Ugh [after we slept together...crickets]

[selinaluv]

Well nothing...This time if he doesn't contact me again then I know that it was only fun

 

What do you want him to do? Pronounce his love?

 

You both barely knew each other.

 

He lives out of town and hasn't spoken to you in weeks. You had to reach out and he responded in a generic text. That is your response and it isn't going to change now.

 

Either ask him what is going on or disappear from him and move on.

[VictoriaB]

What do you want him to do? Pronounce his love?

 

You both barely knew each other.

 

He lives out of town and hasn't spoken to you in weeks. You had to reach out and he responded in a generic text. That is your response and it isn't going to change now.

 

Either ask him what is going on or disappear from him and move on.

 

No i got the feeling he was waiting on me.

I want him to check in from time to time....He did say we can be good to each other

[selinaluv]

No i got the feeling he was waiting on me.

I want him to check in from time to time....He did say we can be good to each other

 

After that amount of time he would have texted. Even if he was waiting, he would break down and do it if he really wanted to. Interested men don't let time go by and give another man an opportunity to win you over... especially 50 yeah old confident men.

[Gr8fuln2020]

I could be wrong, but you did mention that you were not experienced. Does that include relationships, in general? You're a 30 year old woman dating a 50 year old man. Nothing wrong with that unless you accepted and attached yourself to the first man who took notice of you.

 

He did say we can be good to each other

 

What?! His response, is again, convincingly inadequate. Why would a man w/ any sense wait for you to make contact, wait 3-weeks+ and unfollow you?

 

Good luck VictoriaB. Please do ask him when he'll make another trip to your area. I wager that is what your relationship will be, if anything at all.

 

...we can be good to each other... What does that mean anyway?

[VictoriaB]

After that amount of time he would have texted. Even if he was waiting, he would break down and do it if he really wanted to. Interested men don't let time go by and give another man an opportunity to win you over... especially 50 yeah old confident men.

 

OK yes you are correct...I am moving on..I don't have a choice anyway. It hurts to be rejected like that especially after long time contact but I was living in fantasy

[VictoriaB]

I could be wrong, but you did mention that you were not experienced. Does that include relationships, in general? You're a 30 year old woman dating a 50 year old man. Nothing wrong with that unless you accepted and attached yourself to the first man who took notice of you.

 

He did say we can be good to each other

 

What?! His response, is again, convincingly inadequate. Why would a man w/ any sense wait for you to make contact, wait 3-weeks+ and unfollow you?

 

Good luck VictoriaB. Please do ask him when he'll make another trip to your area. I wager that is what your relationship will be, if anything at all.

 

...we can be good to each other... What does that mean anyway?

 

No I didn't tell him my inexperience but he figured cuz he asked when as the last time I had sex....

Yeah I got confused too what does that suppose to mean? **** friends?

 

Yeah I don't know why 3 weeks....He lost interest in hose 3 weeks I guess....If you know Instagram very good you know hose Instagram stories that you can put up like Snapchat? Well he was viewing them in those 3 weeks but no comment and just yesterday unfollowed me

[travelbug1996]

If the sex was outstanding to him he would have been back for more. He sensed your inexperience with sex and was probably turned off. Oh well. It happens OP you just gotta take your lumps and lessons as they come.

 

I would go hump the next hot guy i came across. just kidding:bunny:

[RecentChange]

Uff, well.... Life lesson huh?

 

Few points, so hopefully you do not make the same mistakes again.

 

Now, I agree with those who say making your pussy a "prize" that he has to wait for is out dated, in a general sense (for instance I slept with my husband on the second date over 15 years ago) - BUT causal sex needs to be an informed choice when, and if (if ever!!) you are ready.

 

It's not something for someone who doesn't compartmentalize and gaurd their feelings. It's not for someone who feels love and sex are deeply connected. It's generally not for the inexperienced as there are many mind fields to negotiate.

 

Never rush into bed with someone that you would be hurt by not hearing from them again.

 

So in that sense, for you, I think waiting would have been a good idea.

 

Also, men will blow some serious smoke up your hiney to get in your pants. The flattery can feel good, but recognize it for what it is.

