My husband KISSED my sister -_-

[hyde05]

So, we're 2 years married and we have a 2-year-old son. My sister told me it's not the first time it happened. First was only on the cheeks, she thought it was just a normal gesture since he's her brother-in-law. But one night he ****ing kissed her on the lips! Only a smack though. I don't ****ing know why he did it. It is so frustrating. We've been together for 2 years! We became a couple for 10 years and I got pregnant so we finally decided to get married. I mean, he has a wife now! Why would you kiss my sister, of all people!? I confronted him and he said he will just leave. I didn't let him leave. He was sorry, but I felt so betrayed. He won't answer my questions. He only said he was weak. We never talked about it, I wanna confront him again one more but I can't. I realized I don't wanna ruin our marriage because of a mistake. I'm so confused as to why other men 'cheat' on their wives. -_-

[LargoLagg]

Weak, as in he is attracted to her? Sure sounds like it. Be glad it's your sister, that way, you're next to 100% certain she'll never go for it. It could be worse. It could be a woman who feels no loyalty to you whatsoever.

 

If you can keep your cool, he'll get over it, and then you can laugh about it some day. Don't give up so easily or so soon. Just let it play itself out.

[hyde05]

When asked if he likes my sister, he obviously said no. It makes me think that if he can do it to my sister, he probably has done it to other women in the past years when we were not yet married? I had no clue. My heart aches just thinking about it. Is it okay to not talk about it ever? I'm afraid he might do it again.

[LivingWaterPlease]

It's not OK that he did it and it's not OK to sweep it under the rug. I would let him know if you ever hear of anything like this again there will be consequences for him.

 

In fact, I would have a serious conversation with him about it at this point and tell him you expect him to never do it again.

 

He says he's weak. Let him know if that is the case it's time to get strong because you are strong enough to leave if he betrays you again.

 

Be thankful you have a loyal sister who not only didn't mess around with him but also told you about his betrayal.

[Davey L]

Your sister probably has a lot of the same qualities that attracted him to you originally, but without all the baggage that comes with several years together.

Keep things so that they don't spend too much time together.

I'm a man that got a bit involved with his wife's sister and it probably wouldn't have happened if circumstances hadn't meant us spending quite so much time together.

[BettyDraper]

Are you sure that your sister and your husband only kissed?

Marriage out of obligation is not the best choice if you want a happy life with someone.

You need to discuss boundaries with your husband and see a marriage counselor together.

[aileD]

What's more concerning than the kiss is that he just offered to leave pretty quickly after being found out

[aileD]

It's more concerning that when you confronted him he just said he'd leave. Just like that. Why isn't he fighting for you?

[NTV]

Talking about kiss won't ruin marriage. Kissing other folks will. Don't worry about him threatening to leave. He uses that threat because he wants to leave.

[whichwayisup]

So, we're 2 years married and we have a 2-year-old son. My sister told me it's not the first time it happened. First was only on the cheeks, she thought it was just a normal gesture since he's her brother-in-law. But one night he ****ing kissed her on the lips! Only a smack though. I don't ****ing know why he did it. It is so frustrating. We've been together for 2 years! We became a couple for 10 years and I got pregnant so we finally decided to get married. I mean, he has a wife now! Why would you kiss my sister, of all people!? I confronted him and he said he will just leave. I didn't let him leave. He was sorry, but I felt so betrayed. He won't answer my questions. He only said he was weak. We never talked about it, I wanna confront him again one more but I can't. I realized I don't wanna ruin our marriage because of a mistake. I'm so confused as to why other men 'cheat' on their wives. -_-

 

Was it a greeting kiss on the lips or passionate with intention? What were the circumstances? Has he kissed other women too?

 

Kiss on the cheek no big deal, especially if it's in a certain setting (hello, goodbye, thank you for the christmas gift etc..etc..) but if the kiss was random and had intent behind it, your husband needs to learn boundaries.

[stillafool]

It definitely sounds like he only married you because you were pregnant. You should have let him leave since he offered no explanation or apology. He was probably always more attracted to your sister and couldn't help himself.

[hyde05]

Well, after the argument he kinda became sweeter to me. He wanted to leave because he's scared of me when I get angry and doesn't want to confront. He's kinda like that, whenever we have issues he just chose to get away with it instead of talking about it. He always take me for granted, so there. And I'm too stupid to stay, I know. the kiss was just a peck, and sh told me right away. Has he kissed other women too? I don't wanna know. He said sorry and hugged me when I cried asking for forgiveness. It's been a week, everything was back to normal. Like I said, I'm afraid to ask him again. But I really really want to know WHY he did it. Argh. It's killing me.

[hyde05]

I don't know why I feel afraid to ask? 2 years married and we already have this kind of an issue. I really hope he won't do it again. Shame on him!

