Bethw0902 Posted January 25, 2017 Share Posted January 25, 2017 So My ex boyfriend and I were together for 5yrs, we're both 25. We've been broken up for a lil over 2 months. We haven't seen eachother for that long as well, but texted eachother on and off throughout that. We met up with eachother for the first time last night. In the beginning it was weird but great bc we went back and talked so normally and realized how much we really missed each other. But then he told me he had sex with 2 different girls while we were broken up. It hurt a lot but I knew I had no right to be upset bc we were broken up. I still wanted to get past that and work things out with him. Then he continued and told me he had cheated on me a year and a half ago and had sex with his roomate's girlfriend while he was drunk. He felt horrible about it and said it only happened once and he said it was no excuse but he was bored with our sex life at the time. And it totally made sense now bc he was super weird whenever she was mentioned in the past and we had an std scare a yr or so ago, which was odd to me at the time bc he was literally the only person I had sex with ever and I didn't think it was possible for us to get anything. I asked him straight out if he cheated and he said no, so I believed him. Luckily we both tested negative. I feel heartbroken all over again and stupid for not trusting my intuition. No matter how much I'd get suspicious of him I never thought he could ever actually cheat on me and still face me afterwards. I just thought I was being paranoid and insecure. Even after finding all this out I'm angry and sad but I still love him, and always said if someone cheated on me I would never take them back. But here I am comtemplating it, and realizing stuff like this isn't so black and white. Idk what to do, and I'm embarrassed to talk to anyone close to me for fear of judgement. Would it be wrong to take him back after everything? And if I were to how should we start to repair our relationship and trust? What should he do to fix this? Or should I just let go and move on? Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted January 25, 2017 Share Posted January 25, 2017 NO. Too many come on here with cheating husbands/bfs and say he cheated on me when we were dating/engaged and I forgave him because I love him sooo much and he said he would never do it again... So what happens the next time he gets bored with your sex life? I'll let you fill in the blanks... 3 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted January 25, 2017 Share Posted January 25, 2017 I have one word..........NO. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bethw0902 Posted January 25, 2017 Author Share Posted January 25, 2017 I genuinely appreciate the blunt honesty. I guess I needed that. I realize the bad out ways the good in our relationship. It's just hard to let go of someone you loved for 5yrs. I've just been having a hard time coping with all of this. Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted January 25, 2017 Share Posted January 25, 2017 I genuinely appreciate the blunt honesty. I guess I needed that. I realize the bad out ways the good in our relationship. It's just hard to let go of someone you loved for 5yrs. I've just been having a hard time coping with all of this. I know it is hard to let someone go, but he showed you who he was. And you should thank him for it by running as fast as you can away from him. Sometimes we people don't know when to shut up. and This guy didn't and you actually found out more than you ever would have under normal circumstances. Maybe you talking to him and appearing to be an understanding soul allowed him to let his guard down, so in his mind he said: 'Well since I told her I slept with 2 girls while we were broken up, I might as well tell her about the times I cheated on her. I mean what is the worst that could happen now?" You either have great persuasive skills, or he is one dumb ass to spill his own beans. I tend to go with a combination of both. LOL. I always am amazed at how the generation behind me has no problem totally incriminating themselves without thinking...it's quite interesting to read about it on a regular basis as I do here. At any rate, now you know you can't trust him, ever. Five years is a long time when you are young, but when you get older it's a drop in the bucket. Don't wast any more time on him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
angel.eyes Posted January 25, 2017 Share Posted January 25, 2017 Taking a cheater back when you're only dating would be the ultimate mistake. You'll simply show him that cheating is excusable in your book. He now knows he can get away with cheating whenever he's the least bit dissatisfied and an opportunity presents itself...all the while lying to your face and gaslighting you when you become suspicious. Breakups are always painful. That doesn't mean that you should stay in a bad relationship or, in your case, with the wrong person. See your breakup up as an opportunity. As difficult as it is right now, eventually you will feel better. Eventually your heart will heal. Then you will be open and available to have a relationship with someone who is much better than your lying, cheating ex. He betrayed your trust, put your health at risk, and then cold-bloodedly lied to your face. Every time you're tempted to overlook what he did because you just want your heartbreak gone and to be happy again, remind yourself of that. Going back to him will only cause you more heartache in the long-run. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
angel.eyes Posted January 25, 2017 Share Posted January 25, 2017 ...we had an std scare a yr or so ago, which was odd to me at the time bc he was literally the only person I had sex with ever and I didn't think it was possible for us to get anything. I asked him straight out if he cheated and he said no, so I believed him. Luckily we both tested negative. I feel heartbroken all over again and stupid for not trusting my intuition. I'm curious. If you had an STD scare, and he had been your only partner ever, why were you not convinced he was cheating? What did he say to get you to think otherwise? One of you had to have been cheating, and obviously it wasn't you, right? How did the scare come about? Link to post Share on other sites
Lilyana76 Posted January 25, 2017 Share Posted January 25, 2017 Taking back a cheating ex is like trying to shove Poo back in your butt. It's not going to work out, and if it does it will end very badly. Move on. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Rockdad Posted January 25, 2017 Share Posted January 25, 2017 Taking back a cheating ex is like trying to shove Poo back in your butt. It's not going to work out, and if it does it will end very badly. Move on. I can't help but love this response. Oh I agree, it just never in my life come across my mind like that. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bethw0902 Posted January 26, 2017 Author Share Posted January 26, 2017 I'm curious. If you had an STD scare, and he had been your only partner ever, why were you not convinced he was cheating? What did he say to get you to think otherwise? One of you had to have been cheating, and obviously it wasn't you, right? How did the scare come about? i guess i wasn't convinced bc i really did trust his word and thought he didn't have it in him to cheat. i definitely wasn't cheating. And he experienced some symptoms so we got tested together. He's a liar for all i know he could've lied about his results and got medication behind my back. i was fine, but finding all this out made me make an appointment with the doctor already just in case. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted January 26, 2017 Share Posted January 26, 2017 He's a liar for all i know he could've lied about his results and got medication behind my back. i was fine, but finding all this out made me make an appointment with the doctor already just in case. I think an appt with a doctor now is very sensible. Many STI's are asymptomatic in women and some can cause problems with fertility later, so best to be safe. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
fireflywy Posted January 27, 2017 Share Posted January 27, 2017 And the answer is..... NO Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 27, 2017 Share Posted January 27, 2017 I genuinely appreciate the blunt honesty. I guess I needed that. I realize the bad out ways the good in our relationship. It's just hard to let go of someone you loved for 5yrs. I've just been having a hard time coping with all of this. he said it was no excuse but he was bored with our sex life at the time. You can't trust that he isn't going to go get drunk and sleep with someone else when sex becomes boring again. He isn't capable of staying faithful. He cheated on you and then easily slept with others during your break up. Grieve the loss and just know that there's a great special guy out there when you're ready to date again, who won't cheat on you! Link to post Share on other sites
enddeck Posted January 27, 2017 Share Posted January 27, 2017 Ask yourself what do you gain by taking him back.A cheating lying ******* who will know he can do whatever he wants and get away with it. Run. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts