My emotional stages after dumping someone

[MeadowFlower]

 

For me, if a girl is showing no signs she was affected by our split I would assume she didn't care at all. If she was hurt by it then it would say to me she does care and may be worth another shot (assuming any issues are resolved).

But you wouldn't expect her to show she was hurt by it forever, like months after the breakup? What if she showed it for a few months initially, then acted unaffected after that? What impression would that give you? Just asking

Edited January 27, 2017 by MeadowFlower

[SevenCity]

But you wouldn't expect her to show she was hurt by it forever, like months after the breakup? What if she showed it for a few months initially, then acted unaffected after that? What impression would that give you? Just asking

 

If a girl dumped me (like my ex did) I would expect her to at least have some hurt and regret if she wanted me back. I'm not saying crying her eyes out but I wouldn't take an ex seriously unless she showed signs she was still affected. Otherwise, why are you talking to me????

 

But my point is seeing her hurt wouldn't turn me off, it would make me want to try again. If someone is apathetic towards me, why should I care? What incentive do I have to get back with someone who doesn't care?

 

The worry I have is the OP is letting the actions of her ex dictate her feelings. If her feelings are really love then she would be understanding and empathetic how he was hurt.

 

I understand most women dumpers are turned off by a guy who appears affected. That's why I don't think they really are in love with the ex. They just can't stand that he doesn't want her anymore and it gives him a higher value.

 

People want what they can't have.

[Nadine123]

If a girl dumped me (like my ex did) I would expect her to at least have some hurt and regret if she wanted me back. I'm not saying crying her eyes out but I wouldn't take an ex seriously unless she showed signs she was still affected. Otherwise, why are you talking to me????

 

But my point is seeing her hurt wouldn't turn me off, it would make me want to try again. If someone is apathetic towards me, why should I care? What incentive do I have to get back with someone who doesn't care?

 

The worry I have is the OP is letting the actions of her ex dictate her feelings. If her feelings are really love then she would be understanding and empathetic how he was hurt.

 

I understand most women dumpers are turned off by a guy who appears affected. That's why I don't think they really are in love with the ex. They just can't stand that he doesn't want her anymore and it gives him a higher value.

 

People want what they can't have.

 

This. To be honest I was so surprised when OP said that showing her he is hurt will turn her off. So what exactly do you want? I completely agree.

[MeadowFlower]

If a girl dumped me (like my ex did) I would expect her to at least have some hurt and regret if she wanted me back. I'm not saying crying her eyes out but I wouldn't take an ex seriously unless she showed signs she was still affected. Otherwise, why are you talking to me????

 

But my point is seeing her hurt wouldn't turn me off, it would make me want to try again. If someone is apathetic towards me, why should I care? What incentive do I have to get back with someone who doesn't care?

 

The worry I have is the OP is letting the actions of her ex dictate her feelings. If her feelings are really love then she would be understanding and empathetic how he was hurt.

 

I understand most women dumpers are turned off by a guy who appears affected. That's why I don't think they really are in love with the ex. They just can't stand that he doesn't want her anymore and it gives him a higher value.

 

People want what they can't have.

Thanks for replying. I liked what you said in relation to if it's love then they would be understanding and empathetic how they were hurt.

I was actually asking my questions from the dumpee point of view, that is me a female dumpee.

[Bromeo]

If I may, my ex knew I was hurt. But she said, and I agree, that it wasn't the hurt that pushed her away, it was my impatience, and pushing too hard at her when she wasn't ready that did.

 

I did many, many stupid male things. Called too much, texted too much, went to her work once, emails, I'm sure it was exhausting as hell for her. I just couldn't put a dent in her armor. I had 0 emotional discipline. I sure as hell do now.

 

Hence, why the advice of disappear is so critical.

 

As soon as I backed off, went NC for awhile, she started emailing, and yesterday I got my first text from her in months. I will not chase her any longer. Its her ball 100 percent.

 

But, you must act with confidence. I called mine and told her to either work it out, or leave me alone forever. Then contact picked up.

 

Either way, it'll be interesting.

[SevenCity]

Thanks for replying. I liked what you said in relation to if it's love then they would be understanding and empathetic how they were hurt.

I was actually asking my questions from the dumpee point of view, that is me a female dumpee.

 

I feel bad for a girl if I break up with her. Even if she was awful.

 

At the same token, I would never break up with a girl and then want to get her back for another chance after some time has passed.

