I'm getting older - no dates - sister and friends all married [UPDATE: quit OLD]

[HandsomeAndLonely]

I just joined LoveShack forum to kind of vent my anger and frustration with life, finding the right one, no romance in life, and being lonesome.

 

I just recently moved to a new city about 10 months ago. This relocation was due to a job offer and training that I have been searching for. So that's a good thing that happened in my life.

 

However, what I have not been achieving is romance, and having a BON FIDE girlfriend. What I mean by "BONA FIDE" girlfriend is someone who will have sex with you. Screw platonic relationships! I've been in a few of those, and they were BORING as hell!

 

Anyhow, I just turned 34 this year, and I'm getting older. My younger sister has already married and has two kids (but I no longer talk to my sister, she's a biatch).

 

My friend is also married, and his wife gave birth to his first child last year in June.

 

I feel frustrated and angry that life has been passing me by.

 

I have also tried online dating, such as Match.com and Zoosk, where I rarely get any responses from women.

 

I hate to play the race card, but me being an Asian male, there is a lot of racism and discrimination against me in America when it comes to dating and even getting responses from the women I send messages to.

 

So far with Match.com dating website, I have only been on four face-to-face dates after messaging the girls, and NONE of them leading past a second date. That's garbage.

 

It's usually coffee meet-up for the first date, and then having lunch or dinner together on the 2nd face-to-face date meetup. Then I either don't have any interest in them, because the girl looks "wider" in real life, than what her dating online profile picture shows her to be (usually thinner and lighter skinned). Or the girl whom I am interested in fizzles out and stops sending me text messages after our first coffee or lunch/dinner date.

 

For Zoosk dating website, I get spam messages, or "some times" get responses from women. However, none of the chat messages/conversations lead up to a real face-to-face date. Zoosk is also a waste of my goddamn money, because you have to purchase stupid "coins" in order to know if the other party has read your message. Ridiculous!

 

Time is ticking, and I'm getting older. I don't care if I'm still in my 30's.

 

People usually marry in their early 20s or mid 20s, and start popping out babies in their late 20s or early 30s.

 

If I had blue eyes and blonde hair, I would already be married with couple of kids with a nice mansion. Guaranteed!

[basil67]

Reading your other post, I'm inclined to think that your problem isn't the fact that you're Asian. Well OK, perhaps that's a bit of it, but I there's a strong possibility that you struggle with reading and/or relating to women.

 

Do you have a social group in the new city you're living in? Do you socialise with women? What do you do for fun?

Edited January 29, 2017 by basil67

[HandsomeAndLonely]

Reading your other post, I'm inclined to think that your problem isn't the fact that you're Asian. Well OK, perhaps that's a bit of it, but I there's a strong possibility that you struggle with reading and/or relating to women.

 

Do you have a social group in the new city you're living in? Do you socialise with women? What do you do for fun?

 

Braddah, don't try to sweep the racial aspect under the rug, because like i've said, if I was a haole guy with blonde hair and blue eyes, guaranteed I would be married by now.

 

I don't think I have issues with reading women. However, I will admit that I never bothered to date women until after my college years. My relationships so far have been sex-less platonic relationships. I also admit that I didn't even date during high school because I didn't care about dating back then.

 

My social group in my new city is my church. However, I have been "church hoping" because I went to church looking for single women. None of the first two churches I went to had single women, or had anyone who were going to pair me up with someone they knew. So I left their churches.

 

The current church I go to is even WORSE! It's a smaller church group, and Everybody in that church is already married with one or more kids. Or if it's the younger adult group, the girl already has a boyfriend, or is married with another guy. Hence, last weekend was my last day of attending that church.

 

I'm the process of looking for a fourth church to attend.

 

Furthermore, in addition to church, I have been going to MeetUp events.

 

However, the girls that I have met at meet up events usually only show up to one event, and don't show up to following events. Kind of strange.

Not just girls, but also males, where I want to get to make friends with them to increase my friend network in my new city/town area.

 

My hobby is hiking. Hiking happens to be a big and most-common hobby out here because of the mountains, and various national parks around here. However, most of the women showed no interest in getting to know me.

