aurelius99 Posted January 29, 2017 Share Posted January 29, 2017 (edited) So long story short... My ex-wife accused me of child abuse a few years ago since I spanked my kids. I had a CPS investigation which thoroughly cleared my name. Plus two judges found me innocent of child abuse. That being said, my ex wife still requested that the judge prohibit all corporal discipline with my kids. (The judge granted the prohibition but it was placed on BOTH of us.) Fast forward 4 years. Even though I believe spanking can be necessary, I have not spanked my kids even once out of fear that my ex will accuse me of violating court order. Here's the kicker... I find out recently from my kids that not only is my ex wife spanking them, but so are her mom and dad (my kids grandparents). My youngest even said his grandpa recently spanked him over his lap and my child was crying, he said. What pisses me off is the hypocrisy here. Do they think they are above the law? While I don't disagree with spanking, and ordinarily would let my ex do as she sees fit, I'm pissed off that I can't and they can. This summarizes the nature of my entire failed marriage with my ex. There were two sets of rules: one for her, and one for everyone else in the world. Even my ex MIL and FIL advised me against spanking towards the end of my marriage--yet now they're all having a free for all on my kids fannies. I guess what I'm wondering is what I should do. I was thinking of calling her out, but then I realized they might punish my child for telling me things. I could potentially harm my child's trust of me. I wouldn't want to betray his trust. It's a fine line here. Would should I do? Edited January 29, 2017 by aurelius99 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 29, 2017 Share Posted January 29, 2017 Personally, I'd report them to CPS.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author aurelius99 Posted January 29, 2017 Author Share Posted January 29, 2017 Personally, I'd report them to CPS.... I am not opposed to corporal discipline, so the only reason I would call CPS is God revenge--which I don't stoop down to. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 29, 2017 Share Posted January 29, 2017 I am not opposed to corporal discipline, so the only reason I would call CPS is God revenge--which I don't stoop down to. Sorry, I thought the idea of your son being spanked and crying over his grandfather's knee was bothering you. If you want to be able to do the same to your son, I guess you could try talking to her. Tell her what you know and ask that parenting rules be the same for both. Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted January 29, 2017 Share Posted January 29, 2017 its not your body being injured so of course your not against it. violence begets violence. For the well being of your children ( who take precedence), contact CPS. This isn't about a so called "privilege" denied you. Its a punishment , and not a good one, being administered to a minor. Be a civil parent and do what is right by them. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author aurelius99 Posted January 29, 2017 Author Share Posted January 29, 2017 Anyway, this topic has deviated into a debate over spanking. I knew it would. You guys can have your opinion. My belief is based on the Bible and, while it seems wrong to progressives, the Bible states that it's best for a child long term and eternally if they receive reasonable physical discipline if warranted. That's my opinion and as far as I know, it's still legal in America. That being said, and each of you having your own opinion to do as you see fit, my issue is whether or not I should bring this up at all to my ex. She is a highly vindictive woman and she wouldn't even stop at guilt tripping my child or making him "pay" for telling me what happens at her house. I value openness with my kids and never want them to be afraid to tell me how they feel. I know my ex is not the same way and should would damage their trust in me if I brought it up. Do you get what I'm saying? Link to post Share on other sites
Gr8fuln2020 Posted January 29, 2017 Share Posted January 29, 2017 its not your body being injured so of course your not against it. violence begets violence. For the well being of your children ( who take precedence), contact CPS. This isn't about a so called "privilege" denied you. Its a punishment , and not a good one, being administered to a minor. Be a civil parent and do what is right by them. The OP has no problem with corporal punishment, only that his wife and her parents are violating the court order not to administer it. His only reason to report it would not be out of the children's safety, rather his desire for revenge, vindication. OP, does the order also include any other family members outside of the immediate parents (you and your wife)? Link to post Share on other sites
NTV Posted January 29, 2017 Share Posted January 29, 2017 Yeah that stinks. But she had no qualms calling cps on you. I think you shouldn't either. If they are violating this part of the court order they could be doing far worse. I would have cps investigate under better safe than sorry logic. Kwim? Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted January 29, 2017 Share Posted January 29, 2017 I think the OP would rather the wife called off the order, so he could also be allowed to spank his kids, rather than get CPS involved again and his kids get spanked by no-one... Link to post Share on other sites
mrs rubble Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 Here in New Zealand it is illegal to spank your children. My ex-husband has been convicted for it. He did a lot of damage (not physical) to my son with his hitting. He (my son) struggled with behaviour and violence issues as a pre-teen and had it not been for a lot of hard work, counselling and input from anger management professionals, I believe he would likely be in Jail by now, instead he has learnt to manage his anger and knows how to deal with problems without hitting anyone or breaking anything. I would report your ex and her family to CPS if I were you. You should be raising your children to deal with problems without resorting to physical violence, regardless of what order you have in place. Link to post Share on other sites
Gr8fuln2020 Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 Yeah that stinks. But she had no qualms calling cps on you. I think you shouldn't either. If they are violating this part of the court order they could be doing far worse. I would have cps investigate under better safe than sorry logic. Kwim? In this country, the USA, cps is brought in if there is 'abuse.' Spanking is not illegal. The wife convinced the court that there was a specter, if not evidence, of abuse, so got the order executed. The OP doesn't expect abuse. He just doesn't like the fact that his parents-in-law (and his wife?) are doing what he legally is prohibited to do. Link to post Share on other sites
NTV Posted January 31, 2017 Share Posted January 31, 2017 In this country, the USA, cps is brought in if there is 'abuse.' Spanking is not illegal. The wife convinced the court that there was a specter, if not evidence, of abuse, so got the order executed. The OP doesn't expect abuse. He just doesn't like the fact that his parents-in-law (and his wife?) are doing what he legally is prohibited to do. Well if there was more, they probably won't tell him, right? Link to post Share on other sites
Gr8fuln2020 Posted January 31, 2017 Share Posted January 31, 2017 Well if there was more, they probably won't tell him, right? Absolutely. There would, likely, be physical evidence of abuse if the OP sees he children often enough. Link to post Share on other sites
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