Stay or Leave [UPDATE: I called his wife]

[ice3784]

Today another urge to call his wife.

I have been thinking of ways to reach her, without causing another chaos in the situation.

I really felt sorry for her.

And angry too. How can there be such a stupid women ?

I had called her and she is stupidly believe MM that i did that becouse i am angry that he have dump me ?

I told her i take risk to call her cos i want her to know the truth and MM simply give a twist and now she still stupidly believe her.

If she found out for the 2nd time, maybe....i dont know.

How stupid can she be ?

[Life lessons]

I've read your thread and my heart truly hurts for you! You need counseling. I understand you're in love with this MM but he doesn't care about you. His actions prove that! You are simply driving yourself insane.

 

Of course his wife doesn't believe what you're telling her! Why would she? You helped wreck her marriage.

 

Please, for your sake, leave him and his wife alone. You obviously can't take it. He's made it so obvious, from what you've said here, that he doesn't want you. He wants his wife and family.

 

Good luck to you and I truly wish you the best and hope you can move forward.

[stillafool]

[]

 

im the other women. currently still staying together with the MM. You may read my post to understand more. But my point is, i do have anger and resentment towards the wife. I dont know why i become like this. In the earlier days, i told my MM to go home early, to take care of her when she is sick, etc. Now, i only have hatred. Maybe jealousy as she is now working herself up to win him back ? she even texted me she will revow with him in august. i confronted MM and he denied....

help me

 

Help yourself! Put as much energy into your child as you do this woman's husband.

[stillafool]

Today another urge to call his wife.

I have been thinking of ways to reach her, without causing another chaos in the situation.

I really felt sorry for her.

And angry too. How can there be such a stupid women ?

I had called her and she is stupidly believe MM that i did that becouse i am angry that he have dump me ?

I told her i take risk to call her cos i want her to know the truth and MM simply give a twist and now she still stupidly believe her.

If she found out for the 2nd time, maybe....i dont know.

How stupid can she be ?

 

These are the same questions she's asking about you.

[ice3784]

Yes. 2 nights stay with her. Today is the 2nd night. He didnt pick up my phone call last night. I purposely called more than 10 times. I just wantef him to know that i am calling and he cant pick up cos he was with her. I packed my stuff already. Im on my way back to my hometown. No contact. But i have to come back for my work. But its a week later. I took a week break to clear my heads up. He called me this mornig but i didnt pick up. He then texted and said sorry he know i was upset and said he sleep in the livinh room with his son. I ignored. I hope im strong enough for a week of NC so that once im back i am strong to just work and never let him into my life again.

[OWAmy]

I think you will be strong enough and come out of this okay. I'm just concerned for you - and your financial investment. A lack of money makes life much harder and he should settle up with you now so that you can provide for yourself and family.

 

I don't think you are blind to what he's really up to and that's a good thing. It will be a lot less painful when he disappears for good and you can get your whole life back on track. The hardest part is what you're going through right now.

 

We read a lot about how no contact is difficult, but I didn't find it hard. It was one of my biggest achievements because all I had to do was nothing! My story is very different, but I still went through ending an affair.

 

Will you be catching up with friends and family when you're back?

[Tressugar]

OP, you're about to catch a case for harassment from this married couple mark my words.

 

The next post we're gonna read is how can they have done this to me after all I only called them 100 times, not 1000 times.

 

Ask yourself would you encourage your daughter to stay in an unhealthy situation.... I shudder to think what your answer would be in your delusional low state. Smh

 

I'm done with this particular pathetic thread.

[ice3784]

I think you will be strong enough and come out of this okay. I'm just concerned for you - and your financial investment. A lack of money makes life much harder and he should settle up with you now so that you can provide for yourself and family.

 

I don't think you are blind to what he's really up to and that's a good thing. It will be a lot less painful when he disappears for good and you can get your whole life back on track. The hardest part is what you're going through right now.

 

We read a lot about how no contact is difficult, but I didn't find it hard. It was one of my biggest achievements because all I had to do was nothing! My story is very different, but I still went through ending an affair.

 

Will you be catching up with friends and family when you're back?

Thank you for your response and support. I went through some emotional imbalance i keep texting him scolding him to release my emotion. I tried not to contact him but for this 2 days he constantly in my head. I keep texting him but he obviously dont dare to read his wassap. Out of anger...i called him today but his wife picked up. Guess he gonna made another story of me..but i manage to tell the wife. Dont ask me why i call. Ask what ur husband text me !

