How often do men either cold approach you or strike up a conversation with you?

[Weezy1973]

I think what gets lost on people is that the vast majority of adults are in a relationship. Somewhere around 80% in North America, which means all things being equal, if you're a man who does cold approaches, 80% of the time you'll likely be shot down and it has nothing to do with whether or not you're attractive.

 

And that is why I never cold approached either. The odds are just so bad.

[pindie]

Yea but I just find it odd why guys don't like to start conversations with me ever unless it is a taxi driver. And I have only had a total of 3 taxi drivers who called me beautiful but that is it. It's like no one else likes me or finds me attractive ):

[Woggle]

Men are kind of afraid to talk to women because we never know what kind of reaction we will get.

[Popsicle]

Most guys are not really big talkers.

 

So starting a conversation is already hard for them.

 

They usually need to be in an atmosphere where the woman has a sign on her forehead that says "I am here because I want to date and I want to be talked to".

[Mr Who]

Most of my cold approaches were in broad daylight on the bus or subway or airplane. I never succeeded in a club, too noisy and the girls are on high alert expecting to be approached, also they are then very selective and I would even say wasteful; an abundance mentality. The cold approach has always been a heart-racing experience for me regardless of how attractive the girl was. The pain when you get dismissed takes a toll on a guy's ego. Now on the wrong side of 30 I don't do it anymore, for the fear of being perceived as a creep just because I believe I am too old to do it. Should I still be doing cold approaches, is there an age you should stop? I guess why you don't get approached has not so much to do with your attractiveness, but a lot to do with communication barriers either you set up or the mental ones the guy have . Example: 1. Do you browse your phone the whole time 2. Do you have earphones in your ear. 3. Are you avoiding eye contact? 4. Are you creating a situation or a chance for communication? 5. Are you you wearing something unique he can comment on. You got to help the poor souls, not all men are great conversation starters.

[LookAtThisPOst]

Most guys are not really big talkers.

 

So starting a conversation is already hard for them.

 

They usually need to be in an atmosphere where the woman has a sign on her forehead that says "I am here because I want to date and I want to be talked to".

 

Exactly. Otherwise you better have a GOOD reason to approach a woman otherwise.

 

That's where some of the Meetup up group come in handy. People are there FOR the reason of meeting new people. They are mentally ready for it.

 

At random, in public, it's rather off-putting. I know of some single women that have been single by choice...that purposely being slightly cordial with the men that approach them...but are trying to blow them off.

 

I recall a single woman that was +1 to an event, she was just there...with a friend of the group..tagging along, but she wasn't very talkative...just stuck to her friend like glue the entire time.

[ReformedPUA]

There are a lot of posts I could quote, but I picked these two. I think the second post I quoted gives good perspective on the first.

 

When I do it, they usually aren't open to talking to strangers cold turkey. I recall at time when I was in a coffee shop waiting on my order, and a pretty lady behind me steps up an orders, so now we're both waiting on our coffees.

 

She ordered a particular blend I wasn't familiar with, so I asked about it and how it was. I got short answers, "It's okay" I had asked her if she was done with her Christmas shopping yet, and she goes, "No." and doesn't even make eye contact.

 

Usually they have one foot pointing towards the door or something. It's like if they don't know who you are, they don't want to know you.

 

Of course, I live in an area where it's a fishbowl community, so unless you went to the same high school they did and know you from the clicks from back then...they aren't open to making new friends.

 

I think what gets lost on people is that the vast majority of adults are in a relationship. Somewhere around 80% in North America, which means all things being equal, if you're a man who does cold approaches, 80% of the time you'll likely be shot down and it has nothing to do with whether or not you're attractive.

 

....

 

LookAtThisPOst--and other guys, I think Weezy gave you some good perspective here. I wouldn't take the woman's reaction personally. She might have just had a fight with her boyfriend or husband, or best friend. Her teenager might have just told her that morning that he was going to run away and join the circus. You don't know. As long as you were polite and didn't badger her or invade her personal space or anything, you're good. Her day wasn't ruined just because you deigned to ask her about the roast she was trying or how her holiday shopping was going. You sure as hell aren't weird or creepy just because you opened your mouth to say something to an attractive stranger.

