H's dream about the exOW...can anyone decifer what it means?

[StillHurtin]

H and I went out for lunch today. On the way there he said he had dream about the exOW. He proceeded to tell me about the dream. He told me that him and the exOW must of been working at the same company again and had a meeting out of town. They needed to get a motel room but he said not together. He said he was laying in bed and the exOW came into his room, layed down beside him and told him that she wasn't there to do anything, she just wanted to lay down. In his dream H said he looked up and I was standing at the window and seen them laying in bed. I was banging on the window yelling at them. The exow ran out to me and was telling me it wasn't what I thought, she just wanted to lay down and sleep. Then H said he woke up.

 

I am glad that he was honest w/ me about the dream. It probably shouldn't bother me b/c he can't control what he dreams but it just makes me wonder about why he is dreaming about the exOW. Can anyone shed some light on what this dream could mean?

[fanou22]

It means that he is still thinking about her.

[StillHurtin]

Originally posted by fanou22

It means that he is still thinking about her.

 

Probably the most obvious answer to my question.

 

I try not to talk about the exOW anymore b/c he does say when I bring her up he thinks of the A and he doesn't want to. I haven't brought her name up in a few weeks and all of the sudden he says he has a dream about her.

 

H says he can't stand the exOW. He even has said something awful things about her. Things that were so awful I wouldn't even say. Maybe this is just a cover-up to make me feel better, I don't know, but I have even told him that it was awful.

 

If he is having thoughts about her that he misses her, ect s*** will hit the fan! I will not be M to a man who is going to think of the exOW and missing her, ect. I'm too good of a person to put up w/ it. I am to the point if he wants her, he can have her b/c I wont be living my life in a lie. I refuse to be M to a man who is thinking about another woman, especially one he had an A w/.

 

H and I both discuss our past relationships, he mostly ask me. I have nothing against his ex GF's from his past b4 us but the exOW, I don't care for her. She got in the middle of our problems. She stuck her nose where it didn't belong.

[LucreziaBorgia]

His dream was probably just a recycling of old material - memories, etc. Perhaps his mind is still on some subconscious level processing the A, just as yours is.

 

Its good that you and he are at a point where he feels he can talk to you about stuff like this.

[smile95]

maybe you looking in thru the window in his dream means he knows you caught him and since they were not "doing" anything but laying there, maybe that means he does not want to be doing anything with her anymore? Who knows. Dreams are weird. At least in the dream they were NOT doing anything/that may mean he does not think of her like that anymore???

[RecordProducer]

Dreams can mean many things but they usually are mere symbolics. I have dreamt about kissing and sleeping with people I've never ever liked nor would I have anything to do with them. I've dreamt all kinds of crap.

This dream, in my opinion, means he feels guilty, he doesn't want the OW in his bed, he wants her to stop wanting him too, and he is afraid that you have never forgiven him. That's why you're yelling in the dream. Most of our dreams are either fears or desires, but they shouldn't be taken literally. If he rejected the oW in his dream without any feeling of desire than he definitely doesn't want her.

I think he feels the gap between the two of you because of this affair. He wants things to be normal again (that's why the OW is explaining to you that nothing is going on).

[harleygirl92156]

Originally posted by StillHurtin

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H says he can't stand the exOW. He even has said something awful things about her. Things that were so awful I wouldn't even say.

 

What do you suppose he said to her about you??? Suppose he told her you were and angel, saint, wonderful, etc.???

 

Now about the dream, sounds to me like he thinks YOU are keeping him away from her. They were together and YOU broke it up and caused her to leave his bed.

[StillHurtin]

Originally posted by harleygirl92156

What do you suppose he said to her about you??? Suppose he told her you were and angel, saint, wonderful, etc.???

 

Now about the dream, sounds to me like he thinks YOU are keeping him away from her. They were together and YOU broke it up and caused her to leave his bed.

 

 

Ohhhh, you are so way off base on this one: " Now about the dream, sounds to me like he thinks YOU are keeping him away from her. They were together and YOU broke it up and caused her to leave his bed."

HE was the one that came crawling back to ME. I moved away w/ our children to start a new life. He stayed there w/ the exOW. HE was the one that called me wanting to come back. I told him no b/c I couldn't trust him anymore. For several weeks I told him NO but he was very persistant. He wanted me back and was willing to do anything to get me back. So you see, I did not break them up, HE broke up w/ her. I had nothing to do w/ it. HE chose to end it w/ her. I did not steal him from her, he came back to me on his own.

 

As for what he told her about me, I really don't care what he said about me. He could of called me the biggest bitch he ever met, I honestly don't care. I don't care what she thinks about me either.

[RecordProducer]

Originally posted by harleygirl92156

What do you suppose he said to her about you??? Suppose he told her you were and angel, saint, wonderful, etc.???

