wife has mental health probs , i want to leave

[del182]

my wife suffers frm mental health probs but i want to leave ,but im unsure wot she would do to herself.

 

we hav been together for 9 years and hav 3 kids ( 2 ov my own) ,the reletionship has been very rocky frm the start , she has cheeated on me twice(once when she was 8 months pregnant with our son), we constantly fight and argue , i love her and she does me but i just dont want to be here ne more, i want to re start my life . i stay at home as my wife goes to a day center , i am not allowed to go out to the pub or to my friends ,when i walk the dog she phones me to make sure im not cheating ,im not allowed to talk to any women apart frm family members,she offers little help with the children and its all left to me.

 

i really want to take my kids and start again as the only difference would be id hav to wash my clothes and hav control ov the money.

 

 

im really confused ne1 any advice?????

[LucreziaBorgia]

Go talk to a lawyer about your options - be sure to tell him everything you said here, and that you are interested in having custody of the children. Let him know that you are concerned about what will happen to your wife since she is mentally ill, but that you no longer wish to be married to her. Your lawyer may have some advice, or at least be able to point you in a direction for help. Since she is already in what sounds like a partial hospital, it might not be a bad idea to set up an appointment to talk with her therapists about what it is you want to do and they may be able to help you (and her) with the best way to go about this, based on her diagnosis and ability to handle the break.

[shygurl]

Originally posted by del182

my wife suffers frm mental health probs but i want to leave ,but im unsure wot she would do to herself.

 

we hav been together for 9 years and hav 3 kids ( 2 ov my own) ,the reletionship has been very rocky frm the start , she has cheeated on me twice(once when she was 8 months pregnant with our son), we constantly fight and argue , i love her and she does me but i just dont want to be here ne more, i want to re start my life . i stay at home as my wife goes to a day center , i am not allowed to go out to the pub or to my friends ,when i walk the dog she phones me to make sure im not cheating ,im not allowed to talk to any women apart frm family members,she offers little help with the children and its all left to me.

 

i really want to take my kids and start again as the only difference would be id hav to wash my clothes and hav control ov the money.

 

 

im really confused ne1 any advice?????

 

You'd probably be taken more seriously and get more responses if you wrote full words as opposed to annoying abbreviated words (ne, hav, frm, id, ov) - it's hard to read.

[A Fly onThe Wall]

Originally posted by LucreziaBorgia

Go talk to a lawyer about your options - be sure to tell him everything you said here, and that you are interested in having custody of the children. Let him know that you are concerned about what will happen to your wife since she is mentally ill, but that you no longer wish to be married to her. Your lawyer may have some advice, or at least be able to point you in a direction for help. Since she is already in what sounds like a partial hospital, it might not be a bad idea to set up an appointment to talk with her therapists about what it is you want to do and they may be able to help you (and her) with the best way to go about this, based on her diagnosis and ability to handle the break.

 

Del182,

 

I agree with L B,

 

You need to know your legal options .. I doesn't normaly cost anything for the first visit.

 

Do you get any help from any groups or counseling ? It can help in gaining custody with your children

[Rosalind]

Well I'm not sure I entirely agree with someone abandoning their spouse cuz of 'mental problems'.

 

Just to enlighten you - it's the same as a person suffering from diabetes, they need medical treatment.

 

What have YOU done to assist her in obtaining the help she needs???

[Sal Paradise]

Originally posted by Rosalind

Well I'm not sure I entirely agree with someone abandoning their spouse cuz of 'mental problems'.

 

Just to enlighten you - it's the same as a person suffering from diabetes, they need medical treatment.

 

What have YOU done to assist her in obtaining the help she needs???

 

The ***** cheated on him, mental problems or not thats reason enough to leave.

[flabberghasted]

Originally posted by LucreziaBorgia

Since she is already in what sounds like a partial hospital, it might not be a bad idea to set up an appointment to talk with her therapists about what it is you want to do and they may be able to help you (and her) with the best way to go about this

 

My soon-to-be ex-wife has bi-polar disease, and was seeing a therapist on a regular basis. After she started beating our 8 year old son, and mentally abusing him, I called to talk to her therapist. The therapist told me that she couldn't discuss my wife's case with me due to privacy laws, and basically told me to take a hike, even though my wife has been in a mental institution in the past.

 

Mental problems aren't like a medical problem. Mental problems can definately destroy a relationship, and the person with the problem can be an immediate threat to you and your family. You need to take this very seriously. My wife was very protective with our son until something snapped inside her.

[dust-in-the-wind]

Can you have her committed? Is she dangerous?

 

Mental health problems can destroy a marriage -- don't stay in it and be unhappy because you feel that you must. If she had a healthy mind and truly loved you then she would want you to be happy even if that means leaving her. A sick mind won't see it and that clouds the love into something selfish and destructive. If she's suicidal you can have her committed short-term without her permission and they can put her on a suicide watch. IF she does harm herself, it is NOT your fault. Take her threats seriously, but don't allow them to rule your life and keep you miserable.

[SoleMate]

I agree with dust in the wind. Protect yourself and your children, and see a lawyer. You can do your best by your wife, and separate from her/divorce her in an ethical and minimally destructive manner, even though you cannot tolerate living with her anymore. Ultimately, her life is NOT your responsibility. Whereas you ARE responsible for your own life, and those of your children until they are grown.

 

I am truly sympathetic, I understand the problems caused in a marriage by mental illness, and I am 100% wishing and hoping for the best for you.

[Zaira]

As others have said, seek legal advice. If you love your wife, as you say, you might also want to try and sort out some treatment for her condition, especially as your separation might cause further issues in that area.

[SilentLucidity]

Sounds like a really tough situation. Sorry to hear you're going through it. However after having said that, the reasons she doesn't let you go around to your mate's houses or to pubs is a manifestation of her own cheating and she is thinking since she does it then you must be doing it too. It is her insecurity.

 

Her mental illness is not your problem. I'm going to be a bit harsh here, but if I were you I'd do exactly what LB said and seek a solicitor's advice. Tell them everything you've said here just like LB said and don't give up. You can love someone and know that it just isn't going to work out, I mean after all you're not a mean git, you're a human being that is capable of knowing when it is over and this my friend is over. You should seek a solicitor's advice first. By your wording I'm assuming you're from England so that's why I am writing in English terms. But do not go to her first. The saying is true, your wife, lover, mother, brother, whatever can seem like your best friend and the love of your life but once you get into that ring (court) the gloves come off. So be careful and be patient.