JDX23 Posted January 27, 2017 Posted January 27, 2017 (edited) I am just going to get to the point and say that my girlfriend usually talks to about her boss almost everyday ever since she got a job a few months back. She had told me he recently quit to run his campaign (I presume he is running for party or something). a week later since then, I was coming home at around 7:00pm when my girlfriend ran up to me telling me she was going downtown to meet her boss at a restaurant talking about something "important". She wouldn't tell me what it was about until I asked a million times, telling me it was about his campaign. I am not sure whether she was honest or not since she told me after I asked a million times. I was quite upset and angry because that before I got there she was waiting for me to get home to see me, and now she all the sudden does not care and wants to see her boss. She said her boss was paying for the ride there and back (paying for her Uber). Let me tell you downtown is quite far away from us, second, I don't know where she was going, third, what time she was getting back, and fourth, I have not met this guy before and neither has she ever introduced us. As a boyfriend I am very worried about our relationships. I told her I was not comfortable her going there, being picked up by someone we both don't know, and that we were not even sure if the guy was going to take her the right place! She kept begging for me to be okay with it, but how could I be?! She was complaining about how much homework she had to do and all the sudden she wants to go see her boss?! I told her "if its so important that he has to tell you something then why doesn't he just talk to you on the phone, or you tell him you're busy doing homework and you need to talk on the phone" she ended up telling him I was uncomfortable with her going to see him, merely crushing my trust as I told it to her and had never asked her to tell him. She ended up leaving even after I told her it was going to ruin our relationship. I am sure every guy out there knows as a man you do not invite another mans women out to dinner. Its just wrong. He seemed to not give a sh*t. She just put him over me and I feel really upset and angry at the moment just thinking about it. I do not know if I could honestly deal with this. She used to always talk about him and I was worried back then and I don't find it fine that she left even though she knew I was uncomfortable. What do i do guys? I really need help. We've been together two years by the way. Edited January 27, 2017 by JDX23 missed a few details
preraph Posted January 27, 2017 Posted January 27, 2017 Bosses can and do invite their employees to dinner and other things. That is not unusual and they don't give a crap if they're married or what. There is sometimes business after hours. I used to travel with mine. The whole thing is whether you are too insecure to trust her or not. If she has given you reason to distrust her, that's one thing, but otherwise, you should trust her because even if what you imagine should happen and he hits on her, that doesn't mean she'd ever DO anything with him or even thinks he's attractive. You have to give her some respect and credit and think she's intelligent enough that she won't just sleep with a guy because he's THERE!!!@ 2
Author JDX23 Posted January 27, 2017 Author Posted January 27, 2017 Bosses can and do invite their employees to dinner and other things. That is not unusual and they don't give a crap if they're married or what. There is sometimes business after hours. I used to travel with mine. The whole thing is whether you are too insecure to trust her or not. If she has given you reason to distrust her, that's one thing, but otherwise, you should trust her because even if what you imagine should happen and he hits on her, that doesn't mean she'd ever DO anything with him or even thinks he's attractive. You have to give her some respect and credit and think she's intelligent enough that she won't just sleep with a guy because he's THERE!!!@ That is true, the only thing is that he is not her boss anymore though.
Author JDX23 Posted January 27, 2017 Author Posted January 27, 2017 She said she would send me the address but never ended up sending it...
LostOnes05 Posted January 27, 2017 Posted January 27, 2017 There is something fishy going on. The fact that he left the job and is now inviting her out to dinner is highly suspicious. Now there are no repercussions for them having a relationship, since he isn't her boss anymore. I'd keep a close eye on how she is with her phone. Also, I'd reconnect with friends and go out too without her and without telling her where I was going. She won't like it but if she thinks it's ok for her, then it should be alright for you too. The fact that she went out with this guy even though you had a discussion about it, says that she doesn't respect your boundaries. Imagine her reaction if you did the same thing. 2
Author JDX23 Posted January 27, 2017 Author Posted January 27, 2017 There is something fishy going on. The fact that he left the job and is now inviting her out to dinner is highly suspicious. Now there are no repercussions for them having a relationship, since he isn't her boss anymore. I'd keep a close eye on how she is with her phone. Also, I'd reconnect with friends and go out too without her and without telling her where I was going. She won't like it but if she thinks it's ok for her, then it should be alright for you too. The fact that she went out with this guy even though you had a discussion about it, says that she doesn't respect your boundaries. Imagine her reaction if you did the same thing. yes I will begin to do this, thank you for the advise!