 

It's very possible I would want to have sex with them if I was in a dry spell, but the reasons I left are still there - we are not compatible. I have logically thought through everything before those words come out of my mouth.

 

Women, on the other hand, just "feel" something and then end it. When those feelings change, as is the case with the OP, they often want to come back. I question how long they actually will stay.

 

Leaving someone and making them suffer through the pain of being dumped is an awful thing. I struggle to think if I would ever take my ex back now it's been almost 5 months. In the first 3 I would have.

[SevenCity]

If I may, my ex knew I was hurt. But she said, and I agree, that it wasn't the hurt that pushed her away, it was my impatience, and pushing too hard at her when she wasn't ready that did.

 

I did many, many stupid male things. Called too much, texted too much, went to her work once, emails, I'm sure it was exhausting as hell for her. I just couldn't put a dent in her armor. I had 0 emotional discipline. I sure as hell do now.

 

Hence, why the advice of disappear is so critical.

 

As soon as I backed off, went NC for awhile, she started emailing, and yesterday I got my first text from her in months. I will not chase her any longer. Its her ball 100 percent.

 

But, you must act with confidence. I called mine and told her to either work it out, or leave me alone forever. Then contact picked up.

 

Either way, it'll be interesting.

 

That is something different. Becoming needy and clingy and stalking is surely a turn off.

 

I agree with you. Pulling the ninja is the only way to make them miss you (cause them to have separation anxiety).

 

But it still makes me question the authenticity of the OP's feelings. Or any dumper who comes back. If they are coming back because they didn't find someone else or because their latest BF was a jerk, I don't think it's love that is guiding them. It's loneliness.

[Nadine123]

That is something different. Becoming needy and clingy and stalking is surely a turn off.

 

I agree with you. Pulling the ninja is the only way to make them miss you (cause them to have separation anxiety).

 

But it still makes me question the authenticity of the OP's feelings. Or any dumper who comes back. If they are coming back because they didn't find someone else or because their latest BF was a jerk, I don't think it's love that is guiding them. It's loneliness.

 

exactly. that is why i tol my ex to go f himself when he came back.

[SevenCity]

exactly. that is why i tol my ex to go f himself when he came back.

 

How long was it before he came back? Had he dated someone else (apologies if you answered this earlier).

 

I recall my first LTR when I was in my teens / 20's. She dumped me as I was graduating school and left for a trip to CA. I ended up meeting a girl I dated for a while who lived in CA (I'm in NY).

 

My ex called about a month later and I told her to go F herself as well.

 

My current situation was with a girl I was planning on marrying (together for 7 years). I honestly don't know how I would react if she came back now. 6 months from now I'm pretty sure I would give her the go F yourself line lol.

[MeadowFlower]

I feel bad for a girl if I break up with her. Even if she was awful.

 

At the same token, I would never break up with a girl and then want to get her back for another chance after some time has passed.

 

It's very possible I would want to have sex with them if I was in a dry spell, but the reasons I left are still there - we are not compatible. I have logically thought through everything before those words come out of my mouth.

 

Women, on the other hand, just "feel" something and then end it. When those feelings change, as is the case with the OP, they often want to come back. I question how long they actually will stay.

 

Leaving someone and making them suffer through the pain of being dumped is an awful thing. I struggle to think if I would ever take my ex back now it's been almost 5 months. In the first 3 I would have.

 

 

I see....That's affirmation of the unlikelihood of my ex (he dumped) coming back.. . I guess that's a male thing, the dumping of a girl because of logical thought and believing there is incompatibility. It's good to get a male perspective.

Personally, I am of the opinion that heaps of things can be overcome/compromise/overlooked even some aspects of incompatibility, if you really want the person. But that's me.

Edited January 27, 2017 by MeadowFlower

[jamili]

I see....That's affirmation of the unlikelihood of my ex (he dumped) coming back.. . I guess that's a male thing, the dumping of a girl because of logical thought and believing there is incompatibility. It's good to get a male perspective.

Personally, I am of the opinion that heaps of things can be overcome/compromise/overlooked even some aspects of incompatibility, if you really want the person. But that's me.

