Who does the cleaning in these circumstances.

[Lady2163]

To answer the original question: with the details provided, your sister *should* do close to 90% of the housework.

 

But it isn't that way for every relationship.

 

Whichever adult is has the wardrobe that is higher maintenance should be the one to do laundry. However, if the man has more clothes that need to be ironed, then he is the iron man.

 

I'm retired and not quite 50. IF I had a live-in relationship there's a good chance he would still be working. I wouldn't mind doing most of the housework, but I would expect him to do maintenance and yard work without being hounded or reminded. When I was married, I cooked, husband cleaned up afterwards. He'd leave the dishes for hours. Many mornings I'd wake up and go in the kitchen only to find supper dishes and food sat out all night.

 

It's hard to be an adult 24/7. Housework is boring and there's no reward for it. Being a housewife or househusband is a thankless job. I'm guessing your sister has given up and yes, she might be manipulative as well.

 

There's not much you can do or suggest. This has to come from them.

[mightycpa]

Settle a debate between a warring married couple who are friends of mine.

 

Married couple, mom barely worked for last 8 years. One 3 year old boy. Mom stays at home now to look after the boy but she wasnt working much before she had him. Now works 5 hours a week teaching classes either in the very early hours of the morning, like 6am, or after work at 7pm. Dad deals with son in the mornings before work and after work when mom is teaching classes 5 hours a week.

 

Other than the 5 hours teaching, mom is at home all day with 3 year old. The child takes a long nap in the afternoon.

 

Dad works full time, 40 hours a week, monday to friday. Long drive to work, skilled profession etc.

 

Who should be doing the general day to day housework under these circumstances, mom or dad?

Mom, but only because she stays at home to watch the child during the day. She should also be teaching the 3 year old from this age forward what it's like to have pride in where you live, how to put things away, how to make a bed, wipe a counter, mop a floor, and generally care for your things and treat them like they matter to you. He won't be any good at it now, but he'll learn. Better than that, they'll develop an expectation, and he won't be an added cleaning burden as he gets older. He'll understand and pitch in. They just have to sell it as "this is what we do."

 

H could do things to pitch in like make the bed, give the bathroom sinks a once over every morning and try to stay tidy. Maybe take the trash out, and refill the toilet paper. Be a clean-as-you-go type of resident, so that he doesn't leave extra messes for W to clean up during the day. He might clear the table, and W, if she cooks, could do her part by not using a bunch of pots and pans and making a huge job of cleanup. Again, involving the child, making it fun will pay huge dividends in the long run.

 

The trick for them is to get practical.

 

If neither are the housecleaning type, they will eventually settle into some low common denominator, and the house will be whatever level of messy/dirty the neatest one of them can stand until they hire someone to do it for them.