 

Another thing I want to point out is the lack of RESPECT ghosting you shows. I am sorry, but if he respected you, he would have reached out the very next day.

 

Don't ever chase a man who doesn't respect you. And love and respect yourself enough that you demand better treatment.

 

So, take this experience, and knew knowledge to make better choices next time. And just block this guy okay? He is a user, plain and simple.

[VictoriaB]

If the sex was outstanding to him he would have been back for more. He sensed your inexperience with sex and was probably turned off. Oh well. It happens OP you just gotta take your lumps and lessons as they come.

 

I would go hump the next hot guy i came across. just kidding:bunny:

 

I mean we still kept going he had an orgasm...Then we watched TV and he asked for me to stay over

[VictoriaB]

If the sex was outstanding to him he would have been back for more. He sensed your inexperience with sex and was probably turned off. Oh well. It happens OP you just gotta take your lumps and lessons as they come.

 

I would go hump the next hot guy i came across. just kidding:bunny:

 

Listen I'm not about casual sex OK just because this happened with him hence my inexperience

[VictoriaB]

Uff, well.... Life lesson huh?

 

Few points, so hopefully you do not make the same mistakes again.

 

Now, I agree with those who say making your pussy a "prize" that he has to wait for is out dated, in a general sense (for instance I slept with my husband on the second date over 15 years ago) - BUT causal sex needs to be an informed choice when, and if (if ever!!) you are ready.

 

It's not something for someone who doesn't compartmentalize and gaurd their feelings. It's not for someone who feels love and sex are deeply connected. It's generally not for the inexperienced as there are many mind fields to negotiate.

 

Never rush into bed with someone that you would be hurt by not hearing from them again.

 

So in that sense, for you, I think waiting would have been a good idea.

 

Also, men will blow some serious smoke up your hiney to get in your pants. The flattery can feel good, but recognize it for what it is.

 

Another thing I want to point out is the lack of RESPECT ghosting you shows. I am sorry, but if he respected you, he would have reached out the very next day.

 

Don't ever chase a man who doesn't respect you. And love and respect yourself enough that you demand better treatment.

 

So, take this experience, and knew knowledge to make better choices next time. And just block this guy okay? He is a user, plain and simple.

 

Yes you're right....I hate how I fell for his I will make plans for us and everything else that happened... Sigh

[Mkn1010]

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE do not listen to the above post :/ :/ :/

 

 

Being sexually inexperienced would NOT put off a guy that liked you for YOU! This guy didn't so consider yourself lucky that you found that out early.

 

 

Don't think for one minute that you need to become more sexually experienced so as to hook a guy or get him 'coming back for more' like the above poster suggested. Just be yourself, that type will be a d-bag anyway.

 

 

GOOD LUCK, be kind to you and stick to your boundaries

[VictoriaB]

Oh, wait. He didn't even text you...this was a casual reply, however many days/weeks later?

 

Am I correct there?

 

Yeah,

...

 

....................

 

 

...................................

 

HELL

 

to the no.

 

Don't answer, and move on.

 

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE do not listen to the above post :/ :/ :/

 

 

Being sexually inexperienced would NOT put off a guy that liked you for YOU! This guy didn't so consider yourself lucky that you found that out early.

 

 

Don't think for one minute that you need to become more sexually experienced so as to hook a guy or get him 'coming back for more' like the above poster suggested. Just be yourself, that type will be a d-bag anyway.

 

 

GOOD LUCK, be kind to you and stick to your boundaries

 

 

 

Thank you :-) thing is he did say how he likes me...Likes my face...My eyes...kept staring in my eyes kissing my face...Great actor i suppose

[winny]

If the sex was outstanding to him he would have been back for more. He sensed your inexperience with sex and was probably turned off.

 

Yeah right..!

Who wants a guy that comes back to you for "more sex".... and likes you just for that. If a 50 yr old man cannot be mature enough to know that first time sex with any new partner is rarely that great anyways... then... he deserves to be dumped.

[winny]

Thank you :-) thing is he did say how he likes me...Likes my face...My eyes...kept staring in my eyes kissing my face...Great actor i suppose

 

You need to pay less attention to words...

