jusmeek Posted January 26, 2017 Share Posted January 26, 2017 Hello everyone I'm here for advice from those who have been cheated on and also advice from the cheaters on how to make things better. I will like to hear stories of reconciliation timeline for you and things you guys did that were successful, and advice you may have on my situation. background on my situation my husband and I have shared 10 years together and married 5 years happily. we have one child together and life couldn't have been better. things turned left last august when I went away for a girls vacation to another country for 4 days. while there I ended up sleeping with a guy from there and kept in contact with him once I returned home. my husband found some very intimate emails between me and the other man and confronted me on it and things went left. he left and came back after a few days and admitted to me that he had slept with another woman and we should have an open relationship. a huge part of the argument after the affair was discovered was a plane ticket that I had purchased to go back and see the other guy....and I went only for a weekend. so between the anger him finding out about my affair me finding out he went to sleep with someone else and me going back we're in a very bad spot. I admitted to him I was wrong and I don't know what fog I was under or what was going on in my mind but after a few weeks of arguing and pleading it let to no where. aug- had an affair (had no reason what so ever the sex was due to having too much fun on a resort and kept in contact mainly because it was new attraction something I hadn't felt in a long time) sept -he slept with someone and I went back out of the country to see OM again oct- ended all communication with the OM and begged to work on marriage. oct-jan in house separation a lot of hot and cold still intimate. jan - he has moved out (to a hotel) -but comes by a few times a week ask me if im seeing anyone and we're still intimate. but he is still very hurt hasn't mentioned reconciling and is still hinting at the big D. I've read 100's of articles so I am doing what I can on my part to try to make things better when he's gone I don't call when he calls I talk about our son mostly and when he comes home I let him initiate the intimacy. I'm almost certain he is still in contact with multiple women but haven't asked about any of them (they are out of state) so being sexual with them isn't a huge concern of mine. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
WilyWill Posted January 26, 2017 Share Posted January 26, 2017 It seems like neither of you belong in a committed marriage. You eagerly slept with someone you barely knew, and he seems to want an open marriage, which you don't. If you continue to sleep with multiple people, please use protection. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Clay Posted January 26, 2017 Share Posted January 26, 2017 You played the field and now you don't like how it turned out. This is called Karma. Your marriage is over. You either accept a open marriage or get a divorce. The truth is he walked away mentally he learned about your affair. Some people just cant get over this kind of a betrayal. I suggest you divorce and get into counseling. You need to not worry about him anymore. Its on him to find out why he could do what he did as a response to your affair. Its now on you to figure out why you chose to throw your marriage away for someone you really didn't even know. Yes your child is going to suffer. This is what happens when people decide to be selfish instead of looking out for there family first. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted January 26, 2017 Share Posted January 26, 2017 Yeah, there's just too much water over this bridge. You both need to move on. But if you have to, try marriage counseling but this sounds like a mess. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted January 26, 2017 Share Posted January 26, 2017 Are you not in an open relationship? You both have to want the same thing(the marriage) or you need to get out of it. I have personally never been in an open relationship but of the couples that I know who have, none of them worked out, someone always got jealous or left with a new partner. Your playing with fire. Why make your life more complicated then it already is? You need to find out through counselling why your not enough for each other. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted January 26, 2017 Share Posted January 26, 2017 You sound like two very confused people. It would be advisable for both of you to get some individual counselling. I don't think that couple's counselling would be very successful without doing that. Take care. Link to post Share on other sites
enddeck Posted January 26, 2017 Share Posted January 26, 2017 YOU sleep with a total stranger. YOU book a flight back to sleep with him again. Your husband finds out and leaves,sleeps with someone else and now YOU want to work on your marriage. Are YOU seeing any pattern here. Karma is a b****. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted January 26, 2017 Share Posted January 26, 2017 (edited) Hello everyone I'm here for advice from those who have been cheated on and also advice from the cheaters on how to make things better. I will like to hear stories of reconciliation timeline for you and things you guys did that were successful, and advice you may have on my situation. background on my situation my husband and I have shared 10 years together and married 5 years happily. we have one child together and life couldn't have been better. things turned left last august when I went away for a girls vacation to another country for 4 days. while there I ended up sleeping with a guy from there and kept in contact with him once I returned home. my husband found some very intimate emails between me and the other man and confronted me on it and things went left. he left and came back after a few days and admitted to me that he had slept with another woman and we should have an open relationship. a huge part of the argument after the affair was discovered was a plane ticket that I had purchased to go back and see the other guy....and I went only for a weekend. so between the anger him finding out about my affair me finding out he went to sleep with someone else and me going back we're in a very bad spot. I admitted to him I was wrong and I don't know what fog I was under or what was going on in my mind but after a few weeks of arguing and pleading it let to no where. aug- had an affair (had no reason what so ever the sex was due to having too much fun on a resort and kept in contact mainly because it was new attraction something I hadn't felt in a long time) sept -he slept with someone and I went back out of the country to see OM again oct- ended all communication with the OM and begged to work on marriage. oct-jan in house separation a lot of hot and cold still intimate. jan - he has moved out (to a hotel) -but comes by a few times a week ask me if im seeing anyone and we're still intimate. but he is still very hurt hasn't mentioned reconciling and is still hinting at the big D. I've read 100's of articles so I am doing what I can on my part to try to make things better when he's gone I don't call when he calls I talk about our son mostly and when he comes home I let him initiate the intimacy. I'm almost certain he is still in contact with multiple women but haven't asked about any of them (they are out of state) so being sexual with them isn't a huge concern of mine. You opened your marriage and then went back for seconds. You now have what you have. I suspect there's nothing to salvage here. What did you expect? Edited January 26, 2017 by Marc878 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ShatteredLady Posted January 26, 2017 Share Posted January 26, 2017 "Life couldn't have been better" but you still jumped feet first into an affair. This wasn't a drunken ONS. You purchased another ticket & stayed in contact with your holiday fling. THIS is the focus & this is why your family is breaking. I know that you're hurting because of the things your husband has done & said in revenge. I think this needs to be 'postponed'. NOT rugswept or forgotten. The FIRST thing to deal with, if you want to save your family is your affair. Until my H cheated on me I really didn't 'get' how bloody awful it is on so many different levels. I'm now far more understanding of the things people do, in shock, in those first few weeks after d-day. I lost my mind!! Reading (the 'sticky' articles at the top of this forum. Free downloads like Linda McDonald) & sharing them with your husband will help BOTH of you. Sharing information helps you focus on what you need to do & stops the reactive drama. You know this has to be the end of 'girls night out' & your toxic friendships. The alcohol flew, you partied & had appalling boundaries. I guess that you are not really this slack party girl...that kind of woman doesn't delude herself that some vacation fling is the 'real thing'. Ugh!! It's time to suck-up your pride & your weak justifications. Be transparent. Be honest. Grovel!! You started this mess. You will not be able to heal your marriage & get back to that "life couldn't have been better" if you think 'you're now even' or other such twaddle. YOU did this & your H reacted in agony. It's different. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts