My emotional stages after dumping someone

[Aly101]

I would love for my ex to show some kind of remorse. I still love him. But, my hope is on the ropes, so to speak.

 

How do you rebuild something with someone who hurt you so bad? If they even want to rebuild... What if he wants to relieve his guilt?

 

And to answer your other question, to rebuild you'll have to take it slow and steady. Rebuild that trust and love. It won't happen over night and it will be hard at first.

[AT15]

And to answer your other question, to rebuild you'll have to take it slow and steady. Rebuild that trust and love. It won't happen over night and it will be hard at first.

 

I replied to his text with a "That's awesome, best wishes to you as well" and then he sent a "Thank you" text back. then he sent a " I'm excited" text. Although, I'm not going to get into a friendly banter with him. So, I'm not engaging again.

 

His first breadcrumb was about his new job, yada yada yada

 

I don't know. I'm just going to remain quiet and focus on my healing and letting go.

[jamili]

Hey Aly, out of curiousity, how long between breadcrumbs did you take at first. Like when he was first ignoring you and you were first testing the waters?

[MeadowFlower]

 

5) Fale acceptamce. Same thing with me, he told himself to stop and move on but it caused more issues.

So I guess this is kind of like denial of his feelings? He liked her but tried to make himself not?

[marinero]

OP, I read your initial post again and didn't see a stage that I always feel when I dump someone. I was wondering if you felt this way with the ex you're talking about now or any other exes.

 

It's the stage where I feel truly sad for my ex because they could not make me happy. And I know I could've done more to change that, maybe. So there is guilt for my part in it. But I never feel guilty for ending it. I just feel sad for them because I think they know they could not make me happy but wanted to. And there is nothing I can do to make them feel better. Maybe this is what others describe as feeling guilty. I just don't see it that way. I cannot feel guilt for something that I have not done wrong. And it is not wrong to leave a relationship that is not fulfilling to you.

[Aly101]

OP, I read your initial post again and didn't see a stage that I always feel when I dump someone. I was wondering if you felt this way with the ex you're talking about now or any other exes.

 

It's the stage where I feel truly sad for my ex because they could not make me happy. And I know I could've done more to change that, maybe. So there is guilt for my part in it. But I never feel guilty for ending it. I just feel sad for them because I think they know they could not make me happy but wanted to. And there is nothing I can do to make them feel better. Maybe this is what others describe as feeling guilty. I just don't see it that way. I cannot feel guilt for something that I have not done wrong. And it is not wrong to leave a relationship that is not fulfilling to you.

I felt it a little bit early on, but the initial high got me through it.

[Aly101]

Hey Aly, out of curiousity, how long between breadcrumbs did you take at first. Like when he was first ignoring you and you were first testing the waters?

 

I'd send breadcrumbs about every few weeks until I dumped my feelings. I started to send them months after dumping him.

[Aly101]

So I guess this is kind of like denial of his feelings? He liked her but tried to make himself not?

 

Basically. Both of us were still unsure of our feeling and we wanted to block them out.

[jorgeg3d]

OP, I read your initial post again and didn't see a stage that I always feel when I dump someone. I was wondering if you felt this way with the ex you're talking about now or any other exes.

 

It's the stage where I feel truly sad for my ex because they could not make me happy. And I know I could've done more to change that, maybe. So there is guilt for my part in it. But I never feel guilty for ending it. I just feel sad for them because I think they know they could not make me happy but wanted to. And there is nothing I can do to make them feel better. Maybe this is what others describe as feeling guilty. I just don't see it that way. I cannot feel guilt for something that I have not done wrong. And it is not wrong to leave a relationship that is not fulfilling to you.

 

If you can't make yourself happy, how can someone else make you happy?

 

"Happiness starts with you. Not with...your relationships, your job, money." Found this quote online.

[Popsicle]

Quick update:

The dinner went very well, we hugged, and talked constantly. The convos flowed and our connection was definitely still there. We drove around for a bit. (He couldn't come to my place since he had to be up very early in the morning for work.) At first there was obvious tension, but after a few minutes it felt normal again. I will set up another date next week. We agreed to casually text.

 

That is awesome! So happy for you. I hope it continues to go well. Please keep us updated and please be sure to let him know your progress.

[Aly101]

So I guess this is kind of like denial of his feelings? He liked her but tried to make himself not?

