RoyalDanceQueen Posted January 23, 2017 Share Posted January 23, 2017 (edited) My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year now, he has a child with his ex but he told me their relationship ended long time ago. The Mother and the child are coming from Honduras and so they have to stay with him in his house because they have no where to go. My boyfriend has now told me that I cant text him or call him after 7(after work) because he doesn't want the baby mama to know that he has a girlfriend because he says she could take the child and move somewhere else with out telling him. He told me that he will tell her about us but just not right now. My boyfriend and I don't hang out for a long time because he has to go home so that the baby mama doesn't suspect anything. He doesn't text me constantly anymore like he used to, he has gone a day with out texting me and he just calls me the next day like nothing happened. We have talked about this issue but he just tells me to be patient because he will buy them an apartment to move in too and that everything would be back to normal. I feel like I am [his second choice] but he tells me that he loves me and that I'm his one and only. I don't know what to do, I feel lonely. should I stay with or leave him. I do love him, I have met his family and they are really nice and caring towards me. but right now I feel like he has something going with his baby mama . I don't know what to do. Edited January 23, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator language ~6 Link to post Share on other sites
coolheadal Posted January 23, 2017 Share Posted January 23, 2017 I know you don not want to be in this. Why do you tolerate this? He has his ex or is it his ex. So he has them and as you as a backup. But he wants his child and her in his house. Do you not read between the lines. You have to say this to him if you can't have me in your life 100% then we're done! You should never settle for being second choice. He made it bed and now has his ex wife living with him and I am sure they're sleeping in the same bed. This is not for you my dear you need to find a man who wants you 100%, and will love you for and not play games like this. I know you want this guy but if you put up with this your end up hurt in the end. He needs to let you go so he can be with his family even if you think it's his ex and she lives with him as family not as a room mate. Got to read between the lines and his actions speaks louder than his words. Move on.. GET AWAY FROM THIS GUY! DO NOT GIVE HIM WHAT HE WANTS! Even if you want him still you have to make not more contact with him. I don't think he going to give up is child for you as no man will do that. Unless you have kids with him already. I didn't see you mentioning that. Ex is main concern for him and he allows it. You have to be place on hold while he plays daddy and husband to his ex or really his woman. Your the secret woman that no one knows about. Just get out of this mess! Link to post Share on other sites
SnowWhiteWins Posted January 23, 2017 Share Posted January 23, 2017 (edited) He is lying to you. He is a cake eater. I'm so sorry. Cut your losses now. Tell his baby mama. She deserves the truth. Edited January 23, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted January 23, 2017 Share Posted January 23, 2017 Er - Are you sure they're actually broken up? I think you're probably right that there's still something going on between them. How long is she planning on staying? Sorry, but I would not tolerate this. He has too much to deal with and is putting her feelings ahead of yours. If he is seriously worried that she will take his child away, he needs to consult an attorney about his paternal rights...not bow down to her and pretend you don't exist. I would not continue this relationship. It's already too messy and you're being treated like a dirty little secret. Not good. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ElizabethIII Posted January 23, 2017 Share Posted January 23, 2017 She isnt his ex. He is cheating on her by seeing you. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
angel.eyes Posted January 23, 2017 Share Posted January 23, 2017 (edited) Agreed. Sounds like his wife is now in town. Yes, if she finds out he's cheating, she will separate and go elsewhere (even though according to him, she's only staying with him because she had nowhere else to go...see any inconsistency in his story there???). Why would he buy his ex an apartment? Have you bought cars or apartments for any of your exes? Would any of your bona fide exes buy you an apartment? Why would he prioritize an ex' feelings over yours? Why is he spending all of his free time with his ex and ignoring you? Does any of this make sense if you were truly his girlfriend and she were an ex? Edited January 23, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 2 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted January 23, 2017 Share Posted January 23, 2017 I guess he is married to her. She stayed in Honduras, whilst he set up a home for her and the baby. In the meantime he was "single" so he acquired a "gf", but now the wife has shown up, he needs to juggle things a bit to keep both women happy. OP Whether or not he is married to her, YOU are his second choice, she and the baby take priority here. He doesn't care about upsetting YOU, but God forbid SHE ever gets upset. If you are happy with that ranking, then great carry on, but if you have aspirations of being more than his OW, then you need to cut this guy loose. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
