The withdrawal of an affair..

[luckylibra89]

This is my first post, and I am starting this post off like every other woman whose been in some sort of situation like this. I know what I was doing was wrong, in no way am I condoning it, but it was real and it was part of me and I am having a hard time letting go.

 

 

Let's call him Mike. Mike and I started off as friends, we always had this chemistry between us, but I knew he had a girlfriend, but as far as I knew they were always on the rocks and breaking up on and off with each other, not that this makes it right. I know this is every girl's shtick, but until you've been in this position you won't get it. I'll cut to the chase here.. I gave in to the flirting and him and I started to see each other. He had/has a girlfriend of 7 years(he is her first boyfriend, took her virginity, everything).. but told me things were bad and that he couldn't stand her, ya know the usual BS a scumbag tells someone to get in their pants. The catch about him too though is that he has an 8-year old daughter, and has a history of doing this because he left his kid's mom(Lauren), for his current girlfriend now(Abby). Abby's mom is dating Lauren's father, and has been for about 20 years, which is how Mike began Abby in the first place. That should have been my first red flag, that he left Lauren, while the daughter was 2, for Abby. It caused a huge uproar in their lives, and it took a long time for the dust to settle and for his daughter to be okay with Abby. He has voiced that he feels stuck with Abby because he made a huge mistake by leaving Lauren and now feels like he's stuck because his life has one again finally become comfortable. We started this in September of 2015.. mind you we lived above a hour away from each other so we couldn't see each other that often, at most twice a week. But I then moved near him in Feb 2016 because I got into a program by a college near him, but obviously a big part of me moving was to be close to him too. We were together as much as possible and I believe this is where we really started to get attached and fall deep, but this is the tine where things hit the fan. She found out in March 2016. Everything else was going wrong my roommate tried to attack me a few days after and I just took it as a omen that I needed to get the hell out and I moved back home. Him and I clearly called it quits..she got back with him a few weeks later, and he started messing me a few weeks after that. This was a huge mistake. If I had ignored him then and just went on my merry way I wouldn't have dug myself into such a deep hole and would have been over it at this point. But I was in love, or so I thought..we had started seeing each other again in April 2016. In my 27 years of life I have never felt a pull like this to someone, like a heroin addiction, where the highs were so high and the lows were so low, and I was willing to risk it all for him, but he just couldn't leave his girlfriend. He consumes my thoughts and it's been hard for me to even move on because my thoughts are so engulfed by him. Things recently haven't been going so well, like all affairs things stopped being fun and started getting scary.. the guilt was starting to creep up on us and he actually had a panic attack while driving before Christmas.

 

 

I ended things for good two weeks ago by messaging her. I did not give her full details on the extent of our affair, but I messaged her informing her that her boyfriend has been messaging me on fake Instagram accounts on two occasions. I screenshotted them and showed her for proof. She actually thanked me and claimed that she has been miserable and wants to leave him once and for all. Now a week later after some lurking I see she's back. I didn't tell her to break them up. I did this for myself, because as sick, pathetic and weak I sound, I could never walk away. I'd give in every time, as would he. I had lost all motivation to even date anyone else..it was an obsession, but it felt terrible. I knew that me reaching out to her would block the outlet for him to contact me, once and for all. We have tried over and over again to just leave each other alone and end it, but we go about a week without contact and he reaches out and I give in and the affair starts back up. I also in retrospect don't know if that was the best idea because I know he got in a lot of trouble and I sort of feel bad, but I just snapped. What I am really looking for is hope. Hope that someone else has been in my shoes and has got over the hurt, the pain, the anger that he gets to keep his perfect life intact while hurting two people at the same time. I want to get passed this and I'm really worried I won't. I don't know how someone like hi can walk this earth. If anyone has been this this world I need a tunnel of light that you had met someone new. It's been two weeks and I miss him.