[d0nnivain]

Besides the OLD thing, what else are you doing to meet women? When I was single, getting older & deciding I wanted a serious relationship, possibly leading to marriage, I made a plan. I promised myself I would go to at least one in person meet & greet per week trying to meet somebody.

 

 

There are all sorts of things you can do to meet people. Join a meet-up group. Go to a singles event. Play a co-ed sport. Just put yourself out there.

[Weezy1973]

So far with Match.com dating website, I have only been on four face-to-face dates after messaging the girls, and NONE of them leading past a second date. That's garbage.

 

 

It's actually not garbage at all. The fact you think it's garbage is making you struggle more than necessary. Four face-to-face meetings is nothing when it comes to online dating. Most people aren't compatible or attracted to each other so the expectation should be that most face-to-face meetings won't end up in a relationship. Once you come to reality with your expectations, you will no longer feel like you're struggling.

 

And being Asian doesn't play a factor either. As long as you're also attracted to Asian women that is. Generally like attracts like. Every race tends to rate their own race as most attractive.

[PinkElephants]

I hate to play the race card, but me being an Asian male, there is a lot of racism and discrimination against me in America when it comes to dating and even getting responses from the women I send messages to.

So don't play the race card; in my family's experience it's not valid anyway. I'm part Asian and the product of interracial marriage though it's my mother who's Asian.

 

However, I have full Asian male cousins who've never had a problem. One is married to a blonde teacher, one is married to a brunette pharmacist, one is married to a blonde doctor, one is 40 and has a 25 year old girlfriend. Some of my mom's first cousins are biracial because my great uncles married white women back in the 1930's and 40's. My part Asian brother is constantly hounded by women but has now settled down with a girlfriend. One of my biracial female cousins only dates 100% Asian men. Another just married a southeast Asian guy.

 

Most of my cousins are multiracial and the full Asian ones are now in interracial relationships with multiracial children. We're Asian/white, Asian/black, Asian/latino, Asian/other Asian, etc and we date our own kind and other races. There's no reason your race is keeping you from getting a date; I know because my cousins don't have problems. Weezy's view contradicts my own experience but, either way, there are women who date Asian men.

 

Based on your posts it's your entitlement, bad attitude and fixation on beating the clock that sends women packing, not the shape of your eyes.

 

My hobby is hiking. Hiking happens to be a big and most-common hobby out here because of the mountains, and various national parks around here. However, most of the women showed no interest in getting to know me.

Are you in the PNW?

 

If I had blue eyes and blonde hair, I would already be married with couple of kids with a nice mansion. Guaranteed!

My ex is dirty blonde with blue eyes, late 30s never married, I rejected his proposal and didn't want to have his kids, he lives in an apartment, hasn't achieved the professional success he thinks he's owed and his family has privately expressed some regret over his existence.

Edited January 30, 2017 by PinkElephants

[WaitingForBardot]

/...snip/

Four face-to-face meetings is nothing when it comes to online dating. Most people aren't compatible or attracted to each other so the expectation should be that most face-to-face meetings won't end up in a relationship.

/snip.../

Or any kind of dating for that matter...

 

/...snip/

Based on your posts it's your entitlement, bad attitude and fixation on beating the clock that sends women packing, not the shape of your eyes.

/snip.../

I don't know you so I can't say you're actually like this, but this is exactly how you come across in your posts. None of these are attractive traits in anyone and women in particular are experts at their detection, no matter how well you think you may be concealing them.

[jay1983]

It's actually not garbage at all. The fact you think it's garbage is making you struggle more than necessary. Four face-to-face meetings is nothing when it comes to online dating. Most people aren't compatible or attracted to each other so the expectation should be that most face-to-face meetings won't end up in a relationship. Once you come to reality with your expectations, you will no longer feel like you're struggling.

 

And being Asian doesn't play a factor either. As long as you're also attracted to Asian women that is. Generally like attracts like. Every race tends to rate their own race as most attractive.

 

OLD is a different animal. While browsing I remember numerous Asian (and other race) women who flat out wrote that they only date white men and that's just the ones who were bold enough to write it.

 

OP I wouldn't bother with OLD, it's cluttered with women who use it just to flirt and chat when they're bored and have no intention of meeting in person.