Edited January 24, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Edited for context ~ V

[CaliforniaGirl]

Thank you :-) thing is he did say how he likes me...Likes my face...My eyes...kept staring in my eyes kissing my face...Great actor i suppose

 

No...he probably did like all that stuff but...this may sound bad, so brace yourself. And men, please don't complain about generalizations as I am going off my experience...and it IS my experience, three decades of it. (Besides, the overall idea doesn't exclusively apply to men. It probably equally applies to women.)

 

A guy - your guy - DOES (did) feel these things strongly when he's gearing up for sex. He sort of gets "stars in his eyes." The woman he's with looks AMAZING to him. She seems amazing, too...oh, he just LOVES her laugh...oh, he LOVES that sexy cute way she looks sideways at him...he loves this, he loves that, he's magnetized, he can't WAIT to meet up with her.

 

Then the O happens and...the bright colors he was beholding a second ago dim a little.

 

I fully believe there's a mechanism that makes many things we want seem better before we get them. I'm not sure why (biologically or psychologically) but it seems to be so true at times. This WILL sound awful, but...it's kind of like an amazing meal when you're starving. While you're anticipating it, it seems like heaven. But after you eat it, if someone were to put the identical plate in front of you you'd be very "meh" about seconds...and even a week later it may not seem so "amazing." You may want it but never again will you want it with that "OMG this is going to be FREAKING HEAVEN" drooling desire.

 

I think our senses heighten when we want something. It's not fakery. It's for real. We REALLY feel that way. Maybe it is what keeps us reaching for what, ultimately, we need? Maybe that's the mechanism? I don't know. (Thinking like an anthropologist here...)

 

But anyway...when we apply this to relationships, and to sex, unless there's something else underneath, then once what we "want" has been "gotten" it's no longer so amazing to behold anymore.

 

IF, OTOH, the person really wants the other person for more than...well...yeah, THEN that person still looks amazing "after."

 

In some cases, *more* amazing...

 

And more and more...

 

...That's when you know it's a relationship, or at least a relationship-in-the-making.

 

I can't say I'm the voice of overarching wisdom as to how to "know" each and every time, and each and every date, which this will end up being. I don't. Definitely, for someone else I don't. And most definitely, I don't know when it comes to a stranger on the internet, and someone who is really just a stranger to her. I'd say, though, that the advice above to wait for your own sake, and for the sake of your tending to attach (natural...not putting that down) and difficulty compartmentalizing (likewise), is sound.

 

Waiting won't guarantee a relationship, and it won't "make" a guy who isn't into you want you for something long-term like some sort of magic bullet or something, but it *will* give you some time to catch your breath and really really think first. Wait. Wait for the fancy words to be done and the reality of consistent dating to set in. Just hold on and wait, and then decide you're ready.

 

IMO, that's about all you can do while you're gaining more experience about relationships. As for this one, yes, it hurts. I know. But he should be done...in YOUR opinion. You should NOT be seeing "if" he'll text you/text you back. You should be showing him your dust IF he should come sniffing back around, because you have no time whatsoever for this sort of thing. He does. That's fine for him. You don't. That's perfectly acceptable for you. Move on, and away from this guy. He is not the guy for you.

[VictoriaB]

No...he probably did like all that stuff but...this may sound bad, so brace yourself. And men, please don't complain about generalizations as I am going off my experience...and it IS my experience, three decades of it. (Besides, the overall idea doesn't exclusively apply to men. It probably equally applies to women.)

 

A guy - your guy - DOES (did) feel these things strongly when he's gearing up for sex. He sort of gets "stars in his eyes." The woman he's with looks AMAZING to him. She seems amazing, too...oh, he just LOVES her laugh...oh, he LOVES that sexy cute way she looks sideways at him...he loves this, he loves that, he's magnetized, he can't WAIT to meet up with her.

 

Then the O happens and...the bright colors he was beholding a second ago dim a little.