 

I dont think that is a hard, brightline rule. Some men might dump because of an impulsive "feeling" and some women might dump because of logical well-thought-out reasons. It depends on the person

 

 

Quick update about mine: i actually got to the bottom of my "email with photos" situation. After doing some research in my own inbox, it turns out she sent me those two emails many months ago, back when we were still together. In fact there is an email correspondence from back then where she asks if i got them and i said i never received it. So, what must have happened was that they were floating around in network-limbo or perhaps stuck in her outbox, and they bugged out, and I only now this month received them. They are old. She probably has no idea that i have even received them or anything about it. Totally a network bug tricking me.

 

So, turns out my ex in fact is not missing me, thinking about me or wanting to get in touch . Thank god i didnt email her back and break NC for that. Close call, i really was close to it. I know its only been 3.5 months but i think its pretty safe to say as of right now there are zero signs of her "coming back " on my end. Anyways, at least now i know.

[SevenCity]

I see....That's affirmation of the unlikelihood of my ex (he dumped) coming back.. . I guess that's a male thing, the dumping of a girl because of logical thought and believing there is incompatibility. It's good to get a male perspective.

Personally, I am of the opinion that heaps of things can be overcome/compromise/overlooked even some aspects of incompatibility, if you really want the person. But that's me.

 

I can't claim all guys do this but since women do most of the dumping it stands to reason.

 

The last girl I was dating for about 2 months was so horrible I couldn't take it anymore. She was the most selfish person I had ever met. I would never entertain the idea of getting back together with her. It became a chore to pick her up and take her out so much so I realized I would rather be alone than subject myself to her any longer.

 

Other guys may feel differently but I think guy dumpers mostly think they can do better and only come back when they realize they can't.

[SevenCity]

I dont think that is a hard, brightline rule. Some men might dump because of an impulsive "feeling" and some women might dump because of logical well-thought-out reasons. It depends on the person

 

 

Quick update about mine: i actually got to the bottom of my "email with photos" situation. After doing some research in my own inbox, it turns out she sent me those two emails many months ago, back when we were still together. In fact there is an email correspondence from back then where she asks if i got them and i said i never received it. So, what must have happened was that they were floating around in network-limbo or perhaps stuck in her outbox, and they bugged out, and I only now this month received them. They are old. She probably has no idea that i have even received them or anything about it. Totally a network bug tricking me.

 

So, turns out my ex in fact is not missing me, thinking about me or wanting to get in touch . Thank god i didnt email her back and break NC for that. Close call, i really was close to it. I know its only been 3.5 months but i think its pretty safe to say as of right now there are zero signs of her "coming back " on my end. Anyways, at least now i know.

 

Good detective work! Glad you got to the bottom of it.

[Nadine123]

How long was it before he came back? Had he dated someone else (apologies if you answered this earlier).

 

I recall my first LTR when I was in my teens / 20's. She dumped me as I was graduating school and left for a trip to CA. I ended up meeting a girl I dated for a while who lived in CA (I'm in NY).

 

My ex called about a month later and I told her to go F herself as well.

 

My current situation was with a girl I was planning on marrying (together for 7 years). I honestly don't know how I would react if she came back now. 6 months from now I'm pretty sure I would give her the go F yourself line lol.

 

He came back after six months. Called me from an unknown number and was blabbing, i told him not to call me again, he calls back again after 4 hours and I dont answer. Havent heard from him in ten days which just confirms the decision I took to completely reject him if he comes back. I mean dude, not even a text apologizing for ghosting me?

[MeadowFlower]

I dont think that is a hard, brightline rule. Some men might dump because of an impulsive "feeling" and some women might dump because of logical well-thought-out reasons. It depends on the person

 

 

Quick update about mine: i actually got to the bottom of my "email with photos" situation. After doing some research in my own inbox, it turns out she sent me those two emails many months ago, back when we were still together. In fact there is an email correspondence from back then where she asks if i got them and i said i never received it. So, what must have happened was that they were floating around in network-limbo or perhaps stuck in her outbox, and they bugged out, and I only now this month received them. They are old. She probably has no idea that i have even received them or anything about it. Totally a network bug tricking me.

 

So, turns out my ex in fact is not missing me, thinking about me or wanting to get in touch . Thank god i didnt email her back and break NC for that. Close call, i really was close to it. I know its only been 3.5 months but i think its pretty safe to say as of right now there are zero signs of her "coming back " on my end. Anyways, at least now i know.

Phew! Yea good thing you didn't email back..

[jamili]

Phew! Yea good thing you didn't email back..