[BaileyB]

Thank you for your response and support. I went through some emotional imbalance i keep texting him scolding him to release my emotion. I tried not to contact him but for this 2 days he constantly in my head. I keep texting him but he obviously dont dare to read his wassap. Out of anger...i called him today but his wife picked up. Guess he gonna made another story of me..but i manage to tell the wife. Dont ask me why i call. Ask what ur husband text me !

 

"Don't ask why you called," you called because you are angry and you want to hurt them. It's not something to be proud of, because this behavior will be seen as a pathetic attempt to interfere in their life and you will be served with a restraining order.

 

He's made his choice. Respect that and move on. Protect your financial interest, if you can. Be a mother to your child, if at some time you develop the ability to put your child's best interest above your own interest or those of your wayward ex-partner.

Edited April 2, 2017 by BaileyB

[BTDT2012]

Thank you for your response and support. I went through some emotional imbalance i keep texting him scolding him to release my emotion. I tried not to contact him but for this 2 days he constantly in my head. I keep texting him but he obviously dont dare to read his wassap. Out of anger...i called him today but his wife picked up. Guess he gonna made another story of me..but i manage to tell the wife. Dont ask me why i call. Ask what ur husband text me !

 

Leave them alone. He chose his family. You are setting yourself up for a harassment charge. You knew he was married. Focus this energy on your child.

[ice3784]

Yes. He chooses his family. I would understand that. And i would agree with his action. He said he was sorry. He said he will regret his decision doing so. It has been 6 days we didnt meet. I was back in my hometown with my parents and my daughter. Trying to move on. Contact with him is minimum. One phone call last weekend. I burst out crying, i know o shouldnt. He said sorry. He still text once in a while. Asking had i eaten and wishing me good night. Thats it. I did responded with simple short reply too. Its hard. Its heavy. Easpecially i had invested a lot into him. A lot of mixed emotion in me. Anger and revenge also incurred. I had a devil inside me wanted to send our picture to the wife. To stir a chaos so that i felt better. To get some attention. Tried to hold myself together. Im scared. Im scared when my holiday has ended. Im back to the city. He will be there. And it all the drama begins again...

[GollumsNightmare]

I had a devil inside me wanted to send our picture to the wife. To stir a chaos so that i felt better. To get some attention.

 

It is so sad that it takes hurting someone else to make you feel better. Maybe that is something you need to talk about with a counselor. Let a counselor talk you through these feelings and help you find a more appropriate way to deal with them.

 

This relationship is toxic to everyone. It is not a great love affair. You deserve better. Everyone involved deserves better, especially your daughter.

[BuddyX]

It is so sad that it takes hurting someone else to make you feel better. Maybe that is something you need to talk about with a counselor. Let a counselor talk you through these feelings and help you find a more appropriate way to deal with them.

 

This relationship is toxic to everyone. It is not a great love affair. You deserve better. Everyone involved deserves better, especially your daughter.

 

Deserve got nothing to do with this. It's equivalent to someone eating fast food and saying "I deserve to be thin".

 

To the OP, why are you so enthralled with the MM? My money is on; afraid to be alone. But you're not alone. You have a fam and a daughter. Focus on that.

[OWAmy]

Yes. He chooses his family. I would understand that. And i would agree with his action. He said he was sorry. He said he will regret his decision doing so. It has been 6 days we didnt meet. I was back in my hometown with my parents and my daughter. Trying to move on. Contact with him is minimum. One phone call last weekend. I burst out crying, i know o shouldnt. He said sorry. He still text once in a while. Asking had i eaten and wishing me good night. Thats it. I did responded with simple short reply too. Its hard. Its heavy. Easpecially i had invested a lot into him. A lot of mixed emotion in me. Anger and revenge also incurred. I had a devil inside me wanted to send our picture to the wife. To stir a chaos so that i felt better. To get some attention. Tried to hold myself together. Im scared. Im scared when my holiday has ended. Im back to the city. He will be there. And it all the drama begins again...

 

At this stage and for your own good so that you can move on with a clean break I would seriously gather all the facts together and reveal it to his wife. It's not as though you have been a secret. She knows you exist - just not in the capacity he has led her to believe. What she says about you in communications is based on what he has told her about you, so any anger should be directed at this weak man. Let her continue the marriage knowing the truth. Also make sure she knows about the money that he owes you!

 

What are your plans for the future? We hear a lot about him and what he's doing, but what are you wanting for your future without him in it? Will you move back to your home town when the rental is up?