 

 

Not feeling good enough is a terrible feeling, but the worst feeling is seeing someone play with two hearts and still come out unscathed. Can you really be in love/happy with someone if you have an ongoing side relationship with another girl for a year? Thanks

Edited January 24, 2017 by luckylibra89

[eye of the storm]

First off, you have got to stop agonizing over him. If he loves her, if he is happy, if he gets off unscathed, how he can walk the earth.... The whole he was with girl A then girl B and girl A and B know each other and he is trapped. (According to the average MM they are all trapped by something, the name or situation changes but the way they play it is the same)

 

Start focusing on you. How are your grades in your program? Focus on your future.

 

Yes, it sucks. But you can get thru this.

 

Go NC. It is hard but like any addiction, it is the best way to get past it. Stop lurking. All it is doing is keeping you tied to the situation. Block him, phone, social media, emails.

 

Good luck.

[luckylibra89]

I appreciate your reply. He is not married. That's why it is even tricky to call it an affair. I'm not agonizing, but nobody I know or have known has gone through something of the sort so I am seeking support from people who have come out of this. For an onlooker to say, "get over it", really isn't doing me any justice. You are saying what everyone else is telling me, but like I posted in the beginning of my post, you don't get it unless you've been through it. That is why I turned to a forum for advice and support.

Thanks.

[NTV]

Wow... it's like a soap opera. Why jump feet first into that mess?

[BuddyX]

Let's go over the facts. Baby. Baby mama. Girlfriend. And you. Around here, we say that you get the crumbs, but in your instance you're just getting the dirt. Nothing more. He'll never give you 100%.

 

Find a hobby. Find the out doors. Stop contacting. Quit social media for a few months. Reconnect with fam and friends. And above all, get counceling.

[jennifernyc84]

Wow... it's like a soap opera. Why jump feet first into that mess?

 

Goodness!!! I agree with this^^^^

 

It was difficult to even follow. You're going to need to post some pics of faces so we could follow better lol joking.

 

But seriously, that's way too much drama to be caught up in.

[CuriousQD]

You dodged a bullet. Keep putting one foot in front of the other. Why be baby mama #2?

[Onlywhenitrains]

It will get better, and it takes time and patience. Read about stages of grief.

 

In the beginning it's unbearable, and all could do is cry and barely function. It's pain in the beginning, and missing him and longing for him. Anger for me was the longest and it didn't go away for a long time. I'm not angry any more, sometimes it comes briefly and quickly goes away. I don't cry any more. At least, I haven't cried because of the break up for weeks now.

 

I was in the A for 18 or so months, and finally broke up for good in Aug 2016.

 

Keep yourself busy, make a list of things you want to do, or things/people you neglected because of the A. When you do all the things on the list, make another one.

 

Times moves slowly, and it's hard to see progress. But, it's there. The longer you stay NC, the more you'll be able to see the A and him for what it truly was. Breadcrumb and leftovers thrown your way, text messaging marathon, and some sex in between mistaken for connection/soulmate stuff/love.

 

I still have bad days, and think of him more often that I want. I no longer miss him as I used to. I miss someone who will BE with me, not hide me.

 

It gets better. Trust me, I know.

[Bufo]

To answer your last question in your original post: no. One is for keeps more or less and the other is for fun.

 

Some guys ride motorcycles, some fish, some hunt. He chases women for his sport. Don't even talk to the SOB. There is nothing but heartache in it for you

[eye of the storm]

Lucky, most of the people on this board have been thru it. (and some still in it)

 

When I first came on. I got the same advice. I thought it simplistic and not applicable to me. Boy was I wrong.

 

Just like years ago when I took a Financial Peace course. They said you already know most of what we are going to tell you....but you aren't doing it.

 

I know it sounds silly when we say things like get a hobby and stuff like that. But it does help. Getting out, moving, focusing on other things all help.

 

You will remain focused on the A and your AP until you force yourself to move past it. It takes time and effort and there will be days when you can't see the end but if you keep focused and moving forward, in time you will realize it is just the past. Nothing to do with you present or your future.

