Who can I count on?

[Mylife]

Hi All

 

I am quite happy to announce that I am engaged! Its been a month now nd the wedding talks gave started and it is a beautiful feeling. We are more than likely doing a destination wedding and have talked to a few agents and him and I just need to go over pkgs and rates and make a decision, its a nice feeling.

 

Honestly I wouldnt change a thing guys, he is a truly amazing person that puts me first, makes sure I am happy and truly cares about spending time with my parents. He loves that I truly care about him and spend time with his family too. Our relationship has come so far and I know that we will be a beautiful team.

 

My post yes has to do with my wedding, but it also has to do some more deep seeded aspects. I used to have 3 best girlfriends that I was friends with for almost 10 yrs. Jealousy happend, back biting happend, other friends polluting my mind and these girls' minds happend and it was a huge fall out where I was left all by myself. The 3 stuck together, stayed friends with the other friends that in fact I introduced to eachother and then there was me. All of this happend just about 3 yrs ago...I was already in a new relationship when it happend, the man I am now marrying. So at that time I was all butterflies and yes the loss of this crazy social life did hurt me...a lot, but I was easily able to put it aside. Amazing new bf, I was moving up in my career and many good things were happening.

 

Fast forward to me now. I do have friends and girlfriends that I meet atleast once a month or so...come from different walks of life. Some are one off girls...some are a group of 2-3 girls. They are super awesome...but they arent like the buddy buddy bend over backwards type. So I do end up spending a lot of time with my now fiancee and his sister/cousins which is awesome too, we all get along. My man isnt neccessarily a very social person either, he can be an extrovert in group settings but doesnt have that friend like bond with anyone just like me, but thats just always been him. He meets his cousins etc for beers every now and then. He is very close to his sister who lives in town and she is a beautiful person, we get along well. I am super close to my sister too, but she lives 10 hrs away so I only really get to see her once every few months. He also has his one best friend and he lives in Europe. They talk once every few weeks but when he is town its awesome to see them together.

 

So now comes our wedding. Our culture doesnt really have the whole bridesmaids groomsmen thing so we aren't really doing that part. Him and I are going to all the meetings together but he keeps his sister updated on what is discussed etc. Which is great because she has great input and has been to many resorts and/or had friends that have done destination weddings. My sister on the other hand has never been to a resort and is 10 weeks pregnant with her first so my wedding isnt top on her list neccessarily. At this point she doesnt even know if she will travel because at my wedding the baby will be 3.5 months old which I think is jusst fine to travel but she told me today to be prepared in case she is unable to. I started bawling and said she was being silly and over protective for no reason. Sucky fight! Even if she is there can I really count on her to run around for me with a baby? To go and check on things that I cant check on as the bride? I dont even know which of my friends will show up to my destination wedding if any at all. Even if they do, I dont have that bond with them to without hesitation say to them can you do XYZ for me. I know they would happily do it...but I wouldnt be able to say it comfortably.

 

He has his sister that I know will do tons for the wedding, he did a lot for hers too. I ran around like crazy for my sisters wedding 6 yrs ago. But I just have no one guys that I genuinely feel I can count on and it just hurts so much thinking that. I am 27 so I dont know if it just a part of growing up to not have those same talk till 3am on the phone with your girls about lord knows what type bond. It might be, probly is.

 

But I just want to feel like when my parents are downstairs watching the guests I have someone I can count on and someone that will get rid of the jitters and just someone I can have a pre wedding glass of wine with. I will be beyond broken if my sister cant make it...but I just dont know what to do. Our budget doesnt really allow for a wedding planner but that is obviously not the bond I am looking for. Its just I want a best friend other than my fiancee and my sister. She just isnt of the personality either to run around and plan, she is quite laid back and that just who she is. So yes baby or not I wouldnt really be able to rely on her to run around anyway.

 

I want to feel like I have a best girlfriend that will bend over backwards for me and I for her. Someone that will be by my side for anything that I need and just someone I can trust and count on. It doesnt happen overnight, I know and you cant force it either. But I just wish my social life were different. What do I do?

[Soxfaninfl]

Have you tried to reconcile with your three friends? You seem like you had a tight bond with them before your falling out.

[ShatteredLady]

Other than your sister, who has been your best friend in your life? No necessarily right now.

