moogly Posted January 22, 2017 Share Posted January 22, 2017 hi, new here, looking for advice. Dont know what to do. Angishing over this off and on for awhile. here's the situation: Married after a couple of months of dating. her 3rd my first (her ex's cheated). she is christian i'm non practicing catholic. we have great chemistry get along very well, but... i have this feeling that she just wants to be supported. we are both 48 and professional, make similar salary, she does not have any assets i have some in the mid six figures. why do i think this? her reply to my request to be a partner in household expenses was "am i your wife or roommate?" my belief that premarital assets are separate, her insistence that we share everything or getting upset when i mentioned "my" classic car not 'our". reminds me of the line from Hamlet "The lady doth protest too much, methinks", when she says she does not want my house etc... we've been separated about 10 months, she delayed signing settlement agreement (would not agree to return furnishings i brought in ((even though i payed a couple of grand to get her stuff out of storage before auction)) telling me she had been praying we would get back together. we dated a bit, chemistry still there. so we get along great, better than i have with anyone else and spent the week of new years together and had a great time. when i bring up a post nuptial agreement to ease my mind and concerns she says no. she kinda sort of came around to a five year agreement. my stance is it would take finances out of the equation, ease my concern over the rush to marry. we should have separate finances and pool common finances. like i said, she's be praying (pslams (?) to restore marriage), trying to save marriage your thoughts on prenups, post nups, finance in marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted January 22, 2017 Share Posted January 22, 2017 My friend you have a lot to lose and she has everything to gain. You'd better protect yourself immediately!!!!! The old saying "love is blind". Holds very true. Plus this is her third go round!!!!!! Big red flags on this plus she has no assets!!!!! Wow Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted January 22, 2017 Share Posted January 22, 2017 Married after a couple of months of dating. her 3rd my first moogly, why on earth would you marry a twice-divorced woman after only a couple months of dating? I'll assume your knowledge that her ex's cheated came from her. As with your current marriage, might be a different agenda involved. Beware... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Mumbles Posted January 23, 2017 Share Posted January 23, 2017 Mmm. I think you are right to have caution here. Transfer of assets from men to women can be cultural, are you both of the same background? My wife is inclined to be like this, because her background culture is such that its relatively easy for women to be ejected from a relationship/marriage with nothing and can find themselves destitute. As with many cultural things, the basis for this type of stuff is usually historical and carries forward in time even when circumstances (today) are wildly different. Nevertheless, the strong urge remains. Anyway, assuming the above is -not- the case, I'd largely agree with your notion of wanting to take finances off the table. If you love each other, why is this love dependent upon the financial situation of either party? In these enlightened times its hard to see why it should be such a big thing. One way to remove finances, or the prospect of large financial transfers due to divorce or separation would be to move all your assets into an appropriate form of corporate trust. These arrangements vary enormously between countries and jurisdictions so can't really go into any useful specifics (and I'm not a lawyer!), but my belief is that essentially you become asset and cash poor, with all material and liquid assets becoming the property of the trust. Its a similar notion to that used by wealthy directors of companies to protect themselves should one of their companies go broke, or be sued into oblivion. Whilst there are plenty of loopholes and real care needs to be taken, the idea is that a director can only be sued, or can only pay as a result of a suit, to his net worth value ... which, if its essentially zero ... well ... you get the idea. You need legal council to really get a good mental plan of whats possible, to protect yourself, as local law will vary enormously. Assuming this is possible, and is worth pursuing, would be interesting to see her reaction. If she up and leaves because you're essentially broke, well, you have your answer. Link to post Share on other sites
Rouik Posted January 23, 2017 Share Posted January 23, 2017 Finances are an extremely important and often stressing part of being married. Alot of couples struggle with how to deal with sharing finances. I know you guys have a really good time together but marriage is so much more then enjoing hanging out, there are alot of difficult things to work through. If you are both dedicated to making it work i would suggest marriage counsling, maybe a third party can help you both get on the same page with your financial future. From the little bit you shared in the post i can understand both sides and it will take compromise from you both to meet in the middle. I hope you guys can find a way to make it work, and i wish you both the best as you move forward in this process. Link to post Share on other sites
ShatteredLady Posted January 25, 2017 Share Posted January 25, 2017 I don't really understand the state of your marriage. You're separated & you want her to NOW sign something so she has no claim on your finances? Can you see how that looks? "I'm not going to divorce you but just in case....". I'm guessing you realize the time to think about this was before you married & 'made the deal'. You make it sound like the ONLY issue that you have in your marriage is money. Are you separated because she refused to sign a post nup? Nearly 50...have you lived on your own most of your life? Link to post Share on other sites
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