Who should I take as a life partner?

[kesha123]

Hi I need help deciding who will be perfect for me. Say, there are two men in my life and I have hard time deciding whether I should leave my marriage or not. I am describing some of the pros and cons of each individual, it's always good to know what a sane person would do in my situation Thanks in advance!

 

Person A

PROS:

1. Good and gentle in bed. Loves a lot.

2. Nice to me.

3. Loves to spend money on me.

4. watches series and movies with me.

5. Goes out with me.

6. Ditches his firends to spend time with me.

7. Loves whatever I cook even if it's plain rice, rarely complains about food.

8. Sometimes ditches parents to be with me.

9. Rarely fights .

10. sleeps early and prefers to sleep with me, wakes up early.

11. No dependency on drugs, cigerettes or alcohol.

12. I don't give a damn about anyone when with him. Cant concentrate on work or future. I enjoy things with him.

13. Misses me , can not live apart for a long time.

14. Mutual dependency.

CONS:

1. Sometimes boring.

2. Does not earn much.

3. Visa expiring soon.

4. so many physical issues, like backbone problem, can not stand for longer times, can not run etc.

5. Our's was an Illicit relationship.

6. looks avergae.

7. Too much tall.

8. does not help in cooking.

9. Does not keep the house clean.

10. Bad dressing sense.

11. Eats non veg. I eat veg.

12. does not like to exercise, lazy.

13. No goals for future.

14. No confidence, socially awkward and insecure.

15. I fear he will die before me. he is vulnerable physically.

16. I don't give a damn about anyone when with him. Cant concentrate on work or future.

 

Person B

PROS:

1. He has permanent visa.

2. Confident, extrovert, have many friends.

3. Earns more.

4. Can cook for himself.

5. Can buy anything for me.

6. can go to any limit for fulfilling my dreams.

7. I work hard and think about future and my dreams when with him.

8. Takes care of me. very emotional.

9. Loves children and will die for them.

10. does not force me to sleep with him.

11. Financially solid, I see constant growth career wise.

12. Look wise better.

13. Forgives my mistakes and always ends up with me.

14. Never induldged in affair after marriage.

15. I am at a good place with him socially.

16. I have no fear of anything with him.

17. I dont get anxious about his health.

18. I get depressed when I think of divorce.

CONS:

1. Drinks/smokes can never quit. Tried everything in five years and eventually gave up.

2. Gives preference to friends and Parents over me.

3. Does not sleep untill 4.00 a.m or later everyday even though he does a regular shift.

4. Spends majority of his time on laptop..(Series/movies/games/po*n rinse & repeat )

5. I feel lonely most of the times and I force him to spend sometime with me and things look great but then I am left alone again.

6. Does not like the food I cook. Complains a lot.

7. loves unhealthy/oily food.

8. Watches porn instead of being with me and it doesnt matter to him if I go out of city for a month or a year as long as he has that "marriage certificate" .

9. Have so many dreams but not a hard worker.

10. Doesn't do house chores.

11. Fights occasionaly.

12. Does not want to go for councelling.

13. Blames things on me.

14. Se*less relationship, no romantic feelings from either side.

[whichwayisup]

Neither. You end it with both men and be alone and on your own until you figure things out.

[Lady2163]

Yeah, sorry for the same answer, but neither. I think you love Man A, but I don't know how happy you'd be if you ended up as a caretaker since he does have health issues.

[aileD]

Your husband. You already have a life partner. You made a vow to him and you choose him unless or until you are certain that your marriage is over and you can move on freely and be sure of it with out any other person involved.

 

You never leave a relationship for another person. You leave it because it's over.

 

Deal with your marriage first. Then if you decide to end it everyone is right--you need to be alone. You are too dependent on a man

[DKT3]

Looks like something a 17 year old would write while deciding who she'll take to prom.

 

Sounds like you like the attention from.your affair partner, guy A but guy B you like his money.

 

I'm with the others, I don't think you're in a position to offer anyone much in terms of a healthy relationship, but neither do either of those guys.

[kesha123]

Thanks for the replies, I know I sound like a 17 year old girl and it's true that I am a dependent person. Can't help being that way, I was the youngest at my home and lived with my parents until I got married at the age of 28.

 

I know both of these guys sound horrible but my problem is they are the only options I have and will always have until I die because I have done this horrible mistake to start an affair and as long as I remember it, I am never gonna repeat it again.

 

I have been with a few guys before getting married and all guys were more or less same :( I am not getting any younger and I want to start a family with either of them and done with the other forever.

[Poppy47]

I don't think you like either one much.

 

Get a divorce and find somebody who suits you.

 

Poppy.

[Arieswoman]

OP if it's such a difficult choice I would suggest that you don't really want either of them.

 

As others have said, how about spending some time alone to find out what you really do want?

[NTV]

You can't have both for much longer.

 

What are you teaching your kid(s) by doing this?

[gettingstronger]

Person C:

 

You

 

On our own, living your life until you get a better outlook-

[Forever broken]

Nobody is perfect. Everybody has a little baggage. And am pretty sure your baggage did not get lost in transit.

[VeveCakes]

A lot of that list is super shallow. Doesn't dress well? Too tall? Average looking?

 

OP you need some time alone.

[central]

IMO, neither of them. However, if you insist, then first file for divorce and move out. Then, see if either of them sticks around and still wants you enough to make a commitment. Chances are that neither will - you may be great under the current circumstances, but you may not be what either really wants for a long term commitment.

 

 

But, you have to remove your failsafe, plan B husband to find out - or to find out if anyone else wants you for who you are, as a long term commitment.