[luckylibra89]

I really do appreciate everyone's input and advice. It has been hard, it has only been two weeks and it feels like it's been months...

 

I know in hindsight I will look back and this at laugh because I deserve much more, but still in this moment it is tragic. I really did love him.. I believe what makes letting go of any affair difficult is not knowing how the both of you would have wound up if circumstances were better. You know, wrong place wrong time. I can feel he is upset too, but me telling his girlfriend that he had been messaging me is what I really had to do to pull the plug, because it would never end. I was so scared of losing him and never seeing him and toward the end I developed these crazy abdonment issues. Like if he took longer than usual to answer I'd start freaking out and wondering if he was done and going to ignore me forever. He never gave me a reason to think he'd ever ignore me, but my mind was starting to play tricks on me.. it was crazy. I was becoming so enraptured and I losing myself. That's when I knew it had to end, we got so lost in it it felt as though it was just him and I in a relationship. I could even notice he wasn't putting as much effort into his daughter as he usually did because he was consumed by the affair. When he would get a spare day alone or time alone I'd be there, when I'm sure it would have been his daughter in other cases.

 

Am I angry at him? Of course. But I am more angry at myself. I knew what I was getting myself into, so he is not entirely to blame as much as I'd like him to be. As Onlywhenitrains stated, I was neglecting my family and friends too. I was plain nasty to anyone but him, and he told me he was acting the same way toward his loved ones. What I've learned from my affair is that an affair is an all consuming nightmare. It is fun for the first 6 months or so, but when those real feeling develop and other people's lives are put in jeopardy that's when it gets tough. Our affair has ruined multiple friendships between our friends. The thing is you don't notice how much damage is being done because you're so focused on the immense highs you two feel for one another. You're on Cloud 9 when the affair is in its prime. It feels like a sonnet.

 

Not every person who is cheating on their significant other is an evil kinieving person. Selfish? Yes. But aren't us other women who participated in this affair selfish too? What it comes down to is life isn't black and white; neither is love. There is a large grey area. Some people have a stronger moral compass than others, some people had a better upbringing and hold monogamy more dear than others. It's sad to be split in two between wanting to tell people that the love you had with your AP was the purest love you've known, but on the other hand knowing that it can't be true because "love doesn't hurt." I don't think life is simple. The sick part is I'm still hoping he will reach out to me, I think because I'm so used to him coming back whenever I try to end it. The NC should be simple since his girlfriend is now watching him more than ever. I'm sure he's also apprehensive to reach out to me for fear of me telling her again that he's messaging me This ending is still so new that when I try imagine hard enough I can still smell him when I'm nuzzled in between his arm and chest. I'll miss him forever, but I'll be okay.

Edited January 25, 2017 by luckylibra89

[anyonecandoit]

Get a new hobby. Focus on your study first!

 

Btw, I don't think you will miss him forever. When you're completely out, after several years, probably you don't remember who he is.

[eye of the storm]

I really do appreciate everyone's input and advice. It has been hard, it has only been two weeks and it feels like it's been months...Its only been a couple of weeks. The wounds are still raw. Give them time.

 

I know in hindsight I will look back and this at laugh because I deserve much more, but still in this moment it is tragic. I really did love him. Yes you did love him. But he chose someone else over you. Your love isn't the issue. I believe what makes letting go of any affair difficult is not knowing how the both of you would have wound up if circumstances were better. You know, wrong place wrong time. Thinking like this just makes your "story" seem like a tragic love story. It isn't. He has never been faithful to anyone, he didn't care that he blew up those girls' family. He doesn't care how he blows up your world either. I can feel he is upset too, but me telling his girlfriend that he had been messaging me is what I really had to do to pull the plug, because it would never end. I was so scared of losing him and never seeing him and toward the end I developed these crazy abdonment issues. Like if he took longer than usual to answer I'd start freaking out and wondering if he was done and going to ignore me forever. He never gave me a reason to think he'd ever ignore me, but my mind was starting to play tricks on me.. Your mind wasn't playing tricks. It was trying to wake you up to the fact that this isn't right. it was crazy. I was becoming so enraptured and I losing myself. That's when I knew it had to end, we got so lost in it it felt as though it was just him and I in a relationship. I could even notice he wasn't putting as much effort into his daughter as he usually did because he was consumed by the affair. When he would get a spare day alone or time alone I'd be there, when I'm sure it would have been his daughter in other cases.