 

I'd think of cold-approaches as something that might work out, but if they don't, it's nbd. What did you lose by talking to a stranger? Nothing! You may end up getting a date, sex, a relationship, or a new friend out of it though.

Edited January 27, 2017 by ReformedPUA

[Jj66]

It's an art and even if you have good game you'll still get shut down most of the time. This is why most men don't do it.

 

We used to MAKE pledges in my fraternity do cold approaches just to watch what happens. We'd send them on missions while we observed. They'd get acclamation for getting the most mission points and also for best shut down stories.

 

I once had to approach two girls lying on the grass studying in a park. My mission was to get them to come to a party we were having on Saturday. I went over to them and sat down Indian style very near them and struck up a conversation. The initial look was what the hell is this guy up to? It didn't take long for them to realize I was non-threatening. We talked a little bit and then I invited them to our party.

 

I can't imagine that I could have ever cold approached two women together if my fraternity brother hadn't made me do it. If my mission had been to get the brunette's phone number I don't know what I would have done. That's a much harder mission than inviting both of them to a party.

[Better]

I'm male, mid-40s, and every serious relationship I have ever had has been at least somewhat in the cold-approach range. I would describe myself as slightly above average in attractiveness and fit. I also have little fear of rejection in places where I am unlikely to see the person that rejected me again. That is the place where I would do a cold approach and see where it goes.

 

My current girlfriend was one of those attempts. I was sitting at a very crowded bar with an empty seat next to me but the chairs were jam packed together with no room between them, basically seat to seat. I was there to meet up with friends for happy hour but they got stuck in a meeting and were super late. She walked up on her own, obviously by herself, looking for a place to sit down but there was no room between the seats for her to get in to that empty seat next to me. I noticed her and offered her the seat by getting out of my own and asking her if she would like to sit. She did and we struck up a great conversation. My friends never showed up, and she invited me to the concert she was heading to afterwards since she was just stopping for some dinner and a drink at the bar before heading to the concert on her own a few blocks away.

 

It's been an amazing relationship, and I'm so happy I reached out to her when I saw her trying to figure out where she was going to find that dinner and drink before the concert.

 

On the other hand, I travel a lot too. I hit 100k miles on two different airlines last year and am on track to do the same again this year. After much experience, I rarely ever talk to the people next to me on the plane regardless of gender or attractiveness. I might get stuck in a conversation I don't want with the business person next to me the whole way. I might try the cold approach with an attractive woman, get rejected, and have an uncomfortable coast to coast flight. It's just not worth it to me so I generally put on my headphones and keep to myself when flying.

 

Time and a place for everything, I guess.

[pindie]

There are a lot of posts I could quote, but I picked these two. I think the second post I quoted gives good perspective on the first.

 

 

 

 

 

LookAtThisPOst--and other guys, I think Weezy gave you some good perspective here. I wouldn't take the woman's reaction personally. She might have just had a fight with her boyfriend or husband, or best friend. Her teenager might have just told her that morning that he was going to run away and join the circus. You don't know. As long as you were polite and didn't badger her or invade her personal space or anything, you're good. Her day wasn't ruined just because you deigned to ask her about the roast she was trying or how her holiday shopping was going. You sure as hell aren't weird or creepy just because you opened your mouth to say something to an attractive stranger.

 

I'd think of cold-approaches as something that might work out, but if they don't, it's nbd. What did you lose by talking to a stranger? Nothing! You may end up getting a date, sex, a relationship, or a new friend out of it though.

 

This is what I hate about todays generation. Everyone is so against conversing with strangers in a public setting but I kind of like it, especially when its unexpected. Even though I rarely get chatted up in public, I once met a cool Afrikaner guy once and I wasn't aiming to socialize with anyone. I am probably one of the few woman who thinks this way, but I think it is good to talk to NORMAL (not weird or creepy) strangers because who knows, I might be the most compatible with the person sitting/standing right next to me.