 

Yup. That would have been a nightmare. I would have "proven her right ", made myself look like a liar, destroyed any chance for reconciliation, and obliterated my NC personal progress, all in one swift blow lol. When i first solved the mystery here, i felt a sense of relief, since i can stop wondering and debating with myself whether to reply or not. Then, i just started to feel sad.. because for the past month i had convinced myself she maybe, just maybe... cared a little still. Now i know it was just all in my head, and she might have totally moved on long ago and forgotten about me. However, it's out of my control either way, and i just have to keep moving on and healing.

 

Any updates on your situation?

[Nadine123]

Yup. That would have been a nightmare. I would have "proven her right ", made myself look like a liar, destroyed any chance for reconciliation, and obliterated my NC personal progress, all in one swift blow lol. When i first solved the mystery here, i felt a sense of relief, since i can stop wondering and debating with myself whether to reply or not. Then, i just started to feel sad.. because for the past month i had convinced myself she maybe, just maybe... cared a little still. Now i know it was just all in my head, and she might have totally moved on long ago and forgotten about me. However, it's out of my control either way, and i just have to keep moving on and healing.

 

Any updates on your situation?

 

He came back after six months. Called me from an unknown number and was blabbing, i told him not to call me again, he calls back again after 4 hours and I dont answer. Havent heard from him in ten days which just confirms the decision I took to completely reject him if he comes back. I mean dude, not even a text apologizing for ghosting me?

[Aly101]

SevenCity, you can not put all dumpers into one category, and we can't say men never come back, woman break up without logic etc. There isn't enough evidence to prove this, plus every single human is different. I am sure of my feelings, I have spent months thinking and done all of this effort out of a hurt ego. I am sure of my feelings and people on LS can't tell me what I'm feeling once I am sure. I don't want him back for sex, not because I can't find anyone better, and not because I feel my ego hurting. I was him back for HIM. Every single person is didferent, and grouping people into a single category like dumper and dumpee won't get many people far. Their personality, beliefs, and behaviors can effect things greatly. Each person is too diverse to group people together. Of course there's things people will have in common but no two people will have the same emotions and responses to a break up. If I said something false please correct me.

[SevenCity]

SevenCity, you can not put all dumpers into one category, and we can't say men never come back, woman break up without logic etc. There isn't enough evidence to prove this, plus every single human is different. I am sure of my feelings, I have spent months thinking and done all of this effort out of a hurt ego. I am sure of my feelings and people on LS can't tell me what I'm feeling once I am sure. I don't want him back for sex, not because I can't find anyone better, and not because I feel my ego hurting. I was him back for HIM. Every single person is didferent, and grouping people into a single category like dumper and dumpee won't get many people far. Their personality, beliefs, and behaviors can effect things greatly. Each person is too diverse to group people together. Of course there's things people will have in common but no two people will have the same emotions and responses to a break up. If I said something false please correct me.

 

Aly,

 

What I'm referencing is generalizations but when you look at other situations you see patterns emerge. Again, the logical argument I made before was for me - I can't speak for other guys.

 

However, I've done a lot of research in these past 4 months and found that women do tend to work on emotions (most). Your posts state how you were FEELING as the driving factor for wanting him back. You also went onto discribe how his hypothetical actions would have turned you off (more feelings). How him responding to breadcrumbs would have relieved your anxiety.

 

Of course relationships have to have emotions. But the strong honeymoon emotions will not last forever.

 

I cannot claim to know what is in your heart. My only concern is that you don't hurt him again.

 

I do have difficulty understanding how you fell back in love after loosing those feelings. Please elaborate. This may be what Craig Kenneth says about creating separation anxiety in your ex. Basically you now have more space than you originally wanted and now you are afraid you will lose him forever.

 

I hope you guys work it out and live happily ever after. I'm just skeptical of the future if your feelings change again.

 

Edited to add - I never once doubted that I would spend the rest of my life with my ex. Not for one minute, not for one second.... in 7 years. I cannot fathom a situation where I would have fallen out of love, then back in love again 6 months later. Again, my brain is not wired that way so I struggle to understand how someone could do it.

Edited January 28, 2017 by SevenCity

[Aly101]

Aly,

 

What I'm referencing is generalizations but when you look at other situations you see patterns emerge. Again, the logical argument I made before was for me - I can't speak for other guys.

 

However, I've done a lot of research in these past 4 months and found that women do tend to work on emotions (most). Your posts state how you were FEELING as the driving factor for wanting him back. You also went onto discribe how his hypothetical actions would have turned you off (more feelings). How him responding to breadcrumbs would have relieved your anxiety.