 

The Asian card is legit, I'm not even Asian and I can see that.

[Purepony]

Don't give up it's a numbers game

The more women you meet the better your chances are but you have to drop some of the bad attitudes or the anger you carry around

Women see that and run

 

Try working out too and maybe pick up a new hobby that why when you least expect it you will meet someone

[PinkElephants]

I don't know you so I can't say you're actually like this, but this is exactly how you come across in your posts. None of these are attractive traits in anyone and women in particular are experts at their detection, no matter how well you think you may be concealing them.

Nowhere in my post did I assume I'm entitled to anything nor am I racing against any clock. Bad attitude? Sure, I have little tolerance for self-pity or BS and I believe in taking responsibility to fix problems rather than whining so if it comes off as a bad attitude then I have no problem owning that.

 

Being a woman is, perhaps, why I picked it up in his post. Since I'm neither single nor gay I won't get too upset that a woman might pick up something unattractive in my personality. I also make no effort to conceal any part of me and I am this brusque in person. The judgment of strangers is ultimately irrelevant and, therefore, not worth the effort of putting on a mask of any kind.

 

The fact remains that there are over a billion Asian people on earth. They're getting laid. I believe he can achieve what he wants because I've seen it happen. Heck, one of my friends is a 5'4" Vietnamese guy that had 2 very attractive women fighting over him. The aim of my post was to illustrate that Asian men have success all the time which suggests that his problem is because of something inside him rather than outside which means his problem can be fixed.

 

It seems more constructive to give examples of men exactly like him getting the love and sex he desires rather than reinforcing his belief that he's a potentially hopeless deplorable.

 

Now, instead of criticizing my approach why don't you offer up something useful to him?

[HandsomeAndLonely]

Besides the OLD thing, what else are you doing to meet women? When I was single, getting older & deciding I wanted a serious relationship, possibly leading to marriage, I made a plan. I promised myself I would go to at least one in person meet & greet per week trying to meet somebody.

 

 

There are all sorts of things you can do to meet people. Join a meet-up group. Go to a singles event. Play a co-ed sport. Just put yourself out there.

 

As I have mentioned, besides online dating, I have been going to various Korean churches in my area, trying to meet single women. However, no luck, and I'm about to look for my 4th church. I am mixed Korean/Jap, so I prefer Korean women, hence I was looking for any singles in my area,....but no success.

 

I have also attended several meet up events from Meetup.com. One of the particular meetup, no surprise, it was a freaking sausage fest. 7 males per 2 female. What a sh-tty ratio!

 

I have also attended a meetup group event for singles in my area. Same crap. More men to women ratio that were in attendance. Of course, I'm competing with white guys who has it easier than I do, when it comes to dating and attraction.

 

I have also attended one speed-dating event. No surprise, due to my race, I got ZERO likes from the women participants who wanted to date me. I also cannot attend all of these speed dating events because #1, they are not free, and #2, location of the venue is 34-40 miles away from the town I live in.

[HandsomeAndLonely]

It's actually not garbage at all. The fact you think it's garbage is making you struggle more than necessary. Four face-to-face meetings is nothing when it comes to online dating.

 

Uh, okay. I said four face-to-face dates after sending private messages to other girls, is garbage, because that's a VERY LOW number of responses and dates that I have had for a two month period.

 

That just shows how I'm at a huge disadvantage with OLD.

 

 

Most people aren't compatible or attracted to each other so the expectation should be that most face-to-face meetings won't end up in a relationship.

 

Well, if the girl is not compatible or attracted to me, then why do they lead me on, to a face-to-face meetup date at a coffee shop (or restaurant in certain cases)? Waste of my money (since guys are expected to pay for the coffee or snack or food/meal) and time.

 

I'm glad though, most of the girls in my new area where I have moved to, tend to be polite. They mostly resort to "dutch pay" when buying their coffee or food.

 

 

Once you come to reality with your expectations, you will no longer feel like you're struggling.

 

And being Asian doesn't play a factor either. As long as you're also attracted to Asian women that is.

 

I think I'm already at my reality, and feel that I'm hitting a wall, each time I go online and write a personal message to a girl.

