eddpad Posted July 21, 2005 Share Posted July 21, 2005 Do you think it's possible for a person to know exactly how good one thing is without experiencing the other side of the fence such as being single or gone through some bad dates or relationships? I've seen this in alot of cases such as those where they are their only ones and have never experienced anything on their own or with others I think you can be in complete happiness and know it. But you can't actually grasp or appreciate exactly how good it is if you don't know what it feels like the other way around. I've read here alot about someone leaving the othr because they wanted to be alone or wanted to see the other side fo the fence. Ya know, curiosity kills the cat. Agree? Disagree? Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted July 21, 2005 Share Posted July 21, 2005 I think thats true for a lot of people especially people with little life/relationship experience.. I also believe there are people out there who become complacent in thier currant relationship and rather than work on the relationship they have to make things better and/or add some spark.. they choose to seek out another relationship for the thrill of the honeymoon feeling... that rush you get when you're in a new relationship. However the rush never lasts in any relationship and then you must work things and have more than the initial attraction to sustain the relationship.. and often people who have left prior relationships find that the relationship they got into with someone else leaves them feeling empty and missing the person they ended things with. My 2 cent's Link to post Share on other sites
smile Posted July 21, 2005 Share Posted July 21, 2005 I agree with Merin. It's definitely possible that a person is searching for greener pastures. Sometimes they come to realize that when that person is gone , I mean really gone, they can finally admit to themselves what that person meant. We take so many people for granted in this world, and often times we blame our disappointments and stress on those we care most about. I think sometimes there needs to be that point where they have to be able to see ok she is gone and yet stress and disappointment still exist... and it's harder to deal with alone. But be careful bc when my ex dated someone else and she didn't live up to me he began to call me. We hung out and it felt like we were back together. But he wasn't ready . whatever. And of course there are those addicted to spark. My ex said he felt it with me at first. I am the only person he has ever felt it with... and he felt it for the first few months. But then it went away. And we had a real relationship... we were friends and supportive and we loved eachother. But he wants the spark. I totally don't understand why someone would choose that over something real. Maybe some people are afraid of real. Because real gets dirty and ugly at times... but hope springs eternal in sparks and green grass. Link to post Share on other sites
queenie01 Posted July 21, 2005 Share Posted July 21, 2005 I agree with both of you. I do think that people get bored once the "honeymoon" period ends..when in fact its going to end in every relationship. People think that if they end that relationship and move on the spark will be there again and initially it will but once again it will die. It also could be that people have commitment issues and once things are too good to be true and you can see a future with that person you bail. I think thats what my ex did. He just flat out broke up with me out of the blue. I had no idea, he told me loved me but said he just didnt feel it anymore and felt that somethng was missing... I know what was missing...our relationship just got routine and somewhat boring but its wasnt worth throwing it away for that.. I think its stuff like that that will make the dumper realize the grass isnt greener, especially if the person they gave up was good to them and cared a lot. Link to post Share on other sites
SUNSHINE143 Posted July 21, 2005 Share Posted July 21, 2005 This question deals with the whole, Adam & Eve, forbidden fruit thing. But the grass is really not greener on the others side, it's just better manicured. In life we take people for granted everyday, it's human nature. I heard once, why give up one set of problems you already know about for another set you don't. No relationship is perfect and people need to realize that before hopping the fence. You may find yourself in a worse boat and nowhere to go back to. If one chooses to see what else is out there, they should do it knowing the other person will not be there when they get back. Even if they are there, it's to fair to put someone else through hell just because you wanted to taste the peverbial apple. Link to post Share on other sites
queenie01 Posted July 21, 2005 Share Posted July 21, 2005 I agree Sunshine but unfortunately more times then not people give up something good in hopes to find something better but the reality is that rarely happens and then they are back at square one regretting their choices. Who knows I could be wrong...my ex may NEVER regret what he did or what he gave up and he may be extremely happy....but if you find a relationship with someone and you never argue, have so much in common etc....why give it up? Because you are bored, because the spark is gone, because you love them but you arent in love with them? Those are all just lame ass excuses to go test the waters... I sad God bless and good riddens...I mean i still love my ex but i know that i was a great gf so at least i can walk around with my head held high. I have no regrets. Link to post Share on other sites
ThumbingMyWay Posted July 21, 2005 Share Posted July 21, 2005 Originally posted by eddpad Do you think it's possible for a person to know exactly how good one thing is without experiencing the other side of the fence such as being single or gone through some bad dates or relationships? I've seen this in alot of cases such as those where they are their only ones and have never experienced anything on their own or with others I think you can be in complete happiness and know it. But you can't actually grasp or appreciate exactly how good it is if you don't know what it feels like the other way around. I've read here alot about someone leaving the othr because they wanted to be alone or wanted to see the other side fo the fence. Ya know, curiosity kills the cat. Agree? Disagree? Originally posted by Merin I think thats true for a lot of people especially people with little life/relationship experience.. I also believe there are people out there who become complacent in thier currant relationship and rather than work on the relationship they have to make things better and/or add some spark.. they choose to seek out another relationship for the thrill of the honeymoon feeling... that rush you get when you're in a new relationship. However the rush never lasts in any relationship and then you must work things and have more than the initial attraction to sustain the relationship.. and often people who have left prior relationships find that the relationship they got into with someone else leaves them feeling empty and missing the person they ended things with. My 2 cent's I agree with both of you...and the others. I like to think of it this way...... The grass is always greener where the dogs are sh*ting.... My wife and I fit the first posters def.....we have been with each other for 17 years....since age 17. We have only experienced highschool relationships. I have only been with 3 other women besides my wife...and my wife has only been with 2 other people....again, all before age 17. So technically speaking....we havent experienced "other" people in a more mature setting. Albiet my wife had an affair.....and she puts it like others have said.....she need to feel that new feeling....that rush....she knew it was worng to do....but the attraction and tempation was too much. We both became complacent....we became bored...and did not understand that love and marriage after the first 2 years takes hard work. Its not a rush anymore....its a deepy love and commitment that needs nurishing.....unfortunately for us....it took her affair for her to really reliaze what she has with me and our lil ones. She does regret what she did.....she regreats the pain she has caused.....but she also, says she enjoyed the experience for what ever it was worht.....the curiosity....she tasted it....it was sweet......but the after taste the recovery is bitter. I guess it comes down to wanting what you already have....and not what you want.... true happiness doesnt come in the form of an affair to feel the spark again.....the spark is already in you....you just need to fuel it and nurture it and accept it as it is. I am just happy to be alive and breathing.....haveing my wife and kids and a great family is just bonus... Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted July 21, 2005 Share Posted July 21, 2005 Originally posted by ThumbingMyWay I guess it comes down to wanting what you already have....and not what you want.... So True.. It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you've got... Happy you and your Wife are working on things... Link to post Share on other sites
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