 

Of course relationships have to have emotions. But the strong honeymoon emotions will not last forever.

 

I cannot claim to know what is in your heart. My only concern is that you don't hurt him again.

 

I do have difficulty understanding how you fell back in love after loosing those feelings. Please elaborate. This may be what Craig Kenneth says about creating separation anxiety in your ex. Basically you now have more space than you originally wanted and now you are afraid you will lose him forever.

 

I hope you guys work it out and live happily ever after. I'm just skeptical of the future if your feelings change again.

 

Edited to add - I never once doubted that I would spend the rest of my life with my ex. Not for one minute, not for one second.... in 7 years. I cannot fathom a situation where I would have fallen out of love, then back in love again 6 months later. Again, my brain is not wired that way so I struggle to understand how someone could do it.

 

I have been looking around a lot myself, I found men would tend to come back more often than woman. Of course this is extremely hard to prove and pin point. There's also people who believe in falling in love again, and second chances. I am working my butt of to make myself happier and stronger for a healthy relationship with him. To answer your question, I just needed to figure out myself. I didn't plan on gaining the want or love back, and I don't know what would have happened entirely if we kept communication going since the break up. I processed my emotions carefully anf logically. I made sure it wasn't for an ego stroke, or because I was lonely. I know what I am doing and I know it's what I want. I'm looking to marry this person, not just see what it would he like then just bail after a problem comes up.

[SevenCity]

I have been looking around a lot myself, I found men would tend to come back more often than woman. Of course this is extremely hard to prove and pin point. There's also people who believe in falling in love again, and second chances. I am working my butt of to make myself happier and stronger for a healthy relationship with him. To answer your question, I just needed to figure out myself. I didn't plan on gaining the want or love back, and I don't know what would have happened entirely if we kept communication going since the break up. I processed my emotions carefully anf logically. I made sure it wasn't for an ego stroke, or because I was lonely. I know what I am doing and I know it's what I want. I'm looking to marry this person, not just see what it would he like then just bail after a problem comes up.

 

I agree that men tend to come back more than women. I think a lot of this has to do with men's difficulty to say no to sex. A guy would have to be either really hurt or completely uninterested if an ex was open to sex again in order not to pursue.

 

Interesting about the "figuring out yourself" line. A lot of women use lines like that which translate into "I'm no longer interested in you nor will I ever be"

 

From what you posted it seems like you realized that your happiness was not your bfs responsibility and you worked hard to get to a better place. Good for you. All too often partners rely on their SOs to provide happiness and it ultimately fails.

 

The sad part is this could all have been handled while you were together through open communication. More often than not, the hurt and separation of a split is irreparable. Trust is also hard to regain as the dumpee will be looking over their shoulder so to speak for a long time. As the old saying goes "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me".

 

I think to my situation and at this point, nearly 5 months later, I don't know if I have it in me to trust my ex if she were ever to come back.

[Aly101]

I agree that men tend to come back more than women. I think a lot of this has to do with men's difficulty to say no to sex. A guy would have to be either really hurt or completely uninterested if an ex was open to sex again in order not to pursue.

 

Interesting about the "figuring out yourself" line. A lot of women use lines like that which translate into "I'm no longer interested in you nor will I ever be"

 

From what you posted it seems like you realized that your happiness was not your bfs responsibility and you worked hard to get to a better place. Good for you. All too often partners rely on their SOs to provide happiness and it ultimately fails.

 

The sad part is this could all have been handled while you were together through open communication. More often than not, the hurt and separation of a split is irreparable. Trust is also hard to regain as the dumpee will be looking over their shoulder so to speak for a long time. As the old saying goes "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me".

 

I think to my situation and at this point, nearly 5 months later, I don't know if I have it in me to trust my ex if she were ever to come back.

I do believe the dumpee is more likely to reject the dumper than not. Their walls are built so high and can not be taken down. I've seen so many cases where ex leaves, a lot of time passes, dumpee says so, the end. It was my case but I worked hard for it. I truly want this person in my life and I know my mistakes, I know what I need to do. If a dumper truly wants their ex back, a "Hey, I miss you" won't do a thing, they have to work on themselves too.

