shirly2016 Posted January 23, 2017 Share Posted January 23, 2017 Hi there, Hopefully someone here is able to give a good advice because it feels really hard to carry. Well, I have a boyfriend which is actually an integral part of my life in the last 2 years. A year ago, we moved together and since that, we seem to have many problems. A month ago he told me that he's planning a trip with his parents to Europe.(the reason is that his father will turn 70 and he's never been abroad with his parents).I was sure I'm a part of the plan but apparntely, I dont seem to be a part of this equation and he's planning to travel without me.He's 32 years old and the trip is organized. I keep thinking to myself- what the hell? He didn't offer me to come with him and I'm really trying hard to find reasons for that- I'm a student and such a trip costs a lot of money which I'm unable to afford to myself. I also have a serious job and vacation is not an option. But in anycase, he didn't offer me to join with him. I feel hurt and I'm not sure of what I'm supposed to do. He is a really good person but he definitely doesn't know how to be in a relationship. Am I wrong with all these feelings?I feel that he doesn't count me in his life and that I'm not part of his family. Please help... What do you think about that? Link to post Share on other sites
understand50 Posted January 23, 2017 Share Posted January 23, 2017 Hi there, Hopefully someone here is able to give a good advice because it feels really hard to carry. Well, I have a boyfriend which is actually an integral part of my life in the last 2 years. A year ago, we moved together and since that, we seem to have many problems. A month ago he told me that he's planning a trip with his parents to Europe.(the reason is that his father will turn 70 and he's never been abroad with his parents).I was sure I'm a part of the plan but apparntely, I dont seem to be a part of this equation and he's planning to travel without me.He's 32 years old and the trip is organized. I keep thinking to myself- what the hell? He didn't offer me to come with him and I'm really trying hard to find reasons for that- I'm a student and such a trip costs a lot of money which I'm unable to afford to myself. I also have a serious job and vacation is not an option. But in anycase, he didn't offer me to join with him. I feel hurt and I'm not sure of what I'm supposed to do. He is a really good person but he definitely doesn't know how to be in a relationship. Am I wrong with all these feelings?I feel that he doesn't count me in his life and that I'm not part of his family. Please help... What do you think about that? shirly, What you are seeing is the difference between a girl friend and a wife. I think you need to see that his commitment is way different to you , then if you were married. That's one thing, but the other is he just may need or want time alone with his parents. They are getting older, and this may be the last chance to do something with them, as family. Communication, communication and oh, communication is the key. You both need to talk this out, not only, why you are not going, but also where is this all heading? I wish you luck..... Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted January 23, 2017 Share Posted January 23, 2017 Hi there, A month ago he told me that he's planning a trip with his parents to Europe.(the reason is that his father will turn 70 and he's never been abroad with his parents).I was sure I'm a part of the plan but apparntely, I dont seem to be a part of this equation and he's planning to travel without me.He's 32 years old and the trip is organized. I keep thinking to myself- what the hell? He didn't offer me to come with him and I'm really trying hard to find reasons for that- I'm a student and such a trip costs a lot of money which I'm unable to afford to myself. I also have a serious job and vacation is not an option. But in anycase, he didn't offer me to join with him. I feel hurt and I'm not sure of what I'm supposed to do. He is a really good person but he definitely doesn't know how to be in a relationship. Am I wrong with all these feelings?I feel that he doesn't count me in his life and that I'm not part of his family. Please help... What do you think about that? Maybe he didn't ask you to come with him because he knows you can't afford it and that you can't take the vacation time off work? Doesn't that seem reasonable? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted January 23, 2017 Share Posted January 23, 2017 Well, I have a boyfriend which is actually an integral part of my life in the last 2 years. A year ago, we moved together and since that, we seem to have many problems. t? What are these other problems besides not being invited to the trip? Link to post Share on other sites
Johnsmith1003 Posted January 23, 2017 Share Posted January 23, 2017 Maybe he didn't ask you to come with him because he knows you can't afford it and that you can't take the vacation time off work? Doesn't that seem reasonable? Seriously. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
MJJean Posted January 23, 2017 Share Posted January 23, 2017 He's your boyfriend, not your husband. You shouldn't expect an invite to go on a family trip. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
NTV Posted January 23, 2017 Share Posted January 23, 2017 Well at 70, honestly there probably isn't a lot of time left. This is likely a farewell trip. Keep your head out of it and let him say goodbye. Offer to stay in touch and listen. .. then really listen. That's your best move if you want this relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Whodatdog Posted January 23, 2017 Share Posted January 23, 2017 Hi there, Hopefully someone here is able to give a good advice because it feels really hard to carry. Well, I have a boyfriend which is actually an integral part of my life in the last 2 years. A year ago, we moved together and since that, we seem to have many problems. A month ago he told me that he's planning a trip with his parents to Europe.(the reason is that his father will turn 70 and he's never been abroad with his parents).I was sure I'm a part of the plan but apparntely, I dont seem to be a part of this equation and he's planning to travel without me.He's 32 years old and the trip is organized. I keep thinking to myself- what the hell? He didn't offer me to come with him and I'm really trying hard to find reasons for that- I'm a student and such a trip costs a lot of money which I'm unable to afford to myself. I also have a serious job and vacation is not an option. But in anycase, he didn't offer me to join with him. I feel hurt and I'm not sure of what I'm supposed to do. He is a really good person but he definitely doesn't know how to be in a relationship. Am I wrong with all these feelings?I feel that he doesn't count me in his life and that I'm not part of his family. Please help... What do you think about that? You need to reread your post again. You said right at the start that you two have a lot of problems. He planned a trip with his parents. Thats his family, and it sounds like a family trip. You arent family. You said "I'm a student and such a trip costs a lot of money which I'm unable to afford to myself. I also have a serious job and vacation is not an option." You answered your own question. Link to post Share on other sites
Bufo Posted January 25, 2017 Share Posted January 25, 2017 If he knows your financial situation, not asking you travel with his family might have been his attempt at avoiding embarrassing you. After all he didn't throw it in your face that you were not invited. And he made it quite clear from the git go that this was a family trip. As others have said, you aren't family yet. And since he said this was a family trip, he may have been trying to reassure you that he wouldn't be spending his time chasing women in Europe. Finally do not make an issue out of this. I once had a gf who was hurt/ upset and vocal that I was going on a scuba diving trip with my brothers and not inviting her -- a non-diver -- along. My primary reaction was WTF. I soon figured out that jealousy and agitation were her primary driving emotions. Haven't seen her in 30 years as the relationship didn't survive long after I returned from that week long trip. I lost the urge to be Mr Nice Guy always acquiescing to her wishes and always thinking how I could make her happy. Don't be her. Link to post Share on other sites
Greg1972 Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 You need to reread your post again. You said right at the start that you two have a lot of problems. He planned a trip with his parents. Thats his family, and it sounds like a family trip. You arent family. You said "I'm a student and such a trip costs a lot of money which I'm unable to afford to myself. I also have a serious job and vacation is not an option." You answered your own question. Agree 100%. Sounds pretty straight forward Link to post Share on other sites
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