Stay or Leave [UPDATE: I called his wife]

[Steen719]

Few days had passed. Things started to calm down, every thing seems to back to normal, we are still staying together just less intimate.

We both leave our hometown, as i said earlier, and work in a new city. Guess we don't have anyone else but each other, that forces us to stay together no matter how bad our argument or how much anger we had to each other.

Im taking a 10 days off from him, bought a ticket back home, gonna have a break from work and him.

At this moment we are like 2 friends sharing a bed, no intimacy, just normal conversations and work life as usual.

We dont have each other passwords now, not on the phone nor laptop. He has his life now, i had my own. Guess this is meant to die slowly..

I invested in him financially too, i helped him to purchase a house back in his hometown. Since he is reconciling with his wife, i told him i will move my things out. i dont want to step my foot in his hometown anymore.

 

 

3 years together, 2 year old child? What is that about?

Your child is not with you? But this man who is married and left his children behind is? Good grief.

[ice3784]

What's your next move?

I dont know...at the moment we are still together..he act as if everything is normal...we eat we sleep just lack of intimacy as we used to have before...

[ice3784]

The absurd sense of entitlement that many OW have is breathtaking.

When she found out about the affair she choose to leave.

He took me into the family.

I do my part to take care of him and the family.

I help him as what a women should, cos we are both working i contributed to his financial too.

Suddenly now she choose to come back ?

She wasnt even there when he is sick !

[S2B]

When she found out about the affair she choose to leave.

He took me into the family.

I do my part to take care of him and the family.

I help him as what a women should, cos we are both working i contributed to his financial too.

Suddenly now she choose to come back ?

She wasnt even there when he is sick !

 

This is out of order. He is STILL married! He owes you nothing and extremely foolish of you to think otherwise.

 

You're screwing yourself and your future by wasting any more time on him.

 

He wants BOTH! Can't you see that?

[imsosad]

Well, she couldn't choose to come back unless he was wanted her back. You are so focused on her, but it's really him choosing her over you.

You really have no place complaining about her, you had an affair with her husband. Also, dont be so quick to judge her for not being there when he was sick. He wasnt exactly honoring his vows,right?

Her choices are her own,she can leave and she can cool off and decide she wants to c9me back. He is willing to have her back-your problem should be with him,not her.

It's very easy to see from the outside that this will not end well for you. He took you in when it suited him, but you will be left with nothing-not by her actions but because of his choices. More importantly, your own choices. You have wasted enough time on him,move on.

[freengreen]

When she found out about the affair she choose to leave.

He took me into the family.

I do my part to take care of him and the family.

I help him as what a women should, cos we are both working i contributed to his financial too.

Suddenly now she choose to come back ?

She wasnt even there when he is sick !

They both seem to make up in near future..you will be the one under the bus. If you get off from all this, you will relive yourself the pain.. i dont see anyone getting hurt other than you in this senario. Try be wise.

[elaine567]

YOU thought you were in a position of strength when you took on the wife, as he made you feel like you and he were now the primary relationship with an ex and kids in tow, BUT I guess that was never or only fleetingly true.

 

I guess he never really let her go, he didn't chase as he didn't need to.

I guess he was living with you and he was living with her and all was hunky dory 3 hours apart, until she got fed up or found out again, and wanted a divorce, then he had to TAKE ACTION in order not to lose her.

He chose to tell you, as you could easily revert to the OW role, and keep her sweet. YOU were going nowhere as you are besotted and she was about to leave and he couldn't have that.

THEN you commit the biggest sin. YOU speak to the wife and he is exposed. Of course he blamed you, good little OWs are not supposed to act like that. YOU were supposed to keep your mouth shut until calm was restored and he could then keep the two of you.

Men like this do not really want "happy ever after" with the OW, that is not the game plan. They already have a wife, they tend to not want to acquire another. They just get carried away and tell you what you want to hear to keep you on board.

 

He cannot just up and leave as his job is with you, and his wife is I guess pretty pissed off, so he is lying low and you are now "room-mates" until he can figure out some way out of this awkward situation, a way out that is best for him, that I can guarantee.

[somanymistakes]

When she found out about the affair she choose to leave.

He took me into the family.

I do my part to take care of him and the family.

I help him as what a women should, cos we are both working i contributed to his financial too.

Suddenly now she choose to come back ?

She wasnt even there when he is sick !

 

She owes you nothing.

 

He's treating you badly - it's not kind of him to rely on you like that and then push you aside. But, unfortunately, that IS how he's treating you.

[stillafool]

I guess the sex isn't as hot for him now that he has you every night.

[ice3784]

Well, she couldn't choose to come back unless he was wanted her back. You are so focused on her, but it's really him choosing her over you.

You really have no place complaining about her, you had an affair with her husband. Also, dont be so quick to judge her for not being there when he was sick. He wasnt exactly honoring his vows,right?