[ice3784]

I read this differently, that he was concerned she'd be alone. Why would he be alone? Presumably he was going to go back to his family. Could be wrong...

no..it was him, he is worried that no one will take care of him, he said, if he living on his own is what makes me happy, then he accept my decision to leave....

[ice3784]

I left for a week. On the day im back. He said he love me. He act very loving. Very kind. Very caring for me. He kissed me morning and kiss me good night. I dont know what had happened between him and his wife. He changed her name in his phone from wifey to her name. Text less.

Something is not right. i confronted him i said i dont want this fake life anymore. He said its real, he love me, i meant a lot to him. If he was just fooling around, he would get someone else by now and dump me as of nothing.

which makes sense.....

whats going on.....

[aileD]

His wife probsbly took a stand against him and refused to be a part of this mess, which means he's came groveling back to his second choice. You

 

You want him? He's all yours.

 

But don't start crying when he cheats on you again.

[imsosad]

I left for a week. On the day im back. He said he love me. He act very loving. Very kind. Very caring for me. He kissed me morning and kiss me good night. I dont know what had happened between him and his wife. He changed her name in his phone from wifey to her name. Text less.

Something is not right. i confronted him i said i dont want this fake life anymore. He said its real, he love me, i meant a lot to him. If he was just fooling around, he would get someone else by now and dump me as of nothing.

which makes sense.....

whats going on.....

So he goes when he wants and comes back whenever he wants and you just sit and let him do whatever he feels like.

Have you ever thought how good your life could have been if you had put all the energy you wasted on this guy to build a life for your daughter and yourself? If you chose to focus on raising her and furthering your carreer? On making a good, stable, healthy life for you both?

Right now you are a pawn/ collateral damage in another couples' troubled marriage. How happy are your choices making you? Is being this man's misterss more important than being a mother to your child?

All your posts and updates are-he did this, he did that, his wife said this, he says the other.

Where are you in all of this? What are you doing to your life?

[BTDT2012]

I left for a week. On the day im back. He said he love me. He act very loving. Very kind. Very caring for me. He kissed me morning and kiss me good night. I dont know what had happened between him and his wife. He changed her name in his phone from wifey to her name. Text less.

Something is not right. i confronted him i said i dont want this fake life anymore. He said its real, he love me, i meant a lot to him. If he was just fooling around, he would get someone else by now and dump me as of nothing.

which makes sense.....

whats going on.....

 

He will say whatever is necessary to maintain his supply of kibble. Why are you ok with this?

[HeartbrokenDec29]

I left for a week. On the day im back. He said he love me. He act very loving. Very kind. Very caring for me. He kissed me morning and kiss me good night. I dont know what had happened between him and his wife. He changed her name in his phone from wifey to her name. Text less.

Something is not right. i confronted him i said i dont want this fake life anymore. He said its real, he love me, i meant a lot to him. If he was just fooling around, he would get someone else by now and dump me as of nothing.

which makes sense.....

whats going on.....

Hi ice3784,I can perceive from your text you seem like a softhearted person and at the same time confused. I dont know what is in this man's heart for you but i can tell you he is not doing right by you or his wife.

 

By what you have explained and coming from my own experience, He is just stringing you along. He will tell you anything to feed his ego. I will advice you if you allow, to do yourself a favour and cut all contacts. Don't even try to confront him about anything. Do not let him manipulate you to the point of almost losing your sanity. I almost did for sure. I dealt with depression, anxiety and suicidal attempts.

 

I gave xMM all the support emotionally, mentally and even financially when he needed money to pay for his kid's school fees and even salary for his workers. So definitely he never wanted me to go cos of the benefits he was getting and even after still wanted to be my friend. His reason in his word: "I want us to be friends because I don’t want you to make the same mistakes with other people and you mean a lot to me" ( This is someone who didn’t think friendship can work out btw us cos he couldnt imagine seeing me dating other people when I broke up with him 2months before and begged to comeback) but what that really meant is "i want us to be friends so that I can still use you when i need financial help and also not let you move on with other healthy men and of course when I need sex I come back to you." I can count so many times, how xMM manipulated my tots of other single guys who were just friends using me when he noticed I had any guy calling me meanwhile he was the one using me!

 

Please you should be strong enough to realize when you are being used, i didn’t realize on time but tot he cared until i woke myself UP. I know you might not see it but please start with asking for time apart. Get a trusted friend /family member you can be accountable to for your affair and not going back. You will see in time he is using you for whatever reason.