 

Now about the dream, sounds to me like he thinks YOU are keeping him away from her. They were together and YOU broke it up and caused her to leave his bed.

 

Sounds like you're an OW and can't wait to stick a knife in a betrayed wife's heart! What you wrote has nothing to do with what StillHurting has ever written. Given that the only sense and purpose of your words is to hurt her, I would ask StillH to ignore your post for her own sake.

[shygurl]

Sorry but I don't understand why he even revealed this dream - I see no good that can come from divulging it. Some things are just better kept to oneself. He caused you a lot of hurt with his past affair, and his recent talk of taking a job at the same place/same town she's in (whatever came of that - is he still going?). Affairs are very hard to get over. I think there's a big difference between him and you having open commucation and him bringing "this other woman" up. I realize a person can't control what they dream but I think he was out of line. Obviously his revelation has bothered you to some degree or you wouldn't be here posting about it.

[XNemesisX]

I agree...what the f*** was the point in him telling you that?!

 

TMI

[loony]

It was unnecessary to tell you about the dream, in fact, I thought it was some kind of belated passive-aggressive reaction to you discovering the affair. In his dreams he appears as the victim that hasn't done anything, he's just laying in bed, till suddenly the bad other woman appears and tries to seduce him by laying next to him. As far as now he hasn't done anything, she made the first moves. You, on the other hand, appear like the hysterical wife who has lost control by snooping and yelling at the two of them. The other women is trying to defend himself, while he's not doing anything, he doesn't even feel the need to defend himself.

 

I don't think he has fully accepted responsibility for the affair and he is also harboring resentments against you, because you found out, because you pushed him for admitting the affair, because you made him feel guilty about himself. Just because people get caught doesn't always mean that they will accept their guilt and not become defensive. I wouldn't be surprised if you were a bit dominant while he's more weak.

[LucreziaBorgia]

When he starts hiding these things from you, instead of talking about it with you like he's doing - then you might want to worry. He is probably still having feelings about the A (not necessarily the OW, but the A itself) that you don't like, and don't want to hear - but... he is having them nonetheless. Its important that he be able to be completely honest with you and tell you about it, otherwise these feelings will just build up inside him with no outlet. Let him talk to you.

 

Having residual feelings/questions/thoughts about an A after it has ended is normal. A person who ends an A doesn't just magically have all those feelings and memories associated with the affair just "disappear". He likely does not enjoy having them, and having them does not mean he wants to be with someone else. He is still processing this A, just like you are.

 

It is far, far better that you process it together and continue talking to each other - even when you two have to hear things that you do not want to from each other. Honesty can be good, but sometimes honesty can hurt too - especially when its something that you don't want to hear. You do not want to drive him back into a position where he feels that being honest with you is a bad thing with negative consequences. Keep the lines of communication open.

 

If what he is telling you becomes tactless, or rude, or designed purely to hurt you - then of course you don't have to put up with that. Honesty can be painful, but it doesn't have to be abusive.

[harleygirl92156]

ok, let's clear this up if we can. I am NOT an OW. If you read my posts you will see that I too am a wife who has been cheated on.

 

I DID NOT post with the intentions of hurting!

 

The SUBCONCIOUS mind is a powerful thing and it often comes out in our dreams. I didn't mean that he felt that way conciously.

 

Sorry if I upset you all, I just shared an opinion.

 

Will think twice next time.

[StillHurtin]

Originally posted by harleygirl92156

ok, let's clear this up if we can. I am NOT an OW. If you read my posts you will see that I too am a wife who has been cheated on.

 

I DID NOT post with the intentions of hurting!

 

The SUBCONCIOUS mind is a powerful thing and it often comes out in our dreams. I didn't mean that he felt that way conciously.

 

Sorry if I upset you all, I just shared an opinion.

 

Will think twice next time.

 

 

LB, thank you for your reply. It made a lot of sense.

 

I agree it was probably senseless to tell me about the dream. I don't believe he was trying to hurt me, and I do appreciate him telling me, and not hiding it. I think now he feels comfortable enough to talk to me about it and doesn't feel like he needs to hide it. He told me that he had read in the paper that night of a man getting promotion but w/ his promotion he would have to work w/ his exGF that he dated b4 he M his W. The W wrote that she was concerned about her H working so close to his ex-gf. I can't remember the whole story, but I guess it reminded him of his A b/c he had an A w/ a co-worker.

 

RP, thank you also for your kind comment on harley's reply. Believe me, she didn't hurt me, I had to have a laugh at her reply. Obiviously she hasn't read any of my post so she doesn't know my story. At first I thought she was the OW myself.