[Mr Who]

I once met a cool Afrikaner guy once and I wasn't aiming to socialize with anyone. I am probably one of the few woman who thinks this way, but I think it is good to talk to NORMAL (not weird or creepy) strangers because who knows, I might be the most compatible with the person sitting/standing right next to me.

 

Hey Pindie, I am an Afrikaner guy! Out of curiosity how did you engage in conversation?

[hotpotato]

Most men don't cold approach in my experience.

 

Most of the men who do in my experience are of certain ethncities and/or over 50 years old. I've been asked out by men as old as 70. I'm not even 30 lol. There's one group of men called the kings of cold approach and for good reason.

 

I think it's a bit odd to think men will cold approach you on an airplane. There's a slim chance you will ever see that person again. I don't even talk to other people on the plane. It feels awkward.

 

 

*by cold approach i mean ask on a date

[thefooloftheyear]

Most men don't cold approach in my experience.

 

Most of the men who do in my experience are of certain ethncities and/or over 50 years old. I've been asked out by men as old as 70. I'm not even 30 lol. There's one group of men called the kings of cold approach and for good reason.

 

I think it's a bit odd to think men will cold approach you on an airplane. There's a slim chance you will ever see that person again. I don't even talk to other people on the plane. It feels awkward.

 

 

*by cold approach i mean ask on a date

 

 

There was a guy that used to hang around with us when we all went out to clubs..This guy was hideous looking and a complete clown, but his theory is just to approach every woman in the place and the odds would be in his favor....amazingly, he did get a lot of hookups and dates....as well as tons of rejections, some repulsed...

 

I always thought it was "weird" to just walk up to a woman cold...Heck, there even has been times where I knew she was all in for it, but I wouldn't do it...It just didn't feel comfortable to me..Plus, because I am a pretty big guy with some tattoos, Id imagine a lot of them would probably get a bit scared(?)...I dunno...whatever the case..

 

That's why I often advocate women to approach men...I know the theory is that its still pretty much a "man's job", but I think there is some solid logic to what you. me, and many others are saying...Many guys just don't do it...And its been my experience that the most aggressive pursuers are usually the least desirable(like the guy I mentioned above)....

 

TFY

[pindie]

Hey Pindie, I am an Afrikaner guy! Out of curiosity how did you engage in conversation?

 

It was a hotel elevator. Later, he asked me to have drinks with him and his friends.

[bebe23]

For the main question in the thread, I have men chatting with me all the time and I don't really think it's flirting behavior or anything. Just friendly behavior. I'm 46 years old and married.

In the grocery store or waiting in line alone, often if there is a guy my age (middle age or older) he smiles at me and says something like 'gee I picked a bad time to grocery shop!' I usually tell him that I like to do my shopping on Sunday afternoon when a favorite NFL football team is playing. (that will no longer work because now said team missed out on the Super Bowl! ) Then the guy might say, no way is he missing the game! One time a guy was giving me his opinion on store brand butter vs. name brand butter, kind of random.

 

I think it is fun, even though I am married. In most of these occasions I was wearing gloves, so they can't see my wedding ring. I think it's all just friendly small talk though, not flirting or sexual. Where I live it's what people do. We are friendly here. Being a shy introverted person who lives in my head, having strangers talk to me forces me out of my head and into the real world.

[Tayla]

as my sons mammy would say: Bet your bippy I talk to folks on airplanes. If they are the last people I see alive, I want to know who is going to grab my life vest!

 

Seriously I have no qualms in being approached or approaching ppl of either gender. I am technically clueless even if they may have a hidden agenda ( of a dating nature i.e). Mostly I am naive to believe most folks are just looking to engage in current events or letting off steam....

 

yeah...an elevator is a cornered spot.....you can't exactly say " pardon while I go freshen up!".