seren Posted January 24, 2017 Share Posted January 24, 2017 Noelle, how are you today? I hope you aren't feeling like when you posted. I have been on here for some time and have seen OW/OM come and go, very few have ended up with the MM and have gone on to have happy marriages and relationships, most not so. Those looked for advice, a lot blamed themselves, then as time went on they saw that a relationship with someone who is married is usually doomed to fail. I have read while they blame themselves, blame the BS, blame anyone but the WS, then, with time and support, they come to the understanding that the only person with true power in the affair is the WS. These men and women believed what they were told by the WS, the BS's on here believed their husband or wife, ultimately at least one of them was hurt, at least one of them blamed themselves. It takes time to heal from hurt, no matter what role you occupy in the affair. Most of the OW/OM on here learn from it, they realise that they are worth more than being someone else's secret and it makes me so glad to read that they have found someone who is single, who makes them number one and who can shout out to the world that they are with the person they love. Good people often do bad things, it doesn't make them bad people, just making bad choices. Having an affair isn't all that you are, nor should it define who you can be. It is perfectly normal to feel reactive depression when something hurts so badly. My very good friend took her life when the WS didn't leave his wife, she had been with him for over 15 yrs. His life continues, my lovely friend couldn't deal with all those years of waiting and lies. Please, speak to someone, go see your doctor, get some support and help while you are processing all this. The men and women on this part of the site will understand what you are going through, all will have your back, will support and care for you. You believed the WS, we have all been there, either as a OW/OM or as a BS, it always hurts to find out we have been lied to and we nearly always firstly blame ourselves and look to see what we could have done better, thing is, it is never about us, it is always about the WS. Please get some support and stop blaming yourself. xx 5 Link to post Share on other sites
HadMeOverABarrel Posted January 25, 2017 Share Posted January 25, 2017 Please stop. Please go and see your doctor and tell him exactly how you feel and what you said here. I have been there, oh boy have I been there - I stood on a bridge over a busy road and just longed to jump - for it all to end - I was an ugly blot on a beautiful world - everyone would have an easier life without me - the only thing that stopped me is that I had my dog with me and I imagined him running around confused and terrified and getting hit by a car. So I didn't and I went to see my GP and was given meds. It was a long hard pull out of that state but I did it. I started running again, I changed my diet, I cut back on the wine, and slowly and surely I fitted back in to my world again. There is so much to live for, so much xx Sorry to TJ. Thank God for dogs! My dog saved me in a similar way. My imagining what would happen to her without my care kept me here. Glad you made it! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
GollumsNightmare Posted January 25, 2017 Share Posted January 25, 2017 Noelle, I just want you to know you were heard. Please know these feelings are temporary. Don't make a permanent decision based on the way you feel right now. It gets better. Life will be better. You will be happy again one day. Please seek help from your doctor. I did. It made all the difference. We are all pulling for you. Link to post Share on other sites
BTDT2012 Posted January 25, 2017 Share Posted January 25, 2017 Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Please seek professional help. Remember that what you see on social media is what people want you to see. Block both of them. You made a bad choice. Resolve to make better choices in the future. Be proud of yourself for having the strength to end it. Link to post Share on other sites
freengreen Posted January 27, 2017 Share Posted January 27, 2017 Only solution?.. suicide is not a solution in the first place. Secondly, over him?... Give yourself another chance, snap out of it and see the beauty. Link to post Share on other sites
Author NoelleCat Posted January 30, 2017 Author Share Posted January 30, 2017 That's the thing though - he IS a bad guy. He has you and probably others convinced that he is a good guy because he is a manipulator. I work with the guy I was involved with and everyone thinks he's funny and nice. Only I know the truth. You should check out ChumpLady's site. She has a stock phrase for the BSs on there - trust that they suck. It's not you. Trust that he sucks. It's funny that you mention ChumpLady! I've read a ton on her site and she absolutely despises mistresses. She says we are all sluts essentially and we asked for this "pain" that pales in comparison to the wives'. And if you ever read the comments, well... Most of those women would be more than ecstatic to see a mistress like me dead. Link to post Share on other sites
jah526 Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 It's funny that you mention ChumpLady! I've read a ton on her site and she absolutely despises mistresses. She says we are all sluts essentially and we asked for this "pain" that pales in comparison to the wives'. And if you ever read the comments, well... Most of those women would be more than ecstatic to see a mistress like me dead. I know. I ignore that stuff. The majority of the vitriol is directed at the MM though. I believe many of them are very adept at manipulating women. Mine sure was. Link to post Share on other sites
Author NoelleCat Posted February 1, 2017 Author Share Posted February 1, 2017 I know. I ignore that stuff. The majority of the vitriol is directed at the MM though. I believe many of them are very adept at manipulating women. Mine sure was. How do you ignore them? They don't just hate other women, they think they are inherently inferior. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 1, 2017 Share Posted February 1, 2017 How do you ignore them? They don't just hate other women, they think they are inherently inferior. Easy, stop reading and going on those sites. Link to post Share on other sites
jah526 Posted February 1, 2017 Share Posted February 1, 2017 How do you ignore them? They don't just hate other women, they think they are inherently inferior. Noelle, don't read that site if it is hurting you. I guess I just take it with a grain of salt - the women on that site are hurting too, and lashing out. I get how you are feeling. The guy I was involved with made me feel like I was second class. But the longer I'm away from him the better I'm feeling about myself. You walked away, you declined friendship, and you also found another job. That is tough to do when you are in the depths of an addictive relationship. Give yourself some credit. Link to post Share on other sites
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