 

Shygurl, no H didn't mention about applying for that other job. He hasn't mentioned it since that day. Yea, I have to admit it did bother me, but it shouldn't have b/c he wasn't going to do anything w/ her in his dream, she was the one that made the move to get into his bed and wouldn't leave b/c she wasn't going to do anything but lay down. Honestly, I could see the exOW actually doing this. She is very manipulative and when she wants something, she wont give up easily. Why H allowed her to lay next to him in bed in his dream, that is the part that upsets me. The part that the OW was the one to run out of the room to talk to me instead of H running after me, that upsets me. The ex-OW and I had a couple of talks during the A (she denied it, I didn't have proof yet, just heard rumors) and H knew we had spoken. He knew that the ex-OW tried to be friends w/ me since I met her. So maybe H thought if she talked to me and told me nothing was going on, she wasn't trying anything would convince me. WRONG! If this happened in real life the exOW is the last person I would believe. Why didn't he come after me, why her?

 

Harleygirl,

I know your intentions were not to hurt, and it didn't, I had to laugh. However, some other BW might of not took it as lightly as I did. From your reply I thought you were the OW myself until I did a search to find out you were a BW also. I was suprised that a BW could reply the way you did. Is that they way you are feeling in your own situation? Does your H make you feel that way? If so, sorry.

[passing by]

From my limited knowledge on dream interpretation, many of the people you dream about in a dream are symbolic. What I mean is, say you had a friend who was protective of you and one night you drempt you were somewhere where you felt in danger and the friend popped out of nowhere and protected you. You weren't actually dreaming of your friend, just the protective quality they possessed. You felt vulnerable, needed protecting, and it was a dream about protecting yourself.

 

Now. I do not know anything about your situation, but I think it wasn't a dream about the OW at all, but what she represents to him. An affair. A relationship that caused you alot of hurt and damage. He knows you're angry. He knows you're upset over it. He knows you are sorrowfully hurt. He gets that.

 

You are in the window screaming because to you it was something very hurtful and you are having a hard time getting over it. You are watching him, expecting to catch him with another woman again. There is a part of him that wants to reach you somehow and let you know that there is nothing going on between them anymore and that you can trust him again and don't have to watch him and worry anymore. He wishes he could get through to the screaming you that you have nothing to fear anymore.

 

I think it was good that he told you about this dream. Anytime a dream sits with you, it is an important dream and one you need to explore in your mind. He shared it with you. I think it's positive he did that. He didn't have to tell you about it. It bothered him and he shared it with you. It sounds like loves you alot and has made a terrible regrettable mistake.

 

I hope I'm not off base, I really don't know a thing about what your story is.

[StillHurtin]

Originally posted by passing by

From my limited knowledge on dream interpretation, many of the people you dream about in a dream are symbolic. What I mean is, say you had a friend who was protective of you and one night you drempt you were somewhere where you felt in danger and the friend popped out of nowhere and protected you. You weren't actually dreaming of your friend, just the protective quality they possessed. You felt vulnerable, needed protecting, and it was a dream about protecting yourself.

 

Now. I do not know anything about your situation, but I think it wasn't a dream about the OW at all, but what she represents to him. An affair. A relationship that caused you alot of hurt and damage. He knows you're angry. He knows you're upset over it. He knows you are sorrowfully hurt. He gets that.

 

You are in the window screaming because to you it was something very hurtful and you are having a hard time getting over it. You are watching him, expecting to catch him with another woman again. There is a part of him that wants to reach you somehow and let you know that there is nothing going on between them anymore and that you can trust him again and don't have to watch him and worry anymore. He wishes he could get through to the screaming you that you have nothing to fear anymore.

 

I think it was good that he told you about this dream. Anytime a dream sits with you, it is an important dream and one you need to explore in your mind. He shared it with you. I think it's positive he did that. He didn't have to tell you about it. It bothered him and he shared it with you. It sounds like loves you alot and has made a terrible regrettable mistake.

 

I hope I'm not off base, I really don't know a thing about what your story is.

 

Thank you passing by, I appreciate the reply.

 

I don't know if you will see this as you are a guest and may not but thought I would share a little bit of my story.

 

My H filed for a D in 2003. A week after he filed he said he moved too fast and was having second thoughts. And then the exOw filed for a D from her H. I kicked him out of our home and the rumors started that they were having an A. Of course H and the exOW denied it, said they were just friends. Our children and I moved back to my hometown 2 months after he filed. A month after we moved away H called and admitted to the A and wanted me back. He said he hated lying to me and told me if he wanted this M to work he had to start telling me the truth. I had my doubts of getting back w/ him since he had an A but decided to give out M a second chance. We continued to stay separated for about 6 more months. Then the exOw got him fired from his job. We put up our home for sale and he moved in w/ me and our children. Two years later we are continuing to work on our M. So that is just my story in a nutshell.

 

Thank you again for the reply.