 

I disagree with your second point. Yes, I have a preference for East Asian women. However, some of them are sellouts, in that they prefer white guys or if they want to look "nice and PC" they include Asian in the preference section (at least this is visible on Match.com).

[HandsomeAndLonely]

OLD is a different animal. While browsing I remember numerous Asian (and other race) women who flat out wrote that they only date white men and that's just the ones who were bold enough to write it.

 

Yeah, unfortunately, OLD is all about looks. Very superficial. However, I'm not a dorky looking person. I go to the fitness center a lot, I watch my diet, eat healthy, and have been focusing more on weight lifting and taking protein supplements for weight lifting.

 

However, despite my complaints about OLD, I am surprised that I have received more responses from women here in my new town area, compared to my former home state that has a higher percentage of people from my racial background.

 

I don't know which dating website you're referring to, but usually there is a checklist of racial preference, not being able to flat out write their preference.

 

My sister is a perfect example of a sellout who have decided to marry an East Indian guy. To this day, I don't keep in touch with her, not because of her hubby's ethnic background, but because she flat out told my mom that she does not like East Aisan men. I hope she divorces in the near future.

 

OP I wouldn't bother with OLD, it's cluttered with women who use it just to flirt and chat when they're bored and have no intention of meeting in person.

 

The Asian card is legit, I'm not even Asian and I can see that.

 

^^ Thanks brother. At least you understand my point of view, and eh, frustration with finding a significant other, especially since I recently turned 34 y.o....and to me,...that's half of my life gone. I keep praying to the Lord everyday for Him to find me the right person.

[HandsomeAndLonely]

Don't give up it's a numbers game

The more women you meet the better your chances are but you have to drop some of the bad attitudes or the anger you carry around

Women see that and run

 

Try working out too and maybe pick up a new hobby that why when you least expect it you will meet someone

 

^^ yeah, I agree with your numbers game theory. However, for every 70-something personal messages I have sent out to women on dating websites, I only have received ONE response. That's a very very low response rate, and that frustrates the hell out of me.

 

No no, hahah! I don't even show my frustration or anger when meeting up with women. I just like to vent my frustration and anger here or in different online forums. I just casually carry on my conversation with them when meeting up for coffee or dinner.

 

New hobby? I like to hike because I like the outdoors. However, the hiking club in my area has a lot of "older" people in their forties or fifties. No way in hell am I going to date anybody older than me.

 

I also do go to the fitness center whenever I can. I go on the tread mill to burn some fat, but also dedicate other parts of my workout for weightlifting and on abs workout.

[HandsomeAndLonely]

So don't play the race card; in my family's experience it's not valid anyway. I'm part Asian and the product of interracial marriage though it's my mother who's Asian.

 

.

 

^^ LOL! I would have listened and respected your response more if your parents were vice versa. You mom is a typical white-washed Asian lady who hates on her own racial/ethnic group. I bet you don't even speak your mother's tongue language, do you?

[basil67]

Braddah, don't try to sweep the racial aspect under the rug, because like i've said, if I was a haole guy with blonde hair and blue eyes, guaranteed I would be married by now.

 

I don't think I have issues with reading women.

 

I'm not dismissing the racial thing completely. I am suggesting that it's not the only problem. In the other thread you wrote about being friendzoned, you really, truly misread her interest. Like massively. If this happens a bit, you would need to take another look at it.

 

Also, I can assure you that there are plenty of blonde, blue eyed guys who can't get partners if their social skills are off.

[HandsomeAndLonely]

I'm not dismissing the racial thing completely. I am suggesting that it's not the only problem. In the other thread you wrote about being friendzoned, you really, truly misread her interest. Like massively. If this happens a bit, you would need to take another look at it.

 

Also, I can assure you that there are plenty of blonde, blue eyed guys who can't get partners if their social skills are off.

 

^^ Well, I don't know if she is friend-zoning me, or needs more time to get to know me so that we can form a romantic bond with one another.

 

Well, you live in Australia, so it's different. But rarely have I came across single white guys where I'm currently living - regardless of whether they're heterosexual or homosexual guys. They're all married, have babies. even the two gay white guys at my workplace have partners....no kids,...but heck, they're not alone and rejected. That for sure.