 

I fully believe there's a mechanism that makes many things we want seem better before we get them. I'm not sure why (biologically or psychologically) but it seems to be so true at times. This WILL sound awful, but...it's kind of like an amazing meal when you're starving. While you're anticipating it, it seems like heaven. But after you eat it, if someone were to put the identical plate in front of you you'd be very "meh" about seconds...and even a week later it may not seem so "amazing." You may want it but never again will you want it with that "OMG this is going to be FREAKING HEAVEN" drooling desire.

 

I think our senses heighten when we want something. It's not fakery. It's for real. We REALLY feel that way. Maybe it is what keeps us reaching for what, ultimately, we need? Maybe that's the mechanism? I don't know. (Thinking like an anthropologist here...)

 

But anyway...when we apply this to relationships, and to sex, unless there's something else underneath, then once what we "want" has been "gotten" it's no longer so amazing to behold anymore.

 

IF, OTOH, the person really wants the other person for more than...well...yeah, THEN that person still looks amazing "after."

 

In some cases, *more* amazing...

 

And more and more...

 

...That's when you know it's a relationship, or at least a relationship-in-the-making.

 

I can't say I'm the voice of overarching wisdom as to how to "know" each and every time, and each and every date, which this will end up being. I don't. Definitely, for someone else I don't. And most definitely, I don't know when it comes to a stranger on the internet, and someone who is really just a stranger to her. I'd say, though, that the advice above to wait for your own sake, and for the sake of your tending to attach (natural...not putting that down) and difficulty compartmentalizing (likewise), is sound.

 

Waiting won't guarantee a relationship, and it won't "make" a guy who isn't into you want you for something long-term like some sort of magic bullet or something, but it *will* give you some time to catch your breath and really really think first. Wait. Wait for the fancy words to be done and the reality of consistent dating to set in. Just hold on and wait, and then decide you're ready.

 

IMO, that's about all you can do while you're gaining more experience about relationships. As for this one, yes, it hurts. I know. But he should be done...in YOUR opinion. You should NOT be seeing "if" he'll text you/text you back. You should be showing him your dust IF he should come sniffing back around, because you have no time whatsoever for this sort of thing. He does. That's fine for him. You don't. That's perfectly acceptable for you. Move on, and away from this guy. He is not the guy for you.

 

That was amazing...Thank you

[purrrfectlyflawed]

Victoria please do not be so gullible. He used you. He is probably married. Men disappear for 2 reasons. They just wanted sex or he is married or has a woman already.

[purrrfectlyflawed]

I don't know if this makes you feel any better but about 3 years ago I met a guy on POF. I was recently divorced and my mind was kind of in a fog. I cannot even remember this guys name is that bad or what?. I am in AZ and he said he just moved here from CO-however he was staying in a hotel-said he was looking to buy a place. We hung out for a weekend. I did like him. wasn't smitten the first time but he grew on me a little.

 

 

Sat night we meet up again and hang out at a bar have a good time. He brought along a guy friend. We chatted and kiss throughout the night.

 

 

Sunday comes we go out to lunch. Turns out we both like a comedian in town and he says he is buying us tickets and we will go in a few weeks. We Go back to his hotel and have sex. The sex was surprisingly awful. He lasted 30 seconds. No kidding. I couldn't believe it. I didn't make a big deal out of it and chalked it up to him being nervous. I kissed him and left. After that he totally ghosted me. I texted him a few times. Totally ignored me. I was pissed but whatever. removed him from my phone. I googled his phone number and could not find much info about him. Believe it or not I couldn't even remember his last name.

 

 

About 2 months later he texts me out of the blue. He said sorry for everything and told me this ridiculous story. I vaguely remember he told me he had some confidential top secret job and he had to leave to go out of town and could not contact me. I laughed and said how ridiculous is that and I could really care less and he can stop texting me but not before I got a jab in about the sex..said it was the shortest, most awkward weird sex I've had in my life and I would like to try and forget about it. Then blocked him.

 

 

I do hope you feel better.

[barcode88]

It was just sex for him.

 

Possibly.

 

Two dates isn't enough to know if you want to be in a relationship with someone though. Best to wait until you're on solid ground before you have sex IMO, will save you a lot of disappointment.

[VictoriaB]

No...he probably did like all that stuff but...this may sound bad, so brace yourself. And men, please don't complain about generalizations as I am going off my experience...and it IS my experience, three decades of it. (Besides, the overall idea doesn't exclusively apply to men. It probably equally applies to women.)

 

A guy - your guy - DOES (did) feel these things strongly when he's gearing up for sex. He sort of gets "stars in his eyes." The woman he's with looks AMAZING to him. She seems amazing, too...oh, he just LOVES her laugh...oh, he LOVES that sexy cute way she looks sideways at him...he loves this, he loves that, he's magnetized, he can't WAIT to meet up with her.

 

Then the O happens and...the bright colors he was beholding a second ago dim a little.

 

I fully believe there's a mechanism that makes many things we want seem better before we get them. I'm not sure why (biologically or psychologically) but it seems to be so true at times. This WILL sound awful, but...it's kind of like an amazing meal when you're starving. While you're anticipating it, it seems like heaven. But after you eat it, if someone were to put the identical plate in front of you you'd be very "meh" about seconds...and even a week later it may not seem so "amazing." You may want it but never again will you want it with that "OMG this is going to be FREAKING HEAVEN" drooling desire.

 

I think our senses heighten when we want something. It's not fakery. It's for real. We REALLY feel that way. Maybe it is what keeps us reaching for what, ultimately, we need? Maybe that's the mechanism? I don't know. (Thinking like an anthropologist here...)

 

But anyway...when we apply this to relationships, and to sex, unless there's something else underneath, then once what we "want" has been "gotten" it's no longer so amazing to behold anymore.

 

IF, OTOH, the person really wants the other person for more than...well...yeah, THEN that person still looks amazing "after."

 

In some cases, *more* amazing...

 

And more and more...

 

...That's when you know it's a relationship, or at least a relationship-in-the-making.

 

I can't say I'm the voice of overarching wisdom as to how to "know" each and every time, and each and every date, which this will end up being. I don't. Definitely, for someone else I don't. And most definitely, I don't know when it comes to a stranger on the internet, and someone who is really just a stranger to her. I'd say, though, that the advice above to wait for your own sake, and for the sake of your tending to attach (natural...not putting that down) and difficulty compartmentalizing (likewise), is sound.

 

Waiting won't guarantee a relationship, and it won't "make" a guy who isn't into you want you for something long-term like some sort of magic bullet or something, but it *will* give you some time to catch your breath and really really think first. Wait. Wait for the fancy words to be done and the reality of consistent dating to set in. Just hold on and wait, and then decide you're ready.

 

IMO, that's about all you can do while you're gaining more experience about relationships. As for this one, yes, it hurts. I know. But he should be done...in YOUR opinion. You should NOT be seeing "if" he'll text you/text you back. You should be showing him your dust IF he should come sniffing back around, because you have no time whatsoever for this sort of thing. He does. That's fine for him. You don't. That's perfectly acceptable for you. Move on, and away from this guy. He is not the guy for you.

 

I don't know if this makes you feel any better but about 3 years ago I met a guy on POF. I was recently divorced and my mind was kind of in a fog. I cannot even remember this guys name is that bad or what?. I am in AZ and he said he just moved here from CO-however he was staying in a hotel-said he was looking to buy a place. We hung out for a weekend. I did like him. wasn't smitten the first time but he grew on me a little.

 

 

Sat night we meet up again and hang out at a bar have a good time. He brought along a guy friend. We chatted and kiss throughout the night.

 

 

Sunday comes we go out to lunch. Turns out we both like a comedian in town and he says he is buying us tickets and we will go in a few weeks. We Go back to his hotel and have sex. The sex was surprisingly awful. He lasted 30 seconds. No kidding. I couldn't believe it. I didn't make a big deal out of it and chalked it up to him being nervous. I kissed him and left. After that he totally ghosted me. I texted him a few times. Totally ignored me. I was pissed but whatever. removed him from my phone. I googled his phone number and could not find much info about him. Believe it or not I couldn't even remember his last name.