 

Am I angry at him? Of course. But I am more angry at myself. I knew what I was getting myself into, so he is not entirely to blame as much as I'd like him to be. As Onlywhenitrains stated, I was neglecting my family and friends too. I was plain nasty to anyone but him, and he told me he was acting the same way toward his loved ones. What I've learned from my affair is that an affair is an all consuming nightmare. It is fun for the first 6 months or so, but when those real feeling develop and other people's lives are put in jeopardy that's when it gets tough. Our affair has ruined multiple friendships between our friends. The thing is you don't notice how much damage is being done because you're so focused on the immense highs you two feel for one another. You're on Cloud 9 when the affair is in its prime. It feels like a sonnet. The bolded underlined words, your words. Are these the kinds of words you normally use in a healthy relationship? No. These are the kinds of words used to describe an A. Affairs are, at their core, destructive soul crushing things.

 

Not every person who is cheating on their significant other is an evil kinieving person. Selfish? Yes. But aren't us other women who participated in this affair selfish too? What it comes down to is life isn't black and white; neither is love. There is a large grey area. Some people have a stronger moral compass than others, some people had a better upbringing and hold monogamy more dear than others. It's sad to be split in two between wanting to tell people that the love you had with your AP was the purest love you've known, but on the other hand knowing that it can't be true because "love doesn't hurt." I don't think life is simple. The sick part is I'm still hoping he will reach out to me, I think because I'm so used to him coming back whenever I try to end it. The NC should be simple since his girlfriend is now watching him more than ever. I'm sure he's also apprehensive to reach out to me for fear of me telling her again that he's messaging me This ending is still so new that when I try imagine hard enough I can still smell him when I'm nuzzled in between his arm and chest. I'll miss him forever, but I'll be okay.

 

You haven't yet decided to cut the cord with this guy. You are considering it, but you haven't decided that you are done. You are still trying to make this some romantic tragic fairy tale. Its not a sonnet and its not the purest love. Love can hurt. But it isn't destructive. Look back at all the ruined friendships. That didn't come from love. That came from selfishness and obsession. That is what you had.

 

You loved him. You still do. But part of you knows it isn't healthy. Part of you is screaming to get out.

 

The other part is hoping he calls so you can claim its not your fault you are back in the mess. He called you so you aren't responsible. The other part is sitting around imaging his scent instead of working on your future.

 

You have the power to decide your fate and your future. Loving someone may not be a choice but the actions that come from it is your choice.

 

Make a choice to work on your future.

[luckylibra89]

Once again, your feedback is greatly appreciated. I still don't think you're understanding why I have come to this forum. I am letting out my suppressed innermost feelings because I can not do so to my family or friends because they've had enough/hate him. Am I holding on to a glimmer of hope? No. Am I withdrawing? Yes. It is still fresh and I know it is over. For the first time I really do see light at the end of the tunnel. While I was involved in it I felt as though I'd never find happiness because I'd never have him. I am just venting here, and I am greatly aware of my potential and what the future holds for me. Doesn't mean those feelings aren't raw and real. I have also found out from a friend that she has really left him for good, so now I'm dealing with the guilt of that mostly. Although I didn't spill the beans about our affair, I informed her that he had tried contacting me. From what he told me, she became very obsessed with the idea of him and I.. so I guess any figment that there was a possibility of us talking again just made her hit the road. That wasn't my intention, but maybe he deserves it and needs to be alone to mature and realize he needs to make a change. I also don't see it as he chose anyone over me, it seems as though he chose himself over all of us. Throwing a 7 year relationship away for someone you've known for a year and a half, while still having a mess after leaving his child's mom is hell enough. Has anyone also felt guilt after the fact? During I really didn't feel that guilty..now I feel like a scumbag. I'll be fine, I know I will be.. just don't like feelings all these different emotions at once!