[basil67]

Re the single white guys....hang around here for a while. You'll see your share of single white guys who all have the same issues finding girls as you do.

[Mysterio]

I think you have to let go of having a Love Relationship/Marriage in the near future for now. Concentrate on yourself. I think you being in a better mood, will bring more people towards you.

 

Keep working out. Dress Well and have fun with your life. I struggle myself. I don't think you trying to make it all happen will work for you. Basically give yourself a break and let the universe bring someone special to you.

[elaine567]

What troubles me here is your sex addiction and "hobbyist" tendencies, outlined on your previous thread.

 

I do not think you are in any good place to find a woman.

I suspect as you are used to paying for escorts then you are probably pitching far too high on OLD and getting the expected poor results. Your attitude to women will also be most likely not be conducive to normal relations either. The dynamic between a client and a prostitute does not tend to play out well in real life male/female interactions.

 

Finding a woman to have regular sex with will most likely not "cure" your addiction. so I suggest you address your addiction more formally before you get some woman embroiled in the drama that will presumably ensue if she gets involved with you.

 

Most addicts need professional help to truly overcome their addiction, I suggest you seek help for your 10 year long addiction too.

Forget the escorts and pay the money you save to a good therapist is my advice.

[HandsomeAndLonely]

What troubles me here is your sex addiction and "hobbyist" tendencies, outlined on your previous thread.

 

.

^^

 

Wow, pot calling the kettle black. Where in that thread did I say that I'm still doing that ****? Man, you really can irk some people by having that "holier than thou" attitude.

 

I posted in that section because I used to do it because I was upset with the world, upset at America, that racism against me has placed me in a BAD situation, in fact still, of not having a girlfriend.

 

right now, I'm not going to escorts. No way. I started dating online about five months ago, and have stopped doing it, because I moved to a different city, different state, and there aren't too many of those kinds of places around my town anyways.

 

When I got more serious about finding a girlfriend, I slowly stopped that mongering habit. Now that it's a new year, I prayed to God, and told Him that I will not be squandering my money on worthless women, and other promises to the Lord as well.

[WaitingForBardot]

Nowhere in my post did I assume I'm entitled to anything nor am I racing against any clock. Bad attitude? Sure, I have little tolerance for self-pity or BS and I believe in taking responsibility to fix problems rather than whining so if it comes off as a bad attitude then I have no problem owning that.

 

Being a woman is, perhaps, why I picked it up in his post. Since I'm neither single nor gay I won't get too upset that a woman might pick up something unattractive in my personality. I also make no effort to conceal any part of me and I am this brusque in person. The judgment of strangers is ultimately irrelevant and, therefore, not worth the effort of putting on a mask of any kind.

 

The fact remains that there are over a billion Asian people on earth. They're getting laid. I believe he can achieve what he wants because I've seen it happen. Heck, one of my friends is a 5'4" Vietnamese guy that had 2 very attractive women fighting over him. The aim of my post was to illustrate that Asian men have success all the time which suggests that his problem is because of something inside him rather than outside which means his problem can be fixed.

 

It seems more constructive to give examples of men exactly like him getting the love and sex he desires rather than reinforcing his belief that he's a potentially hopeless deplorable.

 

Now, instead of criticizing my approach why don't you offer up something useful to him?

My post was directed at the OP and I was agreeing with your assessment. ..lol..

[MJJean]

It's not racism. Really. The reality is that we humans cannot control who we find sexually appealing. Racism is a choice. Sexual attraction is not.

 

Many men and women have found potential partners they very much liked the personality and appearance of, but did not go on a date with more than once or twice because there was simply no chemistry between them.

 

This probably explains your OLD experiences. Sexual attraction/chemistry can only be gauged in person. It's likely the women who met with you saw you as a potential partner, but simply didn't feel chemically sexually attracted to you when you met in real life.

 

Have you considered a professional matchmaker?

 

What about attending your local Catholic churches? In our area, there are many single Catholic women who attend Mass weekly and are looking for good, Christian, men to marry and have babies with. Most of the congregation at local Catholic churches is elderly married couples, elderly widows/widowers, a few kids/teens, and many single women in their late 20's to early 40's.