Her choices are her own,she can leave and she can cool off and decide she wants to c9me back. He is willing to have her back-your problem should be with him,not her.

It's very easy to see from the outside that this will not end well for you. He took you in when it suited him, but you will be left with nothing-not by her actions but because of his choices. More importantly, your own choices. You have wasted enough time on him,move on.

You are right. I shouldnt be focusing on her. Its him that betray my trust. Told me to merry him, told me to choose him over my x husband and now he reconcile with his wife behind me. I will hurt him the way he hurt me. I will betray him the way he betray me. I will send all his text to his dearest wife along with all our pictures together. Lets see how does it feels on him being betray...

[BaileyB]

I will hurt him the way he hurt me. I will betray him the way he betray me. I will send all his text to his dearest wife along with all our pictures together. Lets see how does it feels on him being betray...

 

"He'll hath no fury like a woman scorned"

 

Don't do this out of anger, because if you do it will only come back to hurt you. Be the better person. Make the decent and right choice, for once.

 

Go and develop a relationship with your daughter. And, discover yourself.

[Midwestmissy]

Revenge isn't a great plan. You could be slapped with a restraining order. Have some dignity, realize what a mess you made for yourself, learn from it and move on. You will gain nothing by sending her everything. She's hurting, and you will look like a complete crazy unhinged fool. This is what you signed up for as a ow. She's his wife.

 

By moving on silently and proudly, you get your control back. Neither of them cares about you, which is hard to accept, but if you turn this into a love triangle drama, you will be the biggest loser here. You have a child? That child deserves to see how a mature adult handles adversity with dignity and the strength to move through it.

[anika99]

You are right. I shouldnt be focusing on her. Its him that betray my trust. Told me to merry him, told me to choose him over my x husband and now he reconcile with his wife behind me. I will hurt him the way he hurt me. I will betray him the way he betray me. I will send all his text to his dearest wife along with all our pictures together. Lets see how does it feels on him being betray...

 

Just walking away would be lot more classy and dignified. You feel you deserve revenge but then doesn't your husband also deserve to take revenge against you? You betrayed him so what does vengeance does he get to take against you for your betrayal?

 

I know you are hurting but you must take responsibility for your own decisions and actions. As I said before, investing in a relationship that started as an affair is high risk but it's a choice you made. You took a gamble and lost.

 

When it comes to relationships nobody is gauranteed a happy forever after. Even marriage vows mean nothing. Your husband and the MMs wife can attest to that. I have had a couple of long term relationships that ended badly. It hurt a lot but I didn't spend years staying with someone who didn't respect me, I didn't take revenge. I accepted that I made a bad choice in a partner and I walked away. It was horribly painful but I had to accept that I wasn't owed anything, nobody had an obligation to be my Prince Charming and provide me with happiness. I could accept my relationship as it was or I could walk away. I chose the latter.

 

So you need to get over yourself. Relationships end every day and it hurts but life goes on. Seriously, the world doesn't care that your affair didn't work out. The world doesn't care that my relationships didn't work out. You have to care about yourself, so stop focusing on the MM and his life and instead focus on yourself. You want to be happy and feel good about yourself as a person? Then walk away and work on being a good mom to your daughter. It will hurt at first but those are choices you will be proud of in the long run. If you keep ignoring your parental responsibilities so you can chase this cheating lying man you will wind up feeling ashamed and broken and your daughter won't think very highly of you either. Get your priorities straight.

[BettyDraper]

Few days had passed. Things started to calm down, every thing seems to back to normal, we are still staying together just less intimate.

We both leave our hometown, as i said earlier, and work in a new city. Guess we don't have anyone else but each other, that forces us to stay together no matter how bad our argument or how much anger we had to each other.

Im taking a 10 days off from him, bought a ticket back home, gonna have a break from work and him.

At this moment we are like 2 friends sharing a bed, no intimacy, just normal conversations and work life as usual.

We dont have each other passwords now, not on the phone nor laptop. He has his life now, i had my own. Guess this is meant to die slowly..

I invested in him financially too, i helped him to purchase a house back in his hometown. Since he is reconciling with his wife, i told him i will move my things out. i dont want to step my foot in his hometown anymore.

 

Why would you help your MM buy a home when you aren't in a real relationship with him? This man is playing you like a fiddle.

 

Please make sure that he buys you out since he won't be leaving his wife. Moving out will not recover your investment.

 

He has his wife and not just you.

[sandylee1]

And if she were to expose those texts to your friends (if you have any), family, parents etc, how do you think it will make you look?

 

Who do you think will come off worse in the long run?

 

Stop competing with his wife and learn that poor choices, lead to consequences.

[aileD]

This is why you don't get involved with people while their married.

That piece of paper in a divorce does serve a purpose. Just saying you're going to divorce means nothing

[harrybrown]

How is your ex husband doing?

 

Does he ever get to see his and your daughter?

 

How often do you see your daughter?

 

I do hope you wake up and end it with your OM.

 

But remember, you do have an A on your husband. Affairs many times do not turn out all rainbows and unicorns.

 

Good luck to your family.

 

Get this guy out of your life.

[wmacbride]

Hello everyone...my story is a bit complicated. Its an affair with my colleague. We are both married. And affair was in full bloom. And in the end. We kindof purposely let both our spouse know about this.

 

His wife leave him. And i leave my husband. We were together for real. He brings me in and stay with his family. Met his parents and siblings. Non of us got divorced yet..we just separated from both of our spouse since then and our affair seems to be accepted...after a year staying together..we both decided to quit our job and move to another city...life is great.

 

All friends and new colleagues identify us as husband and wife. Occasionally we back hometown to visit our family on our own. Fast forward 3rd year...his wife suddenly wanted a divorce. He panicked and want to kept her. I understand. It was for the sake of his children. But in a quick time. Suddenly he run out of love for me. He quickly changed and wanted privacy from me.

 

He was texting with her and calling her every day and night, trying to convince her back that he wanted the family and lied to her that we are no more together. I felt crushed. Everything shattered. I dont know should i stay or leave. Everytime i talk with him. He would say he love me. He said he still love me. He said life isnt the same without me. He wanted to stil be with me.

 

He is a very passive guy. When she ran away. He didnt chase her back. When she wanted to come back. He didnt do much either. I scared i made the wrong decision. I still in love with him. And we both move into this city with a hope. To rebuild our life together...

 

These twi statements do not add up. If he was so afraid of how he and his wife being apart hurting his kids,the first sentence I bolded would not have happened.

 

You are saying he left to be with you, and this was for three years, now she wants a divorce ad he's running back?

 

That makes no sense.

[ice3784]

How is your ex husband doing?

 

Does he ever get to see his and your daughter?

 

How often do you see your daughter?

 

I do hope you wake up and end it with your OM.

 

But remember, you do have an A on your husband. Affairs many times do not turn out all rainbows and unicorns.

 

Good luck to your family.

 

Get this guy out of your life.

He is doing fine, he moved on. We haven't divorce yet. Just separated. He lived 5 mintes away from my daughter. I see her once a month, i made a promise i will be home once a month even just for few days. Thank you for your reply..

[ice3784]

This is why you don't get involved with people while their married.

That piece of paper in a divorce does serve a purpose. Just saying you're going to divorce means nothing

i have a bad intention want to expose all so that she will leave him, or if she still want to be with him, at least she will never trust him again.

[aileD]

i have a bad intention want to expose all so that she will leave him, or if she still want to be with him, at least she will never trust him again.

 

And you think YOU can trust him? Oh sweetie. If you do get him to leave his wife.....you're just going to be HER someday and some desperate confused girl is going to be calling you and saying the same things.

[sandylee1]

 

i have a bad intention[\B]I want to expose all so that she will leave him, or if she still want to be with him, at least she will never trust him again.

 

In all that's happened, have you ever sat down and done any self reflection? Have you looked at where you contributed to the situation that you're in?

 

I ask because, we have all made wrong decisions at some point in our lives.

 

I did recently and was really upset and angry about it, but I reflected on how I could have prevented it, after realising I was unable to change the past.

 

Self reflection and self awareness are critical to personal growth and development.

[sandylee1]

In all this heartach, separation and a child who isn't with you, what are you proud of?

 

What happiness is your situation bringing to you?

 

What are you plans to get to a happy place?

 

You only get one life, try and make the most of it and make good choices.

[MJJean]

These twi statements do not add up. If he was so afraid of how he and his wife being apart hurting his kids,the first sentence I bolded would not have happened.

 

You are saying he left to be with you, and this was for three years, now she wants a divorce ad he's running back?

 

That makes no sense.

 

It makes perfect sense. He didn't actually want a divorce. He wanted to play house with his [affair partner] for a while. You know, simply enjoy the fantasy for a bit with no permanent damage done to his real life. Then his wife decided to file, sh*t got real, and he had to choose. So, he did.

Edited March 15, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Repetitive language policy violations- ten days off

[ice3784]

These twi statements do not add up. If he was so afraid of how he and his wife being apart hurting his kids,the first sentence I bolded would not have happened.

 

You are saying he left to be with you, and this was for three years, now she wants a divorce ad he's running back?

 

That makes no sense.

She decided to leave. She move back to her parents with the kids. And MM decided to move on his life with me and introduce me into the family. On and off he visited her and the kids of course i was awars and im fine with it. But now she wanted to divorce he changed and lied to me. He took longer leave and book vacation, hence the upcoming plan for the revow etc. Im really cant get this !