Edited January 25, 2017 by luckylibra89

[HeartbrokenDec29]

Once again, your feedback is greatly appreciated. I still don't think you're understanding why I have come to this forum. I am letting out my suppressed innermost feelings because I can not do so to my family or friends because they've had enough/hate him. Am I holding on to a glimmer of hope? No. Am I withdrawing? Yes. It is still fresh and I know it is over. For the first time I really do see light at the end of the tunnel. While I was involved in it I felt as though I'd never find happiness because I'd never have him. I am just venting here, and I am greatly aware of my potential and what the future holds for me. Doesn't mean those feelings aren't raw and real. I have also found out from a friend that she has really left him for good, so now I'm dealing with the guilt of that mostly. Although I didn't spill the beans about our affair, I informed her that he had tried contacting me. From what he told me, she became very obsessed with the idea of him and I.. so I guess any figment that there was a possibility of us talking again just made her hit the road. That wasn't my intention, but maybe he deserves it and needs to be alone to mature and realize he needs to make a change. I also don't see it as he chose anyone over me, it seems as though he chose himself over all of us. Throwing a 7 year relationship away for someone you've known for a year and a half, while still having a mess after leaving his child's mom is hell enough. Has anyone also felt guilt after the fact? During I really didn't feel that guilty..now I feel like a scumbag. I'll be fine, I know I will be.. just don't like feelings all these different emotions at once!

Luckylibra89, trust me you will be fine. I did the same and told my xMM wife so i cud finally get free cos like you i was weak but wanted to get out(You could read one of the post i commented on)! Infact he broke up with me and claimed he was born again but still wanted to string me along!

 

Just going back at D-day and remembering what he said to his wife, even in my presence he lied to her but that wasnt for me to dispute i wanted forgiveness from his wife. He told her that when he asked her for a divorce, he had not met me! but that was a big lie cos that was the time he contacted his lawyers for a divorce and i remember him saying he didnt want hs wife knowing he was having an affair then. I also remember constantly asking him, if it wasnt because of the affair and if he was sure, he was hell adamant he was sure. i even begged him to try and work things out while we ended it then but he wasnt ready to listen

 

So trust me, you dodged a bullet! That is how i know, he is never going to change even with him claimng being born again, hes playing with God by still deceiving her. The truth and morality is always at their convinience and they could never own up but tell any story to make themselves look better to the BS.

 

Just like you i felt it was my way out of the crazy cycle and a toxic one at that! I am not a perfect person either and trust me i lied about one thing and that was being pregnant for him and having an abortion while i cudnt get pregnant just to see his level of commitment but even in the face of all being exposed to his wife i still came out with my truth even tho i wasnt born again becos i cudnt imagine letting another human being carry that guilt for the rest of his life and trust me....he probably will use it against me with his wife but i dont care. My conscience is cleared while i deeply apologized to his wife.

 

To be honest, just work on you and try to figure out why u wanted to be with him knowing he had a gf. thats what im doing... I guess part of me had some self esteem issues and i am working on that...

 

Do i still think about him-Absolutely yes, but was the relationship real? - no it wasnt... He lied to me and played with my emotions but the truth is i condoned it till i had my final straw.

