Have a destroyed all chances - neurotic behavior

[LaSurf22]

Thanks for reading. Brutal honest advice would be appreciated, dash some hope in there too haha.

 

So my story. Met this girl while we both we are vacation. We ended up hooking up. She had just gotten out of a 6 year relationship, didn't bother me at the time, never worried me. I was just having fun and in a great place at my life, very content and happy. Well we started chatting often, facetiming, texting, felt natural and we both were laughing and adoring our time together. We started meeting each other. She started to visit my hometown (1.5 hour plane flight). She was really into me. I enjoyed her company but I hadn't fallen for her yet. Was just enjoying the present situation. Couple more trips here and there and it hit both of us, we had a great connection and man o man we felt the agony of being apart. I started feeling heavy anxiety when we left each other counting the days until we would meet. She would cry a couple times. I started to became dependent on out FaceTime daily routine, making myself free during these time slots. If we didn't FaceTime I was bummed. I missed her. I kept it together fairly well, having equal communication. I was likely reaching out a little more. Our traditions added like sexy FaceTime and count down pics till we met. Great tradition. She started telling me that she missed me so much it was affecting her mood and making her sad. Several more trips to Mexico, her hometown, and that vacation spot. All great. I started to notice her backing off, figured it was self preservation, fear of getting hurt again following her last breakup. I took on the role of reassuring her whenever she had doubts like... The distance is too tough and she had trust issues. We did have a bad Fourth of July, too much alcohol on my part and said an insecure comment and inappropriate jokes in a bar, I'm a joker, but was a bad idea. Her mom was out drinking with us, but her mom is single and potty mouth too and hooks up with guys on the regular. Anyways she did say I made her laugh more than anyone else and she thinks she loves me. Month later she breaks up with me a week after I ask her to be my girlfriend. She says she can't handle the long distance and it's silly. Try to reason with her but accept her decison.

 

A week later she calls crying she can't live with out me in her life. She wants to take it slow and stay positive. Going from in it to suppressing out interactions was tough for me. So the next cycle repeats itself for 5 months. I suggest we meet up, she says maybe let me figure out my schedule and then bails. Then she says this isn't going to work. We have a great connection and I fell in love with you but I didn't know how this will work. I follow up saying nice things and trying to rationalize how we can make this work and tell her sweet things about her or I write these sexy poetry song things. I know I'm forcing myself into her life, acting selfish, but I am trying to make this work cause what I think we have is pure, awesome, and if we just stick it out could be something amazing. These 5 months I am doing 90 percent of the initial contacting in a desperate effort to win her back. I finally do meet up with her and it was pretty good. She's back to showing me affection and care. She goes on a 14 day cruise with her promiscuous horrible influence of a friend girlfriend. Literally her only friend and all the do is party hard on the weekends and she disappears from contact. So right before this trip she is calling leading up to it. I feel good. Then during the trip she I text daily, she responds back saying she misses me and once she hits land she stops reaching out, says she'll call but never does. I get upset and say the no calling isn't cool with me and that I have been stressed since we wernt committed and I was I'm worried. She gets pissed and breaks up with me. Week after her trip she finally gets back saying she though I didn't trust her and acted like a man with no confidence. Somehow, likely me we start contacted again and we FaceTime when she was sick and she texts after that she loves how I make her laugh when she is feeling horrible and it makes her miss me even more. Another opportunity comes up to meet at that vacation spot and I ask her. She says maybe let me figure out my schedule. She declines a couple days before and I get upset and say if you really miss me you would come. Just bummed, she has turned down so many chances to meet. She says she does miss me all the time because she fell in love with me and cares a lot about me but has been pushing me away because she doesn't want to lead me on and she knows it will not work, it's best if we just move on. I text over the weekend and finally say we need to talk because I'm tired of my efforts getting know where. She finally calls me after endless texts wanting to chat with her and she is cold and over it. She says you deserve someone better who will put in the effort and that I am so pushy (she has said this several times, didn't get it till now) but does admit we have a great chemistry.

 

Before all the haters come down on me, and I'm being selfish I know and pushy, and neurotic, but I did all this because we really have an amazing time together on FaceTime and in person. She once said that last meet up that she acted the way she did was because we are too perfect together, and I'm so smooth, and she is afraid of getting hurt. I know I came unglued out of fear of loosing her. I played the movie role and fought for her like crazy. I'm currently experiencing daily anxiety and have been watching videos, reading books and blogs, seeing the error of my ways. Not saying she is the one, many out there, but I haven't been so happy with someone like this before. She is good for me and makes me want to improve my life and grow with her. Also it sucks and I haven't looked since she finally broke it off, but she has been getting a lot of attention on social media with her sexy selfies, haha awesome.

 

Okay let me have it. Anyway to salvage this? From everything I've read. It has to be her decision to reconnect. Last contact was a month ago, I ended with well you know I adore you and want this to work, so if you reconsider contact me. She did send a text on Christmas saying I know we are over but I hope you have a good one ?. She Christmas trees me, haha. I hope she reaches out, and my approach would be casual, Nice to hear from you. Doing great. Would love to chat. When are you free this week to FaceTime.

 

Thoughts and please sympathize with my struggles.

[ElizabethIII]

Sounds like hell on earth.

 

Too much drama and it isnt even a face to face relationship. What do you get out of this?

 

Find someone close to home.

[justwhoiam]

Thanks for reading.

You're welcome.

 

Brutal honest advice would be appreciated

That you'll have.

 

First of all, how old are you both?

 

She had just gotten out of a 6 year relationship, didn't bother me at the time

So now does it?

 

She started to visit my hometown (1.5 hour plane flight)

She was paying for the flight? Where was she staying? For how long? Does she work/study?