[aliveagain]

I think you should stop lying to everyone, confess your infidelity to your husband then get yourself into counselling and fix your issues. Your no good to anyone the way you are because your idea of a relationship is all messed up. Perhaps your husband will decide for you. Relationships built on lies always fail. Who wants a part time wife? Not many men would get into a relationship with someone they can't trust.

[Lilyana76]

I think you should let both of them go find a decent woman who will treat them with respect and treat them like they are the only man for them.

 

Posts like this baffle me... you made a marriage COMMITMENT... to make a list of pros and cons to compare your husband and another man.. is absurd.

 

Let them both go, then get some help to figure out yourself.

[Clay]

I agree with the others. Its not in there best interest to stay with you. Anyone that can play with peoples hearts like this isn't a decent person and doesn't have the slightest clue what being in a real relations means.

 

Imagine if the shoe was on the other foot and your husband was her asking if he should leave you for his lover. You would be extremely upset you not only never knew about it but you never had a say in the matter. I can just imagine the look on your face when you learned of his betrayal.

 

In this case you need to be alone and get into counceling.

 

C

[Mr. Lucky]

 

Person A

 

CONS:

1. Sometimes boring.

2. Does not earn much.

3. Visa expiring soon.

4. so many physical issues, like backbone problem, can not stand for longer times, can not run etc.

5. Our's was an Illicit relationship.

6. looks avergae.

7. Too much tall.

8. does not help in cooking.

9. Does not keep the house clean.

10. Bad dressing sense.

11. Eats non veg. I eat veg.

12. does not like to exercise, lazy.

13. No goals for future.

14. No confidence, socially awkward and insecure.

15. I fear he will die before me. he is vulnerable physically.

16. I don't give a damn about anyone when with him. Cant concentrate on work or future.

 

Person B

 

CONS:

1. Drinks/smokes can never quit. Tried everything in five years and eventually gave up.

2. Gives preference to friends and Parents over me.

3. Does not sleep untill 4.00 a.m or later everyday even though he does a regular shift.

4. Spends majority of his time on laptop..(Series/movies/games/po*n rinse & repeat )

5. I feel lonely most of the times and I force him to spend sometime with me and things look great but then I am left alone again.

6. Does not like the food I cook. Complains a lot.

7. loves unhealthy/oily food.

8. Watches porn instead of being with me and it doesnt matter to him if I go out of city for a month or a year as long as he has that "marriage certificate" .

9. Have so many dreams but not a hard worker.

10. Doesn't do house chores.

11. Fights occasionaly.

12. Does not want to go for councelling.

13. Blames things on me.

14. Se*less relationship, no romantic feelings from either side.

 

Why would you - or anyone else - want to be with either of these men?

 

Mr. Lucky

[ThatsJustHowIRoll]

Neither - you're list as a selfish juvenile look at what each man can do for you with no consideration for what you actually bring into the relationship - if anything.

 

Maybe you should ask them each to do a pros and cons list of your traits... maybe then you'll have some insight into your compatibility. At least you might learn something

[Poe77]

Well considering the "PRO" of guy #1 who is NOT YOUR HUSBAND...

 

1. Good and gentle in bed. Loves a lot.

 

 

 

I Think you should excuse your husbands short comings a bit I mean at least until he can divorce you..

 

1. Drinks/smokes can never quit. Tried everything in five years and eventually gave up.

2. Gives preference to friends and Parents over me.

11. Fights occasionally.

13. Blames things on me.

 

Your cheating on the man you married and you have the nerve to make a list saying how he doesn't pay you

enough attention I guess at least he can spend alot on you so theres a big pro huh?..im sorry your

really out of line here the 1st thing you need to do is tell the man you have been cheating on him

and let him file for divorce im not saying hes a saint and alot of the issues are not from him too

but cheating behind a spouses back is never the way to go its selfish and self centered..do the right thing

let him go and be honest..far as guy #1 I wouldn't go there find a guy whos not ok to sleep with another

mans wife..

[ThatsJustHowIRoll]

Yeah I suspect your cons list from both men might start with

 

1. She cheats

[BuddyX]

Yeah I suspect your cons list from both men might start with

 

1. She cheats

 

Check Mate

[fireflywy]

You created a LIST? Wow. You shouldn't treat your relationships like you're buying a car.

Very immature.

 

You need to be single until you learn commitment, spirituality, and stop basing your relationships on material things.

 

Good luck.

[NTV]

I'll ask again. Considering the weight of other posters comments it'd be easy to overlook the question. ..

 

 

What are you teaching your kids with all this?

[Just a Guy]

Hi OP, toss a coin! Heads man A, tails man B. Problem solved. Warm wishes.

[Nirbhao.Nirvair]

I think you are asking this in the wrong forum. From what you wrote, I can sense that you come from a culture where romantic love is not considered a prime factor in deciding your choice of life-partner. And your English seems a bit Indian. If you are Indian, then I'd say you shouldn't be expecting answers that will fit your perspective of what a marriage should be. This forum is primarily western and love and marriage have different meanings in the west unlike what you may have in your culture.

 

You should tell us first, why you married Person B(whom I shall call BH) in the first place and what did you expect when you married him. And how did Person A (OM) come in to the picture.

 

Listing down the pros and cons of two men, one of whom you are cheating on and the other you are probably leading on, and asking who should you choose as if these men had no emotions whatsoever, I sense a mild level of sociopath personality here. Maybe your BH needs to know who you are. That one con against you should be known to him before he starts a family and therefore forever being trapped in a marriage with you. Don't you think, however bad as a lover he might be, he should have that choice too?