chupee Posted January 23, 2017 Share Posted January 23, 2017 (edited) I'm married since 2015, we have 1 child and we're together for 6 years before marriage. My confusions brought me here asking for help. Few months ago we're always fighting for different reasons. When his angry his always watching porns (even if he always promised me not to watch anymore) But inside me, the problem that I always feel is that he doesn't care for my feelings, I think he doesn't value me. When I'm hurt, mad, upset and feeling down because of some things that he did, he don't know how to comfort me. Everytime I told him that I was hurt he will just say that I'm over acting. Because of all the pain I feel I told him that I wish someone will give the emotional needs that I'm looking. As time goes by I regret of the thought of being with someone better than him. He understand me why I said it. He said he will give more what I need. I love him so much and I did all my best to take care of him and show him how much I love him. But things went out black again, yesterday I asked him for breakfast because I was too busy taking care of our baby and I'm very hungry and he is just lying in bed. I repeatrdly asked him kindly but he didn't even response. I get angry at him. He get up, prepared his own food and give me nothing but pain. I give all my efforts to take care of him and in times that I need his care he doesn't give it. Few hours later my temper went down and waiting for his comfort. He knew he made me feel sad of what he did but he didn't even say sorry to me. He has the guts to get angry at me because I'm over acting for him, he kicked me, slapped me and leave me in tears. I really don't know what to do anymore. He can't fulfill me emotionally. There are things playing in my mind that he maybe attracted to somebody since he is always saying about attractive women.. I don't want to lose him but at the same time I don't want to get hurt anymore. Actually since we're still girl/boyfriends I already feel he doesn't value me, he always leave me in the streets and pushing me away. I'm so confused, I know he loves me since he shows it but he doesn't value me. I'm confused what to believe. What made me hurt the most is that, we have no problems to argue, all I need is his comfort and cuddle, but he makes it a problem and we end up fighting. No matter how I try to explain what I really need from him, for him I'm just over acting. Edited January 23, 2017 by chupee Link to post Share on other sites
Got it Posted January 23, 2017 Share Posted January 23, 2017 I wanted to clarify that he physically assaulted you? If that is a case, that is a hard deal breaker. I would see domestic violence support and move to a divorce. This is far more than communication difference or even conflict resolution. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted January 23, 2017 Share Posted January 23, 2017 He has the guts to get angry at me because I'm over acting for him, he kicked me, slapped me and leave me in tears. chupee, doesn't seem English is you native language - are you in the US? If so, there may be some rights and resources available to you that you may not be aware of. Please clarify... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
NTV Posted January 23, 2017 Share Posted January 23, 2017 Why are you making your emotions his responsibility. Of course he fails. Only you can control your emotions. If you are sad he cannot make you happy no matter what he tried. Link to post Share on other sites
CarissaDore Posted January 24, 2017 Share Posted January 24, 2017 Make it clear that you are entitled to feel the way you feel, and by arguing with you, or trying to fix/solve or give his opinion it is invalidating your feelings. you should also go for marriage counseling from [COLOR=#000000][FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3]Counseling Near You | Living Well Counseling and Wellness [/sIZE][/FONT][/COLOR] 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JediLin Posted January 25, 2017 Share Posted January 25, 2017 @chupee - You are not overreacting; your feelings are important. There is nothing wrong with feeling that way, because that is how you feel. I believe pornography is wrong for anyone to watch, it is very degrading. I would suggest you speak or maybe even write your husband a letter if you feel you might get too emotional. Let him know how you feel when he watches porn. Porn damages people and it does cause us not to value a person and we see them as just objects, it is very important for him to get help on that, maybe counseling if he can’t stop. Healthy communication is very important, let him know what your top 3 or 2 emotional needs are and ask him what are his. You mentioned he has been physical with you when he gets angry, if you need someone to speak too please let me know and I can provide you a number you can call. We all are different; we react different in situations we do not know what to do or express ourselves. But violence is not a solution. Please know you have someone out here praying for you and your marriage. Pray for you husband as well. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author chupee Posted January 26, 2017 Author Share Posted January 26, 2017 @JediLin thank you. You gave me an idea how to tell my feelings to my husband. No matter how I tried to talk to him about my sad feelings, nothing changed... everytime he made a mistake and makes me sad, he really doesn't care. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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