 

"He said its real, he love me, i meant a lot to him. If he was just fooling around, he would get someone else by now and dump me as of nothing". Just him having an affair with you shows he is capable of fooling around and also capable with someone else. If you don’t cut off contact, he will surely do as highlighted someday.

 

Going through my recovery now, so many things have come to light and my awareness. I had stopped financing xMM so he wanted a break up but to keep me around just in case i was willing cos he knew I’m always willing to help people. Once he has stabilized financially I bet he’d be back out there cheating on his wife

 

Reason I’m telling you this is because i want you to learn and know that there is always a reason why they hang on and its usually not about how they feel for you. It’s usually about them and how much it boosts their ego. They will do anything to avoid facing their deep issues but you as the other person still has the opportunity to do so and become emotionally healthy. I’m certainly not surprised when I read of some OW physically harming the MMs because they could not control their hurt and probably had reached the point of insanity even though they might have made a bad choice for whatever reason known to them. The manipulation is VERY REAL!

 

Every day, I wake up I reach another milestone of joy and I’m grateful it’s all over. I want to see you there as well and wish you all the happiness. Do all you can to get out now. You can also read a thread by MessedupinMiami she seems to be doing well after her affair! there is a beautiful life waiting for you outside this affair!

Edited April 20, 2017 by HeartbrokenDec29

[Jersey born raised]

What role does your daughter's father have in her life? How often does she she see her father? You do need to put her first in many cases. Focus on completing today what can be completed today. When you have completed these things plan on what can be tomorrow, next week, next year, next decade.

[ice3784]

i just read your post..you really managed to leave your MM ? How long was your relationship with him ? And they are really happily reconcile ? My relationship with my MM is 3 years plus now. We are at the stage that we are still together while he was lying to the wife that we are no more together. I am willingly co-operate to that and he was still around even though i had made 2 confession to the wife that we are still together. I really confused. He said no matter what i did, and no matter how screwed up he was,he will never leave me. and i did screwed up his reconciliation by confessing to his wife. He was mad at me, but he really didnt leave me. I did help him financially before, when he was earning less then me but at the moment, he is contributing equally to our living expenses. I dont know why seems like i am trying to find whatever reason why he was still with me while he got her back in his hand and still let me ruin every opportunity. But he did block me from our FB account access, as i did offer the wife if she wants evidence,i can add her into our FB account to view everything. He said he will keep it to himself as he don't want it to hurt anyone worse. Both his parents know me. the only reason i may give excuse why he wanted to be with me is he scared to live on his own ?

[wmacbride]

I left for a week. On the day im back. He said he love me. He act very loving. Very kind. Very caring for me. He kissed me morning and kiss me good night. I dont know what had happened between him and his wife. He changed her name in his phone from wifey to her name. Text less.

Something is not right. i confronted him i said i dont want this fake life anymore. He said its real, he love me, i meant a lot to him. If he was just fooling around, he would get someone else by now and dump me as of nothing.

which makes sense.....

whats going on.....

 

look, I get you care about this guy, and you think you love him.

 

This is not love. It's become an obsession. This man hurts you. You make excuses and keep coming back.

 

Really, who gives a flying fig how he feels or if he thinks he loves you. He'd feeding you cr@p, and you keep going back for seconds.

 

Please stop. If you won;t stop for yourself, stop for your daughter. You are modeling future relationships for her. Do you want her to grow up thinking love something that hurts you, the person you love can treat you like garbage and that's okay,that she should be willing to put up with being treated badly by a man?

 

Also, stop blaming his wife, and even him for how you feel, You feel the way you do because of decisions and choices you made. No one is responsible for where you are but you.

 

That can sound harsh, but it's actually a wonderful thing. You have 100 percent control over your life. Just as you chose to let him in, you can choose to push him out. Stop opining about him and spend some time on you.

 

Go back to before you met him. What made you happy? What put a smile on your face? What were your life plans? Take these out, dust them out and find YOU again.

 

If you still need help, ask yourself if this guy is really making you happy, or if he is causing you more pain than joy. I can guarantee you that, once you have had some time to recover and sort yourself out, there will be a ton of guys out there who will treat you well, be kind to you and your daughter, who will love you and wont have a wife at home. Let yourself be open to forming a connection with someone new.

[ice3784]

look, I get you care about this guy, and you think you love him.

 

This is not love. It's become an obsession. This man hurts you. You make excuses and keep coming back.

 

Really, who gives a flying fig how he feels or if he thinks he loves you. He'd feeding you cr@p, and you keep going back for seconds.

 

Please stop. If you won;t stop for yourself, stop for your daughter. You are modeling future relationships for her. Do you want her to grow up thinking love something that hurts you, the person you love can treat you like garbage and that's okay,that she should be willing to put up with being treated badly by a man?

 

Also, stop blaming his wife, and even him for how you feel, You feel the way you do because of decisions and choices you made. No one is responsible for where you are but you.

 

That can sound harsh, but it's actually a wonderful thing. You have 100 percent control over your life. Just as you chose to let him in, you can choose to push him out. Stop opining about him and spend some time on you.

 

Go back to before you met him. What made you happy? What put a smile on your face? What were your life plans? Take these out, dust them out and find YOU again.

 

If you still need help, ask yourself if this guy is really making you happy, or if he is causing you more pain than joy. I can guarantee you that, once you have had some time to recover and sort yourself out, there will be a ton of guys out there who will treat you well, be kind to you and your daughter, who will love you and wont have a wife at home. Let yourself be open to forming a connection with someone new.

Thank you for your post...i read it just after another attempt to break up. Im alone in my room crying while reading hoping to get strength to insist on the break up. I had no idea what else to do. I told him since he was reconciling with his wife , l dont want to be in anymore and thats the best for everyone. I dont know what to believe anymore he asking me to say by saying. What we had in the past and what we had now is the reason i will not let u go.

Our affair did went through some struggle as normal affair does the hardship of sneaking around , and the wife threathening us, and took the children away which is now her major comeback excuse...always always and forever always..i manage only to break just a while...the longest period...1 week...and it was only 4 days NC...and he was waiting for me at the airport when i returned...there is once...we break up...was about 4 days..but only 2 days NC, he waited 5 buses at the station..so that he wont missed catching me to reinstate the affair...i am confused and drawn back...i called the wife twice this year..not mentioning i met her once , i drove to her home 2 years ago as she just found out about the affair and i want to end it by confessing to her

I always create mess for him and ruin his chance with her multiple times..its just...he always sticks around..and so is the wife...well...they are separated but...i think she did it for the kids..i dont know..its too many things and just so so complicated.....

[ice3784]

look, I get you care about this guy, and you think you love him.

 

This is not love. It's become an obsession. This man hurts you. You make excuses and keep coming back.

 

Really, who gives a flying fig how he feels or if he thinks he loves you. He'd feeding you cr@p, and you keep going back for seconds.

 

Please stop. If you won;t stop for yourself, stop for your daughter. You are modeling future relationships for her. Do you want her to grow up thinking love something that hurts you, the person you love can treat you like garbage and that's okay,that she should be willing to put up with being treated badly by a man?

 

Also, stop blaming his wife, and even him for how you feel, You feel the way you do because of decisions and choices you made. No one is responsible for where you are but you.

 

That can sound harsh, but it's actually a wonderful thing. You have 100 percent control over your life. Just as you chose to let him in, you can choose to push him out. Stop opining about him and spend some time on you.

 

Go back to before you met him. What made you happy? What put a smile on your face? What were your life plans? Take these out, dust them out and find YOU again.

 

If you still need help, ask yourself if this guy is really making you happy, or if he is causing you more pain than joy. I can guarantee you that, once you have had some time to recover and sort yourself out, there will be a ton of guys out there who will treat you well, be kind to you and your daughter, who will love you and wont have a wife at home. Let yourself be open to forming a connection with someone new.

Thank you for your post...i read it just after another attempt to break up. Im alone in my room crying while reading hoping to get strength to insist on the break up. I had no idea what else to do. I told him since he was reconciling with his wife , l dont want to be in anymore and thats the best for everyone. I dont know what to believe anymore he asking me to say by saying. What we had in the past and what we had now is the reason i will not let u go.

Our affair did went through some struggle as normal affair does the hardship of sneaking around , and the wife threathening us, and took the children away which is now her major comeback excuse...always always and forever always..i manage only to break just a while...the longest period...1 week...and it was only 4 days NC...and he was waiting for me at the airport when i returned...there is once...we break up...was about 4 days..but only 2 days NC, he waited 5 buses at the station..so that he wont missed catching me to reinstate the affair...i am confused and drawn back...i called the wife twice this year..not mentioning i met her once , i drove to her home 2 years ago as she just found out about the affair and i want to end it by confessing to her

I always create mess for him and ruin his chance with her multiple times..its just...he always sticks around..and so is the wife...well...they are separated but...i think she did it for the kids..i dont know..its too many things and just so so complicated.....