 

We did have a bad Fourth of July, too much alcohol on my part and said an insecure comment and inappropriate jokes in a bar

What was the insecure comment? What were the inappropriate jokes?

 

So the next cycle repeats itself for 5 months

What cycle? Did you break up every month for 5 months?

 

I am trying to make this work cause what I think we have is pure

What do you mean by pure?

 

if we just stick it out could be something amazing

So what was your plan? Were you considering moving to Mexico, or would she move to LA? Or?

 

She goes on a 14 day cruise with her promiscuous horrible influence of a friend girlfriend

Well, do you realize you are saying horrible things about a friend of her you barely know? It sounds kind of over the top and said out of jealousy.

 

all the do is party hard on the weekends

Well, that includes your nice "girlfriend" too. Did you come to terms with the fact that she's into partying hard? And she might want to stay single to preserve her freedom?

 

once she hits land she stops reaching out, says she'll call but never does

Wasn't she on a cruise? Did you want her to call you every time she got off the boat?

 

she finally gets back saying she though I didn't trust her and acted like a man with no confidence

That's really off-putting for a woman, you know? And it tends to turn most women off. She sent her message clear and loud: she doesn't want an insecure guy, she wants a self-confident (alpha) male. You can't change her preference. She got to know your character, personality... and she felt she was just stringing you along, knowing you were not what she wanted nor what she needed.

 

Another opportunity comes up to meet at that vacation spot and I ask her

How come? Were you travelling with your parents? I can't think of any other reason why you'd go to that vacation spot but not to her directly. If you really wanted her bad, you could have done that, showing you're independent, self-confident and daring.

 

She says maybe let me figure out my schedule. She declines a couple days before and I get upset and say if you really miss me you would come

And if you had really missed her, you wouldn't have demanded to make an effort for you. You would have gone out of your way for her. But you didn't. This just showed and proved how the relationship couldn't survive, it was just at the mercy of chance. If you got the chance to fly to that vacation spot. I think she did the right thing giving up on a summer fling.

 

She says she does miss me all the time because she fell in love with me and cares a lot about me but has been pushing me away because she doesn't want to lead me on and she knows it will not work, it's best if we just move on

She was honest with you.

 

I text over the weekend and finally say we need to talk because I'm tired of my efforts getting know where

You put your foot in your month. When you make efforts for a girl you like or you're pursuing, don't ever mention you're making efforts and making it burden on her. It was your choice. That was lame to say. Most girls would run away from that. What a joke. It's like you paid for a dinner and then you tell her: hey, I paid for your dinner. No gentleman would do that. Just an idiot. Now you know what it feels like for a woman.

 

She says you deserve someone better who will put in the effort

For a woman to say you deserve someone better, trust me, she reached the bottom, for lack of a better word. She tried to tell you any way possible, you were just not getting it. She was weak too, in the meantime, yes. She reached out to you so she was kind of desperate. I guess she missed the company, the flirting and the promise you could be. But you were not. You were not the way she wanted you to be. And she decided you were not for her.

 

Anyway to salvage this?

Only living in the same place and you being a different guy............ Is it worth it? She's not the only one on earth, though it might feel like it for you right now.

 

She did send a text on Christmas saying I know we are over but I hope you have a good one . She Christmas trees me, haha.

How did you react to that? Did you text back?

 

I hope she reaches out, and my approach would be casual, Nice to hear from you. Doing great. Would love to chat. When are you free this week to FaceTime.

If she's back, that will be tricky for you. Too cold and you'll be a turn off pushing her away. Too needy/pushy and gushing all over, and the effect will just be the same. At times, you need to play a good game. Which means your only chance is knowing how to, engaging her interest, leaving some mystery about yourself, making your life interesting and your person appealing. I guess you're not there yet.

[LaSurf22]

Answers to ur questions

 

In 31, she's 30

 

Her ex boyfriend has never bothered me. She would call sad when she ran into him and I talked to her over the phone and cheered her up. She dumped him, never feared him in the picture

 

She would pay for her flight, ide pay for mine. We would stay together either at my house or hotel. She or I would stay for 3, 4 days. She works in the medical field, night shift.

 

I was drunk, but I said something along the lines of, I think ur f'ing me like a stranger. The inappropriate comment was at a bar, got a free drink, some guy asked me how, I said I let him touch my D. I'm a joker.

 

The cycle for 5 months was I ask her to meet up for a weekend, either me there or her here, and she is wishy washy and declines. After declining I get a little frustrated and she breaks up with me, maybe 4 times during that 5 months. Then I try to reconsile her. And then we start talking again, little cold on her side but great face times.

 

Pure, is when we are facetiming or in person, it's effortless, not alward, easy, sexy, just fun

 

My plan which I mentioned during the first break up was I would move there, Nevada. She just got a new house and I wanted her to enjoy that experience. I would down the road eventually get a new job there. Doable. Last break up she said said that was a bad idea because if it didn't work she would have another ex in her hometown.

 

She said herself her friend is a S and she often gets her into bad situations.

 

I didn't mind that she likes to party, so do I but just didn't appreciate the lack of communication, thought it was a little inconsiderate and unloving.

 

It was a cruise that stopped at 5 ports. I over did it with texting, one or two a day. I overreacted for sure. I was nervous. Just didn't like how she said twice she would call but never did.

 

I know I acted insecure and it was a ****ty situation. I f'd up. I am a confident man but and showed that the first 6 months. The struggle after left me very unsure and less confident.

 

The vacation home was available, 6.5 hours from her place, 4 hours from me by car. Would be just me and her.

 

I never said I'm making efforts, just said we need to talk

 

My text back to the Christmas text was, great to hear from you. Merry Christmas, keep in touch

 

She rocked me to my core and turned the awesome me upside down with this last 5 months.