[SevenCity]

I do believe the dumpee is more likely to reject the dumper than not. Their walls are built so high and can not be taken down. I've seen so many cases where ex leaves, a lot of time passes, dumpee says so, the end. It was my case but I worked hard for it. I truly want this person in my life and I know my mistakes, I know what I need to do. If a dumper truly wants their ex back, a "Hey, I miss you" won't do a thing, they have to work on themselves too.

 

I hope people considering breaking off a RL read this thread. It should be a lesson to anyone who has ever been in your position. When breaking off a RL you run the high risk of it being gone forever. The work you have to do now was completely avoidable. In the event it doesn't work out this will be something you will regret the rest of your life.

 

I'm not condemning you, but if you had known how you feel now, I'm sure you never would have ended things.

 

I think about the day my ex moved out. She said things such as "Maybe we'll get back together one day" or "I need a clean break in order to make things work".

 

Platitudes? Perhaps. But knowing her for 7 years she was in serious doubt. Could have been in that moment as she has not reached out to me since.

 

But if it were real, I don't see a split as the solution. She had issues like you that will require therapy to work out in her case. Maybe she'll come back one day but I'm pretty sure it will be too late by that time.

[Sweetfish]

SevenCity, you can not put all dumpers into one category, and we can't say men never come back, woman break up without logic etc. There isn't enough evidence to prove this, plus every single human is different. I am sure of my feelings, I have spent months thinking and done all of this effort out of a hurt ego. I am sure of my feelings and people on LS can't tell me what I'm feeling once I am sure. I don't want him back for sex, not because I can't find anyone better, and not because I feel my ego hurting. I was him back for HIM. Every single person is didferent, and grouping people into a single category like dumper and dumpee won't get many people far. Their personality, beliefs, and behaviors can effect things greatly. Each person is too diverse to group people together. Of course there's things people will have in common but no two people will have the same emotions and responses to a break up. If I said something false please correct me.

 

 

I would like to add to this as its I can see many people will be conflicted with what your wrote because it contradicts your previous post slightly.

 

Here is what I have to say about every individual is different.

 

Every rain drop is different. Every snowflake is crystallized in its own pattern. Every molecule of air has an unpredictable path. However, when in groups they become VERY predictable. This is how we build airplanes, manipulate water, and survive in cold environments. People are the same way as individuals they are unpredictable...but when you lump individuals in a group you can make assertions.

 

 

Its up to the reader to be self-aware and follow the paths of others and not make the same mistakes..

 

for instance begging and crying. I've have not heard one person say..."no, you should beg and cry because you should fight for the relationship no matter what."

 

We would hope the reader is smart enough to know what can be generalized and what cannot be generalized.

 

If your a dumpee we can generalize your hurting pretty bad the moment your dumped and that you will create a wall against the dumper in the future. But ever so often you have (rain drops) that for whatever reasons kinda take a different path and say... "I got dumped, awesome im free yay)

 

This is a comparison to a member on LS and your stages .. its a 6 years old post

 

1) Relief and happiness. I think this is very common at the beginning of every BU, the dumper feels relief and happiness.

I swore i would never go back to my ex, I blamed my ex for us splitting and even believed it myself for a long time, the whole time. never once fought with the rebound we got on great and where a great match

 

2) Thoughts of ex and feelings of missing them. After about 3-4 months, I started to think about him a lot more, even thought about reaching out one time but didn't.

Did i miss him?, not for the first 3-4 months he was always around

 

3) Isolation and feelings of missing the ex intensified. I reeeaaally wanted to reach out, but I knew he would most likely turn me down and I needed to move on.

 

[Member]Even though my ex is still around begging me back, i still miss him, still miss his company.

in hindsight looking at this now, he was always about, i had his company so it truly wasnt his company i missed, i didnt realise this for months later.

 

After this realisation i let him come up and hang around, but at the time still didnt want relationship and thought we would never be together again, but at this point i knew i still wanted him in my life, but as i friend, at this point i knew i wouldnt be happy with him not in my life.

 

4) Fake acceptance. I told myself I was done with them, and focused less on him. In the back of my mind I knew I was just confusing myself.

 

The point is until you get over your ex you cant form that bond with anyone else. At this point i had go single and deal with the breakup. this is where the ex stuff happens, i went through 3 weeks of mild sadness getting over gigs guy, realised it wasnt true love,I also worked out what i wanted in life, i was ready to settle down and have kid

 

5) Feelinfs of missing the ex leaked, reached out. This was over 6 months after. I reached out and got turned down instantly. He said he moved on.

after that, one night the break up with the ex hut me. it hut me hard like a ton of bricks. This was pain, it was regret, i finally only then seen how bad i treated him and what had done to him.This was also the point were i said f++k i love my ex, i said to myself i would txt him and lay it out if he wanted it i was going to be the best bird ever. if he had moved on i was going to go down the long lonely road of healing i hadnt dealt with my ex break up all, and it only came out after my gigs ended.

