Getting together again after break-up

[neppuru]

Okay so I met this girl online around 2 years ago on a random stranger chat service,we started as friends for a month or two,after a while we started kind of flirting with each other for about 3 months,and eventually it sort of evolved and we ended up having a sort of sexual relationship over text and stuff for up until one point around June of 2016,we were sort of in a relationship up until this point,it just wasnt official.Then we sort of decided we're a couple.Now, I never met her up close, she lives in an entirely different country that I probably won't visit beforehaving some independence, an income etc..So we were in a long-distance relationship and we knew we would probably never meet, but we were pretty happy regardless, we were talking a lot, making videocalls almost everyday and that sort of thing.Anyway,around August of 2016 things started going south,she had some family problems and she was kind of depressed the whole time,at least when talking to me,her mother was drinking a lot, there were episodes in the family and stuff.Towards the very end of August, when the school year started, she met a guy and she sort of fell in love with him but never told me,within September I figured out that she was pretty close friends with that guy and found a photo of them hugging on facebook after stalking her and her friends' profiles.So I addressed the issue and asked her for her explanation, she told me she wasn't dating him, they were just friends, but she was sort of falling in love with him.Around middle of October 2016, after trying to be her friend though she didnt give me enough time because she had school, then she'd return and go out with her friends and when she return she was so tired she'd fall asleep straight away, we didnt get to talk at all, so I decided I had enough and told her I'm gonna leave her, saying goodbye was difficult for both of us,but I had to do it because it was just sucking the life out of me.Then we went NC and I promised her I'd contact her once I was ready.However, at the New Year's Day, 2am in the night she sent me a message on a different chat service that we rarely used but I never blocked her in.She wish me a happy new year right before apologizing for texting me, she felt sorry because she was afraid she made things worse by contacting me before I contacted her because she didnt know whether or not I was ready, she told me she worried about me and that she missed me, but I didnt see the message until two weeks later.When I finally happened to open the app-service to check for any messages I was confused to see her message, but I couldnt help but reply shortly after.Later in the day she got my reply and we started talking from that point, she told me she missed me, she was worried that I'd hurt myself(admittedly I did have the tendency to do that back in October because, you know, I was losing her) and that she felt sorry that she contacted me before I did, but she had to do it.This happened 5 days ago.Day 1 we talked through that service and we agreed that we'd try to get into a daily communicating pattern and stuff again,next day we started talking again as much as we were weeks after we first met,we were interested in each other's daily life etc. and we texted a lot.We stayed up late that night because she didnt want to sleep because she had a minor injury so she was in bed and surprisingly, she had been suspended from her school, so she told me she had time in her hands pretty much every day and that she could stay up late because she didnt want to lose time from talking with me,she was excited to talk with me again.Day 2 we talked a decent ammount throughout the day and again stayed up late,at about 4am (my time-2 am her time) in the morning I suggested that we should do a video call since we hadnt done that in a while, since those summer months before she had the family issues.It went well, we broke the ice, we talked about each other,she told me how during the 4 months of NC she would think of me and be worried about me, we laughed and in general it was a pleasant call.Day 3 we talked throughout the day as well and then again did a call where nothing to special really happened,just like the previous one.Day 4 though,something happened,we started talking about how we missed each other so much,the other guy from back in September was out of the picture and somehow we ended up getting together again,we were both happy,she was trying,she said sorry for what she made me go through 4 months ago,she told me she wasnt being herself(which sort of was true) because she was caught in all of the family issues,her mother being drunk,parents divorced,her mother almost got arrested and there were talks about foster the young children of the family, all of them around the age of 6 and so on.She was confused, she was crying so much mid-call, because she felt so sorry for the torture she put me through,she was crying out of happiness because we got back together.We stayed up late once again and once Day 5 (Yesterday-Today) came around the corner, we talked throughout the day as usual,but we got into the call later than usual,and we were a couple again so we were like discussing how happy we were before that summer,we were reading all over our old chats and laugh,feel weirded out occasionally,and feeling refreshed,like we're back to normal,back to how we were when we were in love with each other.However, even if I sort of took her back, I found out that she actually dated the other guy for 2 months or something and then they kinda stopped dating,so after the call ended I got thoughtful, and even though it felt great to be with her again,I realized I'm still hurt from all the shenanigans that took place back in October-September.And though I have already forgiven her,there is still an issue

 

How can I be sure she won't fall in love again with someone else?

The problem is, I dont think she really loved the other guy more than me,I think that circumstances of the long-distance relationship forced her to date him because she needed an actual relationship, with touching and hanging out and this sort of stuff.Do you guys think that assumption might be correct?

 

If it's correct, then the problem changes, I believe it becomes even worse, it's not about making her love me,it's about making the conditions of this relationship fulfill her needs this time so that she doesnt have to date someone else that she might love less just because that someone can be there for her in the real life.

 

What should I do, is this relationship worth the second chance? Do you think I would be enough to keep her happy for enough time for someone to move to the other's country to live together and stuff as long as there arent any severe issues going on in her life, like the drinking problem and stuff that was before?We really love each other, we started with a clean slate,we;re developing our relationship all over again, and we both want this to work this time,we have both cried so many tears over the first break-up,should I keep my hopes low? or even,should I try to end this even though we just go together again?or should we give it one more chance and see if we can maintain a relationship this time?

 

Thank you for your time,I know this was not exactly a pleasure to read since it's the first time I write this sort of text while I am so confused, so it's sort of disorganized and all over the place,so I want to thank everyone that tries to help me with that problem I am facing for the first time and gives the time to kind of make sense out of that blob of text above.

Edited January 23, 2017 by neppuru

[ExpatInItaly]

I have to admit, I didn't read all the way through the wall of text at the beginning. If you break it down into paragraphs, you'll get more replies.

 

However, I did see that you have never met her and probably won't meet her any time soon. Is that still the case? If so, I would let her go. It's not worth the hassle for someone you don't know in real life.

[justwhoiam]

How can I be sure she won't fall in love again with someone else?

You cannot.

 

I think that circumstances of the long-distance relationship forced her to date him because she needed an actual relationship, with touching and hanging out and this sort of stuff.Do you guys think that assumption might be correct?

Yes, it might.

 

What should I do

Get a job, gather the money to go visit her and meet her in person, and then decide if you want her to be your girlfriend. In which case, you should start a plan to be in the same place, if you really want that relationship. You can't conceive the relationship as just virtual. It's bound to fail.

 

is this relationship worth the second chance?

That's totally up to you. We have no clue about this girl.

 

Do you think I would be enough to keep her happy for enough time for someone to move to the other's country to live together and stuff as long as there arent any severe issues going on in her life, like the drinking problem and stuff that was before?

I guess what happened to her was not the exception, rather the current state of things. So you need to deal with those factors. Will she behave while waiting for you? It's hard to tell, her past doesn't help reassuring you. I'd say it's a 50% chance right now. After meeting in person, that chance could rise or lower completely.

 

should I keep my hopes low?

Definitely so.

 

should I try to end this even though we just go together again?

I think it was stupid of you to agree to be in a love relationship with someone you never met and barely know. So getting out of it until you meet in person is just wise and keeps expectations in check.

 

should we give it one more chance and see if we can maintain a relationship this time?

Postpone any relationship plan after the first meeting. You need to know the person in the flesh first.

 

I want to thank everyone that tries to help me with that problem I am facing for the first time and gives the time to kind of make sense out of that blob of text above.

You're welcome.

 

Anyway, where are you both from? And how old are you both? Because if you're 16 from different countries, I'd say: just break up and let her free. You're spending too much time online...

[Simple Logic]