 

 

About 2 months later he texts me out of the blue. He said sorry for everything and told me this ridiculous story. I vaguely remember he told me he had some confidential top secret job and he had to leave to go out of town and could not contact me. I laughed and said how ridiculous is that and I could really care less and he can stop texting me but not before I got a jab in about the sex..said it was the shortest, most awkward weird sex I've had in my life and I would like to try and forget about it. Then blocked him.

 

 

I do hope you feel better.

 

 

I'm sorry that happened to you and no I don't feel better .... It seems like most Men just want sex...I thought this guy is ready for something more because he's older...Wasn't a douchebag...After sex he watched TV we even talked then he asked me to stay...sooo when there was no contact and he just unfollowed me yes it hurt....I was hoping this will be something more. Some say you're screwed having sex too soon other times it can be 2 months and the guy would still bolt.

[VictoriaB]

Yeah right..!

Who wants a guy that comes back to you for "more sex".... and likes you just for that. If a 50 yr old man cannot be mature enough to know that first time sex with any new partner is rarely that great anyways... then... he deserves to be dumped.

 

I so agree with you on this one

[trippi1432]

I'm sorry that happened to you and no I don't feel better .... It seems like most Men just want sex...I thought this guy is ready for something more because he's older...Wasn't a douchebag...After sex he watched TV we even talked then he asked me to stay...sooo when there was no contact and he just unfollowed me yes it hurt....I was hoping this will be something more. Some say you're screwed having sex too soon other times it can be 2 months and the guy would still bolt.

 

Well, yes, that bolded part is true.......and you can be with a guy a year or more and they still bolt.

 

I know you have gotten a lot of advice here, and you have hinted that you knew him more outside of sex for a very long time.........what made you think that he was different (because he's older and wasn't a douchebag)?

 

Obviously there is something that is making you hold on to this....a different type of shared intimacy....emotional intimacy before you actually met him perhaps?

[purrrfectlyflawed]

Well thank you. what I meant to imply was it happens to the best of us. The bottom line is though, if this guy liked you he wouldn't have disappeared even if the sex was sub par. He is a douche for not being mature about it. You will never know why he did what he did so don't dwell on it.

 

 

I have found it is always best to hold sex off as long as possible. Get to know the person. There will be another guy. You will feel better with a little time.

 

 

 

 

I'm sorry that happened to you and no I don't feel better .... It seems like most Men just want sex...I thought this guy is ready for something more because he's older...Wasn't a douchebag...After sex he watched TV we even talked then he asked me to stay...sooo when there was no contact and he just unfollowed me yes it hurt....I was hoping this will be something more. Some say you're screwed having sex too soon other times it can be 2 months and the guy would still bolt.

[selinaluv]

I'm sorry that happened to you and no I don't feel better .... It seems like most Men just want sex...I thought this guy is ready for something more because he's older...Wasn't a douchebag...After sex he watched TV we even talked then he asked me to stay...sooo when there was no contact and he just unfollowed me yes it hurt....I was hoping this will be something more. Some say you're screwed having sex too soon other times it can be 2 months and the guy would still bolt.

 

I have several very close guy friends in my life and throughout my life. Sage advice they always gave me (from 21 to 41...)... they all want sex. Assume this is the case, because they will 99.9% of the time want it from you. Doesn't mean they lie and deceive to get it. But if the opportunity arises, they will take it.

 

And you can have sex and enjoy it with them and separate it from anything else. Sex does not always equal love and it definitely doesn't after one or two dates.

 

After my divorce and when I started being with men again, I went from sleeping with 20-25 year olds (I met my ex when I was 23) to 35-45 year olds (15 years later). I learned that men became much better in bed and with that often much more affectionate before, during, and after the act.

 

As a dating newbie again, I initially got sucked into the "he held my hand, kissed me tenderly, caressed my body" hole thinking that meant they really cared for me. And they could have, but I soon realized that after only knowing each other for a truly short amount of time, none of those actions meant anything. It did not mean they were attached or loved me. It really just meant that they got better with intimacy in the moment and enjoying a women. That it was a person's "style" which was great, but nothing I should construe as anything more than being in the moment.

 

If you want, enjoy having sex for what it is. Don't be ashamed of that. But don't assume it is anything more because he sleeps with you.

Edited January 24, 2017 by selinaluv