[Greg1972]

So, we're 2 years married and we have a 2-year-old son. My sister told me it's not the first time it happened. First was only on the cheeks, she thought it was just a normal gesture since he's her brother-in-law. But one night he ****ing kissed her on the lips! Only a smack though. I don't ****ing know why he did it. It is so frustrating. We've been together for 2 years! We became a couple for 10 years and I got pregnant so we finally decided to get married. I mean, he has a wife now! Why would you kiss my sister, of all people!? I confronted him and he said he will just leave. I didn't let him leave. He was sorry, but I felt so betrayed. He won't answer my questions. He only said he was weak. We never talked about it, I wanna confront him again one more but I can't. I realized I don't wanna ruin our marriage because of a mistake. I'm so confused as to why other men 'cheat' on their wives. -_-

 

If he is kissing your sister, who is else is he kissing? If he is so comfortable doing that? Maybe you shouldn't have married him.

[Scarlett.O'hara]

You have every right to feel betrayed. What he did was vile!

 

He had the freakin balls to try to kiss your sister of all people, not once but twice! If that wasn't a moral issue for him, I doubt any woman would be off limits.

 

If you stay with him, I think he will continue to have "weak" moments and offer to leave. There is nothing about his behavior that would leave me feeling optimistic in your position.

 

I guess you have to decide at what point does it become a deal breaker for you.

[BettyDraper]

Well, after the argument he kinda became sweeter to me. He wanted to leave because he's scared of me when I get angry and doesn't want to confront. He's kinda like that, whenever we have issues he just chose to get away with it instead of talking about it. He always take me for granted, so there. And I'm too stupid to stay, I know. the kiss was just a peck, and sh told me right away. Has he kissed other women too? I don't wanna know. He said sorry and hugged me when I cried asking for forgiveness. It's been a week, everything was back to normal. Like I said, I'm afraid to ask him again. But I really really want to know WHY he did it. Argh. It's killing me.

 

If you cannot question your husband about his inappropriate behavior, then you shouldn't be married and raising a child with him.

I'm not sure how you and your husband stayed together so long if he is unable to hash out issues in a mature and responsible manner.

 

Why on earth should YOU ask for forgiveness? You didn't do anything! Your husband should be groveling but instead he is offering to leave. His immediate reaction shows that he never wanted to marry you in the first place.

 

I don't think your marriage will be successful unless the communication and boundary issues are defined and adhered to. That's why I suggested marriage counseling.

[stillafool]

Well, after the argument he kinda became sweeter to me. He wanted to leave because he's scared of me when I get angry and doesn't want to confront. He's kinda like that, whenever we have issues he just chose to get away with it instead of talking about it. He always take me for granted, so there. And I'm too stupid to stay, I know. the kiss was just a peck, and sh told me right away. Has he kissed other women too? I don't wanna know. He said sorry and hugged me when I cried asking for forgiveness. It's been a week, everything was back to normal. Like I said, I'm afraid to ask him again. But I really really want to know WHY he did it. Argh. It's killing me.

 

If this is true it says a lot about you as well as your relationship. He feels bullied to stay with you.

[elaine567]

Your husband should be groveling but instead he is offering t leave. His immediate reaction shows that he never wanted to marry you in the first place.

 

I think that may be the nail on the head.

He has been railroaded into marriage. He has developed a crush on your sister and chanced his luck with her.

Outed he saw an opportunity to leave, so the first thing he said was "OK hands up, I will leave."

Seeing you so hurt he relented and took back his threat to leave, but that doesn't mean he no longer wishes to leave.

YOU have to talk this through you cannot rug sweep this as one it will just fester and two there are no consequences for his actions here so he is bound to repeat them. Of course if he is determined to leave then next time he may do something that will guarantee the end of his marriage.

 

He may simply be feeling a little trapped here but if he always takes you for granted as you say then he may truly be wanting out of this marriage.

Until you sort this out fully, make sure your BC is on point the last thing you want to be is deserted pregnant or with two or more kids in tow.

If you want to save your marriage, get him into MC.

[hyde05]

If you cannot question your husband about his inappropriate behavior, then you shouldn't be married and raising a child with him.

I'm not sure how you and your husband stayed together so long if he is unable to hash out issues in a mature and responsible manner.

 

Why on earth should YOU ask for forgiveness? You didn't do anything! Your husband should be groveling but instead he is offering to leave. His immediate reaction shows that he never wanted to marry you in the first place.

 

I don't think your marriage will be successful unless the communication and boundary issues are defined and adhered to. That's why I suggested marriage counseling.

 

Nooo, he was the one asking for forgiveness not me. I messed that up, sorry. (English isn't my language) That's what is wrong with our relationship, we don't talk thoroughly whenever we had problems. Maybe we should now focus on that right now. I'll consider marriage counseling. Thank you.

[hyde05]

And thank you for all the replies, I appreciate it. And I don't think I bully my husband, I don't call him names or curse. When I get angry, I tend to slightly raise my voice and look at him angrily. Lol, that's it.