I regret marrying my husband, in contact with my ex

[MarriageRegret]

Sorry this may be a long post but I need some advice.

 

 

In July 2008 I was 19 when I met my ex, who was 25 at the time.. I met him a gas station where he worked. We talked a bit, and after I came by there a few time he asked for my number. So we exchanged numbers. We hit off really fast. We spent every free moment we had together. After we had been going out for nine months I moved in with him after his roommate ditched. Things were going great.

 

On February 3rd 2010 he proposed to me and I accepted. In May 2010, two months before our wedding my ex became distant. It happened after a weekend we spent with my parents. The first time we seen them in person since we had got engaged. Six weeks before the wedding he called off the wedding. He eventually admited that while we were visiting my parents, my father told him that he didn't want him to marry me. He told me that he was holding me back from life goals. I knew they would have preferred that he gradauated university. I tried to have him change his mind, but he said that he couldn't live with himself if he were to marry me and cause a wedge between my parents and I.

 

Things got progressively worse, and in November we made the mutual decision to break up. It was the hardest decision we ever had to made. Two weeks after I moved back in with my parents, he quit his job and moved four states away. September 2011 was the last time we had contact (because he told me it was too painful to keep in contact,) until recently.

 

I had a few short term relationship from September 2011 until I met my husband.

 

In January 2013 I met my now husband at a work function. (I was 24 then and he was 26) We started off as friends, hanging out a few months before he finally asked me out.

 

On March 3 2015, we got engaged, one month later we moved in together.

 

On July 18 2015, we got married. It was small ceremony with no reception. Neither of us wanted a huge ceremony.

 

 

Which brings me to my dilemma. In September last year, I heard from a friend that my ex fiance moved back to town. Two weeks later while a friend and I were at pub celebrating friend's birthday I ran into him. We spent most of the evening talking. He told me he just got out of a two year relationship, and then was laid off. He made the decision to move back to the city since a lot of his family lives here. When I told him I was married, he looked visibily upset and gave a weak congratulations.

 

A few days later I added him to Facebook.

 

We started liking each other posts, and began to talk again. Six weeks ago while I had been drinking, told my ex that I wished I had married him. The following day I apologized but deep down inside I really think I meant it. Since then we had been facebook messaging, at least an hour every day. I've telling him things I used to talk to my husband about. The longer I talk to my ex, the more I wish things were different. In the last week the messages have turned sexual.

 

I know I need to end contact with my ex once and for all, but I'm so conflicted.

[VeveCakes]

The marriage to your ex is a fantasy in your head at this point. The relationship didn't even make it over a little speed bump, what makes you think the marriage would have been better?

 

It wouldn't have. Spend the energy you are putting in with your ex into your marriage. Stop talking with the ex, let him sort his life out. It sounds like he has enough struggles, he doesn't need someone potentially leading him on on top of it all.

[dragonfly23]

Its always tough when you connect with "the one who got away". The fire was never extinguished, leaving you forever with a hole in your heart. No one can really give you the best advice in this situation. Only you truely know what you are feeling. But you really need to ask yourself this... if you really loved your x, and he is worth destroying your marriage over, why didnt you fight for him the 1st time around?

[DKT3]

Its always tough when you connect with "the one who got away". The fire was never extinguished, leaving you forever with a hole in your heart. No one can really give you the best advice in this situation. Only you truely know what you are feeling. But you really need to ask yourself this... if you really loved your x, and he is worth destroying your marriage over, why didnt you fight for him the 1st time around?

 

Good point, you two had your shot and screwed it up, what would be different the second time?

 

I think you owe it to your husband to inform him about it his new old relationship, he should be given the same opportunity to decide just like you are deciding to betray him.