 

Have you checked the local Christian singles groups? Here, there are multi denominational singles groups for Christians who are looking for mates.

[d0nnivain]

As I have mentioned, besides online dating, I have been going to various Korean churches in my area, trying to meet single women. However, no luck, and I'm about to look for my 4th church. I am mixed Korean/Jap, so I prefer Korean women, hence I was looking for any singles in my area,....but no success.

 

I have also attended several meet up events from Meetup.com. One of the particular meetup, no surprise, it was a freaking sausage fest. 7 males per 2 female. What a sh-tty ratio!

 

I have also attended a meetup group event for singles in my area. Same crap. More men to women ratio that were in attendance. Of course, I'm competing with white guys who has it easier than I do, when it comes to dating and attraction.

 

I have also attended one speed-dating event. No surprise, due to my race, I got ZERO likes from the women participants who wanted to date me. I also cannot attend all of these speed dating events because #1, they are not free, and #2, location of the venue is 34-40 miles away from the town I live in.

 

 

OK what about other stuff. I met my husband at a business event, not a dating thing.

 

 

Try the off beat stuff. Join groups & attend things or volunteer somewhere because you are genuinely interested in the event / cause not only so you can meet people. I joined a thing called Leashes & Lovers because I felt more comfortable bringing my dog. I was about to sign up for something where you get matched with another single to play golf. I like golf. Even If the guy hadn't been a match I figured it wouldn't be a bust because at least I got in 9 holes.

 

 

There are groups for everything. Go protest something; it's not like there's a shortage of causes these days. Join a political campaign to advocate the candidate of your choice. Get involved in a book club. Join a running or cycling group; my friend met her husband through a ski group but in the years before she met her husband she enjoyed traveling around skiing. Take a cooking class. Volunteer somewhere -- raise money to cure a disease; become a docent at your local museum or cultural exhibit; clean cages at a local shelter. You will end up with some personal fulfillment which should help you be happier overall & you increase the likelihood of meeting a compatible person because you already have something in common.

[bhavok]

I just joined LoveShack forum to kind of vent my anger and frustration with life, finding the right one, no romance in life, and being lonesome.

 

I just recently moved to a new city about 10 months ago. This relocation was due to a job offer and training that I have been searching for. So that's a good thing that happened in my life.

 

However, what I have not been achieving is romance, and having a BON FIDE girlfriend. What I mean by "BONA FIDE" girlfriend is someone who will have sex with you. Screw platonic relationships! I've been in a few of those, and they were BORING as hell!

 

Anyhow, I just turned 34 this year, and I'm getting older. My younger sister has already married and has two kids (but I no longer talk to my sister, she's a biatch).

 

My friend is also married, and his wife gave birth to his first child last year in June.

 

I feel frustrated and angry that life has been passing me by.

 

I have also tried online dating, such as Match.com and Zoosk, where I rarely get any responses from women.

 

I hate to play the race card, but me being an Asian male, there is a lot of racism and discrimination against me in America when it comes to dating and even getting responses from the women I send messages to.

 

So far with Match.com dating website, I have only been on four face-to-face dates after messaging the girls, and NONE of them leading past a second date. That's garbage.

 

It's usually coffee meet-up for the first date, and then having lunch or dinner together on the 2nd face-to-face date meetup. Then I either don't have any interest in them, because the girl looks "wider" in real life, than what her dating online profile picture shows her to be (usually thinner and lighter skinned). Or the girl whom I am interested in fizzles out and stops sending me text messages after our first coffee or lunch/dinner date.

 

For Zoosk dating website, I get spam messages, or "some times" get responses from women. However, none of the chat messages/conversations lead up to a real face-to-face date. Zoosk is also a waste of my goddamn money, because you have to purchase stupid "coins" in order to know if the other party has read your message. Ridiculous!

 

Time is ticking, and I'm getting older. I don't care if I'm still in my 30's.

 

People usually marry in their early 20s or mid 20s, and start popping out babies in their late 20s or early 30s.

 

If I had blue eyes and blonde hair, I would already be married with couple of kids with a nice mansion. Guaranteed!

 

To be honest, your not alone and I feel the same way you feel. I am a black woman and I have a hard time getting dates too (although, I haven't tried online dating).