Tonofbricks Posted January 23, 2017 Share Posted January 23, 2017 Currently going through a somewhat amicable divorce. Question I need some opinions on is with my daughters. Long story short my wife started an emotional affair with the father of one of my daughters boyfriends. This relationship has continued and they are together now claiming true love..lol Any sensible person I tell this too seems to think this is weird and would have made this man off limits just for appearance sake.. the kids went out for about a year so it was substantial in itself. Problem I'm having is that D thinks it's all ok and their just good friends.I wish I could believe her but she sounds toooo much like her mom. Trying to not let my distaste of the way she left to taint my judgement but Idk....i know the kids will do what they can to please her and gain acceptance. With their mom she can't even grasp the concept that their answers and expressions may be just for her. There are other problems now health wise for D that have driven this home for me.. won't get into specifics but it could be the underlying cause of them... just don't want to look bat$hit crazy suggesting it. Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted January 23, 2017 Share Posted January 23, 2017 Does your daughter know the truth, if not you should tell her. Aldo tell that when the dad cheats usually the children cheat so most likely she is dating a cheater. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted January 23, 2017 Share Posted January 23, 2017 How old are your daughters. What health issue does your daughter have? Without specifics then it is difficult to advise. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted January 23, 2017 Share Posted January 23, 2017 Does your daughter know the truth, if not you should tell her. Aldo tell that when the dad cheats usually the children cheat so most likely she is dating a cheater. We don't actually know if this man is still married/attached, and the relationship with the daughter lasted a year so is not ongoing I would imagine. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tonofbricks Posted January 23, 2017 Author Share Posted January 23, 2017 Man was married when it started .. is separated like w and I.. same week for Bombdrop... gonfigure Daughter (older one) knows the truth she found / received msgs intercept through iMessage and shared iTunes account. Everyone including my kids think think that I'm being irrational being angry with her and that I need to move on.. when am I going to introduce a girlfriend to them.. wtf? It's like talking with 2 little ex wives Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted January 23, 2017 Share Posted January 23, 2017 You said it was an amicable divorce. It doesn't sound very amicable to me. You hold her choice of new partner against her. You feel she shouldn't be allowed to continue their relationship? Sorry but you're divorcing... it's none of your business now. Your daughter is right, you need to move on. A new girlfriend isn't necessarily a part of that, but you need to stop judging your wife's relationship choices. It's just making you come across as bitter and resentful. Yes it's a bit weird for her to have an affair with your daughter's boyfriends' father but what's done is done. Trying to split them up or just being disapproving now is just making you look bad. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted January 23, 2017 Share Posted January 23, 2017 Man was married when it started .. is separated like w and I.. same week for Bombdrop... gonfigure OK so this was probably an exit affair for both of them. It has every chance of being pretty serious and may even last the test of time, so you will have to get used to it. I agree with Pegnose Pete it is none of your business any more, what happens in your wife's life. She wanted out, she was done with you. Yes, a divorce will affect your kids, but your job now is to smooth the waters, not cause more friction and upset. They are trying to make the best of a bad situation, you need to do the same for their sake and your own sake too. YOU will never be happy if you continue to hold on to anger and resentment. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tonofbricks Posted January 23, 2017 Author Share Posted January 23, 2017 I get the forgiveness thing I really do.. not that I'm there yet. I don't understand why I'm not given time to process this myself and the pace at which she's moved on is bothersome.. I don't go around spouting off stuff but yes it's upsets me like it would anyone else... she's free to do as she's wishes you right but I need time to process as well.. 17 yrs together and just pick up and gone without s word as to what's wrong or an attempt to address problems - even if it still ended the same way... to me that's not the way an adult would address a situation such as this.... but as you guys state none of my business But I've had 6mo to process a 17 yr relationship ending , splitting kids and things.. just a lot to take in a short amount of time.. Link to post Share on other sites
Lilyana76 Posted January 23, 2017 Share Posted January 23, 2017 Believe me I know where you are coming from. I was married 20 years, and the week after my ex hub and I split up he had the kids and met a woman he had been talking to online. I was first upset that he had met a new woman one week after our split. Then I was upset that he would put our kids in a situation to meet a perfect stranger off the internet. It hurts, but you have to keep your chin up and move forward. Start the divorce procedure. Heal yourself, take time for you. Thats what I did. I took a year before I was ready to move on. I had to make myself healthy and happy. Let her go, let the anger and resentment go. Trust me when I say, you will be a million times better and happier. Are you seeing a counselor? Join a divorce support group. It really does help! Link to post Share on other sites
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