[HeartbrokenDec29]

Once again, your feedback is greatly appreciated. I still don't think you're understanding why I have come to this forum. I am letting out my suppressed innermost feelings because I can not do so to my family or friends because they've had enough/hate him. Am I holding on to a glimmer of hope? No. Am I withdrawing? Yes. It is still fresh and I know it is over. For the first time I really do see light at the end of the tunnel. While I was involved in it I felt as though I'd never find happiness because I'd never have him. I am just venting here, and I am greatly aware of my potential and what the future holds for me. Doesn't mean those feelings aren't raw and real. I have also found out from a friend that she has really left him for good, so now I'm dealing with the guilt of that mostly. Although I didn't spill the beans about our affair, I informed her that he had tried contacting me. From what he told me, she became very obsessed with the idea of him and I.. so I guess any figment that there was a possibility of us talking again just made her hit the road. That wasn't my intention, but maybe he deserves it and needs to be alone to mature and realize he needs to make a change. I also don't see it as he chose anyone over me, it seems as though he chose himself over all of us. Throwing a 7 year relationship away for someone you've known for a year and a half, while still having a mess after leaving his child's mom is hell enough. Has anyone also felt guilt after the fact? During I really didn't feel that guilty..now I feel like a scumbag. I'll be fine, I know I will be.. just don't like feelings all these different emotions at once!

sorry this is going to be a long one! Here is my story and iv learnt from it as much as i can!

 

 

 

I was the Other Woman and it drove me crazy. I watched him go back and forth in my life with his indecisions, Yet i nutured and cared from him while putting myself last. He said so many horrible things about the wife but i never for once believed all and sometimes questioned his own faults.

 

 

The ex married lover took me through a whirlwind of Ups and Downs. He started out with him wanting to get a divorce which i tried to dissuade him in the begining and asked he worked things out with his wife but was adamant, then he had me inform my parents about him to prove that i really wanted to be with him and i love him(till today my parents dont trust my decisions, people who brought me up), i turned my back against the world cos of him by trusting him which he always said, I went through episodes of attempted suicide on many occassions one where i found myself in the hospital, he even blamed me at some point for not givng his family attention..

 

 

 

He made think i was the crazy one and when he did things was unapologetic..

 

 

4 months ago, i was done and ready and asked him not to contact me again after a big fight. i had started listening to the bible and getting bk on track and seeing my life without him and cut off contact with him…

2 months later he comes apologizing and stating he is sorry and he will get his act right and told him we could be friends but im done dating a married man(i should v cut off all contact but i tried to be mature and nice and gave him audience) i begged(emphasis on the begging) him to go work things out with his wife and that i will like to be celibate.

At some point he asked if i will be ok with him dating someone else while we were friends and i told him i will rather he works things out with his wife but if that was wat he wanted to do i cant stop him but eventually one thing led to another and i found myself in the same cycle as we got back together again.

 

 

And then before the end of the 2016 in december came back telling me he was now born again and that he didnt want to go back to his sin pointing fingers at me and that we could be friends wt no sexual contact and i lost it. He claimed he wasnt breaking up with me but common!

 

 

 

He even stated he was going to tell his wife about the affair and that he will tell her he will still like to keep his friendship with me… Please tell me what wife will accept that?!It was so clear he wanted to keep stringing me along. At this point i lost it…It occured to me that if i didnt break this toxic cycle, i will surely commit suicide at some point.

 

 

So i made a choice, so he could finally let me be…I told his wife about the affair and begged for her forgiveness…many people can say it wasnt in my right but look at all the havoc he had caused in my life in his wake and as a result of his indecision and selfishness(he had always said why cant he have the two)…. He stated he was born again but still wanted to keep me in his life and still string me along knowing fully well i was still in love with him..He still wanted to have lunch with him and for us to talk everyday…

 

 

I believed if i told his wife, he will hate me enough not to contact me again and hopefully he doesnt contact me again and also to possibly deter him of the thought of having another affair with someone else if he thought of all the trouble he might face! It was a toxic cycle that seems like it will never end.

 

 

So i made a choice he wasnt ready to deal with! He confessed with his mouth and His wife stated she had forgiven me and that i should get right with God and was realistic to admit that it was her husband who kept coming back even though i took responsibility for letting him stay. She collected my number although i insisted that we couldnt be friends cos i was ashamed.