bachdude Posted January 27, 2017 Posted January 27, 2017 Whoa, she drops everything last minute to go out to dinner with her FORMER boss with NO details. And this is the guy she talks to and about everyday. Open your eyes, man! And she won't tell you what it's about like she's some sort of CIA agent or something protecting classified documents nor did she text you the address like she promised. WTF And on top of it she tells him about your private conversation concerning the dinner. Her loyalty is revealed right there, bro. How many more ways could she be a crappy GF? What reason is there to NOT think she is hiding something from you? I mean, if someone were to contrive a situation to make their BF suspect hanky panky, I'm not sure anyone could come up with a better scenario. And she does all of this even though you are uncomfortable with her going out with him. This has red flags written all over it. I'd be gone, bro. Why torture yourself? 1
Author JDX23 Posted January 27, 2017 Author Posted January 27, 2017 Whoa, she drops everything last minute to go out to dinner with her FORMER boss with NO details. And this is the guy she talks to and about everyday. Open your eyes, man! And she won't tell you what it's about like she's some sort of CIA agent or something protecting classified documents nor did she text you the address like she promised. WTF And on top of it she tells him about your private conversation concerning the dinner. Her loyalty is revealed right there, bro. How many more ways could she be a crappy GF? What reason is there to NOT think she is hiding something from you? I mean, if someone were to contrive a situation to make their BF suspect hanky panky, I'm not sure anyone could come up with a better scenario. And she does all of this even though you are uncomfortable with her going out with him. This has red flags written all over it. I'd be gone, bro. Why torture yourself? She actually just got home and told me she went to two restaurants with this guy (one was a bar korean restaurant and the next was the Keg), she lied to me about the korean restaurant. Oh and she also paid for his bill, which does not seem like her. $75 for two drinks and an appetizer... I told her everything I've felt and I am going to make a decision tomorrow morning and sleep on it. Thanks a lot dude! any other advise anyone else can give me would be much appreciated.
Sara1989 Posted January 27, 2017 Posted January 27, 2017 Sorry but this does not sound good good for you though that she is such a bad liar
Grey40 Posted January 27, 2017 Posted January 27, 2017 Really tough spot to be in, I'm not sure how I'd handle it. I would just say that you DO trust her and you know she would never do that to you, but you need to be sure because A) she talks about this guy all the time. B) They no longer work together, so what exactly is the point in keeping touch? C)She's being secretive about the details surrounding the meeting D) She went behind your back and told him that you didn't like the idea. Be calm and rational about it. Say you need her to look you in the eyes tell you the truth, and ask her if there's any way she can prove that it means nothing? You can't be too insecure and overprotect your GF on every little thing or every guy she talks to but this is definitely a very different scenario, that i would be concerned about. If she gets super defensive and won't let give you any straight answers, I'd go No Contact for a few days and if she truly cares, she will come back telling you how sorry she is. 1
lolablue17 Posted January 27, 2017 Posted January 27, 2017 Let's ignore the cheating possibility for a minute. I think you have a huge problem right now. I'm not saying she shouldn't meet him at all, only because you are not Ok with it. But I think at that moment she should have canceled, and then only after talking to you calmly, to set a different meeting, on another day, a meeting with different circumstances which you can be comfortable with. You are very right when you say she put him over you. That's exactly what happened. She put him over you. I wouldn't tolerate it. It proves her way of thinking about what is a relationship. You don't force these things in a relationship. You talk about it and try to meet your partner somewhere middle way. It's a minor event, small issue, but I wouldn't tolerate it. If it was me I would have had to find very strong strong reasons to stay. It was a severe violation of everything i believe about "what is a relationship". It's a deal breaker. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted January 27, 2017 Posted January 27, 2017 Sorry, but she is lining up her next boyfriend. 2
bachdude Posted January 27, 2017 Posted January 27, 2017 (edited) She actually just got home and told me she went to two restaurants with this guy (one was a bar korean restaurant and the next was the Keg), she lied to me about the korean restaurant. Oh and she also paid for his bill, which does not seem like her. $75 for two drinks and an appetizer... I told her everything I've felt and I am going to make a decision tomorrow morning and sleep on it. Thanks a lot dude! any other advise anyone else can give me would be much appreciated. I'm sorry, but why would she pay a large $75 bill, after being invited by HIM out to dinner about HIS campaign? It doesn't add up. OP, how do you know she lied about the Korean restaurant? Edited January 27, 2017 by bachdude 3
kgcolonel Posted January 27, 2017 Posted January 27, 2017 I too wanted to know how you knew she lied about the Korean dinner also, what was her reaction to you telling her about how you felt and that you were making some key decisions? 1
Author JDX23 Posted January 27, 2017 Author Posted January 27, 2017 I too wanted to know how you knew she lied about the Korean dinner also, what was her reaction to you telling her about how you felt and that you were making some key decisions? So She originally told me she was going out to dinner. She had gotten home at 1am last night and I questioned her. I asked her where she was and she told me the Keg. I then asked her where it was and she gave me the location. I caught her in another lie about who paid the bill and she said "he did" but we have a joint mutual account so I ended up finding out she paid the bill at the Korean place for 75$. My thoughts are she is probably lying to me about going to the Keg and never went. she said he paid for the bill for the keg when they finished at the Korean place. SO I caught her in two lies simultaneously, which really pissed me off after I told her not to lie to me before we started the conversation. She thinks I'm controlling her but honestly I'm just protecting this relationship and she doesn't seem to be doing a good job about it.
