Sexlessinnc Posted January 28, 2017 Share Posted January 28, 2017 Me 32 her 31 married 5 years two kids 5 and 2. No kidding other than a peck on the lips no sex in 7 months period. Both work 40 and 36 hrs respectively. No money issues and it just seemed like one day it disappeared with us. She refused to answer questions other than not sure or idk. Continues to live together and basically be roommates. What's up with this ? Any ideas ? Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted January 28, 2017 Share Posted January 28, 2017 Me 32 her 31 married 5 years two kids 5 and 2. No kidding other than a peck on the lips no sex in 7 months period. Both work 40 and 36 hrs respectively. No money issues and it just seemed like one day it disappeared with us. What happened 7 months and one day ago? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
123Cupcake123 Posted January 28, 2017 Share Posted January 28, 2017 Maybe you should see a marriage counselor, they will get both of you to open up more 2 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 28, 2017 Share Posted January 28, 2017 When was the last time you two went out on a date? Got a babysitter or asked the grandparents to take the kids for a night or even the weekend? When was the last time you gave your wife flowers, or just kissed and cuddled with her? Maybe she's tired and doesn't feel sexy. Be honest and open, tell her you miss the intimacy (don't just say you miss having sex with her) and the closeness. You miss her as a wife. Maybe that will help at least have conversations about what is going on. Just please don't go and cheat on her because your sex life has hit a low. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted January 28, 2017 Share Posted January 28, 2017 No money issues and it just seemed like one day it disappeared with us. Strange that you link those two things so directly. If you had money problems you'd be more understanding of your sexual issues? Sounds lazy and unmotivated on both your parts. I wouldn't let my sex life "disappear" any more than I'd let one of my children go missing, they're both pretty important. By continuing to accept idk, you're enabling the misery that brings you here. Make an appointment for MC, don't take no for an answer. If you let resentment continue to build, one of you will do something dumb and irreparable. Don't delay... Mr. Lucky 2 Link to post Share on other sites
AngryGromit Posted January 28, 2017 Share Posted January 28, 2017 Personally if I didn't have children and she stopped having sex with me, I'd divorce her, but you have two children, so it you owe it to them to work this out. As others said, try marriage counseling, if she refuses, I'd would threaten her with divorce to motivate her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sexlessinnc Posted January 28, 2017 Author Share Posted January 28, 2017 We frequently have the grandparents to keep the kids. It's as if she has no desire to fix whatever it is. Only answer I get is idk regardless. Most of the time she acts as if everything is fine and dandy til bedtime. Has no problem spending money or going out with me. I asked if she was leaving and she says idk. I've tried all I know how to try. The house is immaculate when she gets home the kids are in bed. I'm guessing she wants me to leave her so I'm the bad guy. Her parents are divorced since she was a child so I'm thinking she just thinks that's how it's supposed to be. And basically I can then spend all my money in child support. Not the woman I married that's for sure Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 28, 2017 Share Posted January 28, 2017 Oldie but still relevant: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/marriage-life-partnerships/201696-if-you-want-sex-then-you-will-have-get-somewhere-else Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sexlessinnc Posted January 28, 2017 Author Share Posted January 28, 2017 Oldie but still relevant: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/marriage-life-partnerships/201696-if-you-want-sex-then-you-will-have-get-somewhere-else Kinda funny she to me to have at it but she wouldn't be here when I got back Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 28, 2017 Share Posted January 28, 2017 The thread has over 500 responses and the starter was, maybe still is, in a long-term sexless marriage. Great perspective on the realities. Welcome to LS 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted January 28, 2017 Share Posted January 28, 2017 The thread has over 500 responses and the starter was, maybe still is, in a long-term sexless marriage. James just posted this: Our latest period of involuntary abstinence is 18 months. Sexlessinnc, you should be aware that often, despite a spouse's best efforts, it simply doesn't get better. Were it me, I'd want to decide - and make sure my partner knew - how much of my life was going to be spent like this. We're not given time in unlimited supply... Mr. Lucky 3 Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted January 28, 2017 Share Posted January 28, 2017 Kinda funny she to me to have at it but she wouldn't be here when I got back That might be a good deal for you! Seriously, the situation isn't uncommon, but isn't acceptable. MC is definitely a must, but don't expect much unless she can pinpoint what changed and it is something that can be worked on. Sometimes, hormonal changes can be a cause. Perhaps it's fear of another pregnancy, if she does not want more children. More likely, it is psychological, and could well be rooted in false ideas or destructive beliefs. And it could easily be some kind of resentment towards you that is killing her loving feelings. However, if she resists attempts to work on this, or if no changes for the better occur in about a year despite that, your only good choice will be to divorce and be a great co-parent. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 28, 2017 Share Posted January 28, 2017 Cool, good to see James around. This poster has educated me and others greatly over the years about the realities of such a marriage. OP, every M is different but we've had a number of members post very detailed descriptions and perhaps you will find some commonalities to assist you. Here's a similar thread from another old-timer who posted a lot about his often sexless M...... over 300 responses on that one.... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/marriage-life-partnerships/222743-would-you-stay-sexless-marriage Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted January 28, 2017 Share Posted January 28, 2017 I've never seen this get better without drastic measures. And I've seen it get worse most of the damn time. I would schedule a marriage counseling session with someone that specializes in sex therapy at a time you know you're both available. Then I would notify your wife. If she balks at attending, I'd let her know that her two choices are either the two of you keeping that appointment, or if you'll be making one with a family law attorney instead. She has unilaterally decided that your marriage will be a sexless one, with no discussion. Time to take your balls back. It's the only way she's going to have respect for you anyway. And she's not going to be sleeping with a guy she doesn't respect. Eventually, one of you will have an affair. And ironically, it'll probably be her. Link to post Share on other sites
NTV Posted January 29, 2017 Share Posted January 29, 2017 You like being a wallet with legs? Link to post Share on other sites
usa1ah Posted January 29, 2017 Share Posted January 29, 2017 Are you sure she's not getting it somewhere else? Link to post Share on other sites
usa1ah Posted January 29, 2017 Share Posted January 29, 2017 There are a few things to do. One is stop following her around like a puppy. Read the book No More Mr Nice Guy. It's a book to help you with your issues. The read up on The 180. It's is basically you doing your own thing and only interacting when dealing with the kids or house hold matters. Hit the gym and take care of yourself. Stop making sure the house is up to her standards, you make it sound like your the maid. Be a man, no woman wants a man playing the chose me game or begging for sex. If she is having a affair, you won't win doing what you are at this time. Place a VAR in her car, check her Facebook and her phone for clues and to verify or rule out an affair. Good luck and I hope you can resolve this and repair your marriage. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Onnanoko Posted February 6, 2017 Share Posted February 6, 2017 Me 32 her 31 married 5 years two kids 5 and 2. No kidding other than a peck on the lips no sex in 7 months period. Both work 40 and 36 hrs respectively. No money issues and it just seemed like one day it disappeared with us. She refused to answer questions other than not sure or idk. Continues to live together and basically be roommates. What's up with this ? Any ideas ? I know what you are going through. I am going through this same situation as you are. I am starting to see that when a person is like that, they will never change. It is just who they are. They will never change. You have to make a decision. You either live with the sexless life forever or you choose an alternate course.I am thinking of choosing an alternate course. It is sad. Sad only. Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted February 6, 2017 Share Posted February 6, 2017 Are you sure she's not getting it somewhere else? Boooooom! Time to investigate. Link to post Share on other sites
love4eva Posted February 10, 2017 Share Posted February 10, 2017 hi OP, yeah I've been there and done that...try 1 year and 18months for various between times...although babies were a part of that so thats all cool..but generally it's once every couple of months. I've been married 10 years now and I do everything for my family 2 kids..but my advice is stick at it..and look at the positives...also your outlook changes over time.. remember: no-one said marriage was easy. do not compare yourself with others...first step to unhappiness. hookers are cheating and a waste of money. what makes u think your so special?....what we get is what we deserve. communication is a key point but only if she's keen ..try a letter.. yeah..this last one really makes me think...if youve worked hard and rich and famous then yeah...maybe u have a case but if your like me and work hard but another point..i bought a blow-up doll a couple of years back and just pretend it's my wife.. helped me thru it. my wife is just not interested in sex anymore yet i love her dearly and would love her every day if she was up 4 it. I always try to communicate with her but she just won't talk...she's from a very conservative asian family... i better leave my 10 cents at that otherwise i'll hijack the thread! Link to post Share on other sites
Birdies Posted February 10, 2017 Share Posted February 10, 2017 Is she depressed / overwhelmed with life? Small kids can really do that. Any changes in medication? Weight gain that might make her insecure? Have you gained a significant amount of weight or any other changes that might alter her attraction to you? Are you as affectionate and loving in non-sexual ways as you've been in the past? My former marriage became fairly sexless and these were a couple of the major contributing factors that caused me (wife) to withdraw. Link to post Share on other sites
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