 

 

I have since blocked his number and hers and hope he could man up enough to work his marriage out and stop looking outwards. IF i wanted to tear their marriage apart i could have given her every gory details including the tots he has of sometimes wanting to kill her or how he has kids with other women she didnt know but i will never do that.

Her forgiveness is enough for me…So my confession was not to tear them apart it was to at least for me, keep him away from me. I hope he has learnt his lessons and at least not contact me again,

 

 

These relationships bring out the most ugly you from depression, lieing on yourself to make him happy to being vengeful especially where the person has been emotionally abusive, taking the fact that you love them for granted because they think u will always be there. Even after i tld his wife i still wanted him to hurt in someways cos i told him constantly to work things out with his wife but its just a wish and i also know i condoned it. His wife doesnt know the details about him wanting to be friends with me and probably fully think i did it to spite him. But i did it to end the shameful cycle and new pedestal he wanted to put me on…. i was tired, angry of the fact that he could still play games with my heart by asking for friendship.

 

 

Im glad i came out with all my truths even though it might look like im a bad person but i know im not and i was leaving knowing i had done the right thing by telling my truth- wen he started and told his wife about the affair and how long and how I got pregnant and had an abortion n complications (This was something I had told him when I wanted to see his reaction about me being pregnant months into our affair and at this point had not told him the truth which was one of the reason I wanted to see him that day, his reaction to the pregnancy then was not in good response and even afterwards at some point even made me send a mail denying i wasnt pregnant cos of him as a condition to be with him). I told him the truth even though i wasnt proud of myself for doing that (lieing about it) and told him to tell his wife as i cud not hate him so much to make him carry that guilt for the rest of his life.

 

 

One thing is for sure I asked God for this and he did it…. The last time i told xMM to let me be, i told God that if i ever find myself back in this mans arms he should do something that will split us apart for Good.. so even tho i didnt break it off, God gave me the strength and courage to step up to my guilt and ask for forgiveness from a woman i had hurt…

 

 

Now somedays i feel horrible and some days i feel good and dont think about him….

 

 

Today was partially okay for me....

 

 

will his wife ever know the truth of why i came to confess- No, he will probably feed her with more lies about me and make it look like it was cos he broke up with me and im the crazy one and she wouldnt know he still wanted me and denied breaking up with me but still wanted to keep me in his life to string me along and come back to me when the heat in his marriage gets tough but God Knows the truth.

 

 

Will he ever contact me again- sometimes i fantasize he might but generally i pray he never does cos it will just set me back and im trusting his pride will not let him. I want to move on to healthier relationships with Single men.

 

 

 

Do i really miss him and still feel in love- Yes ( when im denying the truth of what the realtionship really was and whoi tot he was) and No …it wasnt real. He took advantage of how i felt for him and probably saw me as vulnerable.

 

 

 

Will i ever date a married man again- I will not… Its a crazy making world and its all about him.

 

 

 

 

I have seen this guy validate his bad behaviour manytimes and make decisions based on his mood. Im hoping he is not joking with God by claiming he is born again cos even in my presence while being born again he still lied to his wife that he didnt try to get a divorce when we were together meanwhile that was when he was requesting for all of this and spoke to a lawyer, it just showed me how much i dont envy his wife cos even with God and him being faced with the secret being all out he still lied and i was convinced this was a game. im glad im not stuck with him for the rest of my life and i know this phase will pass.

 

 

Im working on why i even dated him in the first place and the need to do certain things so i cud be validated by him… I spent 2 yrs of my life in this crazy roller coaster.

 

 

 

This just happened 25days ago and i hope the anger of me telling his wife stays and i never hear from him again.

 

 

@Luckylibra89, things might not be easy now but remember it will get better. Im struggling every day but i try to check myself.....i think about him alot but sometimes i quickly remind myself t wasnt real...

 

 

I know u will feel ashamed of who u have become dating him just like i do. i did things i will never find myself doing with a single guy with him....

 

 

 

But hey this is your story and it makes u who you are... You have learned from this and u will surely grow from now on! Just focus on you