 

For me, it was a cousin I had been very close to growing-up. I remembered all the silly conversations we had as kids, everything we had been through in life & (added bonus) she's a great planner! When we got back together before my wedding we just naturally fell back into the old pattern....as you get older you will find that. You can become distanced but real friends...there's just a special bond there & 5 minutes after they walk back through the door it's like no time has passed at all.

 

I was 26 when I married. I now look at my wedding photos & have nothing but hazy distant memories of a lot of people. Life changes as you age & marry. Your priorities become different. I'm now closer to my husband's sister than I was with any of my girl friends when I married. They are now my FAMILY.

 

Best Wishes. Your day is going to be wonderful...not perfect! Even better!!!!!

[Lady2163]

It may not be the same as a best friend, but do you have any aunts or friends of your mother you have been close to?

 

It's often called a "personal attendant" here. One of my mother's dear friends picked me up on my wedding day, took me to the salon where my hair and makeup were done. Then she drove me to the church and helped me get dressed. She was uber prepared and to be honest, someone my own age might not have thought of the details she did. A sheet to cover me/the dress when I ate, drank or smoked. A light snack already prepared. A cooler of drinks. Someone calm to keep me company while my mother and bridesmaids were getting ready.

 

I'm not sure of your culture, but often the families aren't in the foyer before the wedding. They are often with bride and groom and then escorted into the chapel.

 

While you may think you NEED a friend, you really need someone with experience that day.

[Mylife]

Have you tried to reconcile with your three friends? You seem like you had a tight bond with them before your falling out.

 

I did have a tight bond but we have had zero contact since. I would feel very selfish reconciling now that I am engaged and I need them. I obv wasnt there for them when they may have needed me these last few years. I feel like it wouldnt be fair to them. I feel like the way things ended, it is way past that now.

[Mylife]

Other than your sister, who has been your best friend in your life? No necessarily right now.

 

For me, it was a cousin I had been very close to growing-up. I remembered all the silly conversations we had as kids, everything we had been through in life & (added bonus) she's a great planner! When we got back together before my wedding we just naturally fell back into the old pattern....as you get older you will find that. You can become distanced but real friends...there's just a special bond there & 5 minutes after they walk back through the door it's like no time has passed at all.

 

I was 26 when I married. I now look at my wedding photos & have nothing but hazy distant memories of a lot of people. Life changes as you age & marry. Your priorities become different. I'm now closer to my husband's sister than I was with any of my girl friends when I married. They are now my FAMILY.

 

Best Wishes. Your day is going to be wonderful...not perfect! Even better!!!!!

 

You know, I do know it is going to be beautiful the day of. It just that right now I feel so extremely alone in all of this. He has his cousins talking about his bachelor party, I feel like if I want a bachelorette I will have to plan my own. It feels so sad. Ive just been sitting in my room today all day bawling because I see so much of his side doing so much for him. I didnt say anything to him today because I dont want him to feel bad. But when I told him about it the other whwn I initially typed this out he was very sweet about it. He said you have me to run around for you.

 

To your other point, the best friends I did have we had a fall out, a bad one. The friends now are great, but just not the same. I just want to feel excited and have someone plannin my bridal shower or my bachelorette or something. I just dont have that in my life and it hurts.

[Mylife]

It may not be the same as a best friend, but do you have any aunts or friends of your mother you have been close to?

 

It's often called a "personal attendant" here. One of my mother's dear friends picked me up on my wedding day, took me to the salon where my hair and makeup were done. Then she drove me to the church and helped me get dressed. She was uber prepared and to be honest, someone my own age might not have thought of the details she did. A sheet to cover me/the dress when I ate, drank or smoked. A light snack already prepared. A cooler of drinks. Someone calm to keep me company while my mother and bridesmaids were getting ready.

 

I'm not sure of your culture, but often the families aren't in the foyer before the wedding. They are often with bride and groom and then escorted into the chapel.

 

While you may think you NEED a friend, you really need someone with experience that day.

 

I don't have any extended family here, they are all out of town. I waa my sisters wedding planner as I have the event planning bug in me. I do see your point but unfortunately there isnt anyone I can think of that has the experience of doing that.

 

In my culture the family usually goes before the bride and waits at the alter. Someone close walks the bride down, I want it to be my sister...I hope and pray that it will be. I dont know what I would do if it isnt.

[d0nnivain]

How much do you want your sister there? Would she be willing to travel when her child was 6 months old? Can you push the wedding back 1.5 months?

 

 

Are you set on the destination wedding or could you have something domestically so your sister can come?

 

 

Otherwise, count on your FI & rely on his sister & your own mother.