Tinder Dating

[xpaperxcutx]

Hi,

 

Im a long time LS veteran who has been away from LS for 2 1/2 years.

 

Im back here because I recently started using Tinder to meet other guys. I live in New York so obviously there isn't a shortage of men but I have had exceptionally bad luck in meeting the "right" guy.

 

I dated someone who was younger than me for 6 months but due to family pressure (Asian culture) I broke it off. Prior to the younger guy, I was in a 3 year relationship with a Muslim. That lasted until Jan 2015. He had left me for someone else.

 

I am in a good place right now- I live on my own and have a good job at a Global firm. I was told I have to meet guys who is at the same level as me- smart & successful. My girlfriends told me to date and not have expectations-something I find hard to do. It doesnt help that I am 27, and I feel like I have to settle down before my 30s.

 

So back to Tinder- i recently just started using the site. Despite the stigma associated with the site, I am not looking for hookup and i see that some guys arent either. In fact I just got asked to dinner next week with a lawyer.

 

My question is has anyone had any good experiences with online dating and Tinder? What advice can you give a woman like me so that I may better navigate through online dating?

[Jj66]

I found love on Tinder. I also found less than love, for example, a woman whose first question when I got to her place was whether I wanted to get high or go to the bedroom.

 

Tinder facilitates meeting nearby people that you find attractive. Whether you hook up or not is up to you. In my experience it was a lot less about hooking up than the bar scene.

 

As a woman I'd imagine you'd have to sift through all sorts of guys looking to hookup just based in the reputation of Tinder. That was much less of an issue for me as a man.

 

Best of luck.

[dragonfly23]

It is possible to meet a respectable person online. But you can never get the full picture of them. Many people lie about themselves, or at least exaggerate. Be somewhat picky with guidelines. Why would you want someone who lives 100 miles away, asking you out on a date? If you find someone that you are willing to meet in person, you dont have to actually go on a date to meet them. Get a couple of your friends together, and ask him to do the same. Then plan for all of you to meet up at a bar or a resturant. That will most likely take away some of the scary thoughts going through your head, and it will help keep the conversations going if you are nervous.

[lana-banana]

I had several successful relationships that started online. There is no difference between online dating and regular dating. The only difference is the actual process of meeting people; you can't filter out guys under 5'8" in the real world.

 

Online dating is not some new type of dating. It is simply a means of introducing you to people you wouldn't otherwise meet because you're working long hours at a stressful job, like all of us in big cities.

 

It's just another way to meet people. That's all it is. Remember that and you'll be fine.

[winny]

Only advice is to develop a thick skin to ghosting.

And not believe anyone just on the basis of what they are telling you or projecting themselves to be. It is very easy to lie online.

[Logo]

Online dating is like applying for jobs. You send a million resumes and hope that one will land you an interview. And when you do get that interview, the prospective employer reschedules or cancels or ends up being something you've never expected.

[rushed]

First piece of advice - Beware the attention addiction! It was nuts the amount of attention and messages you can get on Tinder. It was such a high seeing all these guys messaging me. And such a low during silent periods.

 

That being said, second piece of advice - Be picky! If a guy says he doesn't want anything serious, believe him. A good question to ask when you're in the midst of messaging a guy is, "What are you looking for on here?" Again, pass on the guys who say they're just looking for something casual.

 

I have a friend who had insisted on facetiming with guys before meeting them. I'm not a facetime kind of person, but I could see her purpose. You get a better idea of their looks versus just seeing them via pictures.

 

I met my current boyfriend on Tinder. He's a sweet guy. There are guys on there who are looking for more than just a hook-up. You just have to sift through them.

[xpaperxcutx]

Hey guys,

 

Thank you for your responses. I really appreciate you guys for taking the time to write me advice.

 

I am not new to online dating - have used POF, OKC, Match, etc- so I am familiar with ghosting and men lying their asses off to get me into bed. The things that I have forgotten is how to better compose myself when I am meeting a guy for dinner for the first time. Since my ex, I haven't really allowed myself to get out there and have fun with people. I have become too self-conscious, afraid of how others would judge me.

 

As for Tinder, I am hoping that I won't come across too many guys trying to get me into bed.

 

So far, the first guy that i spoken to has been polite and we have taken our conversations into texting.

 

I'll let you know how our date goes next Friday.

[Popsicle]

I have not seen the Tinder app in a few years but isn't that the one where a person only writes about 2 lines about themselves and you can't really screen based on any other information besides that and their looks?

 

Or, have they updated things to add more details?

[purrrfectlyflawed]

I am 44 and divorced and really sick of the dating game. I recently had a Tinder acct. Found out most men on there just want hookups or in my case, a MILF. Lots of flakes, lots of matches no guys hardly ever sent messages. I met one guy that was cute and saw him twice and he turned out to be a huge flake so I wrote him off.

 

 

I then opened a POF acct and waded through some crap. Met 3 guys.all nice..1 I really clicked with I am still seeing. We both took our ads down last night.

 

 

Make sure you get recent pics and make sure they are local and not just passing through. Lots of business travelers use it for local hook ups. Meet soon after exchanging messages and make it a brief date like coffee or a drink. that way you are not stuck on some long drawn out date with some schmuck who has sent you 10 year old pics when he was thin and had hair.

 

 

Good luck

[Newcitygirl]

I think it also depends on the area that you are in as well. I didn't like Tinder when I was at home because I was in a college town. With that said it is naturally going to be a hookup app in that type of environment.

 

I'm on okcupid and soon to join Match. Both were also limited at home so I was hesitant on rejoining. I actually went on an okcupid date a couple weeks ago and the guy was normal. I think it all has to do with location. I do have Bumble but I have run into more guys just wanting to hook up on there.

 

I am in a progressive (expanding) city now so I have more options.

[ReformedPUA]

I am wondering why the hell you'd be expecting to be meeting more relationship-minded men on Tinder, as opposed to Match or OKCupid. Tinder is a hookup site, and believe me you, most girls on Tinder who say they "aren't looking for a hookup" are basically lying. In fact, as a guy, I can tell you that a woman on Tinder actually writing in her profile that she is "not looking for a hookup" means it's even MORE likely she's looking for hookup (but doesn't want to look bad), or that she always seems to end up hooking up anyway.

 

I know there are exceptions, but, they are exceptions. A 27-year-old woman in NYC on Tinder not down for a hookup...sorry, I just don't believe it. More importantly, most guys on the site won't buy that either. I realize the above sounds bad but, just being honest.

 

Anyway, whenever someone says they've had bad luck in dating, it is usually about whom they decide to get involved with. I guess OLD is a good start because now you can screen for things like education level and career ambition, before you decide to meet up. So the only bit of advice I can give you is maybe screen for character and ambition more than going by instant chemistry, maybe this guy you are meeting on Friday will turn out to be a good one. You only need to find one.

 

I think overall you'd have better luck on Match though. As a guy, I don't think I could see myself using Tinder to find someone to "date properly".

Edited January 24, 2017 by ReformedPUA