coolheadal Posted January 27, 2017 Posted January 27, 2017 Listen you need to stand-up and have some guts. She's using you. You need to put her out. Because: 1. She's doing more than seeing her boss late at night. 2. Coming back at weird hours. 3. Failure to pay the bills Don't you see the signs wake-up man! If you really are so unsure then when she goes to see him again you tag along from a distance and see what they're doing. Are they kissing when they greet? You have to go and see for yourself. Then you confront her with him and say you need to pack-up your things and you have to leave my apartment or house right now. Let him take care of you. How long can this go on? You need to make the change otherwise you'll stress and get sick over this. Find a woman that cares, loves and respect you. Who wants only to be with you 100%. This one is not doing that and you tolerate such behavior. Why? Because you want this girl but she clearly cheating in your faced and your blind to it! 1
preraph Posted January 27, 2017 Posted January 27, 2017 (edited) That is true, the only thing is that he is not her boss anymore though. Well, he sounds like he's kind of high-profile. Maybe she's hoping he'll hire her to do something exciting sometime. Why don't you just ask her casually if she's thinking he'll hire her to help him with his campaign sometime. If she says no, then ask her, Then I guess I don't understand why you jump every time he whistles. Do you and this guy have something going on? Because it's become impossible for me to ignore. Edited January 27, 2017 by preraph 1
selinaluv Posted January 27, 2017 Posted January 27, 2017 Listen to your gut. My ex husband was a boss and I had some concern over one of his employees being a little too comfortable with him. Everything around them was a little too extra for a boss-employee situation. I was not a jealous person with his employees, but something rubbed me wrong with her and I could not put my finger on it. Flash forward and they are now married with a child. Listen to your gut, it is telling you something. 2
chphan Posted January 27, 2017 Posted January 27, 2017 Listen to your gut. My ex husband was a boss and I had some concern over one of his employees being a little too comfortable with him. Everything around them was a little too extra for a boss-employee situation. I was not a jealous person with his employees, but something rubbed me wrong with her and I could not put my finger on it. Flash forward and they are now married with a child. Listen to your gut, it is telling you something. I would listen to this. Unless you want to be a chump or totally so naive that you become a chump, follow want your gut instinct tell you. Everyone has a gut instinct for a reason. People fall in and out of love for a reason and sometimes they don't even know it. Looks like your GF is on the path to finding someone else that move their spark and she herself might not be aware of it. In the end it might not be anything you can do. It always suck being the one getting dumped. Maybe you can cushion it by moving away first instead of just waiting for it to be dropped on you. 1
Author JDX23 Posted January 27, 2017 Author Posted January 27, 2017 I would listen to this. Unless you want to be a chump or totally so naive that you become a chump, follow want your gut instinct tell you. Everyone has a gut instinct for a reason. People fall in and out of love for a reason and sometimes they don't even know it. Looks like your GF is on the path to finding someone else that move their spark and she herself might not be aware of it. In the end it might not be anything you can do. It always suck being the one getting dumped. Maybe you can cushion it by moving away first instead of just waiting for it to be dropped on you. I agree with you all, I am definitely thinking about ending this. Its very hard from mu perspective since we have been together 2 years and live together. I don't know what to do, we are on a 1 year lease for this basement apartment so theres a couple months before it ends. If i end it now i don't know what to do, thats the only problem. Help?
lolablue17 Posted January 27, 2017 Posted January 27, 2017 You can call the owner of the appartment and tell him that you're breaking up, and if there's any chance to end the lease this month, and offer to help him to find a tenant instead of you. Be very apologetic, and tell him that you know it's a huge favor he's doing. 1
Author JDX23 Posted January 28, 2017 Author Posted January 28, 2017 SIGH, I mean I really loved her, it broke my heart that she could do that to me. She just chose him over me in an instant and ruined a 2 year committed relationship... What has to be done has to be done. I will keep you guys posted on what will happen!
CaliforniaGirl Posted January 28, 2017 Posted January 28, 2017 I agree with you all, I am definitely thinking about ending this. Its very hard from mu perspective since we have been together 2 years and live together. I don't know what to do, we are on a 1 year lease for this basement apartment so theres a couple months before it ends. If i end it now i don't know what to do, thats the only problem. Help? Can you stay civil and just stay in the apartment these last two months? 1
selinaluv Posted January 28, 2017 Posted January 28, 2017 SIGH, I mean I really loved her, it broke my heart that she could do that to me. She just chose him over me in an instant and ruined a 2 year committed relationship... What has to be done has to be done. I will keep you guys posted on what will happen! Sorry to hear this, but you will find a better match. 1
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