Okay so I met this girl online around 2 years ago on a random stranger chat service,we started as friends for a month or two,after a while we started kind of flirting with each other for about 3 months,and eventually it sort of evolved and we ended up having a sort of sexual relationship over text and stuff for up until one point around June of 2016,we were sort of in a relationship up until this point,it just wasnt official.Then we sort of decided we're a couple.Now, I never met her up close, she lives in an entirely different country that I probably won't visit beforehaving some independence, an income etc..So we were in a long-distance relationship and we knew we would probably never meet, but we were pretty happy regardless, we were talking a lot, making videocalls almost everyday and that sort of thing.Anyway,around August of 2016 things started going south,she had some family problems and she was kind of depressed the whole time,at least when talking to me,her mother was drinking a lot, there were episodes in the family and stuff.Towards the very end of August, when the school year started, she met a guy and she sort of fell in love with him but never told me,within September I figured out that she was pretty close friends with that guy and found a photo of them hugging on facebook after stalking her and her friends' profiles.So I addressed the issue and asked her for her explanation, she told me she wasn't dating him, they were just friends, but she was sort of falling in love with him.Around middle of October 2016, after trying to be her friend though she didnt give me enough time because she had school, then she'd return and go out with her friends and when she return she was so tired she'd fall asleep straight away, we didnt get to talk at all, so I decided I had enough and told her I'm gonna leave her, saying goodbye was difficult for both of us,but I had to do it because it was just sucking the life out of me.Then we went NC and I promised her I'd contact her once I was ready.However, at the New Year's Day, 2am in the night she sent me a message on a different chat service that we rarely used but I never blocked her in.She wish me a happy new year right before apologizing for texting me, she felt sorry because she was afraid she made things worse by contacting me before I contacted her because she didnt know whether or not I was ready, she told me she worried about me and that she missed me, but I didnt see the message until two weeks later.When I finally happened to open the app-service to check for any messages I was confused to see her message, but I couldnt help but reply shortly after.Later in the day she got my reply and we started talking from that point, she told me she missed me, she was worried that I'd hurt myself(admittedly I did have the tendency to do that back in October because, you know, I was losing her) and that she felt sorry that she contacted me before I did, but she had to do it.This happened 5 days ago.Day 1 we talked through that service and we agreed that we'd try to get into a daily communicating pattern and stuff again,next day we started talking again as much as we were weeks after we first met,we were interested in each other's daily life etc. and we texted a lot.We stayed up late that night because she didnt want to sleep because she had a minor injury so she was in bed and surprisingly, she had been suspended from her school, so she told me she had time in her hands pretty much every day and that she could stay up late because she didnt want to lose time from talking with me,she was excited to talk with me again.Day 2 we talked a decent ammount throughout the day and again stayed up late,at about 4am (my time-2 am her time) in the morning I suggested that we should do a video call since we hadnt done that in a while, since those summer months before she had the family issues.It went well, we broke the ice, we talked about each other,she told me how during the 4 months of NC she would think of me and be worried about me, we laughed and in general it was a pleasant call.Day 3 we talked throughout the day as well and then again did a call where nothing to special really happened,just like the previous one.Day 4 though,something happened,we started talking about how we missed each other so much,the other guy from back in September was out of the picture and somehow we ended up getting together again,we were both happy,she was trying,she said sorry for what she made me go through 4 months ago,she told me she wasnt being herself(which sort of was true) because she was caught in all of the family issues,her mother being drunk,parents divorced,her mother almost got arrested and there were talks about foster the young children of the family, all of them around the age of 6 and so on.She was confused, she was crying so much mid-call, because she felt so sorry for the torture she put me through,she was crying out of happiness because we got back together.We stayed up late once again and once Day 5 (Yesterday-Today) came around the corner, we talked throughout the day as usual,but we got into the call later than usual,and we were a couple again so we were like discussing how happy we were before that summer,we were reading all over our old chats and laugh,feel weirded out occasionally,and feeling refreshed,like we're back to normal,back to how we were when we were in love with each other.However, even if I sort of took her back, I found out that she actually dated the other guy for 2 months or something and then they kinda stopped dating,so after the call ended I got thoughtful, and even though it felt great to be with her again,I realized I'm still hurt from all the shenanigans that took place back in October-September.And though I have already forgiven her,there is still an issue

 

How can I be sure she won't fall in love again with someone else?

The problem is, I dont think she really loved the other guy more than me,I think that circumstances of the long-distance relationship forced her to date him because she needed an actual relationship, with touching and hanging out and this sort of stuff.Do you guys think that assumption might be correct?

 

If it's correct, then the problem changes, I believe it becomes even worse, it's not about making her love me,it's about making the conditions of this relationship fulfill her needs this time so that she doesnt have to date someone else that she might love less just because that someone can be there for her in the real life.

 

What should I do, is this relationship worth the second chance? Do you think I would be enough to keep her happy for enough time for someone to move to the other's country to live together and stuff as long as there arent any severe issues going on in her life, like the drinking problem and stuff that was before?We really love each other, we started with a clean slate,we;re developing our relationship all over again, and we both want this to work this time,we have both cried so many tears over the first break-up,should I keep my hopes low? or even,should I try to end this even though we just go together again?or should we give it one more chance and see if we can maintain a relationship this time?

 

Thank you for your time,I know this was not exactly a pleasure to read since it's the first time I write this sort of text while I am so confused, so it's sort of disorganized and all over the place,so I want to thank everyone that tries to help me with that problem I am facing for the first time and gives the time to kind of make sense out of that blob of text above.

 

I think you are are dilusional. You have been chatting and having texting sex with someone you have never net. You were never in sort of in a relationship or sort an official couple. Turn off your computer off and get out of the house. That is where real people meet, date, have real sex and fall in love.

Edited January 24, 2017 by Simple Logic