[PrettyEmily77]

That was the exact point of my thread. I know this can be misconstrued so I don't want to outright ask as it may be taken the wrong way.

 

I wonder, if my complaint was that women are claiming they are big but showing up thin in person and I only liked big girls if the responses would be different.

 

What 'wrong way' would that be? You mean you don't want to come across as shallow to the physically attractive women you are interested in?

 

Not everyone prioritises physical hotness the same way you do, so by asking outright, you're preempting a compatibility issue as well as dealing with your other issue, so it's a win win for all.

[NuevoYorko]

Who cares what any of us think. Ask for the documentation you need. If someone's ok with that, and you are attracted to them, AND they are interested in you, you're golden.

 

As the poster above said, you'd be incompatible with any woman who wasn't happy to send what you are asking for.

[anduina]

That was the exact point of my thread. I know this can be misconstrued so I don't want to outright ask as it may be taken the wrong way.

You can't have it all. Ask and risk being thought a perv or superficial, or expect to be disappointed if a more curvy female arrives. The other possibility is to request a skype session before you meet and ask her to stand up, lol.

 

I wonder, if my complaint was that women are claiming they are big but showing up thin in person and I only liked big girls if the responses would be different.

My response wouldn't change, even if the body weight preference was reversed. Actually, some guys do consider me too thin and that's fine with me.

[ReformedPUA]

Being single in the burbs sucks. Especially in your 40s.

 

I don't have the desire to sell my house and my cars for a crappy overpriced apartment in NYC though. I like my life and where I live.

 

I'm willing to travel for the right girl though. One date may end up being the person you marry so I'm willing to put in some work. I'll admit that I scrutinize more if there is travel involved and they have to show a high level of interest. I'm not going out of my way for a girl who thinks I'm "meh".

 

A. You know what? Just for kicks I decided to do a MAtch search of NYC. I put in single white female college-educated no kids in her 30s, 10007 zip code. Here are some relevant facts:

 

1. I checked out 10 profiles, 7 of them had a full body shot. A couple in their bathing suits (on vacation) and another in yoga class in yoga tights.

 

2. My search had "2000+ Matches"

 

So, your gripe about women not posting full body shots is baseless. You have **literally thousands** of women in NYC who post full body shots.

 

B. I am sorry to hear that a date involves so much travelling on your part but surely you realize that this is a product of where you live--the choice YOU made. A lot of *people* in the city aren't willing to travel to date, and why should they, when there are again, literally thousands of singles in their zip code. It's what they are really getting for their rent money. You have the option yourself to limit your search to women in your zip code. Or move.

 

C. Meeting people and being disappointed is just a product of OLD. Full body shots or no. Women meet men who says all the right things in his profile such as how he wants a relationship but instead he really just wants to hook up. Or guys who represent themselves as being funny and charismatic behind a computer or phone screen but who lack charisma in person. People have great texting and phone chemistry but nothing is there face-to-face. Surely by your age you get that this is just how dating goes. It's silly for you to complain like this, a grown man in his 40s.

 

 

This thread is just whiney in general. Buck up!

Edited January 27, 2017 by ReformedPUA