 

6) Acceptamce. I knew at this point it just wasn't meant to be. I forced myself to move on.

Yes, I did think long and hard about the break up. I never once thought "I will want to get back with him later on." The feelings just came later on. He begged to keep me at first (whiich only boosted my ego) but not too much.

 

my gigs was not finished there but. we got back together and the same problems occured but only through fault of my ex, I learned my mistake and the changes that were my fault in the relationship. After 6 months

 

how did it make me feel, first 2-3 months, angry i wish he would just go away, did he emotionally support my rebound, yes. would i have came back earlier if he didnt chase me?

 

What did my ex do this whole time? he begged me the whole time, didnt know about gigs guy. I HID IT!!! Red flag!

 

 

So yes... you two are different.. two completely different people.. yet its errie how close the comparisons are when you think about it...

Edited January 29, 2017 by Sweetfish

[Aly101]

I would like to add to this as its I can see many people will be conflicted with what your wrote because it contradicts your previous post slightly.

 

Here is what I have to say about every individual is different.

 

Every rain drop is different. Every snowflake is crystallized in its own pattern. Every molecule of air has an unpredictable path. However, when in groups they become VERY predictable. This is how we build airplanes, manipulate water, and survive in cold environments. People are the same way as individuals they are unpredictable...but when you lump individuals in a group you can make assertions.

 

 

Its up to the reader to be self-aware and follow the paths of others and not make the same mistakes..

 

for instance begging and crying. I've have not heard one person say..."no, you should beg and cry because you should fight for the relationship no matter what."

 

We would hope the reader is smart enough to know what can be generalized and what cannot be generalized.

 

If your a dumpee we can generalize your hurting pretty bad the moment your dumped and that you will create a wall against the dumper in the future. But ever so often you have (rain drops) that for whatever reasons kinda take a different path and say... "I got dumped, awesome im free yay)

 

This is a comparison to a member on LS and your stages .. its a 6 years old post

 

I swore i would never go back to my ex, I blamed my ex for us splitting and even believed it myself for a long time, the whole time. never once fought with the rebound we got on great and where a great match

 

Did i miss him?, not for the first 3-4 months he was always around

 

 

[Member]Even though my ex is still around begging me back, i still miss him, still miss his company.

in hindsight looking at this now, he was always about, i had his company so it truly wasnt his company i missed, i didnt realise this for months later.

 

After this realisation i let him come up and hang around, but at the time still didnt want relationship and thought we would never be together again, but at this point i knew i still wanted him in my life, but as i friend, at this point i knew i wouldnt be happy with him not in my life.

 

 

The point is until you get over your ex you cant form that bond with anyone else. At this point i had go single and deal with the breakup. this is where the ex stuff happens, i went through 3 weeks of mild sadness getting over gigs guy, realised it wasnt true love,I also worked out what i wanted in life, i was ready to settle down and have kid

 

after that, one night the break up with the ex hut me. it hut me hard like a ton of bricks. This was pain, it was regret, i finally only then seen how bad i treated him and what had done to him.This was also the point were i said f++k i love my ex, i said to myself i would txt him and lay it out if he wanted it i was going to be the best bird ever. if he had moved on i was going to go down the long lonely road of healing i hadnt dealt with my ex break up all, and it only came out after my gigs ended.

 

 

my gigs was not finished there but. we got back together and the same problems occured but only through fault of my ex, I learned my mistake and the changes that were my fault in the relationship. After 6 months

 

how did it make me feel, first 2-3 months, angry i wish he would just go away, did he emotionally support my rebound, yes. would i have came back earlier if he didnt chase me?

 

What did my ex do this whole time? he begged me the whole time, didnt know about gigs guy. I HID IT!!! Red flag!

 

 

So yes... you two are different.. two completely different people.. yet its errie how close the comparisons are when you think about it...

 

We both went throug very similar things after we dumped our ex. I know cases can be similar, but never the same. There's going to be things the occur differently. I'm still trying to figure all of this out myself, by no means am I a relationship expert or psychologist.