 

Basically. Both of us were still unsure of our feeling and we wanted to block them out.

[Popsicle]

Brother, its quite the pipe dream, I know.

 

A gorgeous doctor reached back out after ghosting me:

 

"Ive been thinking a lot, had a great time with you, I hope you are traveling less, would you like to hang out?"

 

Paradoxically, this would not be a breadcrumb. lol

 

My 37 year old booger-face bartender?

 

"Hope you are well, this song reminds me of you."

 

"Let me know if you want to talk."

 

Clearly she doesn't want to talk. lol

 

God I hate breadcrumbs. So frustrating ...and what you said above is so true.

[jamili]

I'd send breadcrumbs about every few weeks until I dumped my feelings. I started to send them months after dumping him.

 

I guess everyone is different, i seem, so far, to only have received one actual breadcrumb and it was almsot a month ago. Been Nc for 3.5 months though... maybe too soon.

[Aly101]

I guess everyone is different, i seem, so far, to only have received one actual breadcrumb and it was almsot a month ago. Been Nc for 3.5 months though... maybe too soon.

 

They could come back in a week, a month, a year, 10 years, or never. No case is ever the same, no statistics will determine if they come back or not. Only time will tell.

[SerPundnes]

They could come back in a week, a month, a year, 10 years, or never. No case is ever the same, no statistics will determine if they come back or not. Only time will tell.

 

Hey Aly101,

 

Do you think your feelings for your ex would have resurfaced if you saw him alot around? Working with him etc?

[Aly101]

Hey Aly101,

 

Do you think your feelings for your ex would have resurfaced if you saw him alot around? Working with him etc?

 

I have no clue. But I imagine if I saw him crying and moping I'd be turned off. If he was happy and confident, probably a little different story.

[james25]

I have no clue. But I imagine if I saw him crying and moping I'd be turned off. If he was happy and confident, probably a little different story.

 

totally.... sucks . i was in that spot

[SerPundnes]

totally.... sucks . i was in that spot

 

You was? Not anymore?

How did you deal with the situation?

[marky00]

Hey O.P.

 

 

Did your ex respond to any of your breadcrumbs?

[Aly101]

Hey O.P.

 

 

Did your ex respond to any of your breadcrumbs?

 

He ignored them until I dumped more emotion into them, then declined. Feelings change as you can see all throughout my case

[marky00]

He ignored them until I dumped more emotion into them, then declined. Feelings change as you can see all throughout my case

 

Ok,

 

 

I got some crumbs over the NY asking me how I was doing etc. I guess I keep ignoring then.

[Aly101]

Ok,

 

 

I got some crumbs over the NY asking me how I was doing etc. I guess I keep ignoring then.

 

Yep...do you want them back? You need to think about that.

[Aly101]

I also made a new thread talking about Hoe one of my dumpers acted before asking to reconcile.

[MeadowFlower]

I also made a new thread talking about Hoe one of my dumpers acted before asking to reconcile.

Awesome!! Yay

[SevenCity]

I have no clue. But I imagine if I saw him crying and moping I'd be turned off. If he was happy and confident, probably a little different story.

 

With posts like this I can't help but think if you do reconcile you will end up dumping him again.

 

It seems that if you see him being hurt by the breakup you are turned off. When he doesn't show emotions you are turned on. That does not sound like the healthy start of a relationship.

 

What happens if you two get back together and he tells you how deeply you hurt him? Is the switch going to flip back to "ewww" and you chuck him?

 

I think many dumpers go what you go through only because they have not found someone else to replace them. It's amazing how the ego plays a roll in breakups. The dumpee's ego is so bruised they cannot think of life without you. When the dumper realizes the dumpee no longer cares all of a sudden they become attractive again.

 

I agree with a lot of posters here that a good RL takes hard work. Emotions are typically the reason why women leave (which women initiate the breakup the majority of the time) whereas guys use logic "She satisifies this requirement, that requirement, and that one so I should stay with her".

 

I thank you for sharing your story but I think a lot of people are getting false hope from it because they want their exes back so much. Though I question the sincerity of your motives since you are so quick to point out him showing signs of being hurt / wanting you would be a turn off.

 

For me, if a girl is showing no signs she was affected by our split I would assume she didn't care at all. If she was hurt by it then it would say to me she does care and may be worth another shot (assuming any issues are resolved).