pidgeon1010 Posted January 23, 2017 Share Posted January 23, 2017 I assume the alleged ex is not a U.S. citizen or permanent resident? She would need a visitor visa to enter the country so how is she going to be able to stay in the country and him get them an apartment? Are you sure they are not married? Link to post Share on other sites
BuddyX Posted January 23, 2017 Share Posted January 23, 2017 No where to go? How about if he's a "real man" he gets a place for them while they're here and spends time with you. Odds are, he's married. Link to post Share on other sites
Jj66 Posted January 23, 2017 Share Posted January 23, 2017 If he has the resources to buy her an apartment he certainly has the resources to put her up in hotel for awhile. He's bull****ting you. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted January 23, 2017 Share Posted January 23, 2017 Is he from Honduras as well? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted January 23, 2017 Share Posted January 23, 2017 I doubt he is married since op has met his family, but it also makes it unlikely that he is in an open relationship with baby momma. I would love to be like the others and say he is lying and he is involved with the baby's mom. However, you be heard far too many stories like this were the baby's mom uses the baby to keep a guy trapped in a relationship or to force him back. My gut says he is full of it, but his story is possible. Link to post Share on other sites
Lilyana76 Posted January 23, 2017 Share Posted January 23, 2017 Why waste your time with someone that wouldn't be proud to be with you and let the world know it? If she's an ex really, why would he care how she reacts? It's not really her business. If she tries to use the child against him, there are legal steps he can take. Link to post Share on other sites
MJJean Posted January 23, 2017 Share Posted January 23, 2017 I assume the alleged ex is not a U.S. citizen or permanent resident? She would need a visitor visa to enter the country so how is she going to be able to stay in the country and him get them an apartment? Are you sure they are not married? If they aren't married, it's possible he brought her and the child here with the intention to marry her. If she's here on a fiancee visa, they will have to marry within 90 days or she has to go back home. If she tries to use the child against him, there are legal steps he can take. International custody disputes are a big hot mess. The reality is that, if she and the child are Honduran citizens, there is not a whole lot he can do if she decides to leave and take the child back home with her. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted January 23, 2017 Share Posted January 23, 2017 I doubt he is married since op has met his family, but it also makes it unlikely that he is in an open relationship with baby momma. I would love to be like the others and say he is lying and he is involved with the baby's mom. However, you be heard far too many stories like this were the baby's mom uses the baby to keep a guy trapped in a relationship or to force him back. My gut says he is full of it, but his story is possible. If he is from Honduras as well yes it's possible he is married and the entire family knows he has a girlfriend. I have seen this many times when I was dating. Married men especially from Africa and South America with girlfriends here. They move here first, leave the wife and kid behind, when they get their citizenship they have the wife move here. The entire family is ok with him having a girlfriend because the most important thing for them is to get their citizenship at any cost. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
angel.eyes Posted January 23, 2017 Share Posted January 23, 2017 Sad, but true. It's a classic story. Blood relatives from those parts seem to look aside and not care when these married men take on a girlfriend on the side to "tide themselves over" while they're working long-distance. There seems to be this attitude of "men have needs...what do you expect...for him to be a monk for a year." Ignore the fact that the wife back home can't do the same. She's expected to be a nun. OP, regardless of what might be going on, the bottom line is you deserve better treatment than this. Trust your gut. Dump him and go find a man who is available and proud to walk around with you as his girlfriend. You don't need to be someone's hidden secret. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 23, 2017 Share Posted January 23, 2017 (edited) My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year now, he has a child with his ex but he told me their relationship ended long time ago. The Mother and the child are coming from Honduras and so they have to stay with him in his house because they have no where to go. My boyfriend has now told me that I cant text him or call him after 7(after work) because he doesn't want the baby mama to know that he has a girlfriend because he says she could take the child and move somewhere else with out telling him. He told me that he will tell her about us but just not right now. My boyfriend and I don't hang out for a long time because he has to go home so that the baby mama doesn't suspect anything. He doesn't text me constantly anymore like he used to, he has gone a day with out texting me and he just calls me the next day like nothing happened. We have talked about this issue but he just tells me to be patient because he will buy them an apartment to move in too and that everything would be back to normal. I feel like I am [his second choice] but he tells me that he loves me and that I'm his one and only. I don't know what to do, I feel lonely. should I stay with or leave him. I do love him, I have met his family and they are really nice and caring towards me. but right now I feel like he has something going with his baby mama . I don't know what to do. Your boyfriend and the mother of his child are still together. Best thing you can do is end it and walk away. You're already hurting and it's only going to get worse. If they are not together as a couple anymore then why hide you? Fact that he doesn't want you to text, call or see him often is more proof that he's still with her. Edited January 23, 2017 by whichwayisup 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BTDT2012 Posted January 23, 2017 Share Posted January 23, 2017 Based on what you have said, it appears that you may be an unknowing other woman. The mother and child could not come here without a sponsor. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted January 23, 2017 Share Posted January 23, 2017 (edited) I doubt he is married since op has met his family, . Meeting his family doesn't mean anything. Their loyalties are with him and his child, not OP or his wife, necessarily. Edited January 23, 2017 by kendahke Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted January 23, 2017 Share Posted January 23, 2017 Women have been known to use children against their Ex, so I wouldn't totally rule that out, but his story about buying her a place doesn't add up. Who paid for her to come over? It just doesn't make sense. Sadly .. a friends brother did something similar. He had a girlfriend here in the UK, but his fiancée was back home, awaiting immigration stuff. He wasn't hiding her before his fiancée came over and his parents knew her too. However, the difference is she knew he had a fiancée, she was just living in hope that she's never make it over to England, because it took about 3 years. The fiancée found out about it, because the OW was very confident and wouldn't disappear. In the end the now wife told her that she was just 'keeping the bed warm', while she wasn't there. Many other cultures are very accommodating of male infidelity. Even his wife said, she didn't expect that he could go without sex for that long. because he's a man. If I were you, I'd just block him and get on with your life, although I can fully understand your desire to know the truth. Would any of his family tell you the truth? Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted January 23, 2017 Share Posted January 23, 2017 The Mother and the child are coming from Honduras and so they have to stay with him in his house because they have no where to go.OK My boyfriend has now told me that I cant text him or call him after 7(after work) because he doesn't want the baby mama to know that he has a girlfriend because he says she could take the child and move somewhere else with out telling him. Wait. You just said The Mother and the child are coming from Honduras and so they have to stay with him in his house because they have no where to go.So, do they have a place to go or nowhere to go?he just tells me to be patient because he will buy them an apartment to move in too and that everything would be back to normal.How long do you have to be patient? I'm on the fence about this one. Link to post Share on other sites
coolheadal Posted January 23, 2017 Share Posted January 23, 2017 Originally Posted by RoyalDanceQueen View Post My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year now, he has a child with his ex but he told me their relationship ended long time ago He's lying about this.. HE TOLD ME THEIR RELATIONSHIP ENDED LONG TIME AGO? If that was so you wouldn't be here asking for advise. He's with her and he's with you. He's married and even if he said he's not she's now living in this country with him. Where do you fit into this mess? Are you living with him nope. But you allow him to cheat with and you also allow him to on you with his woman (ex or wife or other girl friend he had sex with to produce his son) This is a wake up call for you to consider what you want? Continue with this affair or just drop get rid of him and say it's over finally over you had enough of this and you want out and you will call the police on him if he doesn't leave you alone. Or you can say you would tell his baby mama about your affair with him. This is not a good way to start anything with a cheater! He's cheater on both you and the baby mama! Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts