Does he want an affair with me?

[lucky711]

Ok so, there is this guy that I see at work. I just started at this job about one year ago. Around March (maybe even earlier) he started to pay some attention to me. At that point, I had been shown who everyone is and I knew who was married and who wasn't. Well, this guy I am talking about turned out to be married.

 

I wasn't looking for anybody to become "friendly" with at work so when he had started paying attention to me, I just kinda blew it off. I took it as him being funny and I would laugh when he would do things like double takes with me. I took it as an innocent flirt.

 

Well, as time went on, he had been doing this more and more frequently. Certain things like standing in front of a door when he knew I would use it. But when I saw him doing that I had a different girl go through the door just to "test" him. He would NEVER say a thing to them but he would to me. I noticed he would stare at me more and more frequently and he would totally look into my eyes when I would stare at him.

 

We became closer "aquaintances" and started talking a lot. I got the impression that he was interested in me and so I started to become intrigued by him and eventually started to be interested in him as well. He is a very good looking man! He had worked out a lot prior to me even starting the job ( I work out too)... his other job is a personal trainer.... so you know he's built. But, at first he was just a little tiny bit chubby but built as well. His hair was just a plain old buzz cut. But back to my story:

 

So, one day I decided that I would flirt back with him, just playfully though. I gave him the most seductive look that a woman could give a guy. And the next day he was all dressed up. He had his hair nicely done and he was wearing very very nice clothing, and he had on some jewelry. He looked as though he was showing off. Well, he then asked me to join him at the gym. I did once but I felt awkward because I developed a crush on him.

 

So more time went on and we had started talking more about personal things. Remember, he's married. He NEVER once ever mentions his wife, but he does talk about his kids. He asks me lots of personal questions. Well, I would email him one in a while and we would flirt a little through email and we would flirt back and forth. I had told him that I liked him in one of my emails I sent him about 2 weeks ago.

 

I didn't EVER hear back from him and it seemed that he was "hiding" from me. He didn't necessarily "avoid" me, I just didn't see him around. So when he did show up about a week later, I hid from him because I thought he didn't want to see me. But another week later we see each other and he starts talking to me the same as before the email.

 

So it had been 2 weeks since I saw him last and he looks GREAT! It looks like he lost weight, he seems a little more ripped, and he's got a new hairdo. So he's been apparently working on his appearance (not that he didn't look good already) but DAMN.... he looks HOT! I wanted to get him out of my head since I felt that he didn't like the email I sent him. But he acts as if I sent nothing. He still talks to me but he's changed (only in a 2 week period).

 

There seems to be "something" between us. In the 2 weeks I really did a good job getting him out of my head but now I see him with this new look and now I want him bad more so than before. I won't ever tell him that I want him that way since he's married, I just told him that I find him very interesting.

 

Now I've heard from all my friends who's husbands have cheated on them that the men change their appearance right about or around the time they stray. Does this mean that he wants an affair with me possibly? He's made it rather apparent that he is interested in me. But with this change in his looks.... really has me asking questions. He is 7 years older than I am and I am not sure what's going on..... he keeps asking me lots of personal questions. Does it sound like he wants an affair? I get butterflies in my stomach when I think about him and when I see him.

[elijahBailey]

Originally posted by lucky711

Does it sound like he wants an affair?

 

Do you want to have an affair? be honest...

 

If the answer is yes, then continue what you're doing cos it'll happen. Then just hang on for the ride cos it's not gonna be pretty. But if the answer is no, then it doesn't matter what he wants or thinks.

 

We're all human... and we have feelings... so don't be too hard on yourself. But tell yourself that a crush is just what it is..... a crush... that's all..... ESPECIALLY when the other person is married. The only way you can get out of this situation cleanly is to keep your distance, limit contact with him and act disinterested when he flirts. If not, there's gonna be heartache down the road. You either do this now and suffer a little 'withdrawal' or you suffer big time later. I truly hope you follow your head and not your heart in this situation. good luck

[Merin]

Hmm..

 

Well My take is this..

 

While it seems this Married Guy was/is flirting with you, it also seems to me from what you've said that as soon as you let him know you "Like him" he freaked out a little.. it seems that while he was digging the attention you had been giving him and was all about flirting with you, it doesn't sound to me that he was seriously considering a affair.. just liking some attention.

 

My advice, DON'T try for more with this Guy.. he's married and it isn't to you.. you deserve someone who is all yours and available to you.

 

Good Luck

[loony]

I don't understand why you're after a man who is married with kids. You were not even hooked on him in the beginning, why play with the fire then? Honestly, if you have an affair and he breaks your heart, because he doesn't want to leave his family, then I'm not going to pity you.

[LucreziaBorgia]

He probably does want to have an affair with you - now, whether or not he is prepared to actually go through with it is another question.

 

Question is: are you prepared for an affair? It is pretty much guaranteed to end with your heart broken, because you will inevitably become emotionally attached to him and want more. "More" of course being not part of the deal. Your primary worth will lie in how available and convenient you are to him while keeping things discreet enough not to otherwise threaten his status quo.

[chichi]

i have been in this situation and i dont think you should go through with it considering when you wrote that email and he didnt say anything back that just shows he got freaked out of the thought of you wanting him more that just sex he doesnt want you like that obviously....why be with someone that is with someone else just let things be dont do